Almost Home
by EditorsNote
Summary: Kate left on the raft instead of Sawyer, and the rafters got rescued. Kate slipped away without being noticed, and everyone told the police she was dead. Jack misses Kate, but he just might get to see her again. Read and respond!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This story is going to take place as though Sawyer had given

Kate his spot on the raft. She sailed away with Jin, Michael and Walt, and

snuck off. Everyone got rescued. The law has been told Kate is dead.

Yada. Yada. Please, please comment! This is my first Lost FanFic, and I'd

love responses!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Lost, nor anything affiliated with Lost.

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**Almost Home**

_**Chapter One**_

Jack was surprised how fairly easy it was to slip back into his old life. After over a month on the island, he would have thought that life back home would have been hard to get re-adjusted to. But, it wasn't. His old job was still there, just as he had left it. His hands could still skillfully perform any procedure without hesitation. It was almost as if he had never been gone, the plane had never crashed. Sometimes he wondered if he'd really been here all along,and the entire island had just been some crazy dream.

The only thing that put a halt to the illusion it had been a dream was the consistent pang in Jack's heart whenever he let his mind drift to her. He had tried to talk her out of leaving on the raft, out of running. Wouldn't have been better for her to just finally stop? But she was so stubborn, that was for sure. She barely even listened to him, let alone took him seriously.

Of course she had managed to sneak away before the rafters got rescued. And when they'd all be questioned about if they'd met the prisoner, the one who'd been escorted by the marshal, they all answered that she had been alive when the plane crashed, but had sustained enough wounds to do her in within the first few days. She had been burned in the fuselage with the rest of the victims. Jack couldn't help but wonder how much trouble they'd all get it, if she ever was found.

Part of Jack still hated Sawyer for offering Kate his spot on the raft. He could have gotten her killed. And part of him was still jealous of the soft kiss that she had placed on Sawyer's cheek when thanking him.

But it was Jack who got the good-bye hug. A long, hard hug. She hadn't spoken a word, just held him for a few good minutes. She had felt so tiny in his arms, and he had wanted nothing more than to beg her to stay, to offer to protect her from anything she was afraid of. A surprising urge to kill anyone who had ever tried to hurt her, or ever would again swelled within him. But most of all, he had wanted to kiss her.

He had done none of those things. When she had finally pulled away, and looked at him with tears in her eyes, the only thing he'd been able to say was, _"I'll miss you."_ He had spoken the words so softly that he still wondered if she had even heard what he'd said. When she had turned to walk towards the raft, he had to leave. He didn't want anyone, especially her, to see the tears that he couldn't hold back.

In the two months since Jack had been home, he had beaten himself up with regret. There were so many things he should have said to her, so many things he had wanted to. Why hadn't he just leaned over and kissed her good-bye? Would that have changed anything, maybe made her stay?

But stay for what? So she could get cuffed and whisked off to jail the minute they got rescued? A part of him still believed that deep down she was good. It always had, and always would. She couldn't have done whatever it was she had been accused of. There was just something so innocent in her eyes.

But what bothered Jack most was not knowing where she was. Who was she with? Did she have enough food? Could she get money? Was she safe, was she scared?

Did she ever wonder what he was doing?

Sighing, Jack quickly rubbed his eyes, and then picked up the styrofoam coffee cup he'd been nursing for the past half hour. Tossing it into a corner trashcan in the staff lounge, he opened the door and headed back towards his office.

His mind was so wrapped up in his thoughts of her, that he almost didn't believe his eyes when he walked into his office and saw her sitting on his desk, playing with his stethoscope. Jack stared at her for several seconds, trying to get a grasp on the situation that lay before him.

Finally, he spoke.

"Kate?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Thank you EVERYONE for all your sweet comments! They mean so much to me. Here is Chapter Two! I think it's a bit boring, but it's needed to set up the story! Please, once again, read and respond! I'm open to any suggestions.

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_Chapter Two_

Kate smiled a little awkwardly, and sat the stethoscope down. She hopped down off his desk, and glanced around the office. "It's a nice little office you have here, Jack. I was really hoping I had the right Jack Shephard. Well, it wasn't really _that _hard. You've been in the papers, you know."

She laughed, and studied him carefully, waiting for a reaction. Maybe this had all been a bad idea. What had she been thinking looking Jack up, deciding to come to him? She pulled her jacket tighter around her, and glanced at the floor. Shaking her head, Kate headed towards his office door.

Jack stopped her, placing a hand on each of her shoulders. He couldn't come up with anything to say, nothing seemed quite right. He just kept glancing down at her, moving his eyes up and down her body. Kate was standing in front of him. It just didn't seem real. His raised his hand to her hair, and softly touched a curl.

Yup, she was real. This wasn't a hallucination. Upon this knowledge he finally choked out, "Kate."

That was all Kate needed to know she had made the right decision. Letting out a quick sigh of relief, she nodded, "It's nice to know you remember my name, Jack. I was worried I'd just be some distant memory by now. . ."

Jack opened his mouth, and then closed it. He rubbed his neck, and almost laughed. "What are you doing here, Kate? How'd you get here? Where have you been these past two months? Do you have money?" It was as if now that he had finally found and turned on the invisible faucet that controlled his words, he didn't remember how to shut it off. "Where did you get clothes from? Have you been staying with someone? Are you alright? No one's spotted you, have they? The authorities, they still think you're dead, right?"

Kate laughed lightly, tucking a curl behind one ear. "Slow down, Jack. One question at a time, okay?" She glanced around his office, darting her eyes from place to place. He thought she looked a bit nervous. "Let's talk, but not here. Can we go to your house?"

Jack was a bit taken aback by the question at first. Quickly recovering he nodded, "Yeah, it's about ten minutes from here. My shift just ended, so, uh. . . we could leave now. I can drive us. Unless. . . unless you have car. Do you have a car, Kate?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate laughed again, this time more energetically. "Yeah, Jack. Brand new one. Claimed a bunch of inheritance when I got off the raft. . . you know everyone in the family wanted to leave everything to the escaped convict."

Jack rolled his eyes, but smiled. "How exactly are we supposed to get you out of here?" He highly doubted anyone would recognize who she was. It wasn't like her picture was being displayed on the evening news. They thought she was _dead_. But still, at least someone would think it was weird to see him leaving with a girl no one had seen before. They'd start talking.

Kate shrugged, "I just walked right in. Came up the back stairs, actually. I can't believe you don't lock your office, Jack. Anyone can just walk in. I would have thought you to be much more careful than that. . ." Her voice trailed off, and she smiled at him, her eyes dancing with amusement.

As hard as he tried, Jack couldn't stop smiling. Kate was standing in front of him. He didn't know why she was at his office, what she needed, or if anything was wrong, but at the moment that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that, no matter the reason, she was there with him.

An idea dawned on him, and he laughed out loud just thinking about it. Kate gave him a curious look, but before she could speak Jack made his way over to his desk, picking up the stethoscope she'd been fiddling with.

Kate shook her head, placing her hands on her hips. "You're not giving me a physical. I'm perfectly fine, besides I don't think this is the time or place. And I'm _not_ taking off my clothes. . ." She smiled, and winked.

Jack laughed, finding it funnier than it probably actually was. He mentally lectured himself. He needed to keep it together, he couldn't tell her how happy he was she was there. "I'm not going to use it on you, Kate." He placed it around her neck, and then picked up an extra lab coat. "Here, put this on."

Kate took it, finally realizing what Jack's idea was. "I dressed up as a doctor for Halloween once. Scrubs and all. . ." She quickly put on the jacket, and posed as though she was modeling for Jack. "What do you think? I did deliver Claire's baby, after all. . ."

Jack nodded, "I think it's a little big for you." Opening a drawer, he handed her a mask. "To finish the ensemble."

"Are you serious?" Kate demanded. "That's taking it a little too far. . ." She held up the green doctor's mask, and stared at it, almost in disdain. Shaking her head, she attempted to hang it back to Jack.

Jack laughed, amused by her expression. "Come on, Kate. Put it on. You don't want people to see your face, do you? Let's not risk it. There's cameras all over this place. You never know who could be looking at one. . ."

Kate relented. There had always been something about Jack, something that she thought felt the need to protect her. In the time they'd spent together on the island she hadn't been able to figure out what exactly inspired this feeling on him. When something dangerous would happen in the jungle, he had always grabbed her by the waist, protecting her. Well, she had _felt_ protected. Who knows what good Jack's arm would have done had they been faced with real danger, but he had always made her feel safe. And needed. And. . .

"Kate!" Jack's voice broke through her thoughts, and she glanced at him, getting the feeling it wasn't the first time he'd tried to get her attention.

Her suspicious were confirmed when he spoke. "Deep in thought?"

She shook her head, now glad she had the mask on to hide her reddening cheeks. "Just thinking it was weird to see you in a real room," she lied. "We'd better get going. It's getting late." Kate knew she sounded ridiculously lame, but she didn't know what else to say.

Jack nodded, "Follow me, but not too closely. Look like you know where you're going okay?" He opened his office without waiting for a response, and headed out, towards the backstairs. He quickly made his way to the parking garage, trying not to glance over his shoulder to make sure she was still there. Finally arriving at his car, he looked behind him.

Kate was standing there, the mask removed. She made her way around the car to the passenger side. "Nice car. How do you breathe behind those things, anyway?"

Pressing the button to unlock his door, he gave her a confused stare, "Excuse me?"

"The masks," Kate rolled her eyes. "I think I'd suffocate if I had to perform a whole surgery behind one." She got in and buckled her seatbelt. Giving him a sweet smile, she asked, "Would you like me to duck down in the backseat."

Jack didn't dignify her comments with a response, just put the car in reverse, and slowly exited the parking garage. An uncomfortable silence fell between them. It had been so long, and the circumstances they were in were so different. There was no one for Kate to be scared of there, and no consequences for Jack for being with her. The tension was palpable on the ride home, as if they were both letting this knowledge seep in.

Whatever awkwardness had formed, weakened when Kate saw Jack's house. "Wow! I don't think I've ever seen a place this big, let alone been inside. . ." She glanced at him, almost in awe. "How much do they pay you?"

"Too much," Jack responded with a grin. "And if you think this is big, you should see my parent's place." He pulled the car into the garage and quickly got out. Before Kate even had her seatbelt undone, he was around to her door, opening it for her.

Kate smiled her thanks, then followed him into the house. Glancing around at the decorations, she was a bit disappointed. She had expected it to be more ornate. The couches looked comfortable, and his TV was huge. A few family photos decorated the wall, and three weeks worth of TV Guides lay on the coffee table next to a pizza box. "Not exactly tidy, are we?"

"I've been working a lot," Jack replied, shrugging. "A whole lot since I got home. I just didn't want to have to think about everything that went on. Plus," he motioned to his answering machine that blinked the number '23', "I've been getting dozens of calls every day from someone wanting an interview. I've changed my number three times already."

Kate nodded, slightly bemused. She pulled her hand to her cheek, resting against it softly. It was nice to be back with Jack. More than nice, but she didn't have the energy to process everything it made her feel. There'd be time for that later, hopefully. She yawned, quickly covering her mouth.

Jack was getting ready to start questioning her again, when he saw her yawn. He stared at her, momentarily captivated by the small, every-day gesture. "Tired?" he asked softly.

Kate nodded, "Do you mind if I stay? Your couch looks comfortable. . ." She didn't know what she'd do if he said no, this moment had been on her mind for the past two months. She had carefully gone over every scenario possible, and she had always found she couldn't finish the ones where he told her to leave.

"I have something better than a couch for you," Jack told her. He motioned for her to follow, and led her upstairs. He opened a wooden door to a furnished pale yellow room. "How's this?"

"This rooms beautiful, Jack," Kate said softly, glancing around it. All the furniture was oak, and the quilt and curtains both appeared to be hand-made. She lightly ran her hand over the quilt, it was so soft. How long had it been since she'd slept in a real bed?

"Make your self comfortable," Jack told her nodding. "The bathroom's through that door, I'll be back in a few minutes to see if you need anything." He smiled softly, and left the room, slowly shutting the door behind him.

Quickly, Jack headed to his bedroom, washing his face and changing out of his work clothes. He grabbed his terry-cloth robe off his bed, and made his way back towards her room. He knocked softly on the bedroom door, and when Kate didn't answer, he opened it peaking in. He couldn't help but smile at what he found.

Kate was already cuddled under the covers, fast asleep.

Laying the dark blue robe in the chair next to his bed, Jack stood, just staring at her. Somewhere from the back of his mind a thought that he could probably do that all night appeared. Deciding that might not be for the best, he leaned over and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

"Good-night, Kate," he whispered, before shutting the door and returning to his own bedroom, wondering if he'd be able to get any sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Chapter Three! THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR AMAZING COMMENTS! Sorry it's been so long but I've been busy with classes! I hope everyone joins. Also, I am looking for a beta-reader if anyone is interested!**

**P.S. Who's excited about Jack seeing Kate in the shower on Wed!**

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**_Chapter Three_**

Kate awoke the next morning to the very distinct smell of coffee. And in a comfortable bed, none-the-less. A very comfortable bed. She jerked up, her eyes darting around the room, her nerves on edge. Where was she? Suddenly, all the events of the previous evening came rushing back.

She was with Jack.

Letting that thought sink in, she relaxed back into the pillows. A happy sigh escaped her lips, and she almost drifted back to sleep. However, the thought of Jack downstairs, and the smell of coffee became too much. She threw back the covers and got out of bed, heading for the door. However, the quick glance of herself she caught in the full length mirror stopped her. Her clothes were very wrinkly, and a bit sweaty. Frowning at her reflection, Kate tried to figure what to do about it.

Her gaze fell upon the robe draped across the chair next to her bed. Quickly discarding her clothing, she slipped the robe on, making sure it was tied securely. She took the steps downstairs two at a time and breezed into the kitchen. "It's like one of those Foldger's commercials!"

Jack looked up from the paper he was reading, a bit startled by her sudden appearance, and puzzled by her remark. He gave her a questioning look, and stood up, making his way to the coffeemaker and pouring her a cup.

Taking the coffee from him, she smiled. "You know, something like Jimmy gets home for the holidays in the middle of the night and wakes the entire house up with the smell of coffee. And then the whole family gathers 'round the table and they all embrace!" She took a sip.

Jack laughed and shook his head, "Whatever you say, Kate." His eyes traveled across her body, and for a split second he wondered what, if anything, she had on under the robe. He quickly pushed the thought from his mind. As he tried to focus on something else, he noticed how small she looked in his robe. She was so tiny.

"Have you been eating alright, Kate?" Jack questioned, taking a step closer to her. He cupped her face in his hands, and looked into her eyes. Despite her happy expression, she looked exhausted. "Do you sleep okay?" Kate had been thin on the island, but she seemed even skinnier now. And she didn't have weight on her to lose. "Let me make you breakfast, alright?" She even looked paler, which he supposed could be attributed to the fact she probably wasn't baking herself in the sun for numerous hours a day.

Kate smiled at his concern. That was one of the parts of him she'd missed most. Hardly anyone in her life had ever seemed to care about her well-being as much as he did. "I'm fine, Jack. Really. Things have been rough, but I've been eating. And sleeping. And you don't have to fix me anything, I've never been much of a breakfast person."

Jack was almost annoyed at her lack of concern for herself. She had never seemed to want to put her well-being first, and that had driven him crazy on the island. Clearing his throat, he sat back down. "I have to be into work in an hour, but feel free to make yourself comfortable again. There's a shower two doors down from the room you stayed in last night, and I can show you where the laundry room is. . ."

Kate sat her mug down on the counter. He wanted her to stay another night? Did she even want to, could she? "Jack," she started. "I don't want to --"

"There has to be some reason you came here, Kate," Jack interrupted her. He glanced out the window, as if trying to find the right words. "We haven't even gotten a chance to talk yet. You don't have to leave. It's not like you have anywhere you have to be, right?"

Momentarily stung by his last few words, Kate glanced down at her feet. "No. Nowhere I have to be. . ." She took a seat on the stool next to him. "I've been in a small Oregon town."

Giving her his full attention, Jack nodded, waiting for her to continue. "Really small. Hardly anyone has a TV, I don't think they'd even heard about the rescue. I worked at a little diner, slept in an abandoned van. It was okay for awhile, I mean, there was no way anyone would have ever found out who I really was. They just knew me as Lilly. But after awhile I. . ." she stopped talking for a moment, and looked away from him.

"I just wanted someone to call me by my name. I just wanted to be me for a little while again. And I knew you lived in L.A., so I took a train. I didn't know where anyone else lived, and you really weren't too far from where I'd been staying. . ." Kate shrugged, that was as much of an explanation as she could give him. She didn't want to delve into the fact that she'd been wanting to see him since the second she stepped off that raft.

Her reason for choosing him wasn't exactly what Jack had been hoping for, but it was good enough. She was here now, that was all that mattered. The reasons why weren't what was important. He wanted her to stay for as long as she needed.

Jack was silent for several moments, not knowing quite what to say. "Come upstairs, I want to show you something."

Interested, Kate followed Jack back upstairs to the bedroom she had spent the night in. He stood for a moment, in front of the closet doors, just staring at them. Finally, he opened them, revealing to her an entire woman's wardrobe. It was nearly a full minute before he spoke, "I think. . . I think she was a little taller than you. But everything should fit okay. If you don't want to wear that robe all day, you can take whatever you want out of here."

Kate stared at him, confused. Who was a little taller than her? These clothes had belonged to a woman, but who? Not his mom, she figured. They looked more like something someone younger would wear. Had a woman been living here with Jack? Who was she? Instead of asking any of these questions, she just nodded, "Thanks, Jack."

Jack spent the next several minutes giving Kate the tour of rooms she would need to use during the day. The large bathroom contained a whirlpool bathtub, and Kate decided she was definitely going to take a soak in it before her visit was done. The laundry room was downstairs, off of the kitchen, and he began to explain how to work the washing machine.

Kate interrupted him with her laugh. "It's okay, Jack. I'm not that primitive, I've used a washing machine before." She began to play with her hair as another awkward silence fell over them. Glancing around the laundry room, she began to mentally panic. Why was it this way? Maybe all her fears were right, and they wouldn't be able to get along in the real world. Maybe whatever they had shared on the island, whatever feelings she might have had for him, had meant nothing.

When she looked up to him, Jack was staring at her intensely, a small smile on his face. "What?" she asked softly.

"It's just that I can't believe it," Jack said shaking his head. "That you're here, Kate. I . . . I wondered about you, you know? I hoped you were okay." He stepped forward, and in one quick motion, had her wrapped in a hug. He held her tightly, and whispered into her hair, "I'm really glad you're okay, Kate."

Kate allowed herself to wrap her arms around him. The only time she'd ever been this close to him before was their good-bye hug on the island. Then she hadn't wanted to let go, she'd been afraid she'd never see him again. Now she was afraid that if she released him, what she was feeling would disappear, and she wouldn't be able to find it again.

Jack pulled away first. Not completely though, just far enough to look into her eyes. She stared back wordless, and the overwhelming desire to kiss him seized her. But she didn't. Clearing his throat, he spoke, "I better go, Kate. I have some paperwork to do. I'll see you tonight. You don't have to wait up."

With that he was gone, and she was left alone feeling more overwhelmed and confused than she had in a long time.

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In the span of three hours Kate had put her clothes into wash (along with some of Jack's, she couldn't just wash hers alone, now could she?), showered, dressed in an outfit (that, in her own humble opinion, was entirely WASPy and bland for anyone to look good in) from the closet, put all the clothes into the dryer, washed dishes, and cleaned Jack's living room. She had allowed her hair to dry in its usual messy style of curls. As she glanced in a mirror she noticed that her particular coif didn't exactly match the style of clothes she was wearing. Kate felt as though she should be blonde. And maybe tan. She just didn't feel right in a stiff-collared polo, and she probably never would.

Then, Kate tried to read magazines. That lady who had been on Lois and Clark, the old Superman show, on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. That baseball team from Boston on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Tom Cruise and the girl from Dawson's Creek on the cover of People. Charlie and Claire on the cover of People.

That one stopped her. They looked so happy. Charlie was smiling at Claire, and Claire was gazing down at Aaron. The photographer had captured such a real moment between the two of them, that Kate had to try and catch her breath.

The article about them was absolutely beautiful. They had fallen in love on the island, they said. And they were living together now! And Charlie had proposed, two weeks after their rescue. Why wait, he told People. When you're in love, you just go for it.

Without knowing it, Kate had been crying. Crying out of happiness for her one-time friends, crying for things she would never be able to have. Hearing the front door open, and Jack's footsteps nearing, she quickly tried to wipe her tears.

"You're home early!" she exclaimed, hoping he hadn't seen her wipe away the few salty remains from her pity-fest.

Clearly, from the look in Jack's eyes, he had. However, he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he just nodded and her and headed over to a small cabinet and twisted a knob, opening it. He took out a bottle of whiskey, and poured himself a glass. "You look nice, Kate."

She laughed, and tried to ignore how weird she thought it was that the first thing he did when he got home was pour himself a drink. "Hard day, Jack?"

"Not really," Jack said, honestly. He took a long drink, and then refilled his glass. "Not too much to deal with today. The chief surgeon sent me home, told me I'd been working too hard, needed a break." He held up his glass. "Want something?"

Kate almost agreed, but then shook her head. "No, I'm okay. . ." She glanced around the room, trying to come up with a topic. "Did you see Charlie and Claire on People?"

Jack laughed, taking a seat on the couch next to her. "Yeah, he even sent me an autographed copy, it's around here somewhere. Their wedding is in a couple weeks actually, they're getting married here in the states. He told me neither one of them is too eager to get back on a plane yet. . ." He fell silent when he saw the expression on Kate's face.

She had become lost in thought. She should be able to attend her friend's wedding. . . but would they even have wanted her there? They all knew about her now, it had to have changed some of their feelings.

Jack spoke again, his voice softer. "Claire told me she wished you could be there, Kate. She said it wasn't fair that the woman who delivered Aaron wouldn't be able to come, wouldn't get to see how he grew up."

"He was such a beautiful baby," Kate said, her tone even, void of emotion. "He must be getting so big now, they must be so happy." She trailed off, and fell silent for several seconds. She then shook her head, and smiled at Jack. "You must be hungry, let me make us dinner."

Jack raised his eyebrows, an amused smile spread across his face. "You can cook, Kate? I never imagined you to be quite that. . . Domesticated."

Kate rolled her eyes, and stood up, hands on her waist. "I'm quite the homemaker. I even washed your clothes for you today, you're welcome, by the way. And I don't know how you didn't notice," she made an exaggerated gesture around his living room. "But I cleaned up for you today! Really, Jack, I don't know how someone as anal as you can live in such a mess. . ."

"I am not anal," Jack challenged, standing up, and setting his drink down. "And this wasn't a mess. It was just cluttered. A very organized clutter."

Kate took a step towards him, smiling brightly. "I can't even imagine what your bedroom must look like. Do you ever make your bed, Jack? And I'm afraid to even go look in your fridge. Do you leave it a mess too? Are there going to be living creatures in there?"

Jack smirked, taking another step forward, closing any gap remaining between the two. "You'll be lucky to find anything in there. Breakfast is the only meal I cook. Other than that, I eat at the hospital or take-out. The only time food ever gets fixed here is the once every other week my mother comes over for dinner. And I usually buy something pre-made at the grocery."

Kate laughed, leaning in a little. "Oh, and I bet that --" She stopped, mid-sentance, and for the first time noticed how close to two of them had become. Just an inch closer, and her lips would be touching his.

He seemed to have noticed the same detail, and quickly cleared his throat, taking a half a step back.

Tucking a curl behind her ear, Kate took a few steps back, towards the kitchen. "Well, I'll. . . I'll just go see what I can whip up then. . . Anything you especially want?"

Jack quickly shook his head, picking his drink back up again. "No, anything you can find is good." With that, she disappeared into the kitchen and he heard cabinets and drawers banging open and shut.

Refilling his glass, he took a drink and turned the television on, silently cursing himself for once again, letting the perfect opportunity slip away.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to everyone who has been so good about responding to this. I'm sorry it's taken so long for Chapter Four to be up, but the rest of the story is outlined. . . and there will probably be one or two chapters a week. For anyone who's interested, this is also posted at size=1 width=100% noshade>Kate woke up the next morning with a dull headache pounding in the back of her head. She had made pancakes and scrambled eggs for dinner -- Jack really hadn't been kidding when he said all he had was breakfast food. They had hardly spoken a word while eating, and then Jack had retreated upstairs to his bedroom. Kate had tried to watch television for awhile, but in the end gave up on entertaining herself and went to bed.

She sighed, rolling over onto her stomach and burying her face into the soft pillow. She shouldn't have come, that was all there was to it. There was no need in involving Jack in what her life was now. Kate had hoped that maybe some of that chemistry she had felt on the island would still be there, but obviously it wasn't.

Or maybe the real problem was that obviously it _was_. She couldn't stand within two feet of Jack without wanting to kiss him. Had it been like that on the island? No. At least not so _consistently_. Maybe it was the fact that Jack had been close to the only thing on Kate's mind since she'd stepped off that raft. She was startled out of her thoughts by a tapping on the bedroom door.

A few seconds later, Jack opened the door, cautiously peeking his head in. A slow grin spread across his face when he saw her lying there, an expectant smirk upon her face. "Hey. You're awake."

"I'm awake," Kate murmured, her voice slightly hoarse. She snuck a quick glance at the digital beside clock. 9:12. "You have to work today?"

"I'm off, actually," Jack took a step into the room, and cautiously sat down next to Kate on the bed. It shifted under his weight, and Kate readjusted her position, trying to make herself comfortable again.

"I thought maybe I should go to the grocery," Jack smiled. "Maybe we can have something for dinner besides breakfast tonight. Is there anything you want me to pick up?"

Kate chewed on her lower lip, considering telling him that she would just leave, and he could have whatever he wanted for dinner, but something stopped her. She wasn't ready to move on from Jack yet. She cleared her throat, sitting up a little straighter. "Why don't you get some broccoli, and some chicken. I can make a casserole, or something."

Jack nodded wordlessly, unable to take his eyes off her. There was something unnervingly sexy about her tousled bed head and sleepy eyes. She had the ability to captivate him while doing nothing. No one had ever gotten to him like she did.

Leaning close to him, Kate took the list from his hand. As she leaned back, the tips of her hair brushed against his arm, and Jack let out a small gasp. Quickly, he covered it up with a cough, hoping she wouldn't notice the blush that was creeping up his cheeks. "Your list looks good," Kate smiled, handing it back to him. "Do you want me to come with you? It won't take long to get ready."

Jack stood up, quickly shaking his head. "You're joking, right?"

"No," Kate shook her head, throwing the covers off and sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked at him seriously, "I can't just stay in the house all the time, Jack. They're not looking for me anymore. At least, they don't have any reason to be. . . it's not like my picture is on the five o'clock news, or hanging up in the local post office."

The hopeful look on Kate's face was almost enough for Jack to agree, but he couldn't. He shook his head, "Maybe next time, Kate. The grocery store is boring anyway. I won't take long. . ."

She nodded, not letting him see her disappointment. "Maybe next time," she echoed with a nod.

Standing up, Kate walked Jack downstairs and then leaned against the garage door for several minutes after he left. She didn't know what had gotten into her, she shouldn't start being careless just because she wasn't on the run anymore. She shouldn't let the illusion that she was free get the best of her. Free was something that Kate knew she could never really be.

Slightly depressed by where her thoughts had taken her, Kate made her way slowly upstairs to get a shower. Afterwards, she dressed in her freshly washed clothes, and went downstairs to make some coffee. Sitting herself down a stool, she watched the coffee drip down into the pot. Drip, drip, drip. . . so much sitting still was becoming too much for her. . . drip, drip. . . Kate was so caught up in the monotonous dripping that she nearly fell of the stool when the phone rang.

"And you think you can go out in public," she muttered under her breath, making her way into the living room to check Jack's caller I.D. _Silverman, Marc_. Jack's machine picked up, and Kate waited to see if Silverman, Marc would leave a message.

"Hey Jack, guess your not in, thought you didn't have to work today," a cheerful man's voice spoke. "I haven't seen much of you since you got back, and uh. . . Well, Megan has this friend we think you should meet. I know you don't like when we do this, but come on Jack, it's been long enough since Sarah, don't you think? . . . Besides, it would do you good to get out a little bit. You're not alone on that island anymore. Gimme a call."

Kate stood for a few moments, after Marc hung up, staring at the answering machine. Sarah. Was that whose clothes she had worn yesterday? What had she been to Jack? Just a girlfriend, or a wife? Had she left him or. . . died? Deciding it was best to push it out of her mind, Kate went to take the pot of coffee off. It wasn't like she could just come out and ask Jack about it.

Sipping her coffee, Kate heard the garage door open. She hurried out into the garage to help Jack bring the groceries in. "Think you got enough?" Kate teased as she stared down at the trunk full of bags.

Coming around the car to stand beside her, Jack nudged her out of the way with his hip. "Bet I can carry more than you at one time." He picked up three bags in each hand, winked, and started towards the door.

Kate rolled her eyes and reached into the trunk. Walking into the kitchen she found Jack already unpacking and putting things away. Kate joined in and motioned towards the coffee pot, "I just made it, it's fresh."

Jack stepped over to the coffeepot, pouring himself a mug full and watching Kate as she unpacked the groceries, and searched for a spot for each item. She seemed to fit, in his kitchen, and more importantly in his life. She hadn't even been there 48 hours and Jack already felt panicked by the thought she might leave any given second. He allowed himself to slip deeper and deeper into a fantasy about her staying for a long time, maybe even for good, as she organized his kitchen.

Picking a fruit out of the bag, Kate felt as though she might start crying. "Jack," she whispered. "You got _guava_." She turned around, the fruit in her hand. It amazed her how such a simple gesture on his part could shake her down to the core.

Jack shrugged as if it were no big deal, taking a long drink of coffee. "I just thought it might bring back some nice memories. . ." She nodded, a small smile on her face, and turned back to putting away the groceries.

Finally, she finished. "I think I know what I'll make us tonight. You have a message on the machine, you might want to go check it." Kate followed Jack into the living room, and as he played his message, she pretended to be interested in the items on his entertainment center. She stopped pretending, when she found something she actually was interested in.

"You have the original Nintendo!" Kate let out a shriek of delight, and turned to face him. In an almost unnoticeable transformation, Jack's expression turned from sullen, into smiling.

"I do," he said with a laugh. "I haven't played it in. . . I don't even remember how long." So she was a _Nintendo_ fan now? He doubted Kate would ever cease to surprise him.

"My best friend and I used to play for hours at a time," Kate said, her eyes dancing. She placed her hands on her hips, and gave him a challenging smirk. "I'll kick your ass at duck hunt."

"Please," Jack returned the smirk, with a roll of his eyes. "I'm the King of Duck Hunt." He quickly set up the game, plugging in one controller and handing the toy gun to Kate.

"Watch, and learn," she instructed, focusing on the TV as the first duck flew across the screen. BANG, down it went. This continued on for several minutes, Kate striking down each and every duck that flew across Jack's television screen. Finally, after what seemed like the thousandth level, Jack let out a loud sigh.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kate drawled, turning the game on pause. "Did you want a turn, Jack?" She had moved past the ducks now, and was happily shooting clay pigeons into tiny pieces.

"You know," she said thoughtfully, sitting the remote down. "I always wondered why they were clay pigeons, they're really just clay. . . _discs_. They're not shaped like pigeons."

"I couldn't tell you," Jack shrugged, taking the gun out of her hands. "My turn." He turned out to be much worse than Kate. He managed to hit about one out of every four discs. Finally, he became so aggravated that he tossed down the gun with a scowl. His eyes burned and he didn't think he could take another second of shooting that gun if someone paid him.

"How long have we been playing this?" he murmured, glancing up at the clock. "Jesus _Christ_, Kate!"

She smiled sheepishly at him. "I thought about stopping you an hour ago, but you looked so intense. I was worried you'd turn the gun on me." She stood and stretched, letting out a long yawn. "I'll go start dinner."

Kate worked quickly, putting together a casserole made of broccoli, cheese and chicken. It was quick and easy, and she knew it was something she probably couldn't screw up. Returning to the living room, she sat down next to Jack. "30 minutes. It comes out in thirty minutes, Jack." She glanced at the TV and saw that Jack had inserted a Mario Brothers cartridge. "Thought you were done?"

"Done with clay pigeons. Mario is a different story," Jack tossed her a controller. "You get to be Luigi."

Five levels later, Jack hadn't died once yet. "You're boring me," Kate whined. He even knew some shortcut where he knocked out the bricks at the top of the screen and ran around until he got to skip levels. Kate had never seen someone so into a game. He cursed at the mushroom men, he egged his little Mario on.

"Sometimes you don't want to be the tall Mario," Jack informed her as a bullet whizzed over his crouched down mini-Mario. Kate rolled her eyes and shook her head, and then an odd smell caught her attention. She sat up straighter, sniffing the air.

Jack noticed, too. "What is that?" he made a sour face. A look of realization came over Kate and she rushed into the kitchen, "No! No, no, no, no, no. . ." She opened the oven and a cloud of smoke billowed out. "Jack, I said _thirty minutes_!"

Attempting to wave the smoke out of the way, Jack grabbed a pot holder and took the severely burned casserole out of oven. "I wasn't the one making dinner, why was it _my_ job to tell _you _when to take it out of the oven."

Kate stood, glaring at him, obviously not having an answer. Sighing, Jack picked up the portable phone. "You like Chinese?"

* * *

An hour and a half later they were both well fed, and in better moods. Kate disappeared into the kitchen, and returned several minutes later, bowl in hand.

"Feel like dessert?"

Jack smiled, taking a slice of guava and chewing it slowly. "Mmm, tastes like the island."

Kate laughed softly, popping a piece of her own into her mouth. "I'm not sure if that's good or bad. . ." A comfortable silence enveloped them until Kate spoke again. "Do you ever miss anything about it?"

"No," Jack's response was automatic. He sighed, "maybe. It was just easier, with no one really knowing anything _real_ about me. Everyone knew I was a doctor, but other than that. . ." His voice trailed off and he shrugged. "Can't say I'd go back though."

"Yeah," Kate agreed softly, not really having much of a response. Jack had been the only one who'd known that she was the prisoner for so long that part the time she spend on the island that didn't feel like her anymore. That feeling had passed quickly though, especially once she had to tell everyone she had been the one with the marshal. Glancing over at Jack, she caught him staring at her. "What?"

He sat the bowl of fruit down, and leaned closer. "You really do have a lot of freckles." Kate blushed, and quickly glanced away. She knew he was referencing Sawyer. He probably wanted to know if she thought about him, maybe even why it hadn't been his place she'd shown up at. She wasn't going to play that game though.

"So I've heard."

Jack brought his hand up to her cheek, and tucked a curl behind her ear. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," she agreed with a smile.

Kate saw it coming before he leaned in, and even though deep down she knew it was probably a bad idea, she did nothing to stop it. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck, almost inviting it.

And as Jack's lips softly touched hers, Kate knew she wouldn't be the first to pull away.


	5. Chapter 5

**I hope everyone is enjoying reading this, as much as I am enjoying writing it! I am really falling in love with this story as I continue to plan and write it. . . I hope you all enjoy Chapter Five! As always, I love hearing any comments or suggestions!**

* * *

Jack pulled away slowly, kissing her quickly again once on her lips, and then on her forehead. He was almost afraid to pull away, and to look into her eyes. He didn't know what her reaction would be.

Finally glancing at her, Jack saw that Kate was smiling at him. Returning the smile, he leaned down to kiss her again. He was surprised when instead of making contact with her lips, his kiss landed on her cheek.

"Jack," Kate whispered, with a shake of her head. She slowly scooted farther away from him on the couch. "We can't. You _know_ we can't." The apologetic look on her face was almost worse than the words that came from her mouth.

Jack opened his mouth, then shut it, not finding the right words to say. He sighed and scooted closer to her, following her path down the couch. "What do you mean we can't?" He reached out for her, but she quickly stood up, dodging his touch.

"I don't know how long I'll be here," Kate sounded panicky, and she gestured wildly with her hands. "This isn't for good, Jack. It's just. . . I just wanted to _see_ you." Her voice cracked and she stopped speaking, too afraid of where her emotions would take her.

Jack rose as well, looking both hurt and angry. "Kate, I know. . . I know that's not all you want. It sure as hell isn't all I want --"

"It doesn't matter what we _want_!" Kate interrupted fiercely as, without permission, a single tear slipped down her cheek. "We can't have anything, nothing can happen between us. I'm going to have to go soon, Jack! I will _not_ play with my emotions like that. I can't. . ." She paused, feeling as she was saying too much. "I can't afford to make connections like that. Nothing _real _could come of us."

"That kiss felt real to me," Jack scoffed, understanding what she was saying, but not wanting to accept that she spoke the truth. "What do you want, Kate? Just for us to pretend it didn't happen?"

Kate nodded, "Yes. It's what we have to do." He glanced away in anger as she spoke again. "When that plane went down, Jack, when I stepped on that raft to leave the island, I _died_. I don't even know how to be with someone anymore." Her voice caught in her throat, and she spoke the words she knew he didn't want to hear.

"I'm _sorry_, Jack."

"Yeah, Kate," he muttered. "Me too." Refusing to look at her, Jack made his way over to the liquor cabinet. Pouring himself a drink, he kept his back to her and his eyes on the wall. After a full two minutes of heavy silence, Kate finally spoke.

"I think I'd better head up to bed now."

"That's probably a good idea," Jack nodded, but still didn't glance in her direction. "'Night, Kate."

"'Night, Jack," Kate whispered as she slowly made her way up the stairs. As she reached the top, she turned and glanced back down. Jack stood, forlornly staring into his liquor. She wanted nothing more than to rush back down the stairs, taking two at a time, and throw her arms around him.

But she didn't.

As Kate undressed and pulled on an old t-shirt she had found in the back of the closet, she couldn't help but feel more alone than she had in a long time. She had finally gotten what she wanted, only to throw it away. Burying her head into the soft white pillow, Kate cried until the blackness of sleep finally overtook her.

When she awoke the next morning Kate seriously considered staying in bed until she was sure Jack had left, and then moving on. But she didn't have a plan of where to go, and she didn't want to leave things a mess between them. Crawling out bed she put on Jack's robe and went downstairs.

Jack was sitting in the kitchen, staring into a cup of coffee. The dress pants and nice shirt he wore led Kate to believe he'd soon be leaving for work. "Hey," she said softly, taking a seat on the stool next to him. He didn't respond at first, and she glanced down at her hands.

"I was thinking maybe I should head out today. I don't want to wear out my welcome," Kate's voice was barely above a whisper. She glanced up at him, expectantly.

Jack didn't look at her as he spoke. "If you really want to go, I can't stop you, Kate." He stood and walked to the sink, pouring what was left of his coffee down the drain. "But your welcome isn't worn out. If this is about last night. . ." His voice trailed off, and he finally looked at her.

"I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have taken advantage of this situation," Jack said. A small smile lit up his face. "I guess I just couldn't help myself."

Kate laughed, and shook her head. "Don't be sorry. I wanted it too." They smiled at each other silently for several minutes, and something inside her told Kate that things were going to be okay between them.

* * *

The next two weeks were spent actually _getting to know _each other. Kate realized that if they were able to manage to set all the sexual tension aside (which, thankfully, they had been) there were the makings of a deep friendship between them. Learning the most trivial details about each other was what had become important to them. It was easy not to be think solely about making out with someone when you were much more focused on actually becoming friends with them. Although, from time to time, Jack still had to remind himself not to find _every_thing she did sexy.

One of the first facts they shared with each other were their ages. Kate wasn't surprised to find that Jack, at 39, was 12 years her senior. This, however, seemed to disturb Jack on several various levels, which amused Kate to no end.

"You know," Jack spoke up one night at dinner, in the middle of a conversation about whether or not the merits of having a real Christmas tree outweighed the extra work they caused (Kate argued that yes, having a real Christmas tree in the house was well worth it, while Jack wasn't so sure). "If I had been the promiscuous type who was interested in older women, I would technically be old enough to be your father."

Kate's only response had been a roll of her eyes and a slightly stifled giggle. It was one topic he just would not let go.

Other little things became important, too. Jack's favorite color was blue; Kate's was yellow. Jack liked the thermostat set low; Kate got cold easy. Jack threw everything into the washer at one time, while Kate was obsessive about separating items. She had fixed her "special-recipe" vegetarian lasagna twice, and each time Jack ate as much as he could, pretending to like it.

Kate refused to use the dishwasher, always washing each and every dish by hand in a sink full of bubbles. To Jack's delight this had more than once turned into a competition of who could throw more bubbles on the other one, leaving his kitchen in a wet disarray, and both of them soaked and giddy with laughter.

On the mornings he had to be to work early, she was up before he left, fixing him coffee and wishing him well before he rushed out the door. Nights when Jack had to work late, Kate would try her best to wait up for him, but he'd always return home to find her asleep on the couch, practically buried under a blanket. The first thing she'd always mumble after he awoke her was, "I _almost _made it this time." He'd assure her it was the thought that counted, before walking her upstairs to her bedroom and telling her good-night.

They had become almost ridiculously comfortable with each other. Jack had more than once walked around in nothing but his boxers (Kate never complained about this behavior, instead she egged it on with frequent catcalls), and less than a week into her visit, she had smiled sweetly at him, and requested, "Do you think you could please pick up some tampons on your way home?" He hadn't even tossed her an aggravated look, just nodded silently and returned that night with what she had asked for.

Both Kate and Jack were smart enough to realize the possible implications that rose from the tight bond they were forming, but neither were brave enough to dwell on them or talk about them. Instead, they both ignored the predicament they were digging themselves deeper and deeper into on a daily basis and acted as though there was nothing odd at all about the situation they were in.

Jack showed up home from work one afternoon with a bag of groceries in each arm. Kate met him at the door, "You didn't tell me you were stopping by the store. I would've made a list out this morning!"

"I wasn't planning on stopping by the grocery," Jack handed off a bag to her and they both walked towards the kitchen. "My mom called me at work to tell me she was coming over for dinner. She said she had something to give me, so now I have," he paused and checked his watch, "an hour to get cleaned up and make dinner."

"I'll make dinner," Kate offered quickly. She smirked, "And I'll hide upstairs while you two eat dinner. Maybe a good movie will be on television."

Jack laughed softly, "I've never hid a girl from my mom before." He tried to make his voice light and teasing, but she noticed it was strained. She smiled sympathetically as his brow wrinkled in stress, "Bad day at work?"

Jack sighed, nodding slightly. "We had a long surgery. A little girl, she was seven, I think. . . She was playing outside, jumping into leaves her dad had just raked. Teenage kid hit her, he was going about fifty. She'll be okay, but she won't walk again."

Tears filled her eyes and she began to trace the outline of the counter. "Oh, Jack, that's terrible," she didn't know what to say. "At least she's alive. . ."

Jack was quiet for a few moments, then nodded shortly. "I need to go change." Kate was trying to decide whether or not to follow him when she heard the liquor cabinet slam, the sound of a glass breaking, and Jack hissing, "_Shit_."

Kate sighed, slowly walking into the living room. He was on his knees picking up hunks of glass. "Hey, stop," she said softly, kneeling next to him. "Go take a shower, okay? I'll clean this up. I'll make dinner. Maybe your mom will like my vegetarian lasagna as much as you do."

Jack couldn't help a small smile from forming as he glanced over at her. Maybe he should have been a little more honest with her about her lasagna. But she was smiling so warmly, and she looked so caring that all he could do was nod. "Thanks, Kate. That sounds great."

As Jack went upstairs Kate quickly cleaned the liquid and glass off the floor, and then went to the kitchen to prepare her lasagna. She moved quickly, trying to get everything just right but not waste time. While the oven was preheating Kate quickly set two places at the dining room table with Jack's best china. Just as she was popping the lasagna into the oven, a voice behind her spoke, "Oh, my."

Kate whirled around. An older woman with dark hair was standing in front of her, a large box in her arms. Even if she hadn't known Jack was expecting his mom that night, she would have inferred on her own that his woman was certainly his mother, simply by his vague resemblance to her.

"Hello," Kate spoke quietly, removing the potholder from her hand, and setting it down on the counter. "I'm --," she was at a loss for what to say. "I'm --"

Jack's mother sat down the box with a thud. She dusted her hands off and turned back to Kate. Crossing her arms, she spoke, "Hello, Katherine."

Kate was shocked. She opened her mouth, and then closed it. Struggling to say something, _anything_, she tried to speak again, but only succeeded in emitting a small strangled sound.

Mrs. Shepard glanced quickly into the dining room, then back to Kate. "Table's only set for two. What were you planning on _doing_, sweetheart, hiding upstairs?" Her words weren't mean, but Kate noticed a faint sarcastic tone. "I _knew_ something was up with him. From the second he got back, and I asked him about you, I knew that something was off."

She seemed to be having a conversation with herself, but she glanced at Kate as she spoke. "He thinks he's good at hiding his emotions but he's not."

Exiting the kitchen and standing at the bottom of the stairs, Jack's mother yelled up them, "Jack Shepard! What _in the hell _do you think your doing?"

Jack appeared quickly, his gaze darting back and forth from his mom to Kate. "Mom, this is--"

"I know who the hell she is, Jack!" his mother stared at him, her voice laced in annoyance. "I knew when I asked you if you'd taken care of that prisoner before she died. . . that look on your face, Jack!" She turned back to Kate, "I knew you weren't dead. I _thought_ something had happened between you two on that island. Jack's always been a bad liar."

"But to hide her here," she continued on, now focused again on Jack. "Just thank your lucky stars, Jack Shepard, that those federal agents were dumber than your mother."

Kate stared at Jack, panicked. Jack cleared his throat, and gave Kate his full attention. "Kate, would you mind on waiting upstairs while I talk to my mother?"

Kate nodded, not glancing at either of them as she quickly made her way upstairs. When she reached the top, she veered to the right and took a seat on the floor, out of eyesight, but close enough to where she could still hear their conversation.

"Are you insane, Jack?" Mrs. Shepard demanded. "As if lying for her wasn't bad enough, you're hiding her in your house? Do you realize what you're risking?"

"They think she's dead, Mom," Jack spat out. "They're not going to come here, knocking on my door, looking for her. Besides, this isn't permanent. Can you imagine how hard things are for her?"

"Anyone could've seen her come here! Is some _fling _with a _felon_ worth jeopardizing your life? You worked so hard to get where you are, Jack. You're leading a nice life. You have a good job. Do you want to throw that all away?"

"We're not having a fling," Jack said, clearly aggravated. He took a step towards his mother, glowering down at her. "And _don't_ talk about her like you know her. I'm not throwing anything away. Mom, you can't call anyone, you can't --"

"Oh, what would I say?" she interrupted him icily. "Excuse me, my son is harboring a fugitive. I don't _think so_, Jack. You were so hard on your father about everything he did, and now _you_ --" She cut herself off, seemingly thinking better of what she had been about to say.

Shaking her head, it was obvious she'd given up the fight. "Damn it, Jack. I don't know why you couldn't just have brought girls home and hid them when you were fifteen. Got it out of your system then. . ."

Jack laughed a little, mostly out of relief, and then turned back to the stairs. "It's okay, Kate. You can stop listening, and come on back down now."

Kate slowly descended the stairs, her face crimson because he knew her so well, but still mainly keeping her eyes focused on him. No one was supposed to know who she was, what she had done anymore. She hadn't counted on someone coming in, knocking her new existence off kilter.

"Kate," Jack said softly, gesturing towards his mother. "This is my mom, Margaret Shepard."

"Margo," she told Kate, glancing her over quickly, then extending her hand.

Kate took it, surprised by how strong the woman's grip was. "Kate Austen," she returned, as though the woman already didn't know her name.

Still under Margo's watchful gaze, Kate quickly smoothed down the front of the blue sweater she was wearing. "Nice to see you got some use of out Sarah's clothes finally, Jack. Guess you were right about not giving them away." She turned quickly back to Kate, not giving Jack a chance to respond, "Darling, go set a third place at the table. There's no use in you sitting upstairs alone while Jack and I eat."

As Kate quickly scurried to do what she had been ordered, Margo handed Jack the box. "Your dad's old record player. I was looking in the attic yesterday, and I remembered how much you used to love messing around with it when you were little. There's some records in the box, too. I don't know if they're anything you'd be interested in, but I thought you just might like to have it. Sentimental value, if nothing else."

Jack stared down into the box, remaining silent for several moments, as if absorbed by some past memory. Finally he spoke, "Thanks, Mom. I hadn't thought about this old player in a long time." He looked at her, and they seemed to speak with their eyes, conveying more emotion than a physical display of affection would have.

Kate watched the exchange curiously. Jack had barely mentioned his father; he had told Kate about his death on the island, and he had spoken of him off-handedly in passing during her few weeks stay. The look on his face let Kate know how much that old record player meant to him. Was it simply because it had been his father's? Deciding not to let curiosity get the best of her, Kate headed back to the kitchen, checking on the lasagna.

"I think it's about done." When neither responded she took the lasagna out of the oven, turned it off, and went to the refrigerator to get out the salad she had prepared earlier in the day.

"I'm getting a drink," Jack said, heading into the living room. "Either of you want anything?"

"Why don't you get a bottle of wine, Jack?" Margo requested, picking up the salad and heading towards the dining room. "You don't need to drink _whiskey_ with _dinner_." Kate stared at Margo startled, and Margo shot her a knowing glance. Her last statement was something Kate had thought, but never spoken, nearly every night at dinner.

"He never has any good dressing," Margo muttered, casting an annoyed glance in Kate's direction. "Just _Ranch_, and I can't _stand _that. But will he budge, and buy anything else for his mother? No."

"I, uh," Kate cleared her throat and opened the door to the refrigerator once again. "I had him buy some Italian. . ." Her voice trailed off.

"Well, it's nice to see someone has some taste around here," reaching into the open door, Margo grabbed the bottle before heading back into the dining room.

The first several minutes of dinner was tense, none of the three saying a word. Kate chewed in silence, wondering why Jack got such a funny look on his face every time he took a bite of lasagna. She noticed how every few minutes Margo would look up from her plate and glance back and forth from Jack to Kate.

"So what happened between the two of you on that island?"

Kate glanced up quickly, seeing that Margo was looking at her. She then looked to Jack, waiting for him to answer his mother.

He swallowed the bite of lasagna in his mouth, with difficulty, then spoke, "We were just friends, Mom."

"I wasn't asking you, Jack," Margo lectured. She looked at Kate, once again, "Katherine, what happened between you two on that island?"

Kate looked back down at her plate, "What he said is true. We were just friends, we're _still_ just friends. Nothing happened."

Margo nodded, a bemused expression on her face. "Right. So then why did you pick _Jack_ to pay a visit to? Or, is he just the first on your list of many little pit-stops." She smiled at Kate as if they were sharing a secret. "I saw those other castaways that stepped off that boat. There was one other man who was pretty good looking." She looked over at Jack, "What was his name? The one with the long blonde hair."

Kate choked on the wine she was sipping and coughed loudly, covering her mouth. Jack didn't make any effort to see if she was okay, just glared at his mom who was smiling at Kate knowingly. "Guess I'm not the only one who thought he was cute, huh darling?"

Composing herself, Kate smiled at Margo earnestly. "I came to see Jack because he was a good friend to me. I was close to him, and I just wanted to see someone who knew me. I just wanted to show I was thankful for what he did for me." She smiled softly at Jack, and finished off her wine. "I think I'm done with dinner now, you two enjoy yourselves."

Picking up her glass and plate, Kate dropped them off in the kitchen and then headed upstairs. Jack and Margo finished their dinner in silence.

* * *

When Kate was sure Margo had gone, she returned downstairs to find Jack going through the records his mother had left. She sat on the couch opposite of him, "Anything good in there?"

Jack smiled over at her, "Bunch of old stuff. Apparently my dad was a big Willie Nelson fan. I didn't remember that." He laughed and went back to sorting through the records.

"My dad used to listen to Willie Nelson all the time," Kate said wistfully. Momentarily she allowed herself to dig back into her very distant past, so distant that things were still good in the memories of it. Coming back to reality, she noticed Jack was placing the needle on a record. "You find one you want to listen to?"

"Just thought you might like a little trip down memory lane," Jack said softly, as country music began to twang out of the speakers. "Can't say I actually know any of his songs though. . ."

Kate sighed as the familiar lyrics to _'Are You Sure'_ by Willie Nelson floated around her. Part of her thought he had almost picked this song on purpose, regardless of what he had told her, but the shadow that passed over his face after he digested what the lyrics were saying told her otherwise.

He cast her a forlorn glance, and she had to glance away. She wanted to say something to assure him that right here was _exactly_ where she wanted to be. Struggling with a battle that she had been fighting since she arrived, Kate finally told him the truth, "The reason I gave you for why I showed up here wasn't completely honest."

She took a deep breath, "I came here because I couldn't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I tried. I came here because _this_," she gestured around, "is exactly how I envisioned things between us. But most of all. . ." she paused and swallowed hard, wiping a tear away from the corner of her eyes.

"Most of all, I came because you said you'd miss me." Her throat was so tight, she could no longer speak about a whisper, "And I _really_ hoped you did."

Jack didn't look at her. He was too afraid. Afraid of what would happen if he looked into her eyes, afraid that the control he'd been able to keep on his feelings would collapse beneath him, afraid that if he touched her, _loved_ her, he'd never stop.

After a few moments of tense silence, Kate muttered a broken, "yeah," and went upstairs not glancing back.

Jack was able to sit there, pretending what she had said didn't matter for a full five minutes before darting upstairs. He knocked on her bedroom door, and she opened it, wearing nothing but a t-shirt, her face tearstained.

He took a step forward, backing her into the room. "I _thought_ about you, I _wondered_ about you, I _missed_ you every single day. It was like you had consumed my life, Kate. And I didn't know why until you showed up in my office that day."

In hindsight, neither could remember who started the kiss first. It was almost as if they had come together at the exact same time. The kiss was hungrier, more needy than their first had been, and it quickly escalated. He picked her up, letting his hands wander under her short t-shirt, and carried her towards the bed, laying her down gently.

Her hands quickly went to work undoing the buttons of his shirt. "Are you sure?" he whispered, kissing her neck.

Kate pulled back just slightly, giving him a confident nod. That was all the validation that he needed and he quickly resumed what he was doing. Her shirt quickly joined his on the floor, and his pants soon followed suit.

Her skin felt better under his touch than Jack had ever let himself imagine it would. Her soft words urged him on, and he brought his mouth back up to hers, finally giving them what they both wanted.

Kate gasped sharply at first, almost worrying Jack. But the look on her face quickly let him know all was okay. They moved perfectly in sync, in fluid motions, as if they'd done this before. Maybe they had so many times in their minds that it was beyond natural by this point. Jack struggled to hang on at the sound of her moaning his name, but managed to hold back as long as she did.

Rolling over on his back, he took her with him, cradling her against his chest. He waited until his breathing calmed down to speak. "That was. . ."

"Perfect," Kate finished, her voice barely above a whisper. She rubbed her cheek against his, and he wasn't sure if the dampness came from her tears or his.

They continued to lie there, wonderfully content in each other's embrace, each listening to the soft, steady breathing of the other, until they both feel into a deep sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**I have this chapter up relatively quick for you guys! It's a bit of a transitional chapter. They're going from Jack and Kate as two seperate people to Jack and Kate as one. Starting with the next chapter things are going to get excited! Some old friends (and old foes?) are going to start showing up!**

* * *

Awaking in Jack's arms sent Kate into a tailspin of many emotions. Contentment was first, and most prevalent. Joy quickly shot through her second. Third was embarrassment at the fact that she was snuggled up to him and _very_ naked. Peaking under the blanket that covered them, she checked to see if Jack was still naked too. _Yup_, he was. Laughing softly to herself she snuck a second peak.

The fourth and last emotion that Kate felt was _panic_. They had crossed the line last night, and there was no going back. A simple kiss was easy to put in the past and let go. But what they had done was an entirely different story. She had known that they'd both end up getting hurt sooner or later just because they had become such good _friends_. But now the thought of how hurt they could both end up because of their actions made Kate sick to her stomach.

She knew what she had to do.

Quickly Kate wriggled out of Jack's grasp, careful not to disturb him. She hastily searched around for her undergarments and threw on the clothes she had first arrived in. She was about to walk downstairs, but something made her pause.

Taking a step towards the bed, she watched Jack sleep for a few moments. Leaning down, she placed a soft kiss on his head and whispered, "Thank you." With one last, long glance, she left the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

Kate knew he kept paper and pens on the top of his refrigerator. Quickly reaching for them, she tried to figure out what to say in her letter. Anything that was racing through her mind seemed too trite.

She had only gotten as far as writing "Jack" when she heard him clear his throat. Glancing up, Kate saw Jack, standing in his boxers, looking hurt. "What the hell are you doing, Kate?" He took a step towards her, and grabbed the paper from off the counter. He glanced her over quickly, taking in what she was wearing.

"Good-bye note?" Jack's voice was slightly monotonous and completely void of emotion. "After last night, don't you think I _deserve_ a face-to-face goodbye?"

"Jack," Kate tried, her voice breaking. She had never seen him look so on-edge. "Jack, last night was --"

"Don't," he interrupted, shaking his head slightly. "Just _don't_." He turned around, and disappeared upstairs. Kate didn't know whether to follow him, stand right where she was, or leave. Finally, deciding to chase after him, she hurried upstairs to find his bedroom door locked.

"Jack!" she wiggled the doorknob and knocked lightly on the door. "Open your door. Come out. We need to talk about this. We need to be _mature_."

"_Mature_?" Jack opened the door, fully dressed and stared at her incredulously. "Mature, Kate? Do you think trying to sneak out before I woke up, the morning after we'd just made love for the first time, is mature?"

Kate's face contorted at his choice of words, what he'd called their encounter. He notice and let out a short laugh, "Sorry, Kate. Guess that's not what you'd call it, right?" Without waiting for a response, he pushed passed her and walked downstairs.

She found him in the kitchen, his wallet open, counting money. "Jack," she tried again, she placed a hand on his arm. "Aren't you going to let me _explain_?"

"No," Jack threw the stack of bills on the counter. "There you go. I'm going out, I'm not staying here to watch you leave. I don't know how far that money will get you, but -- " his voice broke, and he glanced away. "Good-bye, Kate." Jack gave her one last long glance, and walked out of the house.

Kate collapsed onto a stool, wondering where the hell either of them were going.

* * *

It was dusk before Jack returned. He had driven around for hours, ending up at several places he hadn't planned to go. He had driven to the hospital to do paperwork, but lacked the energy it took to get out of his car and go in. So he had sat for 45 minutes, his car turned off, staring at the cement wall of the parking garage.

Then he drove to some fast food restaurant (_funny thing_, he thought, he couldn't even remember which one) only to discover he couldn't stomach any of the food he had ordered. The only thing Jack found himself wanting to eat was Kate's crappy vegetarian lasagna, which served to both piss him off and sink him into an even deeper depression simultaneously.

Jack then drove to a place he'd only visited once since his return home. His father's grave. He didn't count the minutes he spent, standing, staring at the tombstone. He didn't know what kept him from visiting more often. Perhaps it was the irony of the carved words that stared back at him. 'Dedicated Father.'

Jack's gravestone had been just to the left of his fathers'. It had been removed a week after his return home. Against everyone's wishes, Jack had visited it before it was gone. It was slightly surreal to stand and stare at a piece of rock that listed his date of death as nearly two months prior to that moment in time. But now the stone was gone, as if it were never there, just like those 40-some days he was stranded on that island seemed to be. Just like she would be when he walked through his front door.

The only problem was Jack knew there was no way he would ever be able to convince himself Kate had never been there.

Tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter, he noticed the money was still laying there. He wasn't surprised that Kate had been too proud to take it. Not wanting to touch it, he left it where it lay, and went to make himself a drink.

He was halted by the figure that sat rigid on his couch. Looking up to make sure it was him, Kate stood and walked over to him. She was wearing the same clothes she'd had on that morning, and she looked nervous. Jack opened his mouth to speak, but she gently placed a finger over it, stopping him.

"I'm going to explain this _once_," she began softly. "For over three years, I have been running from everything. From the law, from my past, from myself. . . running is what I'm good at, Jack. It's my first response to everything."

She took one of his hands, and was surprised when he didn't pull away. "Waking up next to you this morning felt so _right_ that it scared me. I got so scared that I would end up hurting you that I thought it would be best for me to leave, and not look back. That was stupid, and I know it." She took a deep breath. "But now, if you can understand everything I just said. . . then I'm done running, for now."

Jack glanced away, letting out a tiny laugh of relief, quickly blinking away tears. He turned back to her, cupping her face gently in his hands. "Done running _for now_?"

"Done running until my welcome wears out," Kate whispered. She smiled up at him, hopefully. "Do you think that we could pretend this entire day didn't happen? Go back and pretend it's this morning?"

"I think that's an excellent idea," Jack agreed, before leaning down and meeting her lips in a lingering kiss. "There's just one problem. . ."

"What's that?" Kate murmured, softly brushing her lips against his neck.

"If it's still this morning, then we. . ." he trailed off and kissing her again softly. His hands traveled up the back of her shirt, tracing patters on the soft skin of her back. He continued to kiss her for several moments, until she pulled away, curious.

"Then we what?"

"Then we," Jack smiled at her seductively before scooping her up in his arms and heading for the stairs, "should still be naked."

Kate didn't complain as he carried her upstairs to his bedroom.

* * *

They were laying in bed, Kate lazily drawing circles on Jack's chest, when she heard his stomach rumble. She sat up, looking into his eyes. "Did you eat anything today?"

"Not really," Jack answered honestly, reaching up to run a hand through her hair. "Food sounds pretty good right about now."

Kate sat up, wrapping one of Jack's sheets around herself. "I can go start dinner." She turned to get out of bed, but he quickly tugged on the sheet, pulling her back down on top of him.

Jack nuzzled his face into her hair, whispering in ear, "Don't worry about it tonight, I'll go downstairs and order something."

Kate kissed Jack, and then sat back up. "I'm going to go get a shower then. I'll come downstairs when I'm done."

Jack watched Kate retreat into his bathroom, a content smile on his face, before getting dressed and going to order dinner.

After her shower, Kate walked downstairs to hear soft piano music coming out of Jack's office. Thinking he'd turned on his father's record player again, Kate slowly opened the door. She was more than surprised to find Jack sitting at the piano, playing something classical. Kate knew she'd heard it before, but she had no idea what it was.

She took a seat next to him on the bench, and he glanced over, smiling. "Do you play?"

Kate nodded, a slow smirk spreading across her face. "I can play something." She placed her fingers on the keys, and slowly played 'Chopsticks.' Jack laughed, "That's certainly something."

"You're very good," Kate told him with a nod. He grinned in response, arching his eyebrows. Leaning over, he kissed her neck, "And so are _you_."

Kate rolled her eyes, pulling away slightly. "I'm serious, you're really good. Where'd you learn that?"

He was silent for several seconds, staring down at the keys. He ran his fingers over them lightly. "My father taught me when I was little. He was even better than I am."

Worried by how sad he looked, Kate placed her hand on his arm, "Jack, I know you said your dad died in Sydney, but you never said _how_. Or why he was there."

Jack sighed, trying to decide whether or not to tell her the story. He sighed tortured, "Do you want to talk about your parents, Kate?"

They sat, staring at each other in silence, neither willing to speak first, until the doorbell rang. "Food's here," he announced quickly, getting up to answer the door.

And with that, the subject of their pasts was dropped.

* * *

Jack quickly became accustomed to the quick goodbye kiss she'd give him each day before he headed off to work, and the long hello kiss that awaited him when he returned. Each and every time she'd act as if it had been days, not merely a few hours, since she'd last seen him. Most of the time, Kate would have dinner waiting when he walked in the door. Sometimes hunger was the first need they tended too, but more often than not they got occupied by other business in the bedroom, and the food ended up needing reheating. Part of the time they didn't even _make_ it to the bedroom. Jack loved days where he'd walk through the front door, to end up seconds later on the living room floor in a heated competition that consisted of who could remove the other's clothes quickest. Kate usually won.

Sex wasn't the only thing that occupied their time together, but Kate took note of how Jack seemed to be touching her in some way all the time. If they were sitting on the couch, he'd loop his arm around her shoulders. If she were in the kitchen working on putting a casserole together, he'd stand behind her rubbing her shoulders. Jack would hold her in his arms until she fell asleep, and he'd still be cradling her when she awoke.

They learned how to push each other's buttons. The fights they had were always short and over insignificant things, and making up was always fun. Kate got to use the whirlpool bathtub she had noticed on her first, but she wasn't alone in it. Jack scaled back his hours at the hospital, so he could spend more time with her. They had dinner with his mom again, and were proud at the good job they did of pretending that nothing was going on between them.

And they both did the very best they could to ignore the fact that they were falling in love.


	7. Chapter 7

**Once again, thanks to everyone for their wonderful comments. I'm glad you all like this story so much. **

**_jater_ - it's interesting you say "Jack's a drinker." That will be coming into play later. . . (at a very pivotal part.)**

**Without furthor ado -- here is Chapter Seven.**

**Oh, and Eight will be up very soon because _I am so excited about it!_**

* * *

Chapter Seven

Kate could see herself in a car, panic evident on her face. She saw herself glancing to her right, and pleading with someone. _"Please just get out!" _But he wouldn't listen. He never listened to her when it came to things like this.

As she revved the engine, she could hear him speaking to her, but she couldn't quite make out exactly what he was saying. _"Go easy on you. . . just tell them . . . truth, Katie."_ His words, when it came to this matter, always fell on deaf ears anyway.

Kate begged one more time for him to get out of the car, for him to just let her go, but he wouldn't. With an angry shake of her head she pressed her foot to the accelerator, and jumped forward quickly, only to break through the barrier to the parking garage which blocked her path.

That's when the shots rang out. A startled yelp escaped her mouth and she did her best to sink down in the seat, and pay attention to where she was driving at the same time. Before she realized it, a van had driven in front of her, and she couldn't stop fast enough. The force of his car hitting the van made a sickening crunch.

Kate turned quickly, wanting to check on him. She had to tell him goodbye before she left. No matter how many times she shook him, no matter how hard she tried to wake him up, nothing worked. And there was _so much _blood.

In a crushing instant, Kate realized _Jack_ was _dead_.

Kate awoke with a start, lurching forward in bed and gasping for air. The nightmares had started a little more than a week after they first slept together, but every night they had been about Tom. Just like always. So then why had she just pictured Jack dead, his blood on her hands?

Stumbling out of bed, Kate managed to make it to the bathroom just before she got sick. When she finished, she leaned back against the bathtub, closing her eyes and trying to breathe deeply through her nose.

Hearing the sound of running water, Kate opened her eyes to see Jack standing at the sink, wetting a wash cloth. He knelt down in front of her, gently placing it on her forehead. "What was that all about?"

"It was just," Kate started to speak, but broke off into a cough. She was still having a difficult time catching her breath. "It was just a dream."

"One hell of a dream, Kate," Jack responded softly. He placed a hand over cheek. "You're burning up!"

"It was just a dream," she repeated, blinking rapidly. She didn't want to close her eyes, for fear of seeing Jack, battered and bloody. Before she knew it was happening, Kate began to shake and cry softly.

"Hey," Jack whispered, sitting down on the tile, and wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her head, and then softly placed his lips against her ear. "You're scaring me, Kate."

"I'm okay," she responded, pulling away a little. For some reason she was afraid to touch him. Even though Kate knew it hadn't been, her dream had seemed so real. "I think I need a drink."

Jack nodded wordlessly, and less than five minutes later Kate was relaxing on the couch, a glass of Jack Daniels in her hand. She took a quick drink, and enjoyed the burning sensation as it slid down her throat. He sat down next to her, pushing her hair out of her face.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Kate shook her head slowly, even though truthfully, she really did. She wanted to pour out every single detail of her past, and then have him tell her everything would be alright. "Just my past colliding with my present." She licked her lips, and spoke firmly, "It's fine. I _don't _want to talk about it, okay?"

"Okay. Whatever you want, Kate," Jack said quietly, still softly stroking her hair. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

He leaned over and gently brushed his lips across hers. Kate kissed him back, happy to forget her dream, and even who she was, for just a little while.

Jack woke up several hours later, naked and wrapped tightly in a quilt. Kate was curled up in his arms, her head resting softly against his chest. He lay there, watching her sleep. Her nightmares seemed gone, at least for the time being. She moved around restlessly for a few minutes, before her eyes finally fluttered open.

Kate smiled, snuggled into him, and murmured, "Good morning."

_God_, he loved how her voice sounded in the morning. "Morning," he returned, kissing her forehead. She pulled away and started to say something, but a sound of the front door opening stopped her.

They glanced at each other puzzled until a woman's voice called, "Jack? Are you awake?"

_Margo. _Jack and Kate stared at each other, startled. They both quickly sat up, frantically scrambling to grab their clothes that were haphazardly thrown across the room. Kate managed to gather them all, and made it to the bottom of the stairs before she tripped over the blanket she was wrapped in. She landed on the ground with a thud, "_damn_ it!"

Hearing the noise, Margo walked into the living room. She glanced from Jack, who was sitting on the couch, boxers in hand, to Kate, who was still on the floor, an unreadable smirk on her face. The room was silent for several seconds.

"Just friends, right?" Margo rolled her eyes and sat her key to Jack's house down on the coffee table. "Maybe it's about time I gave you that back, Jack. I'm going to go start breakfast. Why don't you two go put some clothes on, and then join me in the dining room." With one last icy glare towards Kate, Margo disappeared into the kitchen.

Less than twenty minutes later, Jack and Kate sat motionless, across from each other at Jack's large dining room table. Margo sat a plate in front of each one. "I made us each an omelet, and croissants."

Kate poked at her omelet for a few seconds. "Is there sausage in this?" She placed her fork back down, and smiled at Margo. "I try not to eat meat."

Jack was about to comment that she had eaten chicken on several occasions since her arrival, but decided against it. Instead, he sat back and watched their interaction.

Margo looked amused. "It won't _kill_ you, darling." She paused a bit after the word kill and gave Kate a pointed smile. "Just eat it, alright?"

An angry look flashed across Kate's face so quick that Jack wondered if perhaps he'd just imagined it. Picking her fork back up, Kate shrugged, "Fine. I'll eat it." Very carefully Kate began to cut her omelet into tiny pieces, removing the sausage and placing each piece into a tiny pile beside her plate.

When the egg was dissected to Kate's satisfaction, she took a tiny bite, letting out an exaggerated, "Yum!"

"Okay," Jack said slowly, turning his attention from Kate's mess to his own food. A tense silence fell over the table.

"So, how long have you two been sleeping together?" Margo questioned as she sipped her orange juice. Placing her glass down, she smiled sweetly at Jack.

"Mom," Jack said warningly, setting down his fork. He started to continue, but was interrupted by the loud clang of Kate throwing her fork onto her plate.

They stared at her, Jack looking confused, Margo looking disgusted. Kate shrugged, non-apologetically. "It still tastes like meat."

Jack shook his head slightly at Kate, and turned his attention to his mother. "It's not your business what's going on between Kate and I."

"Not my business?" Margo repeated incredulously. "You're my son, Jack. I made it clear enough that I didn't like her living with you, and now she's _sleeping_ with you? What would your father think, Jack?"

Jack's eyes iced over. "It doesn't really matter what Dad would think. He's _dead_, Mom. Not to mention that Dad isn't the best example of someone you'd really want to model your morality code after."

"Do not talk about your father that way, Jack. You have no idea what kind of man he really was. You have no idea how what happened, what _you did_, affected him," Margo turned to Kate. "Has Jack told you the story of _why_ he was in Australia? Why Christian is _dead_?"

Kate shook her head silently, and Margo smirked. "I'm betting you haven't told him the story of why that marshal was so intent on catching you, either."

"Shut up, Mom!" Jack threw his napkin down on the table. "Just _shut up_. Why do you even come here? I am so sick of listening to you blame me for dad's death. I did _not_ force Dad to drink all the time, I did _not_ force Dad to operate on that woman and her baby when he couldn't hold his hands steady, and I did not force him to fly to Australia and have a _heart attack_!"

Margo sat stoically, and looked away, momentarily defeated. "I came because Martha wants to throw you a birthday dinner, Jack. I told her I would ask you about it."

Jack shook his head. "No. Marti_ never _cared about throwing me a birthday dinner before I was presumed dead for two months, she shouldn't this year. I don't want that, Mom."

"Jack, everyone was devastated when they heard about your father and you," Margo's voice had softened, and she glanced down at her plate. "Just let them do this for you, Jack. Please?"

Before Jack could respond, Kate spoke up. "You didn't tell me it was almost your birthday."

"Next week," Jack said with a shrug. "I didn't think it was a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal," Margo and Kate spoke in unison, and then shared an uncomfortable glance. Jack tried to hide his smile by taking a drink.

"I don't see why you don't want to go," Kate told Jack, leaning forward in her seat. "They just want to do something nice for you. They're your _family_, Jack."

"Darling," Margo leaned over and placed her hand on Kate's arm. "Jack and I are trying to have a conversation here. Would you mind giving us a little space?"

Kate looked to Jack, mouth agape, waiting for him to defend her. When he didn't, she stood up, grabbing her plate and glass. "Take all the time you _need_." She went to the kitchen and began to wash her plate off. She was surprised when she turned to find Jack standing behind her.

"_What_?"

He arched an eyebrow, "Do you need to be so immature?"

"Immature?" Kate questioned. "You think _I'm_ being immature? Did you not pay attention to anything she said, Jack? Her emphasis on the world kill, the way she talks about me as if I'm not even in the room. You're about to turn forty, Jack. Your mom has a key to your house and shows up to make you breakfast. You wanna talk about _immature_?"

"She got a key when she thought I was dead, Kate. She was getting ready to sell my house when we got rescued," Jack shrugged. "I hadn't asked for it back yet. You just don't understand, Kate. She thought she had lost me _and_ my dad. Getting me back is a hard adjustment for her."

Kate sighed, refraining from rolling her eyes. "Whatever, Jack. That's fine, but it's not the point. The point is _we_ are none of _her_ business. She acts like you're a damn fifteen year old. You can have sex with whoever you _please_."

"And _you're_ the one I want to _please_," Jack smiled, taking a step closer to Kate, and wrapping his arms around her waist. She fought him for a second, trying to pull away. "Come on, Kate. The last thing I want to do is fight with you."

Kate relented, allowing him to hug her. "I'm sorry for the way I acted. I know I was being rude. But I am _not_ going back out there to talk to her, Jack. I'm going to go take a shower." She placed the back of her hand against his cheek, enjoying the rough texture. "I think you should go to your party. Think about it, okay?"

Jack nodded, kissing her softly. "I'm sorry for the things she said."

Kate pulled away, shaking her head. "Just forget it, okay? I'll be upstairs, go talk to your mom." She slowly walked out of the kitchen, and upstairs.

Jack returned to the table, and Margo greeted him with a smirk. "Have a little lover's spat?"

"We're you _listening_ to us?" his shook his head, disgusted.

"You weren't exactly whispering," Margo snapped. "Jack, I didn't come here to argue with you. I sure _as hell _didn't come here to interrogate you about who your having sex with. I just wish for once in your life you would _think_ before you _act_. It's obvious that you are not the best judge of character. You never have been. You make mistake after mistake. And now this -- this _thing_ with _her_ just crosses the line, Jack."

Jack stood, shaking his head. "Get _out_."

"Jack," Margo tried to get his attention. "You should just listen --"

"Get _out of my house_!" Jack slammed his fist down next to her plate, rattling the entire table. "You do not come into my house and talk to me that way. You do not come in and talk _about Kate _that way. You don't know her."

Jack shook his head sadly, "You don't even know me, Mom."

Margo opened her mouth to respond, but just shook her head. "Someday you'll wish you listened to me. I won't show up here uninvited again. Good-bye, Jack."

Jack stood alone for several moments after she left, absorbing everything that had just happened. Finally, he cleared the table and then went to fix himself a drink.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The entire subject of that morning was dropped. Neither Kate nor Jack wanted to rehash the details, and it was left in the past. Later that night, Jack was playing a game online, while Kate read a magazine. She noticed him staring at her, and glanced up at him. "What?"

He stuck his bottom teeth out of her. "Do you think I need braces?"

Sitting her magazine on her lap, Kate arched an eyebrow, perplexed. "_What_?"

"The anesthesiologist was putting this girl under the other day, and she looked at me and said that her dad could fix my teeth if I wanted him too," Jack looked deep in thought. "She said he might not even charge me if I did a good job on the surgery."

Kate rolled her eyes and picked the magazine back up. Once her face was hidden safely behind it, she replied, "Braces at your age? I wouldn't do it. You'll be needing dentures soon anyway."

She wanted nothing more than to see the indignant reaction on Jack's face, but she didn't risk glancing from behind the magazine. It wouldn't be fun if he could see her gleeful smile. When she managed to put on a serious face, she saw he was glaring at her. "You are _so _not getting laid tonight."

Kate laughed, and returned to her magazine. "Yeah, sure. We'll see about that."

Jack shook his head. "Please, I have other resources, Kate. I don't need sex from you every night. I went long enough with out it before we slept together."

"Yes," Kate sat the magazine down, and moved over to the computer, taking a seat on his lap. "But now that you've _had me_, you just can't get enough."

Jack ran a hand up her shirt, resting it on her stomach. He leaned in to kiss her, "Is that so?"

Kate's response was interrupted by a loud slamming in the foyer. She glanced at Jack, her eyes wide. There was another slam, and then the sound of something breaking. There was some muffled profanity that sounded vaguely familiar to each of them.

"_Stay here_," he told her firmly, pushing her off his lap and heading towards the foyer. Shaking her head, she followed closely behind him. As Jack stepped into the foyer he put his arm out, blocking Kate from entering.

A shocked looked past over his face, and he dropped his arm to his side. Kate quickly glanced in to see what --or _who_-- was making such a racket. She, too, was shocked to see the man who stood in front of them, his shirt soaked in red.

The three took turns glancing back and forth to each other, each shocked in their own right. Jack spoke first.

"_Sawyer_."


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

I'm glad you all are still in enjoying the fic, andI am glad you were all shocked to see Sawyer showing up! This chapter is a little angsty, as is the next one that will be posted. Also, in the next chapter you will find out why it's called 'Almost Home.'

Also, if anyone has any suggestions for what they'd like to see more of or less of in the fic, please let me know!

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter Eight

Sawyer lurched forward, letting go of the shoulder he was holding onto, and revealing a grotesque bullet wound. Kate gasped and glanced away while Jack winced.

Letting out a choking laugh, Sawyer pointed to Kate, "Well, golly, I thought it was bad when I started seein' two of everything, but now I'm _hallucinating_." He stumbled forward a few steps more before practically falling over. Jack caught him under his good arm.

"Go get some old blankets out of the upstairs closet," Jack told her. "There's a gray bag in the back of my closet. Get it, too."

She nodded slowly, but didn't move. There was so much blood, everywhere on him. How could a person lose that much blood? _Tom_. Tom had been that bloody. Jack, too, in her dreams. . .

"Kate, _now_."

Upon hearing Jack's words, Kate snapped out of her reverie. She hurried as quickly as she could, grabbing the bottom three blankets from the closet, and digging around in Jack's closet until she came across the heavy gray bag. She ran down the stairs, tripping over the last three. "Here, here you go. . ."

Jack was still supporting Sawyer, who was now mumbling phrases Kate couldn't understand. "Lay the blankets across the floor. We don't want to get blood on the carpet. Make sure it's thick enough he can't bleed through."

She did as she was told, wondering if Jack was actually planning on operating on Sawyer in the middle of his living room. Jack helped Sawyer lie down, and then began to remove surgical tools from his gray bag. Kate began to feel slightly dizzy, apparently Jack was planning on operating on Sawyer.

Jack thrust some tools in Kate's general direction. He didn't look at her as he spoke, "I need you to go cauterize these, Kate." When she didn't take them, he looked up at her. "Are you listening to me?"

"I," Kate stuttered, pushing her hair out of her face. "I don't _know_ what that _means_." She didn't know why, but she felt on the verge of tears.

Closing his eyes, Jack took a deep breath, trying not to get angry with her. "Go boil some water and let them soak in it for a few minutes, okay? It's the best way we have to sterilize them."

Kate nodded, quickly grabbing them out of his hand. She rattled around in his cabinet, finding a pot big enough for the few instruments Jack had handed her. As the water came to a boil, Kate kept checking back and forth from the time on the microwave to the tools in the water. After deciding it had been long enough, Kate dumped the pot into the sink. She quickly reached down and grabbed the tools.

"_Damn it_!" Kate hissed, tossing them back into the sink. "Damn it. _Damn_ it!" She hadn't stopped to think about how hot they would be. Looking at her now red hand, Kate tried to ignore the throbbing pain and grabbed the tools with a potholder, hurrying back into the living room.

Jack was ripping Sawyer's shirt into tiny strips when she laid his surgical tools next to him. "What are you doing?" she asked quietly.

"Making a tourniquet," Jack grimaced as he tied one of the strips tightly around Sawyer's arm. "I need to stop the bleeding."

Kate started to respond, but Sawyer's voice interrupted her, causing them both to look at him expectantly. "Just shot her." He coughed violently. "He shot her. I heard him. Then he shot him. Shot his damn self. Shoulda shot me, too." His eyes fluttered open, then closed. "Wish he'd shot me, too. Wish it _every_day."

Jack shook his head, resuming what he had been doing. "He's delusional."

"No, he's not," Kate whispered, not really speaking to Jack. She knew exactly who he was talking about. Glancing back up at Jack, she asked, "Is he going to be okay?"

"He'd better be okay," Jack scoffed. "It wouldn't be ideal for him to die on my living room floor." Seeing the look of worry that passed across Kate's face, Jack became more serious.

"He'll be fine, Kate. In fact, he'll be a hell of a lot better once I get that bullet out of him," Jack wiped the sweat from his brow, and smiled softly at her. "Now, I need you to go get me a bottle of vodka, and a bottle of whiskey."

Kate looked at him, confused, but did as she was told. Slightly annoyed, she briefly wondered when she had started answering to Jack's every order. "What do you need them for?"

"Help me sit him up," Jack responded, putting a hand on Sawyer's good arm. "Get behind him and push." Once again, Kate did as she was told without question.

After they had Sawyer in an upright position, his eyes opened again. "What the hell you two doin'?" He tried to stand up, and the both held him down.

Jack looked at him seriously. "Do you want my help or not, Sawyer?"

"I'm here, ain't I," Sawyer retorted. "You gonna have to cut it off?"

Rolling his eyes, Jack handed the whiskey to Kate. "Get him to drink it. As much as you can. The whole bottle would be good."

Kate looked at Jack curiously. "Are you sure that's a good idea? It's going to knock him out. What if we can't get him to wake back up?" She noticed how panicked her voice was coming out, and she tried desperately to calm herself down.

"Calm down, Kate," Jack warned her. "Just get him to drink it." As Kate helped Sawyer drink the whiskey, Jack poured the vodka over Sawyer's wound. Sawyer let out a hiss and moved away from Kate.

"Sit still, Sawyer," Kate told him gently. She held the bottle back up to his mouth and he took a long drink.

"Damn, Freckles," Sawyer murmured. "If I'd known gettin' shot was gonna land me in your sweet arms, I'da tried it a long time ago."

Kate saw a quick flash of anger cross Jack's face, but he hid it quickly. "Okay, Sawyer. Let's get you laid back down."

After laying him back down, Jack began to go to work on his wound. Sawyer let out a couple yelps of pain, and Kate glanced to Jack, concerned. "The alcohol obviously isn't working! Can't you give him a shot to knock him out?"

"Yeah, Kate," Jack muttered, absently. "I keep general anesthetic just laying around the house. We're lucky I have these instruments." He continued working, garnering another profane yell from Sawyer, and more protests from Kate.

"_Listen_!" he finally yelled to Kate, when he couldn't take anymore. "If this is too much for you, _leave the room_. I am doing the best I can."

Kate kept quiet for the duration of the surgery.

* * *

About fifteen minutes after Jack was done operating, Kate finally spoke up. "He's not awake yet. Shouldn't he be awake by now?"

Jack sighed, "I don't know, Kate. I can't _do_ anything about it. I'm going to go change."

"Bring him some clothes down too," Kate told Jack as he started to walk up the stairs. He stopped, turning around and almost glaring at her. "Please? He can't just lay here in a blood-soaked rip shirt, Jack."

Jack's only response was a nod as he continued up the stairs. Gently brushing Sawyer's still-long hair away from his face, Kate spoke, "Hey, Sawyer. It's Kate, and I need you to wake up. You can't just keep lying here like this. I know you want to wake up and tell me how you got shot in the first place. . ."

Sawyer began to move around restlessly, and a few seconds later his eyes opened. "Son of a _bitch_!" he muttered, grabbing onto his shoulder. He tried to sit up, but let out a groan and fell back down onto the carpet. Glancing over, he noticed Kate, and jumped a little, as though surprised. Finally, seemingly gaining recognition of where he was, he settled back down.

"You're awake!" Kate smiled happily, leaning over him. "How's the shoulder feeling? Better than when it had the bullet it in, I imagine. I'd offer you some painkillers, but you had _a lot _of whiskey."

Sawyer didn't respond to anything Kate said. "What the hell you doin' here, Freckles?"

Kate opened her mouth, thinking careful. However, her chance to respond was interrupted as Jack walked back in the room. "I see your awake. Care to share how you got that bullet wound, and why you showed up at my house instead of a hospital?"

"Ain't none of your damn business, Doc," Sawyer retorted. "And I didn't want to deal with police. Hospital woulda called police." He glanced at Kate, "I'm guessin' you won't be inviting any police _here_ any time soon."

"Wasn't planning on it," Jack shook his head. "Your lucky; the bullet wasn't lodged very deep. It was fairly easy to remove. Kate tried to get you to drink, but the pain knocked you out about ten minutes into it." He tossed a t-shirt towards Sawyer.

Sawyer grabbed it with his good arm and attempted to lift his left. "_Damn_," he hissed.

Kate leaned forward, "Here, let me help you." Gently, she helped Sawyer maneuver his sore arm into the cotton shirt. "There, that's better. Now let me help you move onto the couch." Jack glanced away in disgust.

"What are you doing in LA?" Kate questioned after Sawyer was comfortably positioned.

"Just takin' care of some old business," Sawyer muttered, holding onto his shoulder. He looked at Jack, was still standing, curiously, wondering why he looked so angry. It was just a damn _bullet_, not heart surgery.

"How long are you staying?" Kate rushed on. She leaned over, placing a hand on his good arm. "You have to stay here. There's plenty of room."

Sawyer let out a short guffaw and shook his head. "I don't know about that, Freckles."

"You'll have to stay the night. I have to work tomorrow," Jack spoke up. "I don't have anything here to give you, so I'll have to write you a prescription tomorrow. You'll have to get by on Motrin by then. It won't stop an infection from starting, but it will dull the pain enough so you can rest. As long as you get on meds by tomorrow night, you should be fine."

Sawyer looked at Jack as though he was speaking another language, but he eventually nodded. "Whatever you say, Doctor."

"I'll fix up the guest room for you," Kate offered. "I put clean sheets on the bed not too long ago; I'll add an extra blanket. Is there anything else you need to be comfortable?"

"I can't think of a little something that would make my stay a whole lot more comfortable, sugar," Sawyer smiled, his dimples coming out to play. He punctuated his sentence with a wink.

"Jesus _Christ_, Sawyer," Jack sounded aggravated. "A bullet can't even stop you?"

"A man's got needs, Jack," Sawyer said with a shrug. "I think you'd understand that, with Freckles under your roof here and all."

Kate decided to put a stop to their mild bickering before it escalated. "You should get to bed, Jack. You have to be up early in the morning. I can show Sawyer to the guest room, and make sure he has what he needs."

Jack looked as though he wanted to say something, but decided against it. "Yeah, Kate. I'll just go on to bed now."

"Wait a minute here," Sawyer held up one hand. "If I'm sleepin' in the guest room, where's the lady sleepin' tonight?" He smiled at Kate, "You wanna keep me warm?"

It dawned on Kate that neither she nor Jack had said anything or acted in any way that would show they were _together_. "Oh. We," she smiled at Jack softly. "We -- we are. . ."

"We sleep _together_," Jack said smartly, and even if he had wanted to (which he didn't) he would not have been able to stop the smug grin that spread across his face.

"Good-night, Jack," Kate told him sternly, although she had to admit to herself he did look pretty cute when he was boasting. He nodded shortly, and leaned down, giving her a long, lingering kiss. He gave her three more short kisses, and one on her forehead, before walking up the stairs and not turning around.

Turning her attention back to Sawyer, Kate attempted a smile, "Let me show you to the guest room."

With some difficulty, Sawyer got up and followed Kate upstairs. Upon seeing the room, he rolled his eyes. "It's awful _girlie_, ain't it?"

"I think it will do you fine for tonight, Sawyer," Kate shook her head and took a wool blanket out of the closet. She laid it on the bed, "I'll be down the hall if you need anything else."

"Sure you don't wanna keep me company in here, Freckles?" Sawyer questioned. "I'll show you a good time. Hell, even better, me and you could just take off right now."

Kate rolled her eyes, "Sorry, I don't think so. Sweet dreams, Sawyer." She began to walk out the door and shut it behind her, but was stopped by a fierce, "_Freckles_!"

"What, Sawyer?" Kate stepped back into the room. "Are you going to tell me you're afraid of the dark or something?"

Sawyer studied her seriously. "You really trust him? You ain't worried here?"

"Worried about what?" Kate asked, rubbing her temples. "That his guilty conscience is going to get the best of him and he'll call in the Feds? No, Sawyer, I'm not worried about anything."

"Whatever you say, Freckles," Sawyer shook his head and began to unbuckle his pants. "But just know, until I leave, my offer stands."

"I'll keep that in mind," Kate rolled her eyes, and with a shake of her head, left the room.

Shutting the door to the guest room, Kate walked slowly down the hall. She was about to open the door to Jack's bedroom, when she heard a noise coming from downstairs. Walking to the top of the stairs, she strained to hear what it was.

Finally, she figured it was Jack, softly playing his piano. Making her way downstairs, she opened the door to his office. "You're supposed to be asleep."

He glanced up, surprised but happy to see her. The look that washed over his face was almost one of relief. "Not very tired," he motioned to the bench next to him. "Want to come sit down?"

Kate nodded, taking a seat next to him. She motioned to the glass that sat on top of the piano. "You think you should be drinking when you have to work in the morning?" She spoke carefully, hoping she wouldn't upset him.

"It's just one glass," he murmured, continuing to play.

She cocked her head, worried. "'Heart and Soul' just doesn't sound right when only half is being played."

Jack glanced over at her, hopefully. "I could teach you the other part. It's pretty easy."

Kate nodded, and the Jack spend the next ten minutes trying to teach her the song. Kate caught on quickly, which didn't surprise Jack. He doubted there was anything she wouldn't be able to master. When they had finished playing she spoke, "See? You can't have heart without soul. Or soul without heart. It just doesn't work alone."

Jack took her hand, "So, are you my heart, or my soul?"

"I don't think you'd want me for either," Kate told him sadly. "I think both of mine are beyond repair."

They sat silently, each gazing at each other, a sad look on their faces. Kate shook her head, "Jack, don't look at me like that."

He glanced away quickly, taking a drink. "Like what?"

"Like you're afraid that just because he's here, I'm going to disappear," Kate squeezed his hand. "Sawyer showing up doesn't change us."

"I worry your going to disappear all the time," Jack told her. "Sawyer showing up only serves to add fuel to the fire. You have a way out now, he knows you, he won't turn you in. And maybe you feel like you owe him something."

"Owe him something?" Kate asked, shocked. Where was this coming from? "What could I possibly owe him for?"

"He gave you that spot on the raft," Jack said matter-of-factly. "Without that, you'd probably be sitting in a jail cell somewhere. I'm sure he feels like you owe him a little something." He looked away, disgusted. "And I bet I can guess just what that _something_ is."

"Don't be this way, Jack," Kate said quietly. "I chose _you_, I _want_ you. I --" She stopped speaking, unwilling to speak the word she almost had. She offered him a small smile instead.

Jack nodded, knowing what she had almost said, but unwilling to say it either. He smiled and leaned in close, "It's because I'm tall, dark and handsome, isn't it?"

"That's definitely a plus," Kate whispered as her lips met his.

They kissed slowly for a few long moments, a kiss filled with both longing and understanding. There were words they both longed to say to the other, but an understanding that they shouldn't because once certain words were spoken, they could never be taken back.

Kate brought her hands up to Jack's face, deepening the kiss. His hands traveled up her shirt and across her back. He traced small circles down her side. Finally, he pulled away. "Let's just go to bed."

Kate nodded, standing up and offering him her hand. He took it and hand-in-hand, they walked up the stairs. After they were changed and tucked into bed, Jack pulled Kate to him, resting his lips on her ear. She could feel him smiling. "I told you that you weren't getting laid tonight."

She laughed softly, "You think you're so cute."

Jack kissed her softly. "I think _you're_ so cute."

Kate rolled her eyes, snuggling into him as close as she could get. "I just want you to hold me, Jack. Okay?"

"Always a pleasure," Jack whispered into her hair, kissing it softly.

They laid there quietly for several seconds, both hovering on the edge of sleep, before Kate spoke up softly, almost saying the words she wanted to.

"Jack? I love being here."

There was a momentary pause, before Jack responded in a tight voice. "I love you being here too, Kate."

They lay together, intertwined in the dark, both thinking the exact same words, but neither brave enough to speak them first.


	9. Chapter 9

Happy New Year everyone! Well, here is Chapter Nine. I labored hard on this one, but I'm slightly worried about the reaction I might receive. The next chapter will be nicer --I promise you. And let's see if anyone picks up on the little clue of things _possibly_ to come in the future.

**Gabbi** - Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I'm so glad someone picks up on the little things I throw in there.

**Lindsay** - If you like angry Jack, you'll love this chapter ;)

**Kat** - You'll get your wish, there are some more 'Lost' originals coming up in a few chapters.

**Lostbeth** - Yup, they want to say _I love you._

* * *

Chapter 9

For the first time in a long time, Kate awoke completely clothed.

There was an annoying buzzing in her ear that just wouldn't stop. Finally, in her half-lucid, eyes still closed stage she came to realize that it was Jack's alarm clock, letting him know it was time to get up for work. Jack _never_ slept through his alarm clock. However, the warm lump she was cuddled up to let her know that he, indeed, was.

Letting out an annoyed huff, Kate shoved him. Opening her eyes, she burrowed deeper into the covers. "_Jack_, turn that goddamned thing off." The only response was a muffled mumble from his side of the bed.

She shoved harder. "Turn it off _now_!" When even a really rough shove didn't grant her a response, Kate threw the blankets off herself and leaned over Jack, turning the alarm clock off herself. "Fine," she grumbled more to herself than him. "I told you to go to bed last night, and you didn't listen. So, you can just go and oversleep and miss work. See if I care."

Kate was getting ready to crawl back under the covers, when Jack's arms wrapped around her, bringing her down on top of him. His face nuzzled itself into her neck. "Good morning, sunshine."

Letting out a sigh, Kate relaxed into Jack, closing her eyes again. "Damn alarm clock."

He murmured his agreement, lightly placing kissing along her neck. In his still half-asleep stage the entire night before, and Sawyer being there had seemed like nothing but a weird dream. But now, as he became fully awake, he realized it had, unfortunately, all been real. "I'd better get in the shower."

"Mmhmm," Kate agreed, wrapping her arms around him tighter. "You do that. Wake me up when you're done, I need one too. I should still have time to make you some breakfast if you want."

Jack stood up, taking Kate with him. Ignoring her protests, he shifted her to where she was hanging over his shoulder. "Jack," she whined. "Put me down. Go get your shower! You're not funny."

"I just thought that if you need a shower, and I need a shower, there's no sense in wasting the water for both us to take separate showers," he placed a kiss on her lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "We can just take one _together_."

"I see," Kate nodded, his idea perking her up. "I guess that would give me more time to get your breakfast ready. . ."

"Exactly," Jack smiled as he set her down in the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. "_Everyone_ wins this way."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over forty minutes later Kate, her hair still damp on the ends, finally got around to starting breakfast. She had just put the eggs on the stove when Jack walked downstairs, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He placed a trail of kisses down her neck, "You smell good."

"Well, I should," she returned, not being able to wipe the grin off her face. "I just had a _very_ long shower." Kate turned around, allowing him to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. The kiss deepened, and the spatula in her hand dropped to the stove as her hands went to untuck his shirt.

Jack's hands moved to her thighs as he lifted her up onto the counter without breaking their kiss. "Jack," she laughed softly, trying to pull away, as his lips traveled to the hollow of her neck. "You're going to be late. And how can you even have _energy_ for this after," she was interrupted as his lips found hers again. After several long seconds she pulled away, "After that shower we just took."

"Nothing important scheduled for this morning," Jack assured her between kisses. "I can be late. We could go take another shower," he suggested with a grin. "Or the counter's good for me."

Kate laughed, pulling him closer to her. Her hands began to undo the buttons of his shirt, and she became oblivious to the world around her. They were finally forced to tear apart from each other when a voice exclaimed, "son of a _bitch_!"

Smoothing her shirt down, Kate let herself down off the counter. She quickly ran her hand through her hair as Jack slowly buttoned his shirt back up.

Sawyer watched them, an unreadable expression on his face. Letting go of his shoulder, he motioned towards the stove, "Eggs are burnin'."

Laughing nervously, Kate turned the stove off and moved the pan to a front burner. Poking at the food with her spatula, Kate tried to lighten the mood, "I think some of them are salvageable. Oh, and look, the toast is done too! Is everyone hungry?" She turned back towards them, a forced smile on her face.

Jack and Sawyer both stared at her as though she were speaking a foreign language. With a slight roll of his eyes, Sawyer sat down slowly on a stool. "A beer sounds good."

Kate bit the inside of her lip, and walked over to his side. "Are you feeling alright, Sawyer? I'm sure you must be in a lot of pain. . . I'll get you a couple pills, alright?" She quickly made her way back across the kitchen, opening the cabinet where Jack's aspirin was kept. Jack watched her, aggravated.

Placing the pills on the counter in front of Sawyer, Kate opened the refrigerator, grabbing the orange juice. "We don't have any beer. Juice is better for you anyway, it'll get your strength back up." She poured a glass full, and sat it in front of him. "Jack, why don't you check on Sawyer's shoulder before you go into work?" Without waiting for a response from Jack, she smiled at Sawyer, sitting down next to him. "I thought you'd be asleep for a couple more hours."

"Couldn't really sleep," Sawyer told her, putting the pills in his mouth, then taking a drink of the juice. He made a face, and smiled, speaking sarcastically, "My shoulder's just a tad sore, and you two bangin' around down here didn't make it any easier."

"Sorry, Sawyer," Jack said dryly, walking over to the counter, and motioning for Sawyer to let him look at his shoulder. "Next time we have a slumber party Kate and I will try to keep it down so you can get your full 8 hours, k?"

"Listen," Sawyer said, standing up quickly. He winced in sudden pain, but bit the inside of his cheek, pushing it back. "I didn't _ask_ for any handouts, Doc, I can just --"

"Now who wants butter and who wants jelly?" Kate interrupted, holding up two pieces of toast, and stepping in between Jack and Sawyer. She waved a piece of toast in the air, attempting a smile.

"I'll be home in a couple hours," Jack said, shaking his head. "I'll have your medication, Sawyer, and then you can be on your way." He turned his attention to Kate, giving her a pointed glare. "Unless _you_ have a problem with that."

Kate shook her head quickly, standing on the tip of her toes and kissing him. "No. Have a good day at work, Jack."

* * *

After cleaning up the uneaten breakfast, Kate showed Sawyer where he could shower, and sat down on the couch, grateful for a few minutes of silence. It wasn't even nine in the morning, and her head was already pounding.

She had never taken time to think about how easy it was just being her and Jack. In some ways, it wasn't anything close to a real relationship. They didn't go out anywhere together, and most likely never would. There were no outside challenges, except the few appearances his mother had made during her stay. She was sure no one at his work, none of his friends or family, had any idea he was involved with anyone. They had yet to talk about their pasts.

What Kate couldn't figure out was why, when all that was true, whatever was going on between her and Jack felt more real than anything in her life ever had.

"What you thinkin' about, Freckles?" Sawyer's voice snapped her out of her deep thinking. "You look a little worried."

"I'm alright," Kate shook her head, sitting up straighter. "How's your shoulder feeling? Did the shower help any?"

"When'd you decide to get all _motherly_?" Sawyer asked, with a slight roll of his eyes. "I gotta tell you -- it borders on annoying."

"Sorry," Kate rolled her eyes. "I should have guessed you weren't the type who liked being looked after. You ever going to say what it was you did to get yourself shot?"

"Not plannin' on it," Sawyer winked and shook his head. "Ain't nothin' you need to get involved in, or think about. Just makin' a living." In an effort to change the subject, he gestured around the room. "Some place Jack's got himself."

"It is pretty nice," Kate agreed softly. She tucked her legs under her, turning her body towards Sawyer. "It was a _mess _when I showed up, it probably still would be if I didn't hang out here and clean every day."

"You never struck me as the housewife type, Freckles," Sawyer said, sounding amused. "But from the looks of things, you seem pretty damn good at it. Cleanin' house, makin' eggs, even givin' Jack bedroom benefits." He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes.

She shook her head, speaking quietly. "I'm not anybody's housewife, Sawyer."

Sawyer nodded slowly, meeting her eyes. "You _really_ like it here with him?"

Kate glanced at her hands, trying to figure out if she should tell him what was going on in her head. Finally, she gave in. "You know, I almost looked you up and came to you."

He arched his eyebrow, as though he'd never considered this possibility. "And why's that?"

"I knew-- " Kate cleared her throat. "I knew that if I came to you, I could leave when I needed to. And I knew that if I came here, this is exactly what would happen. I knew I'd want to stay. I knew something would happen between me and Jack. I just never guessed that it would be something of this magnitude. I don't think I would know how to leave even if I wanted to. But I don't seem myself wanting to anytime soon."

"You in love with him, Freckles?"

Kate dodged his question. "Being here with Jack isn't like anything I have ever experienced. I'm not stupid. I know I don't deserve any of it, I know it won't last forever. But I try not to think about either of those things. The only thing I let myself think about is how here it's like I'm _almost_ home. And if this is as close as I ever get, that's okay with me."

Sawyer silently accepted her reasoning, and the rest of their day together was spent in peaceful chitchat.

Around dinnertime Kate stood in the kitchen, making Sawyer a turkey sandwich. Jack came in through the kitchen door, smiling and kissing her quickly. In his hand were two bags from the pharmacy. "Wow, you're really hooking him up."

Jack laughed softly, handing her one of the bags. "Actually, this one is for you." He watched as she opened the bag, and her cheeks reddened slightly. "I just thought if we were going to continue doing what we're doing, they might come in handy. Have you ever been on the pill before?"

Her embarrassment gave way to amusement, and she laughed when he spoke to her in such a _doctorly _tone, "Yes, once." She sat the bag on the counter. "I'll start taking them after my next period."

"Which should be," Jack glanced at the calendar. "Wow. Apparently any second now." He pulled her into a hug, kissing her again. "You've been here a lot longer than it seems."

Kate laughed nervously, pulling away and going back to making the sandwich. "Yeah, well, I've never been very regular. And the stress of being on the island, then getting rescued, and having to worry about the Feds again. Now everything with us is going on, and Sawyer showing up. Who knows when I'll actually start? It could be another month or something."

Jack cocked his head, eyeing her curiously. "Are you okay?"

Before she had a chance to respond, Sawyer strutted into the kitchen, rolling his eyes when he noticed Jack's presence. "Not _interruptin'_ anything, am I?"

Kate smiled, shaking her head. "Nope. Here's your sandwich. I'll make you one too, Jack." Quickly she got the bread back out, and reopened the refrigerator door, silently telling herself to make Jack's sandwich just a little bigger and better than Sawyer's.

Dinner was tense. Sawyer seemed to enjoy his food, eating quickly, while Kate and Jack both just nibbled at what lay in front of them. Jack finished almost an entire bottle of whiskey. Kate didn't think she'd ever seen him drink so much in one sitting. Leave it to Sawyer to worsen _any _situation.

After Kate had cleared the table, the three headed back into the living room. Kate took a seat on the couch, as Jack handed Sawyer his bag from the pharmacy. "Don't take anymore than one of these at a time, every six hours. You'll want to make sure you take them on a full stomach, or they'll make you sick." With a short nod, he headed back to his liquor cabinet.

"Sure these are mine?" Sawyer asked with a smirk, holding up the pharmacy bag. "Wouldn't want you to get it confused with Freckle's birth control or somethin'."

Jack turned, crossing the room in two long strides. "This is _my_ house. What do you think gives you the right to be such an asshole?" He crossed his arms, staring at Sawyer challengingly.

Sawyer glanced quickly at Kate, a smirk spreading across his face. "Looks like I struck a nerve. Why you always gotta be such a do-gooder, Jack_ass_?" He took a step closer to Jack, letting his prescription fall to the coffee table.

Jack's nostrils flared as he stepped forward, and for a split second Kate thought he was actually going to hit Sawyer. It appeared as though he changed his mind at the last second, and he turned around, walking away and shaking his head. Kate let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

Sawyer, however, didn't seem to want to let it go so easily. "Your daddy was wrong about you. You ain't hardly a man, let alone a _great_ one."

Jack turned around quickly, grabbing Sawyer by his shirt and pushing him up against the wall. "What _the hell _did you just say?" Sawyer laughed, seemingly enjoying Jack's outburst.

"Tell me, Jack. What exactly do you think he had to be _proud_ of you about?" Sawyer's eyes gleamed as he asked the question.

Jack stared at Sawyer for a few moments, before a rage he couldn't control started to swirl inside him. He slammed Sawyer against the wall twice before letting him go, "Don't you _ever_ talk about my _father_."

Sawyer moved towards Jack, enticing him further. "Ever since I realized it was your daddy I'd met in that bar, I wondered what it was you did that made him fly _all_ the way to _Australia_ to get away from you. I thought it prob'ly had somethin' to do with that drinkin' problem he seemed to have, but from the _looks_ a-things, you and dear ol' Daddy got that in common."

Jack lunged at Sawyer, but Sawyer was too quick this time, and the alcohol was clearly taking affect on Jack. Sawyer started to speak again, but Kate stood up, almost too bewildered to talk.

"Stop it _both of you_!" Kate stood in between them, placing a hand on Jack's chest. He was breathing heavily, and quickly stepped back from her touch. "Would either of you care to explain to me _what the hell _you're _talking about_?"

Sawyer grinned at her. "Jack's dad, Christian, and I shared a. . ." he paused, as though looking for the right wording. "_Last meal _of sorts over in Australia."

Kate glanced quickly to Jack, wondering if what Sawyer was saying was true. She spoke quietly, reaching out for his arm. "You told me your dad died in Australia, Jack."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Hence the use of the phrase _last meal_, Freckles." He smirked at her, "Although if we're gettin' technical it was more of a last drink. He ain't told _you_ why his daddy was over there? Healthy relationship. . ."

Shooting Sawyer an aggravated look, Kate took a hold of Jack's hand, squeezing it softly. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, Jack?"

"Yeah, Kate," Jack said bitterly, yanking out of her grasp. "How about I head on upstairs and give you and Sawyer some more _alone_ time."

He shook his head, and picked his glass back up, taking a long drink. Refilling it, he held it up towards Kate as though toasting. "My father was an alcoholic. Probably the worst alcoholic you would ever meet. Around a year or so ago he got in to this habit of drinking while on the job," Jack took a drink, and laughed bitterly. "Now, I guess for some jobs -- jobs like let's say for _random example_, being a _fugitive_ -- it's okay to drink a little on the job. But if your chief of surgery, it's looked down upon."

Kate glanced away from him, momentarily stung, but eventually met his gaze again, silently urging him to continued.

"He got through a couple surgeries alright. He could perform small tasks, and a few times I stepped in for him before he tried anything too outrageous." Jack took another drink, sitting down on the couch, seemingly losing awareness that either Sawyer or Kate was still present. "But then, one day, this nurse comes up to me all frantic. She says my father is _obviously drunk_, and is really screwing a surgery up."

"By the time I get to the OR he's already severed this woman's hepatic artery," Jack looked from Sawyer to Kate, a crazy smirk on his face. "Not that I expect either of you to know what _that_ means, but it's not good. So I confront him about it, and he denies what happened because _that's _what my father did. Nothing was ever his fault. Then, he tries to get me to sign this form that releases him from any responsibility. And I did it," he glanced a Kate, a single tear gleaming in his eye.

"I did it because he promised me it wouldn't happen again," Jack shook his head, disgusted with himself. "I knew he didn't mean it, but all I ever wanted from him was approval. I thought maybe I would finally get it by doing what he asked. But what I didn't know was that this woman was pregnant. My father hadn't just killed her, he'd killed her baby, too. And I couldn't let him get away with it, I couldn't take the chance of it happening again to someone else."

He sighed shakily, standing up, going to refill his drink again. "He didn't talk to me in the two months between then and when he died. The last thing he ever told me was what I disappointment I was, what a disappointment I had always been." He turned towards Sawyer, shrugging. "So that's what _I _did that made him fly all the way to Australia, and have a heart attack."

The three stood rigid, none of them actually looking at another. Finally, Sawyer reached down and picked up his bag from off the table. "Well, I'd _best_ be on my way." He started to walk out of the room, but turned back, looking seriously at Kate. "You ever need _anything_, you look me up, and I'll help you however I can, Freckles."

He turned back around, a few seconds later the front door opened, then slammed shut.

Kate took a step towards Jack. "I am so --"

"Don't," Jack interrupted her, with a short shake of his head. "It's not your fault. There's nothing you can do. We're not going to talk about it again. Do you _understand _all that?"

Kate nodded slowly, continuing on towards him, softly placing a hand on his arm. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"Nope," Jack shook his head. "I have my liquor cabinet right here. What more could I need?" He rubbed his temple, sitting back down on the couch. "What you can do is explain to me what exactly it is about him?"

Confused, Kate sat next to him. "What are you talking about?"

"_Sawyer_," Jack rolled his eyes. "What is it you see in him? You have this compulsion to help him. It's almost _pathetic_, Kate."

Kate swallowed hard, trying not to let what he said upset her. "It's not -- it's not a compulsion. He just reminds me of someone I once knew."

"_Reminds you of someone you once knew_," Jack repeated mockingly, twirling his drink around his hand. "Someone you were in love with?"

"No, Jack," Kate whispered, fighting back tears. "That's _you_."

Jack laughed bitterly, "You want to talk about _us_ and that word?"

Kate glanced away, a few tears slipping down her cheeks. "You're the one who brought it up. Not me."

"Forget I said anything," Jack told her, finishing off his glass. "They asked me to come back in at nine tonight. I'd better go shower first."

Kate looked at him incredulously. "You actually think you can go into work after everything you've drank tonight?"

"I won't operate on anyone," Jack rolled his eyes, standing up. "Just work on some paperwork, maybe do some filing. They need me to sit in on some meeting. . ."

"You are not going to work," Kate told him, shaking her head. She took his glass out of his hand and carried it into the kitchen, dropping it loudly into the sink. "That's final. Call in right now."

"No," Jack told her. He went back to the cabinet, reaching in for another bottle. "I'll be fine. I drink all the time, Kate. I know how to handle myself."

"You're not going in to work, Jack," Kate told him again, her words shaper this time. "After that story you just told about your father, how can you even think about going into work when you've been drinking. I don't understand you."

"No, you don't," Jack agreed. "And I don't understand you. We don't understand each other. So remind me again, what are we doing?"

Kate shook her head, telling herself it wasn't Jack talking, it was just the _alcohol_. "Come on, Jack. You've had a long day. Let's get you up to bed."

Jack shook his head, "Just stop it, Kate. I'm being serious. What's going on between the two of us, _really_? How long can we keep this up?"

"Don't do this, Jack," Kate warned him, reaching for the bottle in his hand. "Quit it before you say something that you'll regret tomorrow."

Jack moved away from her, drinking out of the bottle. "The only thing I'm starting to regret is what we've gotten ourselves into. How long until you get sick of this lifestyle, Kate? How long until you take Sawyer up on whatever he offered you?"

"_Stop_ it!" Kate yelled. "I can't deal with you when you're like this, Jack. You're a completely different person when you've drank too much. I don't understand why you do it!" Uninvited tears began to fall down her face. "What's it going to take for you to quit? Is it going to get so bad that one day your child is going to have to fly to some country to try and rescue you when you've ruined your life?"

Jack started towards her, a look on his face Kate had never seen before. For a split second, she thought he was going to hit her. Instead, he stopped right in front of her, and started laughing. "My _child_, Kate? What non-existent future child is this that we're speaking of? Is it a boy or a girl? And who's it with? _You_?"

Kate looked down, trying to keep her breathing even. "I wasn't saying that, Jack. I was just giving you a random example. Do you want to end up like your father?"

"I am _nothing_ like my father!" Jack told her. He slammed the bottle he was holding against the liquor cabinet, shattering it into tiny pieces. He took out another full bottle and did the same. "_Nothing_ like him."

As he continued on, Kate turned and walked into the kitchen, picking up the phone. She located Jack's address book in a drawer by the oven, and flipped through several pages. With shaking hands, she dialed the phone. Someone picked up on the third ring.

"Hello, Shephard residence." The voice was slightly British, and Kate was momentarily confused.

"Uh, is Margo there, please?" Her voice came out strained, even though she was desperately trying to control her emotions.

"Mrs. Shephard is busy at the moment. May I take a message, dear?"

"This is very important," Kate told her urgently. "Could you _please_ just tell her that Katherine needs to speak with her immediately."

"Hold please." There was the sound of the phone being set down, and Kate waited nervously.

Several seconds later, a clipped voice spoke, "What can I do for you this evening, Katherine?"

Kate wondered if Margo could hear Jack's incoherent ranting, or the sound of bottles breaking. "Margo, it's Jack. . . I need you to call the hospital, please. Tell them he's sick, and won't be in tonight. He'll probably need a few days off."

"Are you crying, Katherine?" Margo asked, her voice sounding slightly worried. "What's wrong with Jack?"

"He's --" Kate paused, swallowing a sob. "He's had a lot to drink. More than normal. I don't think he should go into work the way he is now. I - I can't call for him, and he won't call himself. Please?"

There was a very loud breaking, and then a slew of profanity. On the other end of the line Margo sighed, her voice coming out softer than Kate had ever heard it, "Would you like me to come over, dear?"

"No," Kate told her. "Thank you, but I think we'll be okay. I'll get him up to bed and then. . . and then he'll be _fine_."

"I told myself that same thing several times, darling," Margo said, her voice still kind. Then, in an almost imperceptible change, her tone went back to clipped. "I'll call the hospital right away. He'll have the rest of the week off. Good-night, Katherine." The line went dead.

Kate put the phone back on the receiver. She walked into the living room and found Jack standing about three feet back from the liquor cabinet. The floor under it was covered in alcohol and shards of glass. "I called your mother. She's taking care of calling off for you tonight, Jack. She said she'd get you the rest of the week off. Come on, honey, let me help you up to bed."

"Honey?" Jack repeated softly. "We're using pet names now?" He reached for her, running his hand through her hair. "You really are _so_ beautiful."

"Come on," Kate said again, taking hold of his arm. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and let her help him up the stairs to his bedroom.

Lowering him onto the bed, Kate took a pair of sweatpants out of his top dresser drawer. "You didn't cut yourself on the glass, did you?" She began to unbutton his shirt, quickly taking it off him. "Think you can do your pants by yourself?"

"I like it better when you take my pants off," Jack mumbled, lowering his head into his hands. After a few moments, he looked back up at her. "Kate, about what I said down there --"

Kate shook her head, smiling sadly. "Just go to bed, Jack. It'll all be better in the morning."

"But it won't," Jack told her as he laid back on the bed, allowing her to cover him up. "It _can't_ be better. We can't be better than this, Kate." His eyes began to flutter closed. "How can we ever make it better when we're both to afraid to say how we really feel about each other?"

Kate sighed, sitting down next to him, rubbing her hand across his cheek and he quickly drifted into a fitful sleep. She stood up, kissing his cheek softly, "Sweet dreams, Jack."

Making her way downstairs Kate wondered which would be more difficult to clean up -- the mess Jack had made on the living room floor, or the mess they were each making of their lives.


	10. Chapter 10

Here is Chapter Ten everyone! This chapter is very, very short. But that's only because it was originally part of a very long chapter. However, as I was writing it, I thought that this little piece deserved to be seperated on its own. Either tomorrow night, or Tuesday night a long Chapter Eleven will be posted.

I hope everyone enjoys what happens here -- as always, let me know with any comments and suggestions you have.

**Gabbi!** Thank you sooo much for everything! Y'all just wait to see this killer dress she found for Kate to wear next chapter!

**ELCBian** - Paula! I should have known you were an L-Fer just by your username! Gotta love that ELCB, right? Kate sure does. . .

**LostForSawyer** - Pregnant Kate! Hmmm . . .

And I'm so glad so many of you liked the intensity of the last chapter, and that the parallels with Wayne were noticed. Unhappy memeories for Kate there. . . Trust me, Jack will be changing his ways soon.

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* * *

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**Chapter Ten**

Jack awoke the next morning with a pounding headache. Opening his eyes, he moaned as the sunlight hit them, intensifying the pain. The throbbing doubled when the events of the night before came back to him.

He really _was_ a jackass.

Rolling over, he had a panicked second by the absence of her in bed. Glancing at the clock, he saw it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. Would she be up if he wasn't? She wouldn't just leave in the middle of the night, would she? Not even after all the things he had said to her. They meant too much to each other for that -- didn't they?

Not bothering to grab a shirt, Jack quickly ran downstairs, taking the steps two at a time. He found Kate, wrapped up in a blanket, reading the Sunday morning paper on the couch. Hearing him enter the room, she glanced up.

Her eyes were red and puffy underneath. Her hair stuck out in all directions. It was obvious to Jack that Kate hadn't slept a minute the whole night. She glanced him over, offering him a tiny sad smile.

A tense silence hung between them as Jack took a seat, gazing forlornly at her. He didn't know where to start. It wasn't as if last night's words could be taken back. And it wasn't as if most of them weren't true.

Finally, after a few more unbearable moments, he spoke. "Kate --"

"I'll go put on some coffee," Kate interrupted, standing up, and walking towards the kitchen, shaking her head.

Quickly, Jack followed Kate into the kitchen. He wanted to touch her so bad that a physical hurt overwhelmed him. As she put the coffee on to make, he finally gave into his urge, allowing himself to gently touch the back of her hair. She turned around to face him, and he moved his hand to the side of her face.

Closing her eyes, Kate laid her hand on top of his, stepping in closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, more thankful than ever that she was with him. "I am so, _so_ sorry, Kate."

"I know," she nodded, pulling away slightly. She turned back around, watching the coffeepot closely. "But you were right about some things, Jack. I mean, do we even know _that much _about each other?"

A lump formed in Jack's throat. Kate was standing right in front of him, but he couldn't shake the panicked notion that he was _losing her_. It felt as though she was slipping away.

Gently, he leaned up against her, tracing his fingers lightly up her arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Pushing her hair out of the way, Jack brushed his lips against her ear. "I know everything about you that I need to, Kate."

Forgetting caution, forgetting every reservation he had about their relationship, Jack continued on. "I know that you sing 'You're So Vain' in the shower, when you don't think I'm listening. I know that you're right knee is more ticklish than you're left. I know that when you tell me you're not in the mood, all I have to do is kiss you right_ here_," he trailed his fingers up to a spot just below her ear. "And you will be."

Kate let out a laugh, that was mixed with tears as he continued on. "When I'm at work and something bad happens, I know that you'll be here when I get home -- and that gets me through the day. I know that I have never met anyone in my who means to me what you do, and I never will again. I know that even if this is all gone tomorrow, I won't ever regret a single second we spend together." He tried to continue on, but Kate brought a finger to his mouth, silencing him.

"All those things are great, Jack," Kate told him, shrugging her shoulders. "There's never been anyone to know those things about me, and maybe even no one who's ever come close to feeling about me how you do. But that doesn't solve all our problems. There's a lot more to me than that, Jack. There's things you'd never understand no matter how _badly_ you want to. And then --"

Jack shook his, not letting her continue. "Tell me what you know about me."

Biting her lip, Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, Jack. I don't know _who_ Sarah was, or _what_ happened to her, or --"

"I didn't say tell me what you _don't_ know," Jack interrupted fiercely. "I said tell me what you know."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I know that you pretend to like my vegetarian lasagna. I know that you lay there, watching me while I sleep because sometimes I'm not really asleep. I just pretend to be because it feels _so good_ when you do that," her voice broke, and she felt a little silly. She'd been more emotional in her short time at Jack's than she had in the past two years. "I know that you think I'm good enough for you -- and that's almost enough for me to believe I am. I know that --"

He cut her off with a kiss, his lips rough against hers, each of their salty tears mixing with the others. Kate pulled away first, still shaking her head.

"But none of that really means anything," she glanced away from him, almost feeling as though something inside her was physically breaking. "It's just not good enough."

She turned to walk out the kitchen, but was stopped when Jack grabbed her by the arms, turning her around and pulled her towards him roughly. Her hair fell into her face, and she let out a startled gasp. Jack didn't loosen his grip, but he spoke calmly, "It's good enough for me."

Using most her strength, Kate jerked out of his grasp. "_Why_?"

Jack took a shaky breath. Stepping very close to her, he gently placed his hands on her jaw, pushing her hair out of the way so he could look into her eyes. "Because -- because I love you, Kate."

She glanced up at him sharply. She had imagined him saying it more than once -- but now that he actually had. . . Kate's throat went dry and she coughed in attempt to clear it. Those words weren't something that came easily to her. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. No matter how hard she tried, the words kept sinking back down before she could get them out.

His expression faltered for a moment, but Jack hid it quickly. Smiling nervously, he began to softly caress her cheek. "You don't have to say anything back, Kate. I was just --"

"I love you, too," Kate whispered quickly. As soon as she said them, she glanced away, not willing to meet his eyes.

Jack took her chin in his hand, softly turning his face to hers. They stared at each other silently, a small smile both inching up each of their faces. After a few long moments, Jack enveloped her in his arms. They stood holding each other, both oblivious to anything else going on around them.

Finally, Jack pulled away. Kissing her forehead softly, he whispered, "Why don't you go take a shower, Kate? You didn't look like you felt too well earlier."

Kate nodded, backing up out of the kitchen. She was almost surprised he dropped the entire subject so easily and quickly, without even a glance back at it. "Okay, I'll be down when I'm done. I'm not really hungry, so unless you are, you don't have to put anything on to eat."

Taking her time in the shower, Kate did her best not to focus on the bad things that had been said, or how much harder them admitting their feelings to each could make their entire situation when the time came that Kate would have to leave. Eventually, after she had ran out of hot water, Kate had to turn the shower off. She towel-dried her hair slowly, and wrapped herself in Jack's comfortable blue robe before walking out from the bathroom to what had become their bedroom.

Upon entering the bedroom, she let out a startled gasp. A quick count showed that nearly twenty candles of all shapes and sizes were set up around the room, illuminating it in a soft, romantic glow. On each bedside table set a vase that was overflowing with white and purple lilies.

In the middle of bed sat Jack, an impish smile on his face. "I know that it's a little corny and lame, but after earlier I think a little corny and lame is alright. Maybe even called for."

"It's not lame," Kate said softly, still taking in what he had done. She smirked at him, "Corny, maybe. But not _lame_."

She took a couple steps closer to the bed, and allowed Jack to take hold of both her hands. He squeezed them quickly, then moved his hands to her waist as her lips met his. Deepening the kiss, she lowered herself on the bed.

Laying her down gently, and brushing her hair back from her face, Jack whispered, "If you're tired, we can just sleep."

Smiling, Kate shook her head, meeting his lips with hers once again. "We'll have plenty of time for sleep later."

As Jack enveloped her in his arms, they finally began to love each other in the way that only two people who were truly, honestly, _openly_ in love with each other could.


	11. Chapter 11

I am not sure why this chapter is so long, or it took so long to write. It's not the most important chapter -- it's almost nothing more than a filler. It's just a glance at where Jack and Kate are in their relationship, and there's a few clues sprinkled throughout of things to come.

For taking so long to update here's a few clues of what's upcoming still -- Christmas is coming. At least three more characters from the island are going to show up. Somebody's getting murdered. There will be slow dancing, snow angels, running away, throwing up, plane rides, gross motels, and maybe one good sex scene. And none of that is in any particular order.

Thanks as always to** Gabbi**.

**LostForSawyer** - I'm glad I finally figured out you were the same LFS:)

**TheDanceWithoutTheSteps** -- I am very sorry that I am to blame for your grades going down. If you'd like I can write your teacher a note explaining how Jack and Kate are more important than school. ;)

NYR88 - Ah, I just love raw emotion. There's plenty more coming.

A few side notes: Maybe what everyone thinks what is wrong with Kate isn't what's wrong with her. Hmmm? And if you'd like to see her dress, look here. Except Kate's is emerald. http/ size=1 width=100% noshade>

**Chapter Eleven**

Neither Jack nor Kate repeated the three words often. She didn't tell him before he left for work every day, and he didn't whisper them to her before bed each night. They were words that slipped out in the heat of passion when there wasn't time to think about them before they tumbled from the lips of one into the heart of the other. They were words Jack spoke twice as often as Kate. Sometimes they would be laying on the couch, doing nothing, and Jack would tell her. She didn't always respond, but Jack was okay with that. He knew that the words hadn't come easy for Kate the first time, and that it most likely got more difficult for her to say them as time passed, instead of easier. He could tell she felt them -- and more often than not, that was enough for him.

"You know," Kate announced as she swirled the whisk around in egg yolks. "It was pretty _sh-tty _of you to not tell me tomorrow is your birthday. I had to look on your license. Were you just planning on heading off to your party without actually telling me it was your special day?"

Jack shot her a mock-angry look. "What were you doing in my wallet, Kate? Seeing how much money you could make off with if you decided to up and leave me?"

Kate rolled her eyes, and set the bowl down. "I'm serious, Jack. I thought this was the kind of think we were supposed to tell each other. You're birthday is a big deal. Especially your _fortieth_ birthday!" She put special emphasis on his age, and winked.

Before he could stop it, an amused smile inched up his face. "It's really not a big deal, Kate. It's just a birthday. I've had 39 before."

"Maybe so," Kate told him, still keeping the playful tone to her voice. "But you've never been middle-aged before! Come on, Jack. Everybody makes a big deal out of being over the hill!"

Jack gave her a sour look, "Fifty is middle-aged. Fifty is over the hill. I am still working my way up the hill. I have ten more years before I get to the peak."

Shaking her head, Kate leaned into him, "How many one-hundred year olds do you know?"

Pulling her towards him, Jack quickly found all her most ticklish spots. "You're not nearly as funny as you think you are!"

Giggling uncontrollably, Kate fought her way out of his grasp. "Yes, I am! If your birthday is on a Wednesday, why is your aunt throwing your party on Thursday? Won't you feel a little weird it being a day late?"

"I'm not going so it won't feel weird no matter what day it is," Jack told her, standing up and going to the refrigerator to pour himself a glass of orange juice. "Don't let those eggs get too crispy. I doubt my aunt actually know what day my birthday is."

"Let me take care of the cooking, k?" Kate cocked her head, studying him closely. "You're going. And if she doesn't know your birthday, then why is she throwing you party in the first place?"

"_Not_ going. She just wants to be a part of whatever big is going on," Jack told Kate. "She likes to think she's in charge of everything. This year it turned out that I wasn't quite as dead as everyone had assumed. Two years ago my cousin had triplets. When I was ten my father got promoted to chief of surgery, and Marti threw a party and invited the mayor!"

"Going," Kate looked at him, a bemused smile on her face. She seemed rather impressed. "Did he show up?"

"No," Jack shook his head. "But he did write my father a letter saying in the event he ever needed any kind of surgery he would be sure to look up Dr. Christian Shephard at St. Martin's. Good thing that didn't happen, hmm?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate took the eggs off the stove. "So why don't you enjoy it while it lasts? Next year everyone is going to have forgotten all about your plane crash! Just be glad someone in your family wants to do something for you -- no matter how good or bad their intentions."

Jack seemed to take her words to heart. Finally, a smug smile lit up his face, "Fine, I'll go. But only if _you _go with me."

"That's just about the most horrible idea I've ever heard!" Kate told him, spooning some eggs from the skillet to a plate, then setting down a plate in front of him. She took his empty glass from the table and refilled it.

"I'm being serious," Jack told her as he began to eat. "Who knows you might even have fun."

"Clearly you you've lost your mind!" Kate laughed, until the look on his face told her he clearly _was not _joking.

"Perhaps you've forgotten about the predicament we're in, Jack," Kate shook her head, still hoping there was a chance he was at least _half_-joking. "Let me remind you. I broke some laws, we were in a plane crash, we got rescued, you told them I was dead, now we're living here together for the time being in secret so nobody takes me to jail. Or takes _you_ to jail for that matter! Lying to federal agents is looked down upon these days. You're mother hates me enough already, I don't think we need to add _getting Jack sent to prison _to my list of vices."

Jack sighed, setting his fork on his plate and pulling Kate onto his lap. "I think it would be _good _for us."

"Good for us?" Kate questioned, trying to stand up.

Jack kept a firm grip on her, not letting her out of his lap. "Yes, good for us. We spend all of our time together in this house, Kate. You spend all your time _period_ in this house. Wouldn't you like to get all dressed up and take a night off from worrying about everything the way we do?"

Kate glanced away from him, "Who knows who will be there, Jack. Your aunt could call the newspapers. Somebody might recognize me. You never know what could happen. It's just not a situation we should get ourselves into."

"It will be fine," Jack told her softly. "My mom already talked to her -- there won't be any press of any kind. It's going to be some family, some friends, and a few people I've never seen before and never will again. We'll even make you up a fake name if you want."

Jack could see Kate beginning to relent. She was slowly coming around to the idea. He pulled her closer, softly trailing kisses down her jaw line. He ran his hand up the side of her shirt, slowly tracing circles before it came to rest on her stomach. "It's going to be fine, Kate. I promise."

"As long as you promise," Kate whispered. She turned her face towards him, and met his lips in a kiss. She kissed him slowly for several seconds, before wordlessly pulling away and standing up.

She went back to her work in the kitchen, cleaning up the small mess she had made while making Jack's breakfast.

"I can clean up," Jack told her, but she didn't seem to notice his words.

She worked quickly. Her movements were sharper than normal, and her brow was more furrowed. After doing the dishes she moved on to cleaning the surface of the stove. Jack watched silently as she scrubbed a circle in the exact same spot for two minutes.

"Listen, Kate," Jack sighed, pushing his plate away from him. "If it's going to upset you this much then just forget it, okay? It's not that important to me."

Kate glanced up at him, an odd expression on her face. It was as though she hadn't realized he was still in the room -- or almost like she had forgotten where she was. Throwing down the sponge she shook her head. "No, Jack, it's okay. I'll go. And I don't need a fake first name, just a fake last one. We'll have to come up with a story about how we met. Someone will probably want to know what I do for a living, or where I grew up. I'll think of it all before we go. This isn't as easy as you think it is."

Jack stood up, crossing the kitchen to where she stood, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Don't worry so much. This is going to be a bunch of half-drunk people who care a lot more about themselves than they do you or me. They are just going to be there for the open bar."

"Open bar, eh?" Kate repeated, giving Jack a curious look.

"I'm not going to get drunk, Kate," Jack released her shoulders. "We had this conversation. I won't have anymore than a drink or two. The last thing I want is a repeat of what happened the night Sawyer left. I don't want things to be that way for us."

"I know," Kate told him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "And don't worry -- I'll be your sober buddy."

"You don't have to not drink," Jack told her, shaking his head. "Isn't that one of the rules of going out with people who drink too much? You shouldn't not drink in front of them because that's a false reality, or something."

"I think you just made that up," Kate laughed, "and it's okay, really. I don't mind. I'd rather be alert anyway. I don't want to mess up with a question someone might ask me." She pulled away and picked up Jack's plate. "Were you done with this?"

Jack nodded slowly. "You've been acting a little strange lately, Kate."

"No, I haven't," Kate turned around quickly. "I'm fine, Jack. Don't look at me like that, okay? You worry too much."

He took the plate out of her hands and sat it down in the sink. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Of course I would, Jack," Kate told him, running water in the sink. "This is me we're talking about."

The problem was that was _exactly_ what Jack was worried about.

* * *

At 4:46 AM the next morning the alarm clock went off, buzzing in Kate's ear. She quickly darted up and turned it off, checking to see if it had awoken Jack. It hadn't. Sitting up, she tried to be still until the clock clicked over to 4:47.

Softly, she leaned over Jack singing, her voice growing louder with each note, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear _Ja-ack_! Happy Birthday too, you!"

Jack shuffled around, turning away from her and putting his arm over his eyes. He groaned softly, and she thought he hadn't fully awakened until his eyes fluttered open. "Happy birthday, Jack!"

He glared at her for a second, "Has anyone ever told you that you have a good singing voice?"

Kate smirked, and shook her head, "No!"

Jack smiled softly, then put his arms around her, pulling her down towards him. "There's a reason for that, you know."

"If you weren't so sexy in the morning, I just might be offended by that!" Kate teased, kissing his neck softly. "You're lucky it's your birthday!"

"Mmhmm," Jack laughed, glancing at the clock quickly. "Christ, Kate. It's not even five AM!"

"You told me you were born at 4:47!" Kate said, her voice still cheerful. "When was the last time someone woke you up at the _exact time_ you were born?"

Jack pretended to think it over. "Never. And that's the way I like it!" He pulled her close to him and felt her sigh against his chest. "Go back to sleep."

It seemed as though Kate had already had the same idea. All he got in response was a muffled noise. Just as he was about to drift completely to sleep, Kate murmured, "Hey, Jack. . . how does it feel to be over the --"

"Don't even," he interrupted, before falling back to sleep, a smile on his face.

* * *

After they had breakfast, and Jack was in the shower, Kate went to work on his birthday surprise. She didn't have a way to buy him anything -- she was forced to put her right brain to work. A little snooping around while Jack wasn't paying attention had worked to her benefit and she had set up what she considered to be very clever.

Hearing the water turn off, she put the finishing touches on her surprise and then walked into the living room. Jack stood near the couch, gazing at her curiously. "What were you doing in the study? That grin on your face is pretty suspicious looking."

Kate laughed, and took him by the hand. "You're birthday present is inside!"

Jack smirked, "_You_ got _me_ a birthday present?"

"Something like that," Kate said mysteriously, leaning against the study doors. She acted like she was going to open the doors, but then stopped. "You sure you're ready for this?"

"I don't see how anything could be more surprising than you coming back into my life," Jack teased, leaning down and kissing her quickly. "Wait a minute. _Sawyer's_ not in there, is he?"

Giving him a disgusted look, Kate crossed her arms, "You trying to ruin this or something?"

"I apologize," Jack smiled, and glanced away. "Come on. Let's see this."

With a flourish, Kate opened the door, revealing what she had sat up in Jack's office. He took it all in, laughing softly. His laughter grew slightly louder as she pushed play on Jack's CD player and sounds of seagulls and crashing waves filled the room.

A blue tarp was strung over three chairs, two bowls filled with guava sat under the tarp. Kate had moved all the plants in the room into the middle, so that they were gathered around the tarp. In the corner of the room, a water feature complete with rocks and cascading water was set up, plugged into an outlet.

Jack smiled as his eyes fell on that. "You realize this goes outside, right?"

Kate shrugged, "Yeah, well. It looks good, doesn't it?"

"It does," Jack nodded. "This all looks good. An island picnic themed birthday. I like it." He took a seat under the tarp and patted the floor next to him. "Are you going to come and join me?"

Taking a seat next to him, Kate kept her tone teasing, "I was going to go outback and hunt for some sand to bring in, but I thought that might upset you just a little bit."

Jack began to respond, but was cut off by the ringing of the telephone. He began to stand, but Kate grabbed his hand. "Don't go answer it!"

"I have to," Jack told her, pulling his hand from her grasp. "It could be work." He went into the living room, returning several minutes later.

"I have to get work now," Jack told her quickly, taking her hand and pulling her up. "There was a crash; they're sending three of the victims to S.M. I don't know when I'll be home. I'm _sorry_, Kate."

"I'm sorry," Kate told him, a little flustered by how quickly the situation had changed. "It's your birthday, I'm sure you don't want to spend it at --"

Jack kissed her quickly before rushing out the room. "Don't wait up!"

Kate was left to spend the rest of Jack's birthday all by herself.

She waited up for him until past one in the morning. She kept nodding off, but was awakened when she heard the front door open. Shutting the magazine that lay in her lap, she stood to meet him. She winced slightly when he walked into the room, and before she could stop it, "Bad day," slipped out.

"Horrible," Jack responded, tossing his jacket onto the couch. He stepped towards her, wrapping her a hard hug. "But better now."

Pulling away slightly, Kate saw him staring longingly at the liquor cabinet. That was the last thing he needed. "I'm sorry things worked out like they did. I wanted it to be just like the island. It's still set up, I didn't know if the night would be salvageable at all."

"I think it might still be salvageable," Jack whispered, tracing a line under the hem of her sweatpants. "You said, _just like the island_?"

"Well," Kate pretended to think it over. "Maybe not _just_ like the island. There could be, you know, a thing or two that we didn't do on the island."

"Anything specific in mind?" Jack asked, starting to undo her top from the bottom.

"Oh, _something_ comes to mind," Kate whispered as his lips met hers and everything but the two of them was forgotten.

* * *

The next morning, Kate had just stepped out of the shower, and wrapped herself in Jack's robe when she thought she heard the persistent chime of the doorbell. Aggravated, she opened the bathroom door and hurried downstairs to see who it was. She doubted Jack would even want her opening the front door, but she was curious.

Peeking through the peephole she saw Margo standing on the porch, a large cardboard box in under one arm and a long plastic bag in the other hand. Quickly undoing the locks, Kate opened the door. "Hi, Margo. Jack had to run into work for just a little while. There was some kind of emergency meeting and --"

"I know Jack's at work, Katherine," Margo interrupted with a slight roll of her eyes. "I came to see you. Might I come in for a few moments?"

"Of course," Kate nodded, stepping aside and gesturing for Margo to enter. It felt kind of odd for someone to ask her if it were okay to come inside Jack's place, as though she herself was a proprietor. "What can I help you with, Margo?"

Margo took a seat on the couch, setting the box on the floor and laying the long bag flat next to her. "Katherine, I know I haven't been exactly fair to you. And I'm not here to apologize for it, because I'm not sorry. I don't trust you, and I don't necessarily like you. However, in all fairness, I didn't like Sarah either and she hadn't killed someone, so maybe it's just any woman Jack would choose."

A thin smile on her face, Margo motioned for Kate to take a seat. Kate obeyed wordlessly with a nod. "You see, Katherine, Jack's father was already very, very hard on him, and I never tried to intervene with that. It put a rift between Jack and I though. One that was never fully mended. It just got worse after he told the truth about his father," Margo stopped abruptly. "Has he told you about that situation?"

Kate nodded slowly, pulling her hair over her shoulder so it wouldn't drip so bad on the chair she was sitting in. "Yes, he told me what happened."

"Good," Margo said with a quick nod. "Well, after that happened -- I just didn't know how to deal with Jack anymore. It was as though we were strangers. His father stopped talking to Jack, so I did -- until I made him go to Australia."

Margo readjusted her position, clearing her throat quickly. Kate wondered for a split second if the older woman was trying to hold back tears. "When I got the call about Christian's death, I felt as though my whole world was collapsing. I _blamed_ Jack. Then word about the plane crash came, and I decided it would be better to blame myself."

"I promised myself, Katherine, that if by some miracle Jack turned out to be alright that I would try to be a much more understanding mother than I had ever been," Margo shrugged, smiling slightly. "But old habits die hard, right?"

Kate titled her head to the side, looking at Margo curiously. "I'm sorry, Margo, but I don't really understand what you're trying to say."

"Jack has never looked at anyone the way he looks at you, Katherine. While I in no way condone your relationship, I know it's not my business, and I'm not going to try to put a stop to it. He's happy for the first time in a very long time, and if you make him happy, Katherine, then --" Margo's voice trailed off, and the two shared a meaningful glance. Kate's heart softened just a bit towards the woman.

"So, uh. . . what's in that box?"

Looking pleased Kate had took notice, Margo brought the box up to her lap. "I brought you a curling iron, a flat iron, some make-up, toiletries. Lotions and such. I wasn't sure how good Jack was about things like this. From the look on your face I'm guessing not good at all."

Out of the large box, she revealed another smaller box. Opening it she produced a pair of silver strappy sandals, "Size seven, right dear? I asked Jack to check your shoes for me."

"They're beautiful," Kate said, not being able to take her eyes off of them. She had never worn anything quite like them. "But I don't understand. What are they for?"

Margo rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Katherine. What did you expect you would wear tonight, that bathrobe? You need sandals to match your dress!"

Kate was about to inform Margo she didn't exactly have a dress when Margo held up a hand, halting her. "I took care of that, too." Standing up, she took a dress from the long, plastic bag.

It was long, dark emerald satin. Kate was sure the neckline plunged lower than anything she had ever worn before. Margo seemed to read her mind, "I know, I know. It's a little revealing, isn't it? I told the woman you'd look good in green and that you were a lovely, lovely young girl and she sent me this. I do think you'll pull it off quite nicely though, Katherine. Do you think it's too much?"

Kate stood up and touched the fabric lightly. It had to be ridiculously expensive. She glanced at the back and immediately fell in love with the criss-crossed style of it. She was positive Jack would love it.

"Do I - do I get to keep it?"

Margo let out a hoot of laughter so loud, Kate couldn't help but look at the woman as if she'd gone off her rocker. "Of course you get to keep it, Katherine! Do you think I'd look good in it? Of course not. It's to you from me. There's even a matching clutch in the bag."

Kate didn't do well with such generous gifts, she never had. Charity was something she wasn't fond of, but this dress was too gorgeous to refuse. "Thank you so much, Margo."

"No need for that, dear," Margo told her briskly. "Now you'd better start getting ready. I have to leave so I can, too. Can you handle your own hair and make-up? If not, I can send over some people to take good care of you!"

That was where Kate knew to draw the line, "Thank you, but I'll be alright, Margo. Contrary to how it looks, I have done my own hair and make-up before."

"Alright then, Katherine," Margo said, with a wave of her hand. "You have fun getting ready and I will see you tonight!" And just as quickly as she had arrived, Margo was gone.

Kate stared at her new dress, the shoes, and the box of make-up for a full ten minutes before she was able to stand up and start getting ready.

She primped for longer than she had in her entire life. She dried her hair, straightened it, and then curled the ends. She did her make up three times before she decided it looked alright. She fell down in the shoes twice before she attempted them on the stairs. And finally, Kate put her dress on. If she had been a conceited woman, or even one with a lot of self-confidence she would have admitted to herself how gorgeous she looked. Instead, she quickly glanced in the mirror, and muttered, "Alright."

As she walked downstairs, the phone began to ring. Carefully making her way over to it, Kate saw it was Jack. She picked up on the fourth ring, "_You're late picking me up_!"

"I know, I know," Jack said, sounding aggravated. "It's a good thing you talked me into bring my tux to the office in case I ran late. My mom said she dropped off a dress for you. How's it look?"

Kate paused, "I look -- I look okay, I guess. Are you almost here?"

"Pulling in the driveway now," without a good-bye, Jack hung up the phone.

Several seconds later, he rushed into the living room, where Kate stood, clutch in hand. "Aren't you ready? For bitching at me, you sure do take your sweet time. You've had all day to--" He stopped speaking as soon as he had fully drunk in her appearance.

"_You look amazing_."

Kate glanced away, blushing slightly. "Yeah, well. It's a little small. I couldn't even wear underwear under it?"

Jack took this news better than she had expected, he twirled her around, examining her from all angles. "Wow. We are going to be very late for this party. . ."

"No!" Kate warned, stepping back, and holding out her hand as though she wanted to shake his. "It took me too long to get like this to let you ravish me now! Be good and I promise I'll keep the panties off when we get home."

Jack studied her closely, seemingly considering. Finally, he took her hand. "Deal. The anticipation will be worth the wait."

Kate smiled, leaning up and kissing him. "Are we ready?"

Jack took her hand and led her outside to his car. As they drove towards his aunt's he noticed her staring at him. "What?"

She smiled sweetly, the look on her face almost unrecognizable. After a few silent seconds, she spoke his favorite words, "I love you, Jack."

As he whispered the words back, Jack found that he was almost glad she didn't say them too often. That way, when she did, it was all the more a moment to cherish. And no matter how he tried, the nagging thought of not knowing how many more -- or how few more -- they were to have with each other, just wouldn't leave.


	12. Chapter 12

Now, I really thought this was going to be a short chapter. However, it took a hold of itsself and just went crazy. There's a character in this chapter who was never supposed to make an appearence in this story, but she kind of just invited herself in -- and this is what came of it.

Also, the original character I promised you is in here, as well. I hope you enjoy him!

I am thinking that this fic is going to run about twenty chapters. . . so we're over half done.

As always thank you all for reading -- and I hope you like this chapter because I do. Something you should remember as you read this is that _Kate has not told Jack what she did_. Nothing about her past. Just so that's clear.

And per usual, a special thank you to **Gabbi** 'cause without her encouragement and all around awesomeness these chapters would just never get finished.

* * *

Chapter Twelve

Two and a half hours and twenty speeches -- that had nothing to do with Jack -- later Kate was more bored than she could ever remember being in her life. Hardly anyone had even talked to her yet, outside of Margo, who had given her a somewhat obligatory peck on the cheek upon her and Jack's arrival. So much for people wandering who she was, no one even seemed to care there was a woman with Jack.

His aunt Marti had introduced herself, but had forgotten to ask for Kate's name. A few of Jack's high school friends shook her hand, A hefty man with a cigar Jack was talking to, pointed to Kate, laughed heartily and told him, "That's quite a catch you've got there, son. They don't make 'em like that too often anymore!" Kate hadn't wanted to stick around to find out what he had meant by the comment, she had excused herself, and was now sitting alone watching the action take place.

She was just about to finish her sugar-cube sculpture of the Eiffel Tower when Jack, who had been off shmoozing with God-knows-who for God-know-how long, rushed over to her. He grabbed her by the elbow, causing her Eiffel Tower to fall to the table. "Hey! I had been working on that for _fifteen minutes_!"

Jack gave her an odd look, "Those are for tea, not for you to play with. Come on, there's someone I want you to meet."

"Someone you want me to _meet_?" Kate asked incredulously. She didn't move from out of her seat, "No, I don't want to meet anyone. At least not if they are like the two hundred other people who are here. Which I'm sure they are because apparently your aunt put an ad in the paper seeking the most boring, self-centered people in Los Angeles!"

Jack let go of her arm, "What is your problem?"

"I don't see why you wanted me to come tonight, Jack," Kate shook her head. "You're doing fine by yourself. I'm sitting here, alone, making buildings out of _sugar cubes_!"

"I'm sorry," Jack told her, glancing quickly over his shoulder. "I know I keep getting distracted. But do you know what the one thing is that every single person I've had a conversation has said to me?"

Kate gave him a withering look. "What?"

Jack smiled, leaning over and brushing his lips across her cheek. "How absolutely _stunning_ my date is."

Kate smiled in spite of herself, "Nice try. Okay, who is this you want me to meet?"

"I've been looking for them all night, but they just got here. She works at a nursing home, and she had to stay over today," Jack took her hand and led her over to where a man and woman stood. They looked nice, she decided. Not quite like the rest of the bunch. She smiled at them awkwardly, waiting for Jack to speak.

Instead, the other man spoke first, stepping forward and wrapping Kate into a hug. As he let her go, she saw his wide smile, "It is so good to actually meet you, Kate. I'm not gonna lie. For awhile, we thought Jack was making you up! When he told me that a woman he'd met in Australia before the crash had looked him up in America, I was sure he was full of it!"

Kate glanced from the man to Jack, confused. Jack laughed, and placed his hand on Kate's back. "Kate, this is my best friend, Marc Silverman, and his lovely wife, Megan. We're still trying to figure out why she puts up with him."

Marc started to say something, but Kate interrupted. "Oh, _you're_ the one who calls and tries to set him up on dates!"

Marc laughed, "Guilty as charged. Jack hadn't been on too many dates in a long time, so Megan and I do our best --"

Interrupting him with a laugh, Megan spoke, "_Marc_ does his best."

"_I_ do my best," Marc said, smiling at his wife. "To try and find some solid women for Jack here to date. He's never been very good at picking them out for himself, so I've just been offering him some help lately. He kept telling me he didn't need. He said that he'd found himself the perfect girl all on his own. I guess you were telling the truth after all, Jackie."

"Well," Kate said slowly. "Not _quite_ the whole truth."

"Oh?" Jack looked to her, not sure what she was getting at. "And how's that?"

Kate smiled at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "_I_ found _you_."

"Yes, you did," Jack agreed in a whisper, leaning over just slightly so that his lips met hers.

Their moment was interrupted by a collective, _"Awww." _They glanced up to where Marc and Megan were smiling at them.

"I'm sorry," Megan said. "We don't mean to be rude. It's just that we've both wanted to Jack to be happy --- really, truly happy for quite sometime now. And it looks like you've worked your magic on him, Kate."

"You'd better not let her go, Jack," Marc warned him. "I can't remember the last time I saw you so happy."

"I'm doing my best," Jack assured him, sharing a meaningful glance with Kate. If only it were that easy to hold onto her.

Kate smiled softly, reaching over and squeezing Jack's hand. "You know I'm not going anywhere."

"You two seem so close," Megan said, smiling. "And you haven't been together that long, have you? That's the best kind of love, you know. The kind that hits you when you're not expecting it. How long are you planning on staying here with Jack, Kate? Are you going to be moving to California?"

"I'm just kind of playing it by ear for right now," Kate said softly, sneaking a quick glance at Jack. "We're not really sure what the future holds for us."

Marc grinned at them. "So no plans for marriage in the near future?"

_There_ was one topic they'd managed to avoid. Jack's hand immediately moved from Kate's back, and she stiffened, taking half a step away from him. Clearing her throat, she glanced across the room to where Margo seemed to be having some kind of fight with Marti. After a few seconds, Margo stomped out of the room, and Kate turned her attention back to Jack, Marc and Megan.

Plastering on a smile, Kate spoke, "That's something we haven't discussed."

"It's something I think about though," Jack said, not taking his eyes off Kate. "In fact, I've thought about it a lot. How about you?"

Kate tried to steer the conversation in a humorous direction, "If that's a proposal, your style really needs worked on."

Jack shook his head, still staring at her intently. "No. It wasn't a proposal."

Kate gave a short nod, "I didn't think so. If you wouldn't mind excusing me, I need to take a quick trip to the powder room." Smiling at both Megan and Marc, she quickly walked out of the ball room in search of a restroom.

Several minutes later, Kate returned to the room to find Jack seated at a new table next to Marc and Megan. His mother was across from him, looking a little less miffed than she had when Kate had seen her storm out of the room. She took her seat next to Jack, smiling a hello at Margo.

Kate was about to speak when Jack's aunt stood up, and clanged her spoon against her glass. After the room had fell silent, Margo spoke, "I spent many hours trying to come up with just the right gift for Jack's fortieth birthday! I couldn't come up with anything that seemed special enough. And then one night last week, the perfect idea hit me!"

She smiled at the sea of faces, then turned her attention to Jack. "So for your birthday, I had someone from your not-so-distant past flown in! I had made some calls to find out who a few of the friends you made on that island were. I was going to try to bring a bunch of people in, but everyone was just so busy! It is almost Christmas, so that's understandable. But, I digress. . . Jack, my birthday present to you is a visit from your dear island friend, Hugo Reyes!"

There was a moment of silence where Jack and Kate shared a quick panicked look. Then the audience slowly began to clap, and Hurley walked into the room from a side door. He waved to the clapping people, and a few cameras flashed. As Hurley made his way across the room towards them, Kate leaned into Jack, "What _the hell _do we do about this?" They both cast a quick glance toward Margo, and she smiled, then winked.

"Jack!" Hurley called as he approached their table. The clapping died down and everyone turned back to their own conversations as Jack stood up, and the two shared a quick hug. "How have you been, buddy? I haven't heard from you in awhile!"

Hurley turned his attention towards Kate, "And you have yourself a girlfriend now! You were always too busy playing doctor to pay attention to any of the hotties that crashed with us, Jack!" He leaned into Kate, as though telling her a secret, although the whole table could hear. "There was this one girl in particular who I knew had a thing for him. Jack never really seemed to catch the signals she was sending him. But I guess that worked out for the best because I don't think Jack could have found anyone nearly as beautiful as you are."

Kate blushed, and stuck out her hand. "Well, aren't you sweet? It's nice to meet you, Hugo. I'm Kate."

"Kate," Hurley repeated with a nod, taking her hand and shaking it. "You can call me Hurley."

Everyone at their table was more than anxious to hear Jack and Hurley share their accounts of antics on the island. Kate was surprised at how sad she was to be left out of stories that she had been a part of. She felt as though she actually was dead.

When she could take no more, she excused herself from the table and made her way back towards the bathroom. Opening the door she was surprised to find a blonde woman perched on the couch, crying. Her make-up ran down her face, and she didn't seem to notice that someone else had entered the room.

Kate sighed and sat down next to her, taking a handkerchief from her clutch. At least someone was having a worse night than her. She held it towards the woman, "Are you alright?"

The woman took it without glancing at Kate, and loudly blew her nose. Folding the handkerchief up in her hand, the blonde sobbed out a spew of slurred words unrecognizable to Kate. _Ah_, so the lady was depressed and drunk.

Kate did her best to be sympathetic. "I'm not having the best time either. Do you want to talk about it?"

The blonde finally turned her attention to Kate, "Have you ever done anything so _stupid _that you've hated yourself for it ever since you did it?"

Kate nodded, "Of course I have. Is that what happened to you tonight?"

"Not exactly," the woman seemed to calm down a little bit, and dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief. "I actually made a huge mistake quite some time ago. I came here tonight thinking I could fix it, but I was wrong. Very, _very_ wrong."

She offered the handkerchief back to Kate, and Kate shook her head, motioning for her to keep it. "Are you sure there's no way you can fix it? It couldn't have been that horrible a mistake, could it have?" For some reason, Kate felt much more comfortable sitting in the bathroom giving advice to the strange sobbing blonde than she had out at the table with Jack and Hurley.

"I came here to fix things with my ex-husband," the blonde's eyes filled with tears ago, and she bawled for a few minutes in the handkerchief. "I really, really wanted to fix things. I was going to try my hardest. You see the dress I'm wearing? It was my _wedding dress_."

Kate thought to herself she would have never picked out such an informal dress to get married in, but kept her mouth closed and silently nodded, urging the woman on.

"As soon as I got here I saw him, standing in a corner, chatting it up with some old man. Every feeling I had ever had for him came rushing back! He is just such a beautiful man. Beautiful, beautiful, _beautiful_. I wanted him back even more than I already had intended to want him back tonight," her arms flew in frantic circles as she talked, and her words were starting to make no sense.

Kate was confused. "If he's so beautiful, then why are you divorced?"

"He had a lot of issues," the blonde nodded, pushing a strand of hair that had fallen from her updo out of her face. "I'm sure he still does even though I hear he's gotten better when it comes to most of them. His main problem was that he always had to be doing something, _fixing_ something. I think sometimes he forgot he was married. _Oh_, and I had an affair." She waved her hand dismissively as though the last fact meant nothing.

Tilting her head to the side, Kate continued out with her questioning. "Did you try talking to him? Why are you sitting in here crying, instead of out there with him?"

"I did talk to him," the woman's voice came out a squeak as she tried to hold back her tears. "And he told me he's involved with someone. _Seriously involved with someone_. He said she's here tonight, and that he would rather not introduce me to her. Can you believe that? The _least _the bastard could do is introduce me to the woman that's so much better than who he was married to. So I found a table as far away from his as a could and drank a whole bottle of wine. I'm starting to feel kind of better, actually."

Kate started to speak, but the woman went on, throwing her arms so far out to the side, Kate had to shift her weight in order to avoid being hit. "Why am I surprised? He's an adult, I've been with people since him! But everyone said he had such a tough time getting over me. I bet you I could have called him up a thousand times and we would have gotten back together! _Why did I wait so long_?"

Before Kate could respond, the woman was in a stall, getting sick. Kate sighed and made a face, waiting for her to finish. How did she manage to get herself into these kinds of messes?

A few moments later, the blonde stumbled out of the stall, crashing against the wall. Kate stood, reaching out to help her, but the blonde moved too quickly. "Now where did I put my purse? I really need to get out of here."

Motioning towards the couch, Kate shook her head. "How about you sit right here and let me arrange a ride home for you? I'll be right back."

Quickly making her way out of the bathroom, Kate walked over to where Margo was laughing at something Hurley had just said. Even in her hurried pace, Kate took time to stop and notice how odd it was to see Margo laughing at something. Maybe she was getting laid.

Laying a hand on Margo's shoulder, Kate spoke softly, "Could you come to the restroom with me real quick? I need some. . . _assistance_."

Margo and Jack both glanced at her as though she was crazy, but then Margo nodded. "All right, Katherine. . . If you'll excuse me, everyone. I will be back shortly."

"There's this woman in the bathroom," Kate spoke in a low voice as she did her best to walk quickly and not stumble in her high heels. "Apparently, she was here tonight to get back with her ex-husband but he's with someone else, and she wants to drive home, but she's really drunk . . ."

"I'll see what I can do," Margo muttered, pushing open the bathroom door. As soon as she saw the woman sitting on the coach, she cast a startled glance in Kate's direction.

"Sarah, what the hell are you doing?"

Kate watched bewildered as Sarah looked up at them, "Margo? How do _you_ know _Margo_?"

Kate glanced back and forth from the two. "I - I. . ."

"Oh my God," Sarah placed her head in her hands and began to laugh. "Oh my God, oh my God. You're _her_, aren't you?"

"I'm Kate," Kate spoke softly, and took a step back. "You're Jack's _Sarah_." She glanced at Margo. "She's _Jack's _Sarah."

Margo waved her hand dismissively, "Oh, Katherine. She hasn't been Jack's Sarah in a very long time. Now Sarah, let me call you a cab. What are you doing showing up here anyway?"

"Marti invited me," Sarah spat out. "Apparently she didn't know Jack was seeing someone." She stood up, stepping closer to Kate, and pointing.

"You'd better watch yourself, _Kate_," Sarah told her evenly. "Like I said, Jack always needs something to fix. Has he fixed you yet?"

Kate crossed her arms, "No."

Sarah laughed, pushing the stray strand of hair back again. "Well, enjoy your time before he does. Because as soon as he's done with you, he'll need something else. And you won't even _exist_ anymore."

"He's not like that," Kate said defensively, quickly shaking her head. "At least not anymore he isn't."

"Oh, really?" Sarah asked. "I was _married_ to him. I know what it's like! You think you have something special. You think he's your hero. But really he's not yours, he's _everybody's_ hero!"

"If being with him was so horrible then why are here trying to get him back!" Kate demanded, stepping towards her.

"Because no matter what an ass he tends to be. . . there's no one else out there like him," Sarah said, her voice softening for a moment. "But Kate, next time you talk to him why don't you ask him why exactly it is he wouldn't let us meet."

Kate started to respond but Margo stepped between the two. "Alright, that's enough. Come on, Sarah. There's some cabs waiting outside for people unable to drive home. Let's get you out to one. Now, did you bring a purse or a coat? . . . " Kate tuned them out as the three left the bathroom.

Walking back to the table, Kate felt as though she was in some sort of daze. _Has he fixed you yet? _The words wouldn't stop ringing in her head. Maybe it was true, maybe Sarah was right. Maybe the only reason she and Jack were working is that Kate couldn't be fixed. They would stay together because Jack would always be trying to fix Kate, and Kate would never be able to be fixed.

Clearing her throat, Kate tapped Jack on the shoulder. "Could I borrow a couple dollars? I'd like to get back to your place -- there's cabs outside."

Everyone at the table stopped speaking, and Jack turned to Kate, confused. "Those drivers are pre-paid. Anyone who can't drive home can use them for free. I can drive us home. What happened?"

"I'd like to leave," Kate spoke her words sharply. "You don't have to."

Arching an eyebrow, Jack stood up. "I just have to say good-bye to a few people, and we can get out of here. Can you give me like ten minutes?"

"I'll be standing outside," Kate muttered, not meeting his eyes. She turned to the rest of the table, "Marc, Megan, it was very nice to meet you. You too, Hurley. I loved you hearing all those island stories!"

Marc and Megan spoke their good-byes and Hurley stood, "Why don't you let me walk you out, Kate? I'll wait with you 'til Jack's ready."

Kate smiled softly, in spite of her current mood. "Thank you, Hurley. I'd like that."

He held out his arm and she looped hers through it as they walked outside. Once they were away from everyone, he spoke. "Dude. . . you and Jack?"

"Me and Jack," Kate nodded. She let go of him and leaned against the side of the brick building. "I came to visit him and now we are. . . well, we are what we are. Whatever that is."

"In love, maybe?" Hurley arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "You both look a lot happier than you ever did on that island."

"I do love him," Kate admitted. "For what it's worth, I'm crazy about him. But I don't know. It just doesn't seem real sometimes. It _isn't _real, you know?"

Hurley shrugged. "I think it's as real as you want it to be."

Kate smiled and put her hand on his arm. "Thanks, Hurley. How have _you _been?"

"Good!" Hurley nodded. "Great, actually. I just taped an episode of Dateline NBC. They're doing a segment called 'I Should Be Dead, but Hey, I'm Not!' or something like that. It's airing in a couple weeks. You should check it out."

Kate laughed, and nodded. "I will make sure we do, Hurley. Maybe I should go ahead and get your autograph right now."

Shaking his head, Hurley laughed. "See, you said we. You're not planning on going anywhere for awhile."

"No," Kate said slowly. "No, I guess I'm not. That doesn't mean there isn't a lot of stuff we have to work though still."

Before Hurley could respond, Jack came up behind Kate, placing his hand on her back. She took a quick step away from him. He glanced at her, hurt, before looking to Hurley. "Do you have plans for tonight, man? Do you want to stay at our place?"

"I already got my hotel room," Hurley shook his head. "My plane doesn't leave until tomorrow night though. You have my cell number, so if you two aren't busy tomorrow or something. . ."

"We will give you a call," Jack said with a nod. "It's good to see you again."

"You too," Hurley nodded. He stepped forward wrapping Kate in a hug, "See you later, dudes!"

Jack and Kate called their good-byes before walking towards his car. He reached for her hand twice on the way, and both times she dodged him.

After he started up the car, he finally questioned her. "What is going on with you? Where did my mother dissapear to?"

"We'll talk about it later," Kate said stoically, staring out the window.

Jack tried, but failed, a few more times at conversation on their way back to his place. By the time he pulled into the driveway he was no longer confused, but instead pissed. Opening the front door he loosened his tie and demanded, "Now tell me what the hell is going on with you."

Kate tossed her clutch onto the couch, and ripped off her high heels, throwing them into the corner of the room. "Anybody ask you to meet me tonight, Jack? Anyone that you said no to?"

After gazing at her for several moments, Jack shook his head. "No. Why do you ask that?"

Kate stared at Jack open-mouthed. "You just lied to me. You _lied to my face _and didn't even blink an eye about it, Jack!"

He swallowed hard, glancing away. "How did you know about it?"

"Well, there was this blonde in the bathroom crying her eyes out over her ex-husband, and I was a little slow on the uptake that her _ex-husband was you_!" Kate looked around the living room desperately for something to throw at him. She came up with nothing.

"I didn't think you'd want to meet her," Jack said defensively with a shrug. "Why would you want to? That's my past, Kate. I thought we had agreed to leave the past in the past!"

"When your past comes waltzing into the room, asking to meet me, you don't just say no, Jack!" Kate told him. "It's okay, I get it. I just don't measure up. Your ashamed and --"

"Oh, _shut up_!" Jack interrupted. "You _know_ that's not true."

"I don't know what to believe right now, Jack. You just lied to me sixty seconds ago. Who knows what you're doing right now?" Her voice escalated with each word, "Who knows how many times you've done it?"

"I'm not lying to you!" Jack sounded annoyed. "I am in love with you, Kate. I think that's pretty obvious. You're the one always having doubts. . ."

"Why do you love me?" Kate asked, her voice dropping. "Because you think you need to fix me? I don't need you to fix me, Jack!"

His face registered acknowledgement, and he took a step closer to her. "What did you just say? What did Sarah say to you?"

"Nothing," Kate muttered, shaking her head, and moving towards the stairs. "Nothing I shouldn't have been able to figure out myself." Her voice quaivered and she felt dangerously close to tears. This time she would fight them.

Jack followed her as she walked down the hallway, past his bedroom. "Where the hell are you going?"

"The guest room!" Kate yelled. "I don't think I should be sleeping with someone who lies to my face and is ashamed of me!"

"Stop being so immature," Jack warned, right before she slammed the door in his face. He reached for the handle, but by the time he started to turn it, she had already locked the door.

Pissed, he banged his hand against the door as hard as he could. "Open the door right now, Kate!"

"_No_!"

"I swear to God, Kate," Jack warned. "You open this door, or I'll ---"

"You'll what?" Kate yelled. She didn't know why she chose the words she did, but they wouldn't stop. "Break it down? Unscrew the hinges? Go finish off a bottle of whiskey? Call your ex-wife?"

Jack was silent for several minutes, and she thought he had gone back downstairs. She took a seat on the bed, and his voice floated through the door once more. "I don't see why you think you should have such an active role in my past, when you sure as hell don't want to share anything about yours! You should know how it feels, Kate! You should know how it feels to not want to drag the person you care about into the _sh-t_ that's your past. I don't want you in mine, so I know you don't want me in yours seeing how _what you did _is about ten times worse!"

Kate stood up, walking up the door, but not opening it. "You don't know _anything_ about what I did, Jack. You don't know anything about me or what happened or how much worse it is than anything you've ever done!"

"Oh, really?" Jack asked, lowering his voice. "Because last time I checked divorcing your wife doesn't come close to blowing up your step-dad."

Kate opened the door, the expression on her face mixed with shock and anger. Jack glanced away quickly, not being able to take it. After a long minute, he turned back to her and the two stood staring, toe-to-toe, each feeling like they knew less about the other than they ever had before.


	13. Chapter 13

Here's Chapter 13! Sorry that it has been so long -- I've been sick. This chapter is shorter than most, but it's very_ full_. As always, please read and respond!

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Chapter Thirteen

Kate stood starting at Jack in complete silence for a full minute. Finally finding her voice she spoke, "What did you just say?"

He took a step away from her and rubbed his temples. With a slight shake of his head, Jack met her eyes. "I didn't mean that, Kate."

"How -- how do you --" Kate swallowed hard, trying to clear her throat. She pushed her hair out of her face and stared up into his eyes. "How the hell do you know that, Jack?"

Jack stepped forward, reaching for her. A desperate look crossed his face, and his voice came out strained, "I'm sorry, Katie. I just --"

In a quick, thoughtless motion Kate brought her hand up, striking him across the face. The expression in her eyes was lethal, "Don't _ever_ call me that again."

He stared at her, mouth slightly open and Kate almost reached out for him, wanting to apologize, wanting to explain everything, hoping that there must be some good reason for him to have the information he did. Instead, she stood where she was, not quite meeting his gaze.

After a few more seconds of silence, she pushed her way past him down the stairs to the laundry room. Ripping the clothes she had arrived in off the hangers she turned to rush out of the room. Colliding with Jack, she let out a startled gasp, before trying to move past him.

Jack was quicker than Kate and he grabbed her by the arms, forcing her to drop what she was holding. "What are you _doing_? Running away? You can't just leave."

Yanking herself from his grasp, Kate tried to fight her way past him once more. "_Don't tell me what I can't do_!"

He released her, yelling after her as she picked up her clothes and walked into the living room. "This is exactly why I didn't tell you about me and Sarah. This is exactly why I didn't want anything to happen between us! I knew that you'd just leave when you wanted. I knew when things got a little too tough, you'd be out the door!"

"This isn't about you and Sarah, Jack! God, not everything is about you, you, _you_," Kate yelled, frustrated. She hurled the clothes she was holding in her hands at him. "This is about how the hell do you know _what I did_!"

Jack swallowed hard, and glanced away. "When they took me in for questioning about you after we were rescued, they told me what you were wanted for. I guess they thought if I did know something I wasn't telling them, knowing what you had done would make me less sympathetic towards you." He shrugged quickly, as if the facts were unimportant.

Kate stared at him open-mouthed, "So you're saying you've known about this the _entire_ time I've been here? You knew even _before_ I came?"

Jack nodded, "Yeah. I've known the entire time. But Kate, I don't judge you by what they told me. That should be obvious."

He tried to continue on, but she interrupted him by grabbing a throw pillow of the couch and throwing it in his general direction. "Just shut up, Jack! None of it means anything. None of this means anything because you knew and you didn't even tell me that you knew! How long were you planning on keeping it to yourself?"

"I wasn't planning on telling you I knew!" Jack's voice raised to meet her tone. "I was going to let you come to me with it yourself. But I guess it's pretty _obvious_ that was never going to happen!"

"It's _not _your _business_!" Kate tried desperately to hold the tears back from spilling down her cheeks.

"Not my business?" Jack laughed. "No, I'm sorry. I'm only sleeping with you every night. I'm only risking everything to let you live here with me. I'm just the guy who cares about you more than anything else. I'm only the man who's in love with you. You're right, it's not my business."

"None of that is the point, Jack," Kate shook her head. "You knew about me all along, but never wanted to share anything about you. I've been walking around this house in your ex-wife's clothes for the past few months, and you act like it's normal. Like it doesn't bother you to see me in them. Do you just picture her when you see me? Are you still in love with her?"

Jack's face clouded over, "I was never _in love _with her, Kate. I just thought I was. I thought she was in love with me. When I was done fixing her I --"

"What happens when you're done fixing me?" Kate interrupted with a whisper, finally allowing a single tear to slip down her cheek.

"It's not like that with us," Jack argued, stepping closer to her. "I don't want to fix you, Kate. You don't need to be fixed. I love you _how you are_. I don't want to _fix_ you, I just want to _love_ you. I just didn't think that you knowing that I knew was important, Kate. It doesn't --"

"Not important?" Kate asked incredulously. "_Not important_? It's not important that I killed someone or that I --" She cut her sentence short, a look of realization dawing on her face, and she took a step away from Jack. "What all did they tell you about?"

Jack shrugged, glancing away from her, "Everything I guess. You going back to see your mom, that guy getting shot, the bank robbery. . ."

"That guy getting shot?" Kate's voice broke with emotion, growing louder with each word. "_That guy getting shot_? Who the hell do you think _you are _to talk about him that way? _You didn't know him_! Did they even tell you his name? Do you have any idea how important he was to me, and how much I hate myself now? You don't know me! You don't know anything about me. You think you do because of the sh-t they told you? You have no idea! You don't know what it was like. You don't know _why_!"

Before she could control herself she lunged forward at him, pummeling his chest with her hands. How dare he talk about Tom as if he were just some important guy? How dare he pass judgement on Kate as though knowing what she did actually gave him insight into what kind of person that made her? This was never how she had imagined the conversation about what she had done going. Jack was never even supposed to find out. He was the only person ever who had made her feel like that wasn't what defined her. Now that was all going to change. The anger was so overwhelming she could hardly breathe.

Jack kept reaching for her hands, trying to stop her attack, but she was too quick. Finally, he was able to stop her, capturing each of her wrists in a hand. Letting out a yelp, she tried unsuccessfully to pull away.

"_Stop it_!" he spoke the words harsher than he meant them, but his emotions were getting the best of him. "Stop it, Kate. Just _calm down_!"

Jack was trying so hard to restrain her that when her body went weak, he almost lost his grip and let her fall to the ground. Pulling Kate towards him quickly, he felt tears fill his eyes as she sobbed against him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I'm so, so sorry."

Kate pulled away enough to look at him. Taking a shaky breath, she spoke, "If you kept this from me this entire time, Jack, what else are you keeping from me? You want us to trust each other, and then you do stuff like this."

"It's just because it doesn't matter to me, Kate," Jack whispered, trying to dry her face. "You're _you_ and your past doesn't mean anything. What is it you want me to say? Do you want to know about me and Sarah? Is that going to fix this? The reason we got divorced --"

"I don't want to know right now!" Kate shook her head. "It just. . . just _stop_, okay? Just because you know what I did doesn't mean you'll understand it. You're not the type of person who's going to understand it, Jack. I just -- I just can't _do_ this right now Just don't touch me right now, alright?"

Ignoring the hurt look on his face, she stepped back completely out of his embrace. "I just need to be alone for a little bit, Jack. I'm going to go take a shower."

He nodded shortly, and she slowly walked upstairs, taking a quick glance back just in time to see Jack removing a whiskey bottle from the liquor cabinet.

* * *

After a long, hot shower Kate felt slightly better. She knew she had gone a little overboard on her attack on Jack. But just the thought of him knowing, and being so callous when it came to Tom -- she stopped her train of thought before it went any further. She couldn't expect Jack to understand things without a full explanation. Of course the Feds would have twisted everything to make Kate look like a horrible person who hadn't cared about anything or any_one_. She, herself, would have to be the one to make him understand everything that had happened.

She was surprised to find that he wasn't in the living room, study or kitchen. Casting a quick glance out at the back lawn she noticed the lights surrounding the pool were on. Opening the backdoor she quickly hurried across the lawn towards them. She found Jack sitting on the edge, dangling his feet in the water. He was staring into the distance, unaware of her presence.

A feeling of love for him overpowered her so much that she almost hated herself for it. How could she have let herself get so attached?

Kate took a seat next to him, pulling her legs up against her chest. She smiled softly as his gaze fell on her. "Hey."

"Hey," Jack whispered back, reaching a hand over to touch a wet curl. "Back to the natural look, I see."

Nodding, Kate cast her gaze out into the water. "Yeah, couldn't stay that made-up forever."

Glancing back over at him, she saw how intently he was starting at her. With an almost imperceptible shake of his head, he told her, "You don't need all that extra stuff to make you beautiful. You're _perfect_ just like this."

The expression on Jack's face was such an open, honest one that Kate found it hard to tear her gaze away. She licked her lips and he spoke again, tugging on the leg of the sweatpants she was wearing, "I like you in my clothes."

Her expression hardened slightly. "I don't want to wear hers anymore."

When Jack didn't respond, Kate motioned to the whiskey bottle that sat next to him. "Back to the old habits, I see."

He swallowed hard. "I didn't drink any of it. I couldn't. I just can't hurt you like that, Kate. Not again. Not after I've already hurt you so bad."

Glancing away, Kate whispered, "It's okay, you know."

Jack turned towards her sharply, confused. "What's okay?"

"That you're starting to realize we can't last forever."

Not being able to look at her, Jack gazed into the pool, watching his reflection as tears began to fall down his cheeks. "I'm _never_ going to accept that."

Kate didn't respond for a long while, and they just sat there, not touching, not even looking at each other. Finally looking at him, she said softly, "His name was Tom."

Jack nodded, not meeting her eyes. "I didn't mean to sound like I didn't care about what happened, Kate. That's not it at all."

"He had a wife and a _baby_," Kate's voice broke. "I think about them every day. About what I did to them."

"You can't blame yourself," Jack told her softly, knowing very well that his words meant little to nothing to her. "You're not responsible for other people's actions, Kate. You can't think you are. Otherwise you'd find that you hated yourself for everything bad that's ever happened to anyone you ever knew."

"Most of it's my fault," Kate whispered, glancing away from him. Her voice came out strangled as she continued on, "Wayne wasn't actually my step-father. He was my real father."

Jack watched her closely as she continued on with her story. In excruciating detail she outlined everything that had happened from the moment her mother divorced the man Kate had thought to be her real father through her mother's remarriage to Wayne, the pain everyone in that house experienced, what had finally made Kate decide to do what she had ultimately done and then the pain she had experienced at her mother turning her in. When her body began to rack with silent sobs Jack was almost afraid to touch her.

She turned to him, her face red from the tears she had wept. She looked different to him. More real. "And when - when I wanted to tell her good-bye. She was afraid of me. My mother was _afraid_ of me, Jack. She called for help. She called for _help_. . ."

Still not quite sure what to say, Jack enveloped her in his arms. Kate clung on to him in a way she never had before. It was as if she physically needed him for support. She only cried onto his chest for a few moments, before pulling away and quickly wiping her face. She turned, giving him an almost apologetic smile.

Jack took his face in her hands, gazing into her eyes, "I am so glad you told me this, Kate. And you have to know that none of it makes me love you any less. You finally sharing your past with me only makes me love you more. There's nothing you could ever tell me that's going to change the way I feel for you."

"I know," Kate nodded, the tears beginning to fall again. "I know that, I do. And that's what makes us so dangerous."

Jack looked at her as if she were slightly crazy, "We're not _dangerous_."

"Maybe we're not," Kate said with a shrug. "But what you feel for me is. I know what that kind of love can make people do, Jack. That's what scares me about being here. If anything happened to you because of me, I would _never_ forgive myself."

"Everything is going to be alright, Kate," Jack said softly, reaching over and pushing a strand of hair away from her eyes. "Just stop worrying about it all so much. I'm going to be fine, this is going to be _fine_."

Kate stared at him silently for several moments, wondering whether he was ridiculously naïve or if he had was just saying all that for her own benefit. He should know better than to think she'd believe it if that were the case.

Giving a short nod, she turned her attention back to the water. Her eyes followed the tiny ripples caused by a cool breeze. Finally, after feeling Jack's gaze on her she turned back to him. "What?"

"What I said earlier, at the party, when Megan asked if we had any plans for marriage," his voice trailed off as he held her gaze. "I meant it."

Kate shook her head, tearing her eyes away from his. "Jack, don't."

"It's true, Kate," Jack said, reaching out for her. She swatted him away quickly, but he continued on. "I think about what it would be like if I could propose to you. If we could get married, and have babies, and a real life together. I think about it _all the time_, Kate."

"Well, you shouldn't!" Kate snapped, dodging his grasp again, and standing up. Tears filled her eyes. "You can't propose. We can't get married. We can't have _anything real_, Jack. This is it, okay? This is as far as it goes! The sooner you learn to accept that, the better off we'll _both_ be."

Jack stood and faced her, anger evident in his glassy eyes. "Why do you always have to be this way? I don't understand you, Kate! You act like you don't want any of this! So if you don't, do us both a favor and _get out_."

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Jack!" Kate yelled, furiously wiping tears off her face. "I just want you to be happy with what we have rather than trying to make it something that _it's not and will never be_!"

He turned away, not letting her see the tears falling down his face. Jack cried silently for several seconds before composing himself and turning back to her, "I _love_ you, Kate."

Kate stood, a million things running through her mind, but nothing coming out. Finally, she shrugged, and whispered, "I'm going to bed."

Jack just shook his head, and looked so angry that Kate had to turn away. Opening the patio door, she whispered, "Good-night, Jack," before quickly disappearing inside. The last thing she heard before walking upstairs was the muffled noise of glass shattering against concrete.

Almost two hours later Jack finally entered his bedroom, overcome by fatigue. He stopped in the doorway, staring at Kate's silhouette for several seconds before moving towards his dresser. After changing, he climbed into bed, resting his hand softly against her cheek.

"I know you're right," he whispered to her. "But I don't know if I'll ever be able to admit to you, or even myself, that this isn't real. Because _it is_, Kate. It's the most real thing I have ever experienced. And there's nothing you can say that's going to change my mind about that. It doesn't matter to me that we can never have anything more than what we are right now."

Jack leaned closer down to her, running his lips softly across her cheek. "What we are right now is enough for me. As long as I have you here with me, I have everything I need."

He started to continue, but her voice interrupted him. "I'm not asleep."

Jack shifted backwards, startled for a second, but then relaxed back down next to her again. They were both quiet for a minute. "I mean it. I don't need anything more than this."

Kate's lips met his in a long kiss, and he tangled his fingers in her hair, keeping them there after the kiss broke, holding her close against him. "Just _you_ will always be enough for me."

She nodded against his chest, and Jack leaned back, stroking her hair as he drifted off. The last fuzzy memory before sleep overtook him was the whisper of, "I love you," in his ear.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen is finally done! Chapters 15&16 are going to be fluffy chapters, so enjoy them! This all goes downhill soon.

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Chapter Fourteen

Awaking in Jack's arms the next morning, Kate lay still for several minutes, not wanting to move and risk waking him. She only shifted slightly, turning just enough so that she could watch him sleep in the dimly lit room. His chest rose and fell in even breaths and a smile spread across her face as the corner of his mouth began to twitch every several seconds. She wondered what he was dreaming about.

After a few moments of twitching Jack let out a sigh, and Kate knew he was waking up. She diverted her eyes just before his fluttered open. "Morning," he whispered, and Kate felt herself involuntarily melt. How was it just his _voice_ could do that to her?

"Morning," she returned, turning on her side to face him. They both smiled a little awkwardly, not quite sure what to say in light of what had gone on the previous night.

"Come here," Jack whispered, hooking his arm around her waist and pulling her against him. He kept his face in her hair for several moments before bringing his lips to hers.

He pulled away, but kept their foreheads touching. "I love you," Jack told her before kissing her again, quickly.

She let him kiss her, and when he pulled back she glanced away quickly before finally bringing her gaze back to him. She rolled her eyes slightly and smiled impishly, "_morning breath_."

A hurt look crossed his face, but left as quickly as it had appeared. "Sorry," he murmured, grinning and covering his mouth. "No more morning kisses then."

Kate rolled her eyes again, and smiled playfully as she got out of bed and stretched. "You want the shower first?"

Jack shook his head quickly and watched as Kate made her way to the bathroom door, colliding with the side of his dresser on the way. He muffled his laughter as she turned back and shot him a glare. Just before she closed the bathroom door behind her, he called out her name.

Glancing over her shoulder, she cast him an inquisitive look. "Yeah?"

He grinned slyly, sitting up. "Can I come?"

She smirked and continued on forward without responding, leaving the bathroom door open behind her. He heard the water start, and a few seconds later Kate's voice called, "Jack, I'm giving you ten seconds! One, two. . ."

Their clothes were on the floor by six.

After their shower Jack stood in front of the mirror shaving while Kate towel-dried her hair. Jack placed razor in the sink and watched her as she dropped the towel from around her body and began to dress.

Smirking at him, she asked, "Do you notice that we always apologize with sex?"

Jack rolled his eyes and went back to shaving. "That's not true."

"Yes, it is!" Kate laughed, pulling Jack's sweatshirt over her head. "I'm beginning to think you just fight with me for the sex."

Laughing, Jack winked at Kate. "You've figured me out! I guess I'm just going to have to get a new plan now. . ."

Stepping towards him, Kate kissed his neck softly. "So I think I'd better just cut off the sex completely, and that way I can ensure that you won't be fighting with me anymore!"

Rolling his eyes, Jack picked his razor back up working his way across his jaw line. Kate sidled up next to him, making a sour face at herself in the mirror. "Your clothes are too big for me."

"If you want to wear yours," Jack said softly, turning his razor off and putting it away, "they're still laying on the floor downstairs."

Kate let his comment roll of her shoulders, choosing to believe that he was not taking a jab at her previous night's actions, but instead just informing her where more comfortable clothing was. Leaving Jack to finish up in the bathroom, she went downstairs, collected her clothes and moved into the laundry room to change.

As she wriggled into her jeans, she heard the phone ring. Naturally, she assumed Jack would get it, but by the fifth ring he still hadn't picked it. Figuring that it must be Margo, Kate dashed into the living room and grabbed the receiver. "Hello?"

The line was silent for several minutes, and then a scratchy voice spoke. "Is this the Shephard residence?"

_Great_, a telemarketer. She rolled her eyes, "Yes, this is."

There was a pause. "Are you the lady of the house?"

Kate smiled to herself. "Yes, I suppose I am."

Another pause followed. "Thank you." With that, the caller hung up.

Puzzled, Kate stared at the phone in her hand for several seconds before she heard Jack's voice behind her. "Who was on the phone?"

"Just a wrong number," Kate said with a shrug, setting the phone on it's hook. She smiled at Jack, trying to shrug off the creepy feeling the call had left her with. "Didn't you tell Hurley you were going to call him this morning?"

"Yeah," Jack said with a nod. "I was actually planning on doing that now. I was just coming down to check with you to make sure it was alright." He finally seemed to notice Kate's pants were unbuttoned.

"I _knew_ you wouldn't be able to make good your no sex threat."

Rolling her eyes, Kate sucked in her stomach. "This is why I haven't been wearing them. It's hard to button them. I must have left them in the dryer for too long last time I washed them. . ." She let out an aggravated sigh as the button slipped out of her hand before she could work it through the hole.

Jack watched, amused. He tried to hide his smile as she tried unsuccessfully several more times to button her pants. Finally, a small laugh danced it's way out of his throat, "Come on, Kate. You look good. Really healthy. You were too skinny before."

"I have not gained this much weight, Jack!" Kate said, shaking her head. "They have just shrunk." With one last tug, she sucked in her stomach and buttoned the pants. "See, _they fit_."

"Yes, they do," Jack agreed, still smirking. He leaned over and kissed her quickly, "And you look beautiful in them."

As Jack picked up the phone to call Hurley, Kate laid down on the couch, giving Jack an explicit list of things they needed to start doing in order to stay in shape. Being in the best shape possible had always been a priority of hers, and just because she was settled in with Jack didn't mean that she was going to let her body turn into whatever it wanted. Pushing a nagging thought that possibly what was happening in her body wasn't quite up to her out of her mind, Kate continued her list. "And running. We'll have to start jogging immediately!"

Tuning her out, Jack dialed Hurley's number. After he answered the two talked for a few minutes, before making plans. After ending their conversation, he turned back to Kate. Before he could speak, she announced, "_Jenny Craig_!"

"You are not going on a diet," Jack told her, slightly annoyed. He knelt on the ground next to the couch, nuzzling his face into her neck. He kept it there for several seconds before he began to kiss slowly down her body. "You're beautiful. I love you. I love _every_ inch of you."

"There's a lot of inches to love," Kate grumbled as Jack's lips traced lightly across her stomach. She let out a content sigh as he continued on his way. After a few moments, she shifted, stopping his lips in their tracks. "No, you can't undo my pants. I'll never get them buttoned again."

Jack let out a frustrated sigh, and before Kate knew what was happening, he was on top of her, finding all her most ticklish spots. Shrieks of laughter exploded from her as she wriggled beneath him. He continued on, his happy laughter mixing with hers until she couldn't take it anymore. "Ja - Jack! You have to stop. I ca- I can't. . . _breathe_!"

Jack relented, a content smile on his face, and he sunk down in the couch with her. She shifted to make him comfortable and rested her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, and they laid together in comfortable silence until they heard the doorbell ring.

Moving so Jack could get up to answer the door, Kate gave him a sweet smile. "You're my favorite pillow."

Something about the words and the open, almost innocent, expression on Kate's face struck something within Jack. He had known he loved her for quite sometime, and he had been doing a good job of denying the possibility of ever losing her. But at that moment, he knew without a doubt that no matter what lay ahead in the future, he wasn't going to let himself lose her.

Finally, tearing his gaze off of her, Jack moved towards the front door. He met Hurley with a hug and then escorted him back into the living room, where Kate was now sitting in an upright position. She moved off the couch to hug Hurley.

After they had gotten settled and had been talking for awhile, Kate moved to the kitchen to get them something to drink. Returning to the living room, Kate noticed Hurley's shoes. She bent over to get a closer look.

"Hurley, your shoes have your _name_ on them."

"Yeah," Hurley said with a shrug, looking a little embarrassed. "My girlfriend bought them for me. You can get them custom-made to say anything you want, I think."

Momentarily distracted from his shoes, Kate asked in unison with Jack, "You have a girlfriend?"

Hurley smiled. "Don't look so surprised! We've been dating for a couple weeks. I asked her to come with me, but she couldn't get off work. I'm taking her to Graceland as a late Christmas present in a couple weeks. She's a huge Elvis fan."

"Speaking of Christmas," Kate said slyly with a wink towards Jack, gesturing towards Hurley's shoes. "Were you planning on getting me anything?"

Jack rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his lemonade. "Why do you need tennis shoes, Kate?"

She pouted. "Because it's almost Christmas."

Smirking, Jack sat his glass on a coaster, and leaned over so that his face was less than an inch away from Kate's. He smiled, and spoke, his tone a mix between matter-of-fact and semi-sarcastic, "I already bought your presents, darling."

A hot blush crept up Kate's face, and she wasn't sure if it was because of the out-of-character pet name Jack had just called her, or the fact that he had actually planned on celebrating Christmas with her. "Why did you -- you didn't . . . you didn't have to do that, Jack."

He smiled and kissed her softly before leaning back into his chair and turning his attention towards Hurley. "So, do you know where she found those shoes?"

"Yeah," Hurley nodded. "I can show you the web-site if you want me to. They're not really any more expensive than any other tennis shoes you'd buy. Well, not like you have to worry about money after the Oceanic settlement anyway."

Kate glanced to Jack, a confused look on her face. "Oceanic settlement?"

"Oh, that's right," Hurley said. "You probably wouldn't have heard about it. About a month after we got rescued there was a huge settlement. Every survivor who was threatening to sue got close to a million dollars."

Shocked, Kate glanced back and forth from the two, her gaze resting on Jack. "You got close to a _million_?"

Jack looked uncomfortable. "I, um. . . I didn't sue."

Kate's jaw dropped open, and Hurley looked surprised. "You didn't sue, Jack? Why not?"

"Because," Jack said with a shrug, shifting in his seat. He gave her an embarrassed smile. "I didn't regret the crash. I wasn't angry about it. It gave me _you_."

Glancing away, Kate felt a blush creep up her neck. He had felt that way about her, even before she had come to him. She wasn't sure whether to let it warm her, or scare her even more than she already was. This was becoming so _much_.

Deciding it was best to change the subject, Kate moved from the floor to the computer chair. She turned on the monitor and grinned at Hurley, "Okay, show me this website."

Jack pretended to be mad. "Did I say you could get the shoes, Katherine?"

Cocking her head to the side, Kate grinned playfully. "Don't call me Katherine. You sound like your mother."

Jack rolled his eyes and leaned into the couch, watching TV as Hurley showed Kate step by step what to do. Kate happily clicked away, designing herself a pair of shoes, while Jack and Hurley caught up. Finally, she announced triumphantly that she was finished.

"Hmm," Jack said, after pretending to study them closely. "I guess they're okay."

Kate feigned shocked. "You _guess _they're _okay_? Jack, these are a masterpiece. One should be so lucky to be as talented as I am."

Jack smirked. "I'll agree with that." He reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. After thumbing through it for a second, he placed a credit card down next to her. "There you go, go ahead and buy them."

Kate glanced from Jack to the credit card, shaking her head. "No, this was just for fun. I'm not buying stuff with your money." She picked it up and tried to hand it back to him, moving the mouse to close the website.

"Buy them," Jack told her, taking a step back. "Actually, why don't you just order whatever you want. Get yourself some new clothes. Whatever you need, just buy."

She moved to argue again, but thought better of it. Laying the card back on the desk, she asked, "How much am I allowed to spend?"

Jack cocked his head, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Just get what you need, alright? Whatever it takes."

Before Kate could respond, he turned to Hurley. "I need to run to the grocery. You can stay here with Kate, or come with me if you want."

Hurley glanced to Kate who was now merrily typing numbers into the computer. Smiling, he told Jack, "I think I'd better come with you. I know better than to try to deal with a woman while she's shopping."

Kate pretended to shoot them both a glare. "You can both leave. I don't need any company." Giving Jack a sweet smile, she requested, "Could you please get me the latest edition of InTouch. Shannon's giving them an exclusive and I want to see what she has to say about everyone."

Jack rolled his eyes, but nodded his agreement. Hurley laughed and asked, "Did you hear that ABC bought the rights to do a movie about her experiences on the island? The main focus is going to be Boone's death."

A shadow fell over Jack's face and Kate sent him a sympathetic look before addressing Hurley, "I can't believe she'd sell out like that. I thought there was a change in her after Boone's death, but I guess some people just can't change who they are."

As soon as the words left her mouth, a cold chill fell over Kate. Who was she to talk about changing your ways? Even though she was still for now, she knew that deep inside her there was still a churning urge to run. It was a feeling that she doubted she would ever be able to completely shake.

Jack gave Kate a knowing look, and nodded toward Hurley, just wanting to get out of the house. "You ready?"

Hurley nodded, and the both headed towards the door. Kate sighed, hating how he could read her mind. She heard the door open and yelled for him, knowing he would pause. After a few moments of silence she called out, "Be careful. I love you."

There was another pause, and she thought he would leave without saying it back. She turned back to the computer, feeling deflated. When he entered the room, making it to her in two long steps and pressing his lips against hers, Kate was more than surprised. He pulled away, a soft smile on his face. "I love you too."

She turned back to the computer, a smile on her face, as Jack left with Hurley.

* * *

As they were walking down the aisles of the grocery, Hurly brought up the subject of Kate. "So, how long have you two been, you know. . . together." 

Jack smiled. "Awhile now, I guess. It's weird. The time has gone by really fast. She was here for about a month before anything happened with us."

Hurley nodded as Jack continued to pile things into his cart. "So how long is she going to stay?"

"I don't really know," Jack said quickly, furrowing his brow. He didn't like the subject being brought out into the open. It was something he and Kate could easily shelve away from their conversations, if not from their thoughts. It wasn't a matter he enjoyed thinking about, let alone discussing. "For as long as she can."

"Well, how long do you think that will be?" Hurley asked. "I'm not trying to be rude, dude, but isn't it kind of dangerous for her to stay with you?"

Jack didn't respond for several seconds, trying to process the words. "No. No, I don't think it's dangerous. Why would you say that?"

"I was just thinking that if anyone got tipped off that Kate was still alive, the first place the Feds would come knocking is at your door, Jack," Hurley shrugged as though this were completely obvious. "Your house is probably the place she's least safe."

This was something Jack had never let himself process. Deep down he had known that he could never truly keep Kate safe from what she was running from, but he had let himself fall under the false pretense that he could _protect_ her. But when it came down to it . . . what could he do if the Feds came knocking?

Sensing that he had brought up a sore subject, Hurley apologized. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad, dude. I just don't want to see either of you get hurt. I know you care about her a lot. . ."

Jack sighed, inwardly struggling with himself. "Sometimes I think it would be better if she had never come."

Hurley didn't respond, just gave Jack an encouraging look. Jack continued on. "She seems so happy now. I'm sure she used to be _really_ good at running on her own. She didn't have any reason to want to stop, or to look back. Now, if she leaves," Jack paused and sighed, "_when_ she leaves, I don't know how she's going to be able to do it. Or how I'm going to be able to let her."

They were both fairly silent for the rest of the shopping trip, and even more-so on the ride home. When they pulled into the driveway Hurley felt as though he had to apologize, "I'm sorry, dude. I didn't mean to upset you. But if you think that the thought of her leaving is this hard for you, then imagine what it's like for her. You can move on, Jack, she can't."

Jack opened his mouth to argue, but Hurley continued on. "It's true. As much as you refuse to admit it right now, it's true. You can fall in love again, and most likely you would. You can get married, and you can have a family. Kate's going to spend the rest of her life moving around from place to place. No matter where she goes, do you think she'll ever meet someone she trusts as much as you?"

Jack shook his head quickly, and the two got out of the car and headed into the house. Hurley told them both goodbye, and then went on his way. After a few moments of silence, Kate glanced to Jack, "What?"

"What what?" he returned softly, kicking off his shoes, and moving to sit on the couch.

"Why are you looking at me that way?" Kate asked. She looked nervous, "Did something happen when you were at the grocery?"

Jack shook his head, and cleared his throat. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her. "No. I'm fine. Did you buy yourself anything while I was gone?"

Kate smirked, "A _few_ things!" She gestured toward the legal pad next to her. "I made a list of sites that I thought I would visit. Maybe get a few things off of each of them. . ."

A smile finally broke across Jack's face, and he reached for the pencil, writing down something at the bottom of her list. He kissed her cheek, and set the pencil back down, stepping away so she could see.

"Victoria's Secret, hmm?" Kate giggled. "I guess I could get a thing or two off there. They have really cute pajamas, you know."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Pajamas. That's what I was talking about."

Kate giggled again and went back to typing. "Are you sure I can't get you anything for Christmas?"

"You just order as much as you can off that website, Kate, and that'll be a good enough present for me," Jack smiled. "Might even get me through the New Year."

Rolling her eyes, Kate nodded. "Whatever you say, Jack."

They both fell silent, and Jack's intent gaze fell on her again. Finally, she turned to him exasperated. "Why are you _looking at me like that_?"

Without speaking, Jack grabbed her hand and pulled her up, hugging her tightly. She was surprised at first, but then returned the hug. When he finally found his words, his throat was tight, "Promise me that no matter what happens you'll always remember this moment right here? And that you'll always know how much I love you, and how I can never love anyone like I love you."

"Jack," Kate said quietly. "What's wrong? You're scaring me."

He pulled away and she saw tears shining in his eyes. "Just promise."

She nodded, and pulled him back in for another hug. "I promise."

They both lost track of time as they held each other silently, each lost in thought. Jack knew he couldn't, _wouldn't_, ever let her go without a fight. No matter what he knew he would never be able to convince himself that Kate wasn't meant to be his forever. And it was that thought that scared him even more than the possibility of Kate someday leaving.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

The next week and a half was spent in high spirits. Kate's clothes came in the mail and she put on an impromptu fashion show for Jack. She also gave a ten minute complaint about _why_ had he spent _so much _money on lingerie when it stayed on an even shorter amount of time than her regular clothes. She had coaxed him into lugging boxes full of Christmas decorations down from the attic and had merrily decorated his house. She had even (somewhat begrudgingly) put together Jack's fake Christmas tree and they had decorated it together. In an effort to make a compromise Jack had brought home pine scented spray and let Kate spray it anywhere she wanted. She had thanked him, but still reminded him daily that it just wasn't the same as a real tree.

A few days before Christmas, Kate was putting the finishing touches on the decorations around the house while Jack ran into work for a few hours. It was the last day he had to work until the week after Christmas. She was sprinkling tinsel on the tables in the living room when the phone rang. She paused and let the machine get it. Kate had gotten a few more weird calls like the one she had received the day of Hurley's visit, and she just didn't feel comfortable answering the phone anymore.

"Hey, Jack," a man's voice she didn't recognize spoke. "It's Steve. I just wanted to let you know how glad I am you've finally been taking some time off work. I was worried about you when you got back because you had been working so hard. I guess that girl I hear your with has really done wonders for you. Today's been a pretty slow day, so don't worry about calling in. We'll see you next week. Merry Christmas, Jack."

Her mouth slightly agape, Kate threw the tinsel down on the couch and silently fumed. So Jack _wasn't_ at work. What was the problem? Did he think they were spending too much time together? He could have just said that. He didn't need to lie.

Her eyes traveled across the room to the digital clock on the DVD player. Jack had been gone for. . . nearly _six_ hours. Her anger momentarily evaporated into a mixture of panic and worry. She reached for the phone and quickly dialed his cell phone number. After one ring it clicked over to his voicemail. Cursing, she threw the phone down next to the tinsel.

Too annoyed to continue making Jack's house more merry, Kate collapsed down on the sofa and picked up the remote. She turned on the TV and scrolled through the movies for several minutes before finding one that sounding halfway interesting. She bought it and paid half-attention through the whole thing. Just as the credits began to roll, Jack walked into the living room.

Smiling, he offered her the bouquet of white carnations that he held in his hand. "Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady." He reached down to kiss her.

Kate dodged the kiss and swatted at the flowers. "I don't want them."

Jack cocked his head, and she tried to ignore how adorable he looked. "Would you have preferred roses?"

"I would have preferred," Kate stood up and gave him a sharp look, "for _you_ to have _not_ lied to me about _where_ you were going today."

Jack licked his lips and set the flowers down on the coffee table. "Hmm."

Kate gave him an incredulous look. "_Hmm_, Jack? I just called you out on lying to me and _hmm_ is all you have to say?"

Sighing, Jack glanced back towards the flowers. "So, you really don't want them? It was kind of out of my way to go and get them. I was going to get roses, but roses are kind of cliché, aren't they? Carnations seemed more sensitive, they have an understated beauty. They reminded me of you."

Kate didn't know whether to be touched or roll her eyes. It was the first time he had ever brought her flowers. With a sigh, she reached for them and brought them to her face. "Where were you?"

Jack glanced away, as if trying to decide something. "It's a surprise. Don't be mad at me, I really can't tell you. But you'll find out soon enough, I promise."

"Then why didn't you just tell me that's what you were doing?" Kate felt the tension draining out of her. Tilting her head, she asked, "What the hell kind of surprise takes eight hours to work on?"

"If I told you," Jack said softly, leaning over to meet her lips. "Then it wouldn't be a surprise."

Kate kissed him then pulled back, her head tilted to the side. "Okay. But you're not completely forgiven yet." She breathed in the scent of the flowers once more and walked into the kitchen, locating a vase under the sink and filling it with cold water before placing her carnations in it. When she walked into the dining room to put them on the table, Jack was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, smirking.

She put her hand on her hip and eyed him suspiciously. "What?"

"Well," he drew out the word, and glanced away. A faint trace of his dimples showed as he tried to hide the huge grin that was spreading across his face. "If you're really mad at me, I guess you don't want the surprise I have for you outside."

Kate wasn't sure whether or not she trusted him. "Am I going to like this surprise?"

Jack nodded, finally giving up on containing his grin. "Oh, I think you'll like it a lot. Of course, it does require a bit of work on your part. You've worked so hard to make the house ready for the holidays already. . . I'm not sure I want to put that heavy load on your shoulders, Kate. Do you think you can handle it?"

Exasperated, Kate rolled her eyes and sauntered over to Jack. "Can you ever just make your point without drawing it out for an hour? I could have seen this so-called surprise already. But instead you're just --"

Jack cut her off with a short, soft kiss. When he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too," Kate kissed him again quickly. "Now. . . surprise!"

Laughing, Jack rolled his eyes and took her hands, leading her into the living room. "Now, stand here and keep your eyes closed. I mean it, don't peak, or I am returning this surprise to where it came from. You got it?"

"Whatever you say," Kate nodded. She closed her eyes and heard Jack exit through the front door. A tiny thrill ran through her and she giggled, bouncing back from one foot to another.

She heard the front door close, and a second later she thought she heard Jack mutter a muffled, "Ouch." There was some rustling, and then he spoke. "Alright. Open your eyes."

Kate opened her eyes, and let out a squeal when she saw what was in front of her. Jack was holding up the perfect Christmas tree. She took a step forward and closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of pine.

When she opened her eyes again and saw Jack grinning proudly. "Surprise, honey."

"You got me a Christmas tree," Kate said softly, running her hand over one of the branches, loving the prickly feeling on her palm. "A _real_ Christmas tree. Jack, you said you didn't think they were worth all the work they cause."

Jack was quiet for a few moments, and then shrugged. "_You're_ worth all the work that they cause."

Kate blushed, and continued to look around the tree, not meeting Jack's gaze. "It's pretty big."

"It's not too big though," Jack assured her. "We have a lot of ornaments we didn't use on the fake tree. Plus, I got this one." Reaching into his jacket pocket, he handed her a plastic bag.

Removing the ornament that was nestled inside tissue paper, Kate saw two snowmen holding hands. The snowwoman was labeled with her name, while the man was labeled with Jack's. At the bottom, 'Out First Christmas' was scripted.

Kate stared at it, not quite knowing what to say. It was a sweet gesture, and she was touched. But, for some reason the small ornament made her more nervous than anything else he could have brought her would have. The fleeting thought that the ornament should have been labeled 'Our _Only_ Christmas' crossed her mind, but she kept silent. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Jack.

"It's beautiful, Jack," she told him with a nod. "Thanks. Thanks for everything."

She took a step back and smiled, "Well, I guess I'll move this tree out of the way and start un-decorating it while you set up the new, real tree."

They worked quickly and silently, each trapped in their own thoughts. She had reacted exactly how Jack hoped she would; he had known she would love the tree. But something was wrong, and he couldn't quite place it.

Kate saved their new ornament for last and centered it in the front of the tree, where it was easiest seen. She smiled at Jack, and reached for the star, trying in vain to place it on top of the tree. "It's too tall!"

In one swift motion Jack moved under Kate, scooping her up on his shoulders. She giggled somewhat nervously and balanced herself before reaching and placed it on the point. "There we go. Now put me down!"

Jack stepped back from the tree and wobbled slightly. Kate let out a startled shriek, and tried to let herself off his shoulders, but her scrambling only served to throw Jack even more off balance.

They landed with a thud on a pile of silver tinsel.

Seeing the startled expression on Jack's face, Kate burst into a fit of giggles. When Jack sat up and dumped her on the floor, she saw that a few pieces of tinsel were stuck in his short hair and laughed even harder. Jack stared at her, bemused. He had never seen her laugh like that. "I take it your not hurt."

"No," she managed between giggles. "You kind of broke my fall." She laughed again, and let out a little snort. Her eyes grew wide and her hand flew to her mouth. Calming down, she reached over and brushed the tinsel off of him.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I don't know why I thought that was so funny."

"Don't apologize," Jack said softly, bringing his hand up to her cheek and wiping away a stray laughter tear. "You should laugh more often. It suits you. You really look beautiful, Kate."

Kate laughed nervously and glanced away, blushing. Her hand went to her hair and she picked a few strands of tinsel out. "Please, I'm a mess. I have tinsel in my hair and. . ."

He silenced her with a kiss. "You look amazing to me."

She immediately felt bad for her earlier thoughts about the ornament. Maybe it was their first Christmas of many, maybe everything could work out, maybe they could figure out how to take care of themselves and -- she cut herself off before she let her thoughts wander any further into their uncertain future.

Placing her hands on his cheeks, she said, "The tree is beautiful, Jack. I don't know how I can thank you."

An impish smiled danced its way across his face and he pulled her close to him. "I can think of a way. . ."

Kate leaned in, meeting Jack's lips in a soft, slow kiss. His hands trailed up her arms, then down her sides, before working their way up her shirt. He lightly stroked her skin before, in one swift motion, he began to tickle her.

She pulled away quickly, collapsing into shocked laughter. He continued tickling for several moments, as she pleaded through giggles for him to stop. Finally, he released her and pulled her in for another kiss. "You always just assume I want sex."

"That's because," Kate smiled, kissing him softly on his neck. "You always do want sex."

Jack playfully pushed her away. "Well, maybe I don't. Maybe sex isn't what I want at all."

Kate arched her eyebrow, and pulled away slightly, crossing her arms in front of her, waiting for him to continue.

"Maybe what I really want to do," he lowered his voice dramatically, before standing up, striking a pose, and bursting out into off-tune song. "Is to _make love you, like you want me to, and I'll hold you tight, baby all through the _---"

"Oh, please," Kate tried to hold back her laughter, and rolled her eyes playfully. "Now you're definitely not getting any." With an exaggerated sigh, she turned and headed for the stairs.

Jack was faster than her, and had her slung over his shoulder before she had reached the first step. Her shirt had ridden up, and he placed several kisses on her exposed side as he walked up the stairs. "You know you can't say no to me. I'm too good in bed."

Kate giggled, and pounded on his back. "Put me down! Remember what happened last time you picked me up? I think it might hurt worse to fall down stairs than onto tinsel."

"No, I'm sorry," he laughed, stopping in front of the bedroom door. "I can't put you down. Not until you say it. Say _Jack, you're good in bed."_

"Jack, you're good in bed," Kate repeated in a monotone voice. "Now will you put me down?"

"Say," Jack paused, thinking. "_Jack, you're the best I've ever had_."

Kate giggled. "Sorry, I have a strict policy against lying."

Jack tried to hide his laughter and set her down gently on the bed. "Would it help if I faked a Southern accent."

She didn't respond for a moment, and half wondered if he was completely joking or not. Shrugging, she replied, "Maybe. Why don't you try it?"

He nuzzled his face into her neck, and did his best attempt at a Tennessee twang. "Tell me what you like, Freckles."

Kate bit her lip to stop the laughter from rolling out. "Mmm, I like it when you call me that."

"Okay," Jack pulled away, giving her a mock glare. "It's gone too far."

Giggling, she laid down, pulling him on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his ear. "I love you, Jack. I love everything about you. I couldn't imagine having anyone more wonderful than you. You're perfect. Everything about you is perfect."

He pulled away to look at her, not quite sure what to say. Apparently, she wasn't so sure either. Slightly embarrassed by the flowering words she had just sprinkled upon him, Kate shrugged. "Except for that ridiculous fake accent. Let's not try that again, ok?"

Jack nodded his agreement and leaned down to kiss her, content that Kate finally seemed content with the way things were going.


	16. Chapter 16

**This is the second of THREE updates tonight. If you have not yet read chapter fifteen, please go back a chapter before reading this one!**

I am soooo sorry this has been so long coming. I really hope you all still want to read Almost Home.

Enjoy and please respond!

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**Chapter Sixteen**

Christmas Eve morning, Jack awoke before Kate. Glancing from the clock to the window, he saw that it wasn't yet daylight, and wouldn't be for some time. He laid in bed next to her and lost track of time until she shifted slightly, letting out a soft moan. Her eyes fluttered open and she greeted him with a smile, "Morning."

Jack was determined that the day would be perfect. Leaning over, he kissed her temple. "Good morning, beautiful."

Kate rolled her eyes ever so slightly. "Sleep well?"

Jack smiled, and shook his head slightly. "No. I was actually kind of excited about today." He reached over and stroked her cheek, which was still warm from resting against the pillow.

She leaned into him, enjoying the cool sensation of his skin against hers. She wasn't sure what he was so excited about. It was just Christmas Eve, all they had planned was to entertain Margo for dinner. Kate could think of a lot more disadvantages that had then things to get excited over.

Pulling her towards him, Jack began to trail soft kisses down Kate's neck and onto her collar bone. Reaching under the covers he ran his hand up her hip and waist and rested it on her stomach. He thought he felt her flinch slightly when his hand came to a stop, but he figured it was because of the contrast of his cold hand on her warm body. "How about you go get a shower, while I get things ready downstairs?"

Kate cocked her head, confused. "Get what ready?"

Jack's eyes twinkled mischievously. Apparently, he wasn't yet willing to give away his secret. "You just go shower, and then you'll see."

"I don't like surprises," Kate warned him as she wrapped a sheet around herself and headed towards the bathroom. "You just keep that in mind before you throw together anything spectacular."

"Why do you do that?" Jack asked, a slight trace of laughter in his voice.

"Do what?" Kate asked, confused. She gave him a slightly aggravated look and pulled the sheet tighter around her.

"Wrap a sheet around you to walk to the bathroom," Jack said in a teasing tone. "I see you naked all the time."

Kate blushed, just like he'd hoped she would. "That's when we're you know,_ being intimate_. You don't need to see me naked all the time."

Jack grinned and winked at her, "Why? I think I'd like it if you were naked all the time."

"Well," Kate said, shaking her head. "That's just too bad. You're not going to get me walking around naked unless. . .unless you shave your chest."

Jack's mouth fell open in mock shock. "No way. You're crazy. I have a very manly chest."

Kate giggled and, momentarily forgetting about her shower, made her way back over towards Jack, almost tripping over the long sheet. Opening up the sheet, she wrapped Jack in it with her. "Merry Christmas Eve, Jack."

He brushed his lips against hers and allowed his hands to go exploring. "Merry Christmas Eve, baby."

She melted, the way she had every other time he had called her something besides her name over the past few days, and moved even closer to him, silently inviting his hands to feel wherever they wanted to. His lips met hers again as he accepted her offer.

The sheet soon fell to the floor and Christmas Eve began in an even more merry way than Jack had planned.

When they had finally managed to pull themselves away from each other, and Jack had seen to it that Kate was in the shower (which was, in his opinion, quite a hard sight to pull away from) he went downstairs to get ready for her. He turned on the lights on the Christmas tree and arranged the presents he had so carefully wrapped the day before around it. After he had got them positioned just right, he headed into the kitchen to make breakfast. Cooking had never been his strong point, but he wanted to do something nice for her.

After Jack had made what he considered to be a damn good omelet, and toasted some bread, he placed it all on a tray to carry upstairs. He poured two glasses of orange juice and headed upstairs. He was more than surprised to find Kate sitting on the edge of the bed, her hair wet, looking pale and wan.

"What's wrong?" he asked, quickly placing the tray on the floor and hurrying to her side.

Kate glanced up, surprised to see him. "Nothing. I was just feeling a little light-headed. I'm fine, really."

Jack felt her forehead. She wasn't hot. Her eyes traveled across the room to the tray. "Oh. You made breakfast?" He could tell she was trying to sound excited, but her voice was less than enthusiastic.

He pushed a damp strand of hair away from her cheek and spoke softly. "You don't have to eat it if you're not hungry." He hated that it was Christmas Eve morning and she looked like she was about to be sick.

Quickly shaking her head, Kate put on a smile. "No. I am hungry. That's probably what's wrong with me. Bring it over here."

Giving her one last concerned glance, Jack picked the tray back up and carried it to the bed. They ate slowly and quietly. Jack noticed Kate barely touched the food, but drank her entire glass of orange juice. She even took a couple sips out of his glass.

"There's more where that came from," Jack teased. "I can go down and get you another glass if you want. Or we could just go downstairs now, if you're ready."

Kate smiled and shook her head. "I was actually going to dry my hair today, since your mom is coming over tonight. I'll be down in a little while."

Jack was still concerned, but he just nodded. He placed a kiss on her temple and watched as she walked into the bathroom. A few moments later he heard the sound of the blow dryer start. He rested comfortably on his bed, lost in thought, until she emerged. Her hair was dry and straight. As he looked closer he noticed she had even put on some make-up.

Looking slightly self-conscious, Kate ran her fingers through her hair, and glanced towards Jack as though hoping for some kind of approval. "I haven't done my hair like this in a really long time."

Even though, for some reason Jack couldn't quite pinpoint, he almost missed the curly mess her hair usually was, there was something about the straight hair and light make-up that made her look sexy. If he hadn't been so anxious for her to open her presents, he would have pulled her onto the bed with him. Instead, he stood and pretended to examine her from all angles. "Well, you sure do clean up nice."

She glared at him, and opened her mouth to respond, but he spoke first. "You finally ready to head downstairs now?"

"I don't know," Kate said softly, teasingly, making a face so adorable it almost knocked the wind out of Jack. "I've warned you I hate surprises."

Jack was momentarily speechless. He loved it when she looked at him like that. The look had something so innocent about it. It showed him that she did have hope left, even if she never let herself believe it.

Cupping her face, Jack kissed her gently. When he looked surprised, but just smiled. "Don't worry. It's a good surprise. You'll like it."

"I trust you," Kate said sweetly, kissing his cheek. She took hold of his hand and let him lead her downstairs.

When they came to the bottom of the stairs she was delighted to see that the Christmas tree was all lit up. All around the trees were more presents than Kate had ever seen at one time. Except for on TV. "You sure don't skimp on Christmas, do you? How many people do you buy for."

Jack wondered if she was just embarrassed, or if she had no idea that he had bought all the presents for her. The look on her face showed him that the latter were the case. "Katie," he said softly, brushing his hand over her cheek. "They're _yours_."

She felt herself tense slightly when he called her Katie. She was surprised to find that she liked how it sounded coming from him. It didn't feel out-of-place or offensive. It sounded right. "For me? All of them?"

"There's not that many," Jack shook his head, playing it down. "Just some things I thought you would like."

"Jack," Kate said, a giggle escaping. "I got about _four_ presents each Christmas when I was little, okay? At the most. This is a _ton of presents_."

Jack watched with delight as Kate moved around the tree, picking up and shaking a few random presents. Her gaze rested on a particularly tiny one and she picked up, shaking it. "This doesn't weigh anything! I think you forgot to put the present in."

Shaking his head, Jack laughed. "Trust me, there's something in there. You get to open that one last."

A challenging grin lit up Kate's face, "No, I think I'll open this one _first_."

"You always have to argue, don't you?" Jack moved towards her, and took the small box from her hands. "This one is last. Go ahead and start opening the others."

"But it's only Christmas Eve," Kate wrinkled her nose. "Don't you want to wait until tomorrow to do presents?"

"We can't do presents tomorrow," Jack informed her, winking. She started to speak, but he shook his head before she even got the question out. "You'll see why later."

Clearly aggravated, she put her hands on her hips, "I don't think I like all these secrets."

Jack laughed, and pulled her into a hug. "They're good secrets. I promise. Come on, pick a present. Start opening. Trust me, you want to get these opened and put away before my mom gets here."

Kate pulled away, "Why? You didn't get me something kinky, did you? I thought we established neither one of us were into stuff like that. . ."

Jack laughed once again, shaking his head. "No. Nothing kinky. You know how nosy she is though."

Kate nodded her agreement, and moved back towards the presents. "Any present I want, hmm?" She pretended to mull it over before selecting the tiny present they had discussed just moments earlier. "Alright. I've made my decision."

Giving her a mock glare, Jack reached to take it away from her. "We've already established that's a no. Plus, I didn't say pick out _any _present. I said pick out _a_ present. It's left to my discretion to decide whether or not you can open it."

Pouting, Kate moved so he couldn't reach the gift. "You're getting a little bossy there, pal."

Jack rolled his eyes and held out his hand. "The sooner you hand it to me, the sooner you can open the rest of the presents and get to this one."

Kate crossed her arms. "I don't like being told what to do."

"Yeah," Jack scoffed. "I've figured that much out by now. But what are ya gonna do? Open the present then leave? I don't think so."

Annoyed that her plan wasn't working, Kate slipped the box into her pocket. "Maybe I will. Then what?"

Laughing, Jack pulled her to him. "You won't leave me."

Close to uncomfortable, but still deciding to go with it, Kate gave him her best disbelieving face. "And why wouldn't I?"

Jack smiled, the soft and sweet smile she knew he reserved only for her, "Because you love me."

Even though Kate knew he wanted a response, she didn't meet his gaze. The subject was hitting a little to close to home. Instead of focusing on the negative, she opted for a different approach. Brushing her lips against his neck ever so slightly, she whispered, "I think we have time to head back upstairs."

Using all his will-power Jack took her by the shoulders and moved her a step back. "I know what you're trying to do. And it's not going to work. You're not opening that present until last."

"Fine," Kate said, taking the present out of her pocket and handing it to him. "We'll just see what happens when you ask for it later."

"You've threatened to abstain before, and we both now it never works," Jack chided, a playful tone in his voice. "You can't get enough of me, so you might as well stop arguing, save your energy for the amazing sex you know we'll have later, and open some presents."

Kate's expression softened a bit. "Amazing sex, hmm?"

"Amazing," Jack confirmed. "Better than amazing."

Arching an eyebrow, Kate cocked her head. "Promise?"

Pulling her back in close to him, Jack leaned down so his lips tickled hers when he spoke. "Isn't it always?"

Kate expressed her agreement by pressing her lips to his. His hands tangled in her hair, and he got lost in the moment until she pulled away, a devilish grin on her pretty face.

"Oh, yeah. I'm supposed to be opening presents, right?"

"That's right," Jack told her, placing a quick kiss on her neck, and promising himself he'd get back at her later. He selected a mid-sized present. "How about this one?"

Kate took the present, and for the next hour she took her time opening almost all of them. He had gotten her a few sweaters, and some other clothes he thought she might like. She gave him an odd look when she opened a luggage set, and her expression grew even more confused when she opened a blue and white winter coat. She opened a couple DVDs that she had expressed she liked when she was younger during her first weeks stay. She couldn't believe he had remembered.

Finally, there were only two presents left. The boxes were around the same size, but the one Jack demanded she opened last was noticeably lighter. Kate couldn't help an excited giggle from escaping, as she pointed to the box, "It's almost time for that one!"

"Almost," Jack agreed, handing her the opposite box. He watched her as she carefully undid the wrapping. He had always been the type of person who ripped the paper off and tossed it over his shoulder as quickly as possible. Not Kate. She undid the tape at the seams. She unfolded each side carefully and did her best not to rip any of the paper. Jack was mesmerized by her motions.

After she had removed all the paper, Kate gazed cautiously at the maroon velvet box she held in her hands. Glancing at Jack, she opened it, revealing a silver chain with a diamond heart looped through it. She let out a breath, "Jack. . ."

"Do you like it?" Jack asked, quickly. "I wasn't too sure if you were a heart pendant type of person, but I liked it. And I thought it would look good on you."

Kate gazed down at the necklace. "It's beautiful, Jack. It is the most beautiful piece of jewelry anyone has ever given me. But I'm sure it cost too much. I can't take it."

Jack shook his head, "You're not allowed to say that. It's a gift, Kate. I want you to have it because I love you. You can't say no to that."

For a moment, Kate hesitated, but finally nodded her consent. "Will you put it on me?"

Nodding, Jack removed it from the small box and held it up. Kate took her hair in her hands and piled it on top of her hair, waiting for him to clasp it. His fingers didn't seem to be cooperating.

"Have you never put a necklace on a woman before, Jack?" Kate teased lightly. "I feel honored."

"I've never been very good with these things," he grumbled, still trying unsuccessfully to secure the small clasp. Finally, he succeeded. "Ha. There we go."

"There we go," Kate echoed, letting her hair fall down. She turned quickly, capturing his lips with hers. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Jack whispered, resting his hands on her hips. "It looks good on you."

"Being a surgeon, you think you'd be better with your hands!" Kate laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. She leaned into him and placed a few kisses along his jaw line.

Jack pulled her closer and buried his head in her neck, kissing it softly. He trailed his hands up her shirt, tickling her sides. "You know I'm good with my hands."

"The best," Kate agreed, laughing softly. Their lips met in a soft kiss that ended almost as soon as it started. "Oh! I almost forgot about my present!"

Letting out a groan, Jack rolled his eyes. "Presents, presents, presents. Is that all you think about, Kate?"

"Right now, yes," Kate nodded, grabbing the last present off the coffee table. She glanced around the room at all the presents she had opened. "Hmm. Luggage. A hat, scarf and mittens. A winter coat. You live in LA, Jack. Are you trying to tell me my welcome is worn out?"

A girly giggle escaped Jack's lips, "Just open your last present, okay Kate?"

Kate nodded, and to Jack's surprised ripped off the paper in a hurry. Opening the tiny box, she saw a polaroid inside. The picture was of a snow covered cabin, presumably located in the mountains. She glanced at him, confused.

A grin lit up his face, "We're going on vacation!"

"Vacation?" Kate was perplexed. "Vacation where?"

Jack rolled his eyes and motioned towards the picture. "Vacation there!"

Kate squinted at Jack as though she wasn't really sure whether or not she should believe him. "And where is there?"

"A cabin my family owns," Jack explained. "Well, it was my dad's parents, and then his. It's mine now, technically. No one's actually been up there in a few years. We used to go all the time when I was a kid. That's where I was when I told you I was working. I had to go clean it up and get it ready for us."

Speechless, Kate just stared at him. Finally, she found her voice. "Jack, this is amazing! When are we going?"

"We leave in the morning," Jack leaned over and placed a quick kiss on her temple. "That's why you had to open all the presents today."

Kate glanced back down at the picture in her hands. Setting it down on the coffee table, she wrapped her arms around him tightly. "This is the best Christmas ever, Jack."

"Yeah," he whispered into her hair, rubbing his hand in slow circles on her back. "I think so too."

She pulled back just far enough to kiss him. He kissed back, laying her down gently on the ground, never breaking the kiss. Christmas paper crunched beneath them as they made themselves comfortable, kissing each other slowly, letting their hands roam.

Just as Jack's hands reached for her belt, Kate sat up, gently pushing him off her. She glanced towards the open windows, "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Jack asked, not being able to completely hide the annoyance in his voice. He strained his ears, and could make out a faint sound but couldn't tell what it is. Curious, he moved for the front door, Kate close behind him. Opening it, they both walked outside.

Sitting on their front porch step was a scrawny, white cat. It's fur was dirty and it was mewing pitifully.

Kate moved towards it, "Aww. Are you hurt, little buddy?"

Jack grabbed her arm, pulling her back up next to him. "Don't _touch_ it!"

"It's just a cat!" Kate yanked her arm from his grasp. Ignoring his protests, she moved quickly for it, scooping it up in her arms. "Hello there. You're so skinny. Do you want some food?"

Turning back around, she walked back towards the house. Jack moved in front of the door, blocking her. "No. Step away from the house. Put it down."

Kate gave him an aggravated look. "Get out of my way, Jack. It needs a bath and some food. You wouldn't just kick a lost, stray little thing to the curb would you? When they needed you most?" She gave him a pointed look.

Letting out a sigh, Jack rolled his eyes. "A bath. And some food. Then I will personally drive it down to the pound for you."

Walking by him, Kate placed a quick kiss next to his mouth. He smiled at her and reached to pet the cat, "Hi, cat."

Right before his hand touched it's head, the cat let out a hiss. Jack recoiled. "Damn it!"

"He can tell you don't like him!" Kate chided. She cuddled the cat closer to her, speaking softly to it, "I know he might seem a little difficult. But he grows on you, trust me. You'll learn to love him."

Rolling his eyes, Jack followed Kate upstairs. "_Don't_ give it a bath in our tub, please."

Kate changed her direction, moving towards the bathroom she had used when she first came to stay. "Oh, yeah. Wouldn't want it to leave behind any cat germs we might get infected with. Because it's not like I'll clean the tub when I'm done."

Jack let out an annoyed noise and Kate turned the water on, making sure it was neither too hot nor too cold. "Close to door," she commanded, setting the cat down on the floor. It immediately moved close to her, rubbing its head against her legs. It gave a wary glare, then a hiss in Jack's direction.

Kate laughed, "It doesn't like you. But I guess that's okay since you're an animal hater."

"I am not an animal hater," Jack argued, taking a seat on the closed toilet lid. "Dogs are fine. Monkeys are fine. Hell, I'd adopt a giraffe. But cats are not animals. They're furry little demons."

Kate gave him an odd look. "Did you get attacked by a cat when you were young or something?"

"No!" Jack said, shaking his head. He made a disgusted face as Kate petted the cat softly, then placed it in the water. "I'm just not a cat-person."

He watched in near-amazement as the cat let Kate bathe it, purring all the while. Cats hated water, didn't they? It didn't really surprise him though. Kate had proven herself able to work her charms on the most vile of creatures before. Namely Sawyer.

Annoyed that he was even thinking about him, Jack changed the subject out loud, "You don't have to get it that clean. It'll just get dirty again at the pound."

"He's a boy," Kate said softly, not looking at Jack. She began to rinse the cat off. "What do you think about Boo Radley?"

"What do I think about who?" Jack asked, with a hint of aggravation in his voice.

"For his name," Kate said. "Can you please hand me a towel out of that cabinet? Boo Radley. You know, from To Kill A Mockingbird. Because this little fellow is so white. Boo Radley was really pale, wasn't he? Because he never went outside."

Jack handed her a yellow towel. "Can't say that I remember. Why would you name a cat you're not going to keep?"

Kate turned towards him, a charming smile on her face.

"No!" Jack warned, before she even said anything. "No, no, no. No, Kate. N - O. I pay the bills. I own the house. There will be no cat living in it."

"We'll see about that," Kate told him with a wink. After making sure Boo Radley was completely dry, Kate opened the bathroom door. "Come on, Boo. Let's go see what's for dinner."

Jack followed Kate closely, "Suppose I do let you keep him. What are we going to do with him on vacation? You just want to cancel our plans?"

Kate laughed. "You act like we're booked first class to Rome, Jack. He can come with us, can't he? Does the cabin have a strict no animals policy?"

"Do you have any idea how much work a cat is?" Jack snapped, crossing his arms. "They need litter boxes, they need toys, they need tons of attention. They make messes everywhere."

"It's a _cat_, Jack!" Kate exploded, uncharacteristically. "A damn cat. It can't be that much work! It's not like it's a baby who'd be crying all the time, or needed constant attention. You can let a cat wander around the house. Not a baby. A baby would fall off of something or worse. Not too mention that you can get rid of a cat anytime you want. Not a baby though! A baby, you're stuck with! Plus, cats sleep a lot! Babies sleep like what? Forty minutes a day? You have to change their diapers. You have to buy baby toys! You have to baby proof your whole house! So what if a cat needs a little box and a few jingly toys? That's _nothing_!"

By the time she reached the end of her outburst, Kate's face was bright red and she looked on the verge of tears. Jack stood, staring at her in shock. He had no clue where the hell that had come from. What did a cat have to do with a baby?

He closed the distance between them in two steps, wrapping her a tight hug. Jack could still feel her breathing heavily against his chest. "We'll keep the cat, Kate," he whispered, placing several light kisses on the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," she told him, pulling away. "I don't know what got into me. I guess I just like cats."

Jack still couldn't help feeling concerned. "If it means so much to you, I guess I could learn to like him, too." He moved in closer, to pet the cat, "Hey there, Boo."

Boo hissed and jumped away, seemingly trying to hide between Kate's legs. He stood there for several seconds, his back arched, as though trying to decide whether or not to pounce on this male adversary.

Kate laughed as she found a small dish in a cabinet, and poured some milk into it. "Come on, you two. You can't be arguing over who the most important man in my life is. You have to learn to get along, alright?"

Jack was about to respond with a snarky comment, but the ringing of the doorbell stopped him. He left the kitchen, and opened the front door for his mother. "Hello, Jack. Merry Christmas Eve. Where's Katherine?"

"Merry Christmas," Jack returned. "She's in the kitchen. I thought you said you were bringing a ham."

"It's in the car, Jack," Margo called over her shoulder. "Why don't you be of good use and go out and get it? You're not doing anybody any good standing there."

"Yes, ma'am," Jack muttered under his breath. He walked slowly to her car and opened the backdoor. Before he reached for the hot dish, he noticed a folded up handkerchief in a cup-holder. He was almost positive it had belongs to his father's father.

Curiosity getting the best of him, Jack reached for the worn item, letting its contents fall into his left hand. He stared down at them startled, immediately recognizing the heirlooms. They had been his grandparent's wedding rings. They were supposed to have been passed down to him, but Margo had refused to give them to Jack when he proposed to Sarah, citing that Sarah did not deserve such an expensive treasure. It had worked out for the best. Sarah had wanted new rings anyway.

So what the hell was Margo doing with them now?

Jack did his best to put them back exactly like he had found them, and then grabbed the dish, hurrying back into the house. When he entered the kitchen, he found his mother cooing over the cat.

"Boo Radley," Margo said softly, rubbing between his ears. "What an absolutely precious name for such a precious little creature!"

Noticing Jack had returned, Kate shot him a smug look. He rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you're on Kate's side about this, Mom."

"Cats are lovely animals, Jack!" Margo informed him, standing up and smoothing down her blouse. "You're father always hated them. He'd never let me have any kind of pet. You're much, _much _more like him than you'll ever admit to yourself."

Kate saw Jack tense up. "Mom. We've been over this. I am _nothing_ like --"

"Yes, yes," Margo snapped, interrupting him. "You're _nothing like your father_. That forty year old tune is worn out. So maybe you will not go on some crazy bender, kill a patient, and then yourself. Maybe you are too smart for that. Maybe it's just because you're lucky that you love someone enough not to. But I am sick of you acting like that's all your father was, Jack Shepherd. Your father had just as many good traits as he did bad. He loved you and don't you ever forget that."

Jack's jaw jutted out slightly, and he glanced away. "Don't tell me how to feel about Dad. I don't know how you can defend him! He lied to all of us, he _cheated_ on you, he --"

"Did you kiss another woman when you were married to Sarah?" Margo interrupted, her tone calm.

"Yes," Jack snapped. "But that's completely --"

Margo raised her hand, signaling for him to stop speaking. "Don't judge your father and my relationship, Jack. It's not something that can be understood. I loved him. And if you'd ever let yourself, you might realize that you did too."

"I'm not spending today talking about Dad," Jack shook his head, glancing around the kitchen. His gaze fell upon Kate, who bore an uncomfortable grimace. Then, his eyes traveled to Boo who was peeing on the dishwasher door.

"Goddamnit, Kate!" Jack snapped. "Watch your cat!"

Muttering an apology, Kate quickly grabbed a handful of paper towels and began to sop up the mess. Jack headed towards the living room, Margo on his heels.

"Don't talk to her that way because you're upset with me," his mother warned him. "I don't know why she puts up with you."

"Neither do I," Jack muttered, collapsing tiredly onto the couch. He noticed Kate's presents hadn't been put away and piles of wrapping paper still littered the floor.

Kate noticed the same thing when she entered the living room. She quickly began to gather the wrapping, making sure not to wrinkle it any worse than she and Jack's brief tussle already had. Still worried she was interrupting something between Jack and Margo, Kate didn't glace at either of them as she stacked the paper neatly on the coffee table.

"What the hell are you doing, Kate?" Jack asked in bewilderment. "Just bring a trash bag in here and toss it all in there. Actually, I'll go get one for you."

He stood, glad for an excuse to be done talking about his father. Kate blushed, and stopped what she was doing. "Sorry. I always had to open my presents very neat so we could save the paper for next year. I guess you don't do that, huh?"

Jack and Margo exchanged a glance. "No, Kate," Jack shook his head. He wished he didn't sound so annoyed with her. "We don't do that."

Kate murmured another apology, and Jack felt even more angry at himself for being so easily aggravated with her. It was supposed to be a happy day. He tried his best to cajole himself out of his bad mood while Kate and his mom worked on the rest of dinner. It didn't work very well.

As Margo set the table, Jack walked into the kitchen, watching Kate put the finishing touches on dinner. "Everything looks great. I'm impressed."

Glancing up in his direction, Kate gave a wary smile. "Are we being nice now?"

"I'm always nice," Jack said, glancing towards the dining room. He tried to keep his voice low in hopes Margo wouldn't overhear their conversation. "I can't believe she comes in here, on Christmas Eve, trying to talk about Dad."

Kate sighed, and stopped what she was doing. "It's her first Christmas without her husband, Jack. It's your first without a father. I can't believe I didn't think of that sooner. I can't imagine how you must be feeling."

"I'm not feeling anything, Kate," Jack said, his voice rising. "Except that I can't wait for this dinner to be over, and tomorrow morning to come so we can be gone for a few days. I hadn't even thought about him until she brought him up."

Biting her lip, Kate shook her head. "I don't believe that."

"Well, it's really not your business," Jack snapped. "So just drop it, okay? I'm sick of hearing about it."

"You know, it's okay to miss him, Jack!" Kate whirled around, hands on her hips. "It's okay to be sad. You don't have to hate him. Admitting that you miss him isn't going to make you less of a person. It's not like you'd be signing a dotted line saying your life is going to turn out just like his."

Jack didn't respond and he kept his gaze diverted from Kate. He didn't have anything left to say on the subject. That, and he was afraid of the words he would spit at her should he choose to speak.

"I know you don't hate him, Jack," Kate said softly, reaching for his arm. "The last time I saw my mother before she died, she hated me. She was afraid of me. I know how it feels to have someone you care about die when things are in ruins between you. And I don't hate my mother. So _that's_ how I know. . ."

"Can we just drop it?" Jack asked, stepping forward and cupping her face in his hands. He kissed her softly. "Please?"

She nodded wordlessly and leaned in, meeting his lips again. He wrapped his arms around her, allowing himself to get lost in kissing her. They stood blissfully in each other's embrace until Margo cleared her throat behind them.

"Dinner's ready," she told them with a wry smile.

Dinner went by smoother than Jack had counted on. Margo completely dropped the talk of Christian, and didn't have a harsh word to speak to anyone during the meal. Instead, to both Kate and Jack's surprise she seemed to have taken a genuine interest in Kate. She asked questions about her childhood and where she grew up. When they weren't talking about Kate, the conversation steered toward Jack's work and the cases he had been dealing with. The last topic Margo brought up was how things were going for the couple. After assuring Margo that things were great, Kate got up to clear the table.

Margo moved to help, but Jack put his hand on her shoulder, stopping her. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute? Outside?"

Confused, Margo nodded. Jack turned back to Kate, "Just leave the dishes, Kate. I'll get them. How about you set up a bed for Boo in the laundry room?"

Kate arched an eyebrow. "You're willing to accept that Boo is part of the family?"

"For now," Jack winked before ushering his mother outside.

Kate spend the next ten minutes setting up a make-shift bed for Boo, and wondering what Jack and his mother were talking about outside. She had just finished fixing the towels Boo was to lay on when Jack stepped into the room. "Mom said she'd watch Boo while we're gone."

"Really?" Kate's eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I guess we'll get our alone time after all."

Jack buried his head in her hair and laughed. "Kate, _all_ of our time is alone time!"

"Okay, okay," she rolled her eyes. "Alone time that's not spent in this house."

They walked hand-in-hand out of the laundry room and said their good-byes to Margo. She agreed that they should be over about 8 the next morning in order to drop Boo off. They were to pick him up the morning after they returned.

After Margo was gone, Kate settled Boo into his new bed. He immediately fell asleep, all cozy in the warm towels. Jack was happy enough to see her happy that he didn't complain she had used the good towels.

When they went upstairs to bed, Kate put on one of Jack's t-shirts and snuggled into bed. He laughed softly, "All the pajamas I bought you and you still sleep in my shirt."

Kate spoke, her eyes closed and her voice very soft, "It smells like you."

Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Jack smoothed her hair away from her forehead. "I thought we agreed on amazing sex tonight."

"Mmm," Kate murmured, not opening her eyes. "I'm really tired. Tomorrow. _Lots_ of amazing sex tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Jack agreed, placing a soft kiss on her head. "'Night, Kate."

"'Night, Jack," Kate's voice was barely audible. "I love you."

Kate was asleep so fast that she didn't hear Jack whisper the words back. Nor did she see what he slipped into his sock drawer before climbing into bed and wrapping his arms around her.


	17. Chapter 17

Th**is is the THIRD of THREE chapters posted tonight. If you have not yet read 15 or 16 please go and read them before continuing on with 17!**

I really enjoyed this chapter. And the next chapter is going to be very meaningful to me and it should be up within a week or two! Chapter 18 is the reason I have written Almost Home -- so I hope you like this chapter, and I hope you really like the next one. Although I'm not too sure. . .

Enjoy! And PLEASE respond!

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

Jack's alarm started buzzing at quarter 'til six the next morning. Glancing at the clock, Kate let out a moan and buried her head in the pillow. "Ten more minutes."

Laughing, Jack pushed the covers off both of them, ignoring Kate's irate protests. "We could have slept later if you hadn't crawled in to bed so early. We still have to pack. And _you_ have to make sure that cat hasn't peed all over my laundry room."

Sighing, Kate looked at him imploringly. "Five more minutes?"

"No more minutes," Jack informed her, standing up. "Come on, Kate. Get up. I would have thought you'd be used to only getting a few hours sleep at a time with being on the run for so many years. You can't just fall asleep for hours with the Feds breathing down your neck, can you?"

"Well, it's your fault for spoiling me, isn't it?" Kate asked, her voice muffled by the pillow. "You've given me too much of a sense of security. Now I can't do with less than 8 hours. You've ruined me. . . ruined me."

Jack smiled at her affectionately, almost glad she couldn't see the look on his face. Walking back over to the bed, he scooped her up. "Go check on your cat!"

"Our cat," she corrected him, covering her mouth as she yawned and heading for the door. "And he has a name. It's Boo."

"It's Boo," Jack muttered under his breath as Kate exited the room. Grabbing his own suitcase from the closet, and the one he had given her the day before, Jack laid them down on the unmade bed.

The clothes that had been her Christmas presents lay in haphazard piles around the room. Jack grabbed a pile and began to sort through what he thought she needed, and what she wouldn't. After packing a few sweaters he looked up and saw Kate in the doorway, a sheepish grin on her face. Boo was tucked under one of her arms, and the other was behind her back.

Stepping into the room, she showed him her left hand which held what looked like silky green rags. "You didn't really like this tie that much, did you?"

Jack glanced from what _had_ been his tie to Kate's face. He let out a long sigh, "It was one of my _favorites_. It cost me $600. It's irreplaceable."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Please. You don't think I know you better than that? You won't even sit in first class on an airplane; there's no way you'd spend six hundred dollars on a tie. An _ugly_ tie, at that."

"You're right," Jack smirked. "Sarah bought that for me on our first Christmas together."

Kate placed Boo on the floor and smiled, "Good kitty."

Rolling his eyes, Jack resumed packing. "I take it he tore the room apart?"

"No," Kate told him, sitting down on the bed. She yawned and stretched out, cuddling up with Jack's pillow. "He was a perfect gentlemen."

Jack watched with distaste as Boo clawed around the room, most likely on the look out for something else silky and expensive to destroy. He turned his attention back to Kate, "What are you doing? You could help me pack, you know."

She didn't move. "Merry Christmas."

He tossed down the pair of jeans he was wearing and kneeled on the bed to kiss her, "Merry Christmas, Kate."

Kate tugged gently at the t-shirt he was wearing, inviting him to join her in her reclined position. He resisted, "We don't have time."

"Why does everything always have to be on a schedule?" Kate asked softly. "We have to next few days to take it easy."

Jack relented, and leaned down once again, kissing her with more passion this time. He ran his hands under the t-shirt Kate had worn to bed and was ready to remove it, when he heard a hiss coming from right beside them. They both looked up to see Boo crouching next to them, hissing in Jack's direction.

"_Seriously_, Kate."

With one last aggravated grunt, Jack stood up and returned to packing. "A little help would be nice."

"Why are you packing so much clothes anyway?" Kate asked, a playful grin on her face. "I thought these next few days were all about _amazing sex_."

"You have a one track mind, Kate," Jack shook his head, and concentrated on folding the shirt on his hands, trying not to crack a smile. "A one track mind and no self-control. It's sad, really."

Kate rolled her eyes, and didn't dignify his comment with a response. Instead, she stood and started to help him pack. They worked in silence for several minutes, when Kate felt Jack's gaze on her. Turning to him, she noticed he looked as if he were deciding whether or not to say something.

"What?"

He opened his mouth then closed it, shaking his head. "How many men have you slept with?"

Jack's tone was light, almost teasing, but Kate could tell he wanted an answer. "Excuse me?"

"Not including me," Jack said, the smile still on his face. When she didn't respond, he spoke again, not sounding quite so jolly. "How many men?"

Kate didn't look up to meet his gaze, and her folding became quicker and messier. "Enough."

He didn't say anything, and she finally looked over at him. "What difference does it make? You're the only man I'm sleeping with now. Do you want me to ask you how many women you've had sex with?"

"Six, including you," Jack responded, not missing a beat. "My first time was with a girl in high school, a few in undergrad and during med school. I was pretty busy studying then though, sex wasn't on the top of my priorities. Sarah. One woman after her. Then you."

"Six women ever?" Kate raised an eyebrow. "You've only slept with six women, including me?"

"Six," Jack repeated. "And you?"

"Why is this so important all of the sudden?" Kate asked, clearly aggravated. She walked over to where she had piled the clothes Jack had given her the afternoon before, selecting a few sweaters to pack.

"Why are you so afraid to tell me?"

Removing a few of the sweaters she saw Jack had already packed, she began to place the ones she wanted to take in her luggage. "I did what I needed to do to survive when I was on the run, okay? It's not something I'm proud of, but it got me where I am today. I can't go back and change who I was."

Jack wasn't sure how to respond. "A lot then, huh?"

Kate placed the final sweater in her bag. It was soft and blue, and in her opinion the prettiest of them all. She ran her hand over the material. "A lot."

Taking her by surprise, Jack took hold of her hand and pulled her over to him. Kissing her softly, he whispered, "I'm the best, right?"

Kate laughed, glad for the break in tension. "You're the best, Jack. You'll always have been the best."

Pulling away, she glanced around the room. "Where did Boo go?"

Kate managed to coral Boo, and get him ready to go while Jack finished up packing. It was close, but they managed to make it out to the door and to Margo's before 8.

"You're mom's house is really nice," Kate commented as they stood on the front stoop, waiting for Margo to answer the door. "It's big. You grew up here?"

"Same house since as long as I can remember," Jack nodded. "We lived somewhere else first, but moved here when Dad got the job at St. Martin's."

Kate started to respond, but was interrupted when Margo opened the door. "Hello, hello! Good morning. You haven't seen the house yet, have you, Katherine? Come in."

Jack and Kate exchanged a glance. Margo was in an uncharacteristically good mood. Kate leaned into Jack as they stepped into the house, "Maybe she's getting laid?"

Glaring at her, Jack whispered, "You're disgusting."

"Just an idea," Kate smirked, shrugging her shoulders. "Sex definitely made you more laid back. Maybe it runs in the family."

"_Kate_," Jack drawled out her name. "Stop it. You're seriously going to put me completely out of the mood. Is that what you want?"

She leaned into him closer, "I want a tour. How about you show me your childhood bedroom? I bet you'd get a rush out of doing it in your old bed."

Jack brushed his lips against her ear. "Well, now you're just turning me on."

"What are you two whispering about?" Margo called. "Come on in here. I want to show you the house, Katherine."

Kate smiling apologetically at Jack. "Guess you're just going to have to keep that horse wrangled up, cowboy."

"Tease," Jack muttered as they made their way into the living room.

The first thing Kate noticed when she walked into the living room was the mantle, which was covered with photos of Jack. She pointed to one where he was cloaked in black, presumably when he was graduating med school. "Hmm. Nice hair."

"You know," Jack said, walking in front of her, attempting to block her view. "I don't think you need to look at these. Just drop the cat, and let's get away while we can."

"Over here, Katherine," Margo called, from where she was sitting on the couch, a photo album open on her lap. "Jack's taking a bath in these."

Before Kate could sit next to Margo, Jack grabbed her arm. "Okay, and that's our exit cue. Give my mother the cat, Kate, and let's be on our way."

"Oh, Jack," Margo admonished, walking over to the couple and taking the cat from Kate's arms. "You're always in such a hurry. I'll show you some pictures when you come to pick up Boo, okay Katherine? I'll pick out the best ones."

Kate nodded, and scratched Boo behind the ears. "You be good, okay Boo? Listen to what Margo tells you. Don't eat the furniture. Or pee on it. Alright?"

She continued on, cooing and petting until Jack spoke up. "Kate, it's a cat. Not a baby. Let's hit the road."

Rolling her eyes, Kate gave Boo one final kiss on the head. She smiled at Margo, thanking her again, "Hopefully he won't be any trouble. He was very good last night."

"He won't be any trouble at all," Margo assured Kate with a wave of the hand. "I made an appointment to take him to the vet tomorrow. You want to make sure he doesn't have any diseases or need any shots."

The thought of Margo taking Kate's cat to the vet was too much. He grabbed Kate's arm, quickly ushering her out of the room, "Come on. Time to go."

Kate's thigh bumped against an end table as they walked out of the room, and she caught a picture frame that was falling just before it crashed on the floor. Instead of setting it back where it fell from, she stared at it for a few seconds. Finally, she looked to Jack, "Is this you and your father?"

It hadn't occurred to Jack that Kate had never actually seen his father. He knew what picture it was without even looking at it. "Yeah. That was taken about six months before he died."

Kate squinted at the picture, then glanced at Jack. "I can see a little of him in you. You can tell he's your father."

"You think?" Jack was surprised that her words didn't upset him. "I never really thought so."

"I think so," Kate said with a nod, setting the picture back on the table. She turned and smiled at Margo, "But you have a lot of your mom in you too."

Jack kissed Kate softly, then cupped her face in his hands. "Are you ready? I'm not getting any younger here."

"That's for damn sure," Kate teased. She turned, waving to Margo, "Bye! See you in a few days!"

After about an hour of driving, Kate tried sleeping. She couldn't manage to keep her eyes closed long enough to actually fall asleep, so she began to fiddle with the radio. Finding nothing, she sighed, and switched it off, squirming in her seat.

"Bored?" Jack asked, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"A little," Kate smiled, staring out her window. They were out of the city now and endless open land stretched out in front of them. Kate could see the peaks of the mountains in the distance and wondered how long it would take to get there.

Jack glanced at her quickly, "Do you really think I'm like my mom?"

"Sure do," Kate nodded, turning to watch his furrowed profile as he drove. "You both have issues with letting people in for obvious reasons, I suppose. You both have a kind of abrasive nature."

"I am not abrasive!" Jack interrupted. "Well. At least not to you. I never have been!"

"_Oh_, yeah," Kate rolled her eyes and laughed. She puffed out her chest and lowered her voice, doing her best Jack imitation, "_I am not a murderer, Kate_!"

Jack laughed and shook his head, "I'm not! And neither are you."

She glanced over and saw he was looking at her. Shaking her head ever so slightly, she whispered, "Just watch the road."

Doing as she said, Jack reached over and took her hand in his. Pretty soon she was asleep. He spent the rest of the trip alternating keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him and glancing at her every so often.

Kate was still fast asleep when Jack pulled in front of the cabin. Unbuckling his seatbelt, he leaned over her, shaking her slightly. "Hey, you. Rise and shine. We made it."

Attempting to stretch, Kate shifted, raising her arms above her head and fluttering her eyelids several times. Jack unbuckled her seatbelt for her as she wiped her chin. Smiling sleepily, she huskily informed him, "I drooled."

"Yes, you did," Jack grinned, brushing away a few strands of hair that were matted to her forehead. "You look cute."

Kate gave him a look, not even bothering to check herself out in the mirror she knew was on the back of the sun visor. She probably looked crumpled to say the least. Glancing past Jack, out the car, Kate's face lit up.

"Jack. . . this place is amazing."

Giving him an excited grin, Kate grabbed her coat from the backseat and quickly yanked it on before hurrying out of the car. Jack watched as she did an out-of-character free-spirited dance in the front yard, scooping up an armful of snow and tossing it over her head. She waved at him, "Come _play_ with me!"

Setting the bag he had been getting ready to carry into the cabin onto the seat next to him, Jack grabbed his own coat to go join Kate. As soon as he had shut the car door Kate sent a giant snowball in his direction, smacking him square in the chest.

Kate pumped her fist in the air, "Score!"

He tried to give her a disproving look, but couldn't stop smiling long enough for it to work. Walking toward her, he laughed, "You're like a little kid, you know that, right?"

She met him half way, encircling her arms around his neck, kissing him gently and quickly, "Make a snowman with me."

"How about we make a snowman later?" Jack suggested, kissing her again. "Let's take our stuff in. Don't you want to see the house?"

Kate agreed and between all the luggage and grocery bags, they made it into the cabin in two trips. Jack began a mini-tour of the house, "There's two fireplaces, one here in the living room and another in our bedroom. Oh, and go look at the backdoor, there's something you might like on the back porch."

Almost skipping, Kate hurried to the back door glancing outside. "A jacuzzi? How fun! Did you pack me a bathing suit? I don't even think I have a bathing suit."

Smirking, Jack leaned against the wall. "I don't think you need a bathing suit."

Kate rolled her eyes, "You and your obsession with my naked body. It's too much, really. Let's finish up this tour."

After the quick tour of the rest of the fairly small cabin they ended up back in the living room, standing in the middle of their luggage, wrapped up in each other's arms. Jack kissed Kate's neck softly, "You want to go back outside?"

"Actually," Kate murmured, turning her head just enough so her lips met his. "I want to go back to the bedroom."

Whispering his agreement, Jack slipped his hands up Kate's shirt, their clothes falling piece by piece to the floor as they kissed their way slowly back to the bedroom, neither in the mood to rush anything.

Kate lay with her head on Jack's chest, fighting to keep her eyes open. She had slept most of the car ride to the cabin, but she was nearly overcome by fatigue already. Jack smoothed her hair back, "You've been tired a lot lately."

"I'm not tired," Kate shook her head, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look at Jack. "I'm just comfy."

Getting out of bed, Kate stretched and searched around the room for her clothes. Finding only half of them she gave up, crawling back into bed, "Okay, maybe I am tired."

"I knew it," Jack whispered, kissing her on the temple. "You stay here and rest, I'll go fix us a late lunch/early dinner, okay?"

As Jack went to work making dinner he thought about how tired Kate had been lately. She had been going to bed early almost every night, taking naps, waking up later than normal. She didn't seem to be getting a cold, or the flu. It wasn't as if she over-exerted herself during the day. What else could make her feel so constantly sleepy?

She had been steadily gaining weight lately, too, hadn't she?

Not that much, the more logical side of his mind argued with him. She had been eating better. Regular, healthy meals. Some not so healthy meals. But more food. Probably a lot more food than she was used to. He had put on weight after returning home from the island.

But not as much as Kate.

They had been careful though. That was the most important fact to cling to. He had brought her birth control pills. They always used protection. Well, they usually used protection. They were _careful_. Careful enough not to get pregnant.

Weren't they?

Jack continued his mental battle, moving on to struggling with whether or not he thought Kate would actually tell him if she suspected she was pregnant as he whipped up a small meal. He was so wrapped up in himself, that he jumped when he heard Kate clearing her throat behind him.

She smiled sleepily, "I said your name three times."

"Sorry," Jack said sheepishly, as she kissed his cheek. "I was just thinking. You didn't sleep very long."

"I didn't actually sleep, just rested. Actually, I was just trying to get out of helping you cook," Kate winked. "What were you thinking about?"

Jack looked into her eyes. He'd be able to tell if something were different, wouldn't he? He knew her that well, didn't he? And she would tell him if something as important, as scary, as her being pregnant was going out. Kate trusted him.

"Nothing important," he told her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in for a kiss. "You hungry?"

"Starved," Kate replied with a nod.

They ate quickly and quietly, Kate staring over Jack's shoulder, out the backdoor most of the time. As they ate, tiny snowflakes began to fall in blankets from the sky. Sighing in contentment, she stood up and walked to the large, front picture window, staring outside in awe. "Let's move here."

Jack came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Pulling her against him, he swayed back and forth just slightly. "That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

"Just you and me," Kate murmured, massaging her hands over his arms. "Away from everyone else. In our own little corner of the world."

Instead of trying to respond, Jack kept silent, letting Kate continue on. "After my parents got divorced and my dad moved away, I spent a few Christmas's with him. He wouldn't work the entire time. We'd just play games around the fire, and drink hot chocolate, and we'd always make snowmen and my Dad. . . he would find the craziest old clothes to drape around them. When I was with him, I used to wish that time would stand still and I could just stay there with him forever. It was the only place I had ever felt safe in my life."

She paused, and swallowed hard. Jack could see tiny tears shining in her eyes. Keeping her gaze on the snow, she whispered, "Until I met you."

Jack felt on the edge of tears, himself. Kate _never_ said things like that. Stepping in front of her, he wrapped her in a real hug. Cradling her against his chest, he stroked her hair, "You never have to go anywhere, Kate. You can stay with me. We can be together. We'll make it work, I promise."

Stepping out of his embrace, Kate gave Jack a sad smile. "Let's go build a snowman, Jack."

Building a snowman was just about the last thing Jack wanted to do at that very moment. What he wanted most was to pull her back into his arms, kiss every freckle on her face and make endless promises about how he would protect her. But what he wanted didn't matter. This was time for Kate.

"Let's go build a snowman," Jack agreed with a nod.

The pair bundled themselves up in their coats, hats, gloves and scarves. Kate finished quicker than Jack and scurried outside, urging him to hurry. He watched as she threw another puff of snow in the air, loving how it stuck to the curly mess of her hair as it rained back down upon her. The change in her mood was so quick it was almost imperceptible.

She rolled up a large snowball and turned to the doorway where he was standing, threatening to lob it his way. "Come on, you slow poke. The party's out here!"

Jack joined her and they went to work on their snowman. The first one didn't turn out to well. Instructing Jack that the bottom ball had been too small, and he needed to do better, Kate started to roll a better one. "You roll one too, and then we'll smash them together."

"I don't think that'll work," Jack shook his head, grinning at her. "Come on, I thought you were some kind of snowman expert."

Kate rolled her eyes, "It's been a long time since I was 12, Jack!" A mischievous grin crossed her face and she added, "Not as long as it's been since you were 12."

"You know what," Jack turned to her, forsaking the snowball he'd been working on. "I'm about to come over there and roll _you _into a snowball."

"Ha," Kate scoffed, placing her gloved hands on her hips. "I'd like to see you try."

That was all the invitation he needed. In mere seconds Jack and Kate were on the ground, rolling around in the snow. She let out a chorus of giggles as he pinned her down and smashed a snowball in her face. Struggling underneath him she tried to get him back, but he was too strong and too quick. Her hat fell off and she could feel the snow seeping into her hair, but as Jack's lips met hers in a sweet, snowy kiss, Kate was delighted to find she didn't feel a bit cold.

"Can we get back to our snowman now?" Kate requested after Jack pulled away from their kiss. She pretended to be aggravated, "You always get distracted from the simplest of tasks. Even in all this winter gear my body draws you away from whatever you're doing!"

"I think you're just a little to pleased with yourself," Jack told her, standing up and offering her his hand. He hoisted her up, letting out a grunt. "Huh, you really have packed on the pounds, haven't you?"

"I'm going to do you a favor," Kate told him, shaking her head, "and pretend that you didn't say that!"

"I was just kidding," Jack assured her, leaning down for a kiss. "I think you look beautiful."

"I think," Kate scrunched up her nose and smiled sweetly at him. "That you just say things like that when you want to get laid."

Jack laughed, "If that were true, all I'd ever be doing is complimenting you."

Kate rolled her eyes, and instructed Jack to get back to working on the snowman. Twenty minutes and two tries later, a decent sized frozen fellow stared back at them complete with rocks and bark for eyes and a mouth.

"I, for one, think our little man is quite attractive," Kate informed Jack with a wink. "It seems like he's missing something though. . ."

A mischievous grin spread across Jack's face. Winking at Kate, he headed back towards the house, "You wait right there. I think I know just what he needs!"

Kate waited curiously as Jack rummaged around inside the house. Less than two minutes later, he returned, an old mop-head in his hand. He placed it proudly on their snowman's head, it's long, yellowed strings hanging over his face in a straw-like manner.

Jack grinned, "Let's call him Sawyer."

Kate wasn't sure whether she should be amused or annoyed. Grinning, she shook her head, "Sometimes you're really too much, you know that?"

Shrugging, Jack pulled her in for a hug, "It's one of the reasons you love me."

They stayed outside awhile longer, kissing, tossing a few snowballs at each other and attempting perfect snow angels.

Kate was shivering by the time they went back into the cabin. She held up her prune-y hands, placing them on Jack's cheek. She laughed as he balked at her touch, "I'm _freezing_!"

"I can tell!" Jack said, grabbing her by the wrists in an effort to dodge anymore cold touches. "Why don't you go take a hot shower while I start a fire?"

Kate pouted, trying to wriggle her wrists from his grasp, "You won't come join me?"

"Let me start the fire," Jack shook his head, pulling her into a hug and kissing her cheek. "Make it a quick shower and I'll be out here waiting."

Letting out a long sigh, Kate closed her eyes, pretending to take the news very hard. "I guess I can handle one shower without you. But I'm warning you, you better be joining me for the rest of the trip. A girl gets lonely. . ."

"It's a deal," Jack agreed with a nod. He kissed her one last time and watched her retreat towards the bathroom, almost chasing after her and announcing he had decided to take her up on her offer.

Instead, he stayed in the living room, lighting a fire. After that was done he moved to an old chest, opening it to see if the radio that his parents had kept in the cabin was still there. He thought he had seen it while he was cleaning the place up but wasn't sure. Luckily, as he opened the chest, he found it nestled between two blankets.

Removing it, he turned it on to see if he could find a signal. Cursing, he realized that all they could get was fuzz. As he was reaching to return it to the chest, he noticed a single cassette tape lying at the bottom. Curious, he picked it up.

_To Margo_, was written on scotch tape, in his father's handwriting.

Even more curious, he plugged the radio in, popping the cassette into it's holder. Pushing play, Jack was more than surprised to hear a romantic song blaring out at him. He pressed fast-forward. One by one, romantic song after romantic song streamed out from the player.

The fact that his dad had made a romantic mix-tape for his mother astounded Jack.

That had to mean that years ago things had actually been good between his parents. His father had mostly likely brought Margo up to the cabin on countless romantic week-end getaways. Just like the kind Jack was on with Kate at that very moment. For the first time in over a decade, Jack saw his father as human.

Jack sat and wondered how many promises Christian had made to Margo in this cabin. Promises just like Jack had made to Kate earlier? Promises he hadn't been able to keep, just like Jack was afraid he couldn't.

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe he was _exactly_ like his father.

The demons in his mind were chased away by the sound of Kate shuffling into the room. Her hair hung in damp curls, framing her face. She was wearing a pair of blue polka-dot cotton pajama pants he had given her the morning before, and a matching tank top he knew she would soon get cold in. She wiggled her socked feet at him, "I had to put on a pair of yours. I forgot to pack any of mine!"

At the sight of her, Jack's voice caught in his throat. He didn't know if he had ever seen her look more beautiful then she did, standing in front of the fire, illuminated in it's glow. Dark shadows had fallen across the room, as dusk settled in outside, and there Kate stood in the middle of it, the only thing glowing in the room. She made him want to be so much better than he ever could.

Kate looked concerned at his expression and took another step forward. Before she could speak, Jack pressed play, and the first few familiar notes of 'Unchained Melody' floated around them. He stood up, holding out his hand, "Do you want to dance with me?"

Nodding wordless, Kate took hold of his hand. He pulled her against him, their bodies swaying slowly in perfect rhythm. As the music played, he lowered his hands to the small of her back, pulling her as close to him as possible.

Kate laid her head against his chest, a content smile on her face. "This is nice."

Jack brushed his lips across her forehead, inhaling the scent of her hair. "You smell good."

"It's just my normal shampoo," Kate murmured, the feel of Jack's hands massaging her back as they swayed lulling her into a half-lucid state. His hands continued to roam over her back, under her shirt, everywhere. He wanted to feel as much of her as he could.

Their lips met as the music swelled around them, drowning out the sound of the crackling fire. Jack's fingers traced the top of her pants, causing her to softly giggle against his lips. Untying the drawstring, he dipped his hands below the hemline, stroking the outline of her hipbones, trying to pull her even closer.

The tape clicked off, causing each to become aware of the other's frantic breathing. Kate moved her hands from around his neck, undoing his belt as she wriggled out of her pajama bottoms. Jack's jeans soon followed suit.

His hands moved up to cup her face, pulling away just slightly, "Bedroom?"

"No," Kate whispered, shaking her head and running her hands up his sweater and over his torso. She tugged just slightly so he'd let her remove it. "Right here."

Jack nodded, kissing her again quickly before grabbing a blanket off the couch and spreading it out on the floor. Their lips met again as they lowered themselves down in front of the fire, onto the plaid blanket.

"You're still half-dressed," Jack whispered, running his hands up her tank top. "That's not fair."

Kate smiled, raising her hands silently in the air. Her tank top fell on top of the pile of clothes. As they laid down on the blanket, she shivered under Jack. He laughed softly, "You sure you don't want to go to the bedroom?"

Kate nodded, leaning up and meeting his lips. "_You_ keep me warm."

Jack agreed, pulling her body to his. He began to kiss her neck amazed as always at the way their bodies fit perfectly together, as if one had been specifically designed for the other.

They had made love so many times before that Jack would have lost count if he had been keeping a tally. They had had average sex, amazing sex, quickie sex, shower sex, couch sex so many times he couldn't remember all of them. But this time he wanted to remember. He paid extra attention to the expressions on her face, each and every sound she made as they moved together in front of the crackling fire place. He tried to keep count of how many minutes they spent intertwined in each other, holding each other close afterwards. He even wanted to remember all the words they whispered as they laid cuddled together close in bed that night after he had carried her to their bedroom.

But most of all what Jack hoped to remember was the completely trusting look on Kate's face as the last thing she whispered before she fell asleep was, "I love you."

They stayed in bed late the next morning, talking and cuddling. When they got up Kate made breakfast while Jack showered. After he finished, he walked to the kitchen to see what she was doing.

Kate turned, smiling at him. She tugged at the edge of his sweater she had thrown on, trying to make sure it covered her up well enough in order not to distract Jack. "Ready to eat?"

Apparently her tugging had not worked. Instead of answering her question Jack walked over to her and pulled her in for a kiss, his hands traveling up the sweater. "You expect me to think about breakfast when you're not wearing anything under this sweater?"

Kate laughed, trying to push him off of her. "Stop it! You're hungry, I know you are. I heard your stomach growling."

"Hungry for you," Jack responded playfully, causing Kate to start laughing once more.

"Eat while I get a shower, and then you can have your way with me as many times as you like, alright?" Kate offered, now only half-trying to fight off Jack's roaming hands.

"What a coincidence," Jack smirked, trying to make her lift her arms up so he could remove the sweater. "I need a shower, too."

"You just took a shower!" Kate argued, giggling as his hands brushed across a few sensitive spots.

"But I'm dirty again," Jack whispered, capturing her lips with his and stealing her breath away. When Jack pulled away she was too turned on to argue any longer.

Turning off the oven with a flourish, she winked at him. "Race you there."

After their shower they finally managed to eat, spent awhile in the jacuzzi and ended up cuddling on the couch, watching the fire while the mix tape Jack had found played softly in the background. It didn't take long for Kate to fall asleep, while Jack stayed wide awake, watching her.

She was only asleep for about an hour before Jack felt her stirring next to him. Stretching out, Kate pressed her body against Jack's. She giggled as she rubbed up against him, "Why exactly are you turned on right now?"

Jack laughed, dropping his head down to kiss her neck. "I can see down your shirt. This entire time you've been napping, I've just been enjoying the view."

Kate rolled her eyes, smacking his chest playfully. "And you say I have a one-track mind?"

Slipping his hands up her shirt, Jack began to tickle her mercilessly. She rolled over, straddling him and attempting to tickle back. Their tussle soon became too much for the couch and they tumbled to the floor, Jack breaking Kate's fall. Their frantic tickling motions turned to soft caresses and once again, their clothes ended up in a pile in front of the fire.

Later that night they lie in bed, on top of the covers and not quite touching, the only light in the room was the fire burning to the left of them. Jack glanced over at Kate, once again loving the way she looked all lit up in the amber glow of the fire.

It was times like this he felt like he could talk to her about anything. Sighing, Jack rolled onto his side, "I miss him."

Kate glanced over at him, a soft smile on her face. "I know you do, Jack."

"When he was alive there were times I would have given anything for him to be out of my life forever. I was so sick of his constant berating, how he had an opinion on everything. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him, it seemed," Jack shook his head, and let out a short laugh. "Is it weird I almost miss it?"

"I don't think so," Kate said, her voice barely above a whisper. "It's not like you miss the way he treated you. You just miss having your father around."

"I just wish things hadn't ended the way they did," Jack said, talking to himself as much as Kate. "Even -- even if he had been alive when I had gone to Australia, I'm not sure we would have fixed things between us. As far as I know, the only person he ever told about how he felt about me was some stranger he met in a bar."

"Sawyer," Kate filled in.

"He told him he wanted to call me. Call me and tell me he was proud of me," Jack covered his face with his hands, not sure why he was even talking about all this. "He said he thought I was a better doctor than he would ever be. And that he loved me."

Kate propped herself up on her elbow and watched Jack as he talked. When he removed his hands from his face, she saw that he had tears in his eyes. She offered him a sympathetic smile. "At least you know those things, Jack. No matter what way you found out, at least you know how he really felt."

Jack nodded and Kate leaned back onto the bed. They lay together in comfortable silence for several moments before Jack reached over and intertwined their fingers together. "Did you ever think about having kids?"

Surprised by his question, Kate didn't respond at first. "What?"

"You know," Jack said softly, wondering if she was going to get angry. "When you were younger. Back before you had to run. Didn't you ever think about it?"

More nervous than aggravated, Kate sighed. "Yeah, of course I did. Who doesn't?"

"How many did you want?" Jack knew he was pushing it, but he felt compelled to keep going for some reason he didn't understand. Maybe he just wanted to further the illusion that they were a normal couple, or maybe it was something deeper.

"Two, maybe" Kate responded automatically, slightly surprised by how easy the words came. "I always was kind of lonely being an only child or I would have probably wanted just one. I would have been a better parent than my mom though. Maybe that would have made a difference. . ."

"Two is good. No more than two. I've always wanted a boy and a girl, but a boy first. Like you can control those things, right? I'd want to be a good dad. A great one," he looked over at Kate and saw she was smiling at him.

Reaching over, Kate laid her hand on his cheek, stroking it softly. "I think you would be."

Jack swallowed hard, then licked his lips. "If we could get married, and I asked you, would you say yes?"

Kate recoiled, drawing her gaze away from him. "Why do you want to talk about things you know can't happen?"

Jack sighed, "I'm not saying it could happen. I know it can't. I just -- I don't know. I'm sorry."

Several seconds passed, each one filling the room with more and more tension. Finally, Kate broke it.

"You know I'd say yes."

Jack lay next to her silently for several seconds before whispering, "I love you, Kate."

"I love you too," Kate responded, leaning over him once again, wondering when exactly those words had become so easy. He raised up just enough to meet her lips in a long, slow kiss.

When they finally parted they crawled beneath the covers content to, for once, just hold each other.

The next morning Kate woke up sad. They would have to start packing soon, and depart that afternoon. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay tucked in this little hide-away with Jack forever.

Becoming more coherent as she awoke completely, Kate noticed that Jack wasn't beside her. She had a panicked moment before Jack walked into the bedroom, tray in hand. She smiled, "What's this?"

"Breakfast in bed," Jack smiled, setting it on her lap as she scooted into a sitting position. They shared the plate of food and had quiet conversation as they ate. When they were done, they both began to pack.

Kate's heart grew heavier with each article of clothing she placed back into her luggage. After she was done, she walked around the cabin, taking in each detail, trying to tuck the entire house away deep in her memories.

As Jack loaded all the luggage into his car, Kate stood, staring forlornly at the cabin. When he came to stand next to her, she asked a question that had been bothering her over their entire trip, "How many women have you brought here?"

Jack turned to look at her, a coy smile spreading across his lips. "Enough."

Kate arched her eyebrows, "And how many does enough equal?"

Jack paused, trying to give what he was about to say more emphasis. "_You_."

"Me?" Kate rolled her eyes, clearly not believing him. "I'm the only girl you've ever brought to this place?"

"Just you," Jack told her with a nod. Seeing that she wanted an explanation, he continued on, "This place was almost. . . _sacred_. It represented one of the only good things I ever had with my parents, especially my father. No one I dated ever seemed worthy of a trip here. Then when I married Sarah, I never took time to take her _anywhere_."

Kate cast him an impish grin, almost embarrassed by his words. It wasn't like she didn't know how much she meant to Jack, but there was something about him actually telling her that she was more important to him than any other woman ever had been that shook her to the core. In an attempt to lighten things up, she teased, "Well, no wonder you hardly ever got laid."

"No wonder," Jack repeated softly, taking hold of her hand and pulling her in for a kiss.

When they pulled away and got into the car, Kate smiled over at Jack, "Thank you for bringing me here. I had an amazing time."

Jack smiled back, turning his key in the ignition. "Anything for you."

On the way home, Jack passed the time by telling Kate about his favorite childhood memories at the cabin. He and his father had played many a game of snow football, it seemed. Kate listened in content silence, enchanted by the serene look on his face as he recounted his youth.

When they got home, Jack unlocked the front door for Kate, but didn't step in the house himself. "I'll go get the rest of the luggage, if you'll run these two bags up to our room. Do you want to go get Boo tonight?"

Kate shook her head, "Let's wait until morning. I want it to be just us for a little while longer."

"I like the sound of that," Jack agreed with a nod. Kate turned to head all the way into the house, but just before she was out of a reach Jack grabbed her arm, swinging her back around into his embrace. Before she could say anything he pressed his lips hard against hers.

Allowing herself to get lost in the kiss, Kate dropped the bags she was holding and wrapped her arms around Jack's neck. One hand tangled in her hair, and the other pressed into her back, pulling her close to him.

It took her a moment to catch her breath when they parted. Touching her nose to his, Kate whispered, "I love you, Jack."

Jack kissed her again quickly, "I love you more, Kate." A smile on his face he returned to the car as Kate carried the bags to their bedroom.

Tossing them onto the floor next to the closet, Kate hurried into the bathroom. While in there, she was struck with an idea. After searching through a few drawers for a lighter, she placed several candles around Jack's two-person whirlpool bathtub, lighting them up. She shut off the lights and gave the room a satisfactory smile. A soothing, romantic bath sounded perfect at that moment.

Kate decided to wait for Jack before starting the water. She didn't want it to get cold. In an effort to hurry things along, she hurried downstairs to help him carry their bags in. When she reached the living room, the joyful smile on her face was replaced with a look of horror.

Jack sat rigid on the couch, the expression on his face a mixture between confusion and fear. And next to him stood Rachel Brennan, pressing a gun against his temple.


	18. Chapter 18

For everyone who was confused -- Rachel Brennan is Tom's wife. Tom is Kate's childhood sweetheart who got killed in the flashbacks in Born to Run.

Okay, I know most of you probably don't read my little author's notes before each chapter -- but you should read this one!

This chapter is _especially_ dear to me because it's the reason _Almost Home_ was written. One night in September while at work, I got the idea for this as a one-shot, but I knew it wouldn't work that way. I wanted to give people a story where they were connected to Jack and Kate, where they felt like they knew them and they were a part of them, and they wanted Jack and Kate to do everything in their power to stay together -- even when the odds were against them. I know that's probably a little overly sentimental, but I've become overly sentimental about this fic and the Jack and Kate I have created in it. So, in other words, every single previous chapter written in this story was written in order to lead up to this.

I'm not sure if some people will like this chapter -- or what is coming up after it, so I ask for your honest opinions.

* * *

Chapter 18

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. Her eyes kept darting back and forth from Rachel to Jack, Jack to Rachel. They came to a rest on Jack's distraught face. She still couldn't make a sound.

Rachel pressed the gun harder against Jack's head. She spoke, her words loud and raspy, "Hey, Kate!"

Kate swallowed hard, "Rachel."

"Oh, good," Jack's voice came out strained. It crackled with emotion as he spoke, "You two know each other."

At the sound of his voice, tears sprung to Kate's eyes. She couldn't look into his eyes. "What -- what --" She still couldn't form a sentence.

"What am I _doing here_?" Rachel supplied. Her hand shook as she spoke, "Did a little research, Kate! I'm not an idiot. I know how you are! I didn't believe for a second you died when that plane went down. I knew there would always be someone for you to manipulate into helping you out!"

Rachel continued on, her voice growing louder with each syllable. She brushed her stringy blonde hair out of her face, "And then I read there had been a doctor on the island. A doctor! You just love doctors, _don't you, Kate_?"

Kate couldn't come up with words to respond. It was wore than just being speechless now. She could feel her heart pounding everywhere in her body. It wasn't just in her chest. It was in her fingertips, her arms, her legs, her ears, her head. She locked eyes with Jack. Letting out an anguished moan, she stepped forward, "_Jack_."

"You stay away!" Rachel warned, once again driving the gun into Jack's temple. Kate could see it indent his skin. And the way Rachel was holding onto the gun -- one little slip and she'd pulled the trigger on accident. "You stay away or _I swear to God _I'll shoot him right now! Before we get our chance to have a little chat."

Kate took a step back, her hands moving to cover her mouth. Her stomach was churning, she could feel the burning in her throat. She couldn't get sick though. She couldn't. Staring into Jack's eyes, she tried to communicate with him. His expression remained blank.

"Don't look at him right now," Rachel snapped. "You look at me. You can look at him when I shoot him. Did you think I'd let you get away with what you did, Kate? Did you think it would be that easy? When I heard about Jack, I knew that somehow you had sucked him into your trap, too! And I was right. I started calling here. The first few times Jack would answer but then one day. . . you did. So I kept calling back to make sure you stayed. And you did. And here I am!"

Rachel turned her attention to Jack. "Has she told you about Tom? About my Tom? Has Kate told you about _how she killed my husband_?"

Jack turned his head to look at Rachel. The gun now pressed into the middle of his forehead. Trying to keep his voice steady, he spoke, "Yes."

"All she is. . . all she will ever be is a _manipulative bitch_," Rachel informed Jack. He noticed her eyes had almost a rabid quality to them. "So I'm not just doing this to hurt her, Jack. I'm doing this _for you _too. So you can get away from her."

"Rachel," Kate tried to get her attention. Tears were now streaming down her face and she wondered if her words were even coherent. "Rachel, I --"

"_You shut the hell up_!" Rachel exploded, tears now threatening to spill down her own face. "You shut the hell up. He always loved you! Why wasn't that good enough for you? He _never stopped loving you_! Tom loved you more than me and I accepted that. I was so right for him and you -- you and the horrible train wreck that your life was. You were trash, Kate. Your family. Your mom and that sleaze she married. Everything about you. And he still loved you more. But that wasn't good enough for you. If you couldn't have him, no one could."

Rachel's attention now focused back on Jack. Her expression pleaded with him to understand, "When I found out I was pregnant, do you know what he said to me? Do you?"

Jack shook his head, doing his best to keep from glancing over to Kate. He could hear her sobs as he replied, "No. What did he say to you?"

"He said that if it was a girl, he wanted to name it Katie," Rachel's voice fell to a whisper as the tears that had pooled in her eyes finally cascaded down her flushed cheeks. Her words grew in anger as she once again turned to face Kate. "He wanted to name our baby after you!"

A thought raced across Kate's mind, "Where is Connor, Rachel?"

"Don't you ever say his name, damnit!" Rachel's eyes flashed and she erratically swung the gun around pointing it at Kate for a second before replacing it on Jack's head. "Do you understand? Never say his name!"

Kate frantically wiped at the tears on her face. "I was just --"

"Tell her to shut up!" Rachel screamed at Jack. She stepped in front of him, now pressing the gun between his eyes. "You tell her to shut the hell up right now, or you are dead."

"Kate," Jack's voice came out thick and full of emotion. "_Shut up_."

At Jack's words, Kate was pushed even farther over the edge. Sobs overtook her body and it took every ounce of willpower she had not to get sick. Even if she wanted to say something, she wouldn't have been able to.

"They took him away from me," Rachel told Jack, her voice breaking with sobs. "A few months after Tom died, they took my baby _away from me_. They said I was unstable. That Tom's death had messed me up. They made me stay in some hospital for awhile. I take six different pills a day. No one trusts me alone with him. They think I'll kill him. And myself. Connor lives with my sister now. I don't even have my son anymore!"

Kate pressed her palms hard against her eyes. It was all too much, it was all too much. Why wasn't this a nightmare? Why couldn't she just wake up?

"So don't you see, Kate?" Rachel faced her once again. "This is why I have to kill Jack. It's nothing against him, really. I'm sure he's a fairly decent guy. I mean, he fell into your trap just like Tom, so there must be something good about him, right? It's just that I have to take what you love away from you just like how you did to me. You can understand that, right?"

Kate tried as hard as she could to reign in her emotions. How was Jack remaining so calm, so stoic? There wasn't even a trace of tears in his eyes. Afraid to move closer to Jack, Kate clasped her hands together, trying to plead with Rachel, "Please, I'll do anything you want. Just don't hurt him. Please. He doesn't deserve this."

"No," Rachel shook her head, turning her attention back to Kate. "No, he probably doesn't. But did Tom?"

"No, Tom didn't deserve what happened to him," Kate agreed, shaking her head. Her voice shook, "I regret what happened every day, Rachel. _Every day_. I wish it had been me, not Tom. But please, please don't hurt Jack. That can't fix anything."

Tears slid down Rachel's face as she gave Kate a smug smile, "Do you love Jack, Kate?"

Kate wasn't sure what that had to do with anything. "Yes. Yes I do."

"And do you love him more than you loved Tom?" Rachel seemed to be getting ready to make a point.

"Yes," Kate's voice caught in her throat. "I love Jack more than I have ever loved _anything_ in my life."

Rachel burst into hysterical laughter, "Then see! That's why I have to kill him."

She focused her attention on Jack again, placing the gun back between his eyes. "Alright. Let's get this over with, okay, Jack? I'll make it quick I promise."

Rachel's finger tightened around the trigger and Kate's mind flew into overdrive. "You can't! He has a baby! Do you want his baby to have to grow up without a father, just like Co -- just like your son? You wouldn't want to wish that on another innocent baby, would you?"

Pulling the gun slightly away from Jack, Rachel seemed to shrink a little. Her bloodshot eyes darted between the two. "It's true? You have a baby?"

Jack licked his lips, "Yeah. A little girl. She's, uh. She's with her mom right now."

Pressing her free hand against her forehead, Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, God. Well, this does present a problem. The last thing I want is to make a little girl suffer just like my Connor is."

Seemingly deciding to come to a decision, Rachel looked up a bright smile on her face. She removed the gun from Jack's head, pointing it towards Kate, "I'll just kill you instead!"

Kate's world came to a halt once again, but this time she wasn't filled with the panic she had been when the gun was pressed to Jack. This would be better. This would be alright. Jack would live this way.

She was getting ready to respond when Jack's voice broke through. He was now standing up next to Rachel, "Are you sure you really want to pull that trigger?"

Rachel cast Jack an annoyed look, "Of course I do. I'd offer you a few moments to say good-bye, but I didn't get that with Tom."

"If you pull that trigger, Rachel," Jack said, his voice low and soothing. "You can kiss any chance of getting Connor back good-bye. Look at yourself first. You're obviously better. With just a little more work, Connor could live with you again. I could help you if you wanted."

Rachel seemed to consider his words, "You'd really help me?"

"Of course I would," Jack nodded for emphasis. "You just can't pull that trigger. I know everything she's done to you has been horrible, but she's already the cause of you losing your husband. Do you want her to be the cause of you losing your son forever too?"

Kate couldn't look at the two of them. She couldn't process what Jack was saying. She covered her eyes, hating that her sobs were louder than his words.

"But she's a horrible person," Rachel said. "She deserves some kind of punishment. It's not just fair to let her walk away."

"You're right. She is a manipulative bitch. She ruined Tom's life, your life, Connor's life. She has to be punished. But you don't have to be punished anymore. Let me thank you for helping me see how she was ruining my life before it was too late," Jack held out his hand. "Let me shoot her for you."

Kate's gaze flew back to Jack. The look on his face was positively menacing. How could Rachel have convinced him so easily?

Rachel happily handed the gun over to Jack. "I think that's an excellent idea!"

Jack checked over the gun, making sure it was ready to be fired. Before looking at her, he muttered, "Close your eyes, Kate."

Kate tried to speak, but the only sound she was able to emit was a guttural moan. The pain she was feeling now was so intense she didn't think she would even feel it when Jack shot her. She had thought all those words about herself a million times. But for Jack to say them -- she wanted him to shoot her, she wanted it to all be over. She stared at him in disbelief.

Jack raised the gun so it was pointed at her head. He raised his voice, "_Close your eyes, Kate_!"

Kate did as she was told, counting to five silently in her head. She was shocked to hear Jack do the exact same thing aloud.

"One. . . Two. . . Three. . .Four. . . Five."

Two shots rang out.

Kate didn't feel any pain. Why didn't she feel any pain? Her eyes wouldn't open though, would they? Yes, they would.

Forcing the heavy lids open she let out a cry at the scene before her. Rachel lay on the floor in an ever growing puddle of blood. Jack stood above her, his gun still poised.

Kate found her voice. "Oh, my God. What did you do? _What did you do_?"

Jack cleared his throat. When he turned towards Kate, tears shone in his eyes, "She was going to kill you, Kate."

"What did you do?" Kate repeated again, rushing over to them. She leaned down next to Rachel, "You have to save her. You have to _save her_!"

Before Kate could reach for Rachel's arm to feel for a pulse, Jack grabbed a hold of her, propelling her backwards, "Don't touch her! She's dead, Kate."

"What the hell?" Kate exploded, turning around and pummeling her fists against Jack's chest. "What in the hell did you think you were doing? Are you insane? She's dead, Jack. She's dead, she's dead, she's dead. We killed her."

Jack grabbed Kate by the wrists, waiting until she halted her struggling to speak. "I killed her, Kate. _I_ killed her."

Kate yanked herself away from him, shaking her head spitefully. She couldn't even say anything else.

Letting out a long breath, Jack kneeled next to Rachel. "I need you to go get me some blankets and towels. Get the blankets we used when Sawyer was here. They already have bloodstains on them."

Kate stared at Jack, dumbfounded, "What are you talking about?"

"We have to wrap her up in something," Jack said, as though it were obvious. When Kate still didn't move, his voice rose, "Go do it _now_!"

Doing as she was told, Kate hurried as fast as she could upstairs. She knew exactly what Jack was planning on doing, but she wasn't sure she could believe it. Part of her was still praying this was all a horrible nightmare.

Dropping the blankets and towels on the floor next to Jack, Kate kneeled on the other side of Rachel. "Here," she whispered, reaching around to place her hands under Rachel. She was shocked at how little blood there seemed to be.

"_Get away_," Jack snapped. When Kate glanced up at him in surprise, Jack closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths trying to calm himself down. When he spoke again, he words were softer, "I don't want you to have to do this, Kate. I can handle it."

"Jack," Kate tried. "I want to ---"

"Just let me do it," Jack whispered, shaking his head. "Please. Just let me take care of this."

Nodding silently, Kate leaned back against the couch, watching Jack in a semi-state of shock as he worked. When he had moved Rachel's body onto the blankets, she got a few supplies out of the laundry room and began to scrub at the carpet. By the time he had Rachel's body wrapped up, there were no spots left. Wasn't blood supposed to be hard to get out of things?

_Jesus Christ_, why was this so easy?

Jack lifted Rachel up, staring at Kate intently. "I'll be back in a couple hours. Don't worry and don't wait up."

"I'm going with you," Kate told him firmly, standing up. This was one point she was not going to budge on.

"No, Kate," Jack said, his expression just as intense as hers. "You are _not_."

Kate took another step forward. "I am going with you, Jack. That's the end of it. You don't get a choice."

Jack relented, nodding his approval. They walked outside to the car and Kate popped the trunk for Jack. While he placed Rachel in the trunk, Kate started the car. She heard Jack slam the trunk then watched as he quickly got into the driver's seat. "Jack, where are we taking her?"

He licked his lips, looking into her eyes as he answered her. "The cabin."

For the better part of their ride they were silent. Jack drove slowly, trying not to attract any attention. Kate wasn't bored on this ride, she wasn't anything. She didn't try to make jokes or even conversation. She didn't reach for the radio.

It wasn't until they were fifteen minutes away from their destination that she spoke. When she did, her voice was high-pitched and frantic, "The candles! I forgot the candles! They're still burning, how did I forget?"

Jack gave her a long look. Kate could tell from the look in his face that he was worried she might be hallucinating or worse. She half expected him to pull over to the side of the road and look into her eyes with a flashlight, making sure her pupils dilated correctly. The idea made her burst into hysterical laughter.

His concern grew as she spoke through her laughter, "I wanted us to take a bath. I thought we could have a romantic evening. _Romantic_!"

After a few moments Kate's laughter gave way to tears. She buried her head in her hands, trying to cry so that he wouldn't hear. Several seconds later, Jack spoke the words for the third time that night. "Close your eyes, Kate."

Kate glanced over at him, "Excuse me?"

Jack stopped the car, glaring at her. "Do you always need a goddamn explanation, Kate? Can't you ever just do what I ask? I don't want you to see it when we pass it! I want you to remember it as ours. Our special, perfect place. Now, _close your eyes_."

Kate did as she was told, squeezing them tight, feeling an intense burn as her angry tears were locked inside. It was several minutes before she heard Jack's voice again, "Okay. We're here."

Before Kate could unclick her seatbelt, Jack placed his hand over hers. "Stay in the car. You don't need to help me with this. I don't want you to have to do that."

Kate shook her head, "You can't be serious, Jack. You're not doing this alone. I'm not going to let you. Did you even bring any shovels to dig with?"

"I keep one in the trunk," Jack nodded. "A shovel, a flashlight and some blankets. Never know when you're going to break down or have to bury someone you just killed, I guess."

Kate watched as Jack banged his head back against his headrest several times. He burst into a frantic, loud laugh and rubbed his eyes. "Jesus _Christ_."

Distraught, Kate reached out for him. Her voice broke, and so did her heart, as she reached to touch his arm, "Jack, I --"

"We don't have time for this right now," Jack muttered, pulling his arm away from Kate. "Come on if you're helping. Let's get started."

Kate took a deep breath and followed Jack to the rear of the car. After opening the trunk, he reached in, took out the shovel and handed it to Kate. Kate watched as he wiped tiny beads of sweat off his forehead before leaning in to scoop up Rachel's body. Silently, they both walked into the woods.

He hadn't taken her up this far during their vacation. She wondered how many miles away from the cabin they were. Were they even still on Jack's property anymore? She was glad she didn't recognize this place. She didn't have to connect it to the cabin.

Jack stopped next to a large tree. "How about right here?"

"I think here's as good as anywhere," Kate nodded, watching Jack lay Rachel's wrapped up body on the wet ground.

Snow was falling all around them. The flakes weren't small and dainty like the ones Kate had seen during her stay in the cabin. These were thick, angry flakes. They fell in wet chunks and clung to her face and her hair, chilling her to the bone.

With a grunt, Kate dug the shovel into the frozen ground. It was harder than she thought it would be, and she felt weak.

"I've got it, baby," Jack said softly, taking the shovel from her gently. "I've got it."

Anytime Jack referred to Kate as some sort of pet name touched her, but this was too much. He had just killed someone for her and there he was, still speaking to her sweetly and gently. Still wanting to take on all the work. She leaned up against the tree and cried silently as Jack dug.

As the hole got deeper, so did the angry feeling that was simmering in Kate's stomach. Her tears soon changed from tears of love for Jack to tears of spite. Wiping away her tears violently, a new emotion took hold of her, and she flew at Jack, knocking him off guard. "What the hell did you think you were doing to me?"

Jack took several steps back, almost losing his balance. His eyes searched her face, desperately searching for some kind of answer. "What the hell are you talking about, Kate?"

"All that sh-t you said about me!" Kate yelled, trying to get her voice to rise above the howling of the wind. "You pointed a gun at me, Jack. You let me think you were going to shoot me!"

"You thought I was going to shoot you?" Jack exploded, throwing the shovel onto the ground. "You actually thought I was going to kill you, Kate? You believed that I meant those things I said about you?"

He stared at her in hateful disbelief for a few seconds before continuing, "You know how I feel about you, and you were still afraid of me? Don't you know me at all? I let you keep a cat! I hate cats. I have a cat living in my house for you, but you think I'd shoot you? Yeah. Okay."

"What was I supposed to think?" Kate said, her voice rising to a wail. "I was scared, Jack! And everything you said was true. I just thought you had figured out what I've known about myself all along. I don't see how you didn't."

Jack shook his head, trying to keep from saying something he'd regret. "Shut up, Kate. Just shut up."

Kate took her spot against the tree again, crying silently. Her tears of anger now mixed with ones of shame and hatred for herself. Her loathe for herself grew with every stab into the ground Jack made. When he had dug a deep enough hole, he picked Rachel's body back up and set her down in it. Without glancing at Kate, he began to shovel the dirt back over her.

Wiping her tears away, Kate kneeled on the ground moving the loose dirt back over the hole with her hands. She worked for several seconds before Jack spoke, "You don't have to do that, Kate."

"It's alright," Kate said, wiping a curl that had stuck to her cheek out of her eyes. "I need to help you."

Jack was quiet for several more minutes. She couldn't quite read the tone in his voice when he spoke, "That was pretty quick thinking, coming up with that story about the baby. How'd you manage that?"

Kate bit her lip, refusing to let herself cry again. "I'm a pretty quick thinker. I knew what the one thing she felt left connected to was and I just -- I couldn't let her hurt you, Jack. I had to come up with something."

Jack stopped shoveling and Kate looked up to meet his gaze. The look on his face was one of hurt mixed with sympathy. Kate felt like a bolt of lightning stuck through her. . . _he knew_.

What was worse was he knew and she could tell he wasn't mad at her. _Jack felt sorry for her_. The idea of that was too much for Kate. The entire night had become too much. Another wave of sobs beginning to rack her body, Kate stood up and began to walk quickly away. She got as far as she could before she couldn't hold it in anymore. Supporting herself against a tree, Kate threw up.

Jack was right behind her. With one hand he gathered all of her hair and held it back. The other rubbed her back and neck softly as he whispered comforting words. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but she was sure it was something much kinder than she deserved.

When Kate felt reasonably better and had calmed down some, she stood up straight again, meeting Jack's open embrace. He held her close for several minutes, before pulling away just slightly and whispering, "Let me take you to the car, Katie."

Kate shook her head, holding onto his arm for support. "No. I need to help you. I'm alright."

"Let me take you to the car," Jack said softly, pulling her into him, letting her use him for support. She wrapped an arm around his waist and they walked slowly towards the car. Once Jack had made sure Kate was securely inside, he disappeared back into the shadows.

If at that moment Kate had any concept of time, she would have known that Jack returned in less than ten minutes. In her mind, it felt like ten hours. She tried to sing a song under her breath. She tried to play out her favorite movie in her mind. She even closed her eyes and tried to conjure up memories of her and Jack when they had first met on the beach. Everything was useless.

As soon as Jack got back into the car, Kate let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Is everything good?"

What kind of idiotic question was that?

Jack's expression clearly showed that he shared Kate's opinion of her question, even if he wouldn't voice it. "Everything. . . yeah. Let's just get home, Kate."

The ride home was just as silent as the ride there. Not as tense though. About a third of the way home Jack reached over and took Kate's hand. Neither one of them let go for the duration of the ride.

When they reached the house they both got out of the car slowly. Jack unlocked the door and they walked upstairs in silence. When they reached the bedroom, Kate glanced down at her clothes for the first time. They were filthy. Mud was caked everywhere, and she noticed a few blood splatters. A new wave of nausea rose over her.

Glancing over towards Jack she saw his were even worse than hers. More mud, and the left sleeve was almost completely soaked red. Slipping out of her pants and yanking her sweater over her head, Kate decided she wasn't even going to try to wash them. They were going out with the trash the next morning.

Kate followed Jack into the bathroom, sitting down in the closed toilet lid. Still clothed in nothing but the tank top she'd been wearing under her sweater and her underwear, she began to shiver from the cold. Jack turned on the shower, then kneeled in front of her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning forward, her body slumping over. "I'm so sorry, Jack. This is all my fault. I never imagined that she would --"

Jack placed a finger over her lips, interrupting her, "Who shot her, Kate?"

Kate glanced up into his eyes, hers showing her surprise. "What?"

Reaching up, Jack cupped her face in his hands. "Who shot her?"

Shaking her head, Kate felt tears begin to slip down her cheeks again. "None of this would have ever happened if I hadn't been here, Jack! She just wanted you because of me. I told you I would end up messing things up for you. I'm sorry, Jack. I never should have put you in this kind of situation."

"Kate," Jack repeated, keeping his voice level, not seeming to soak in anything she was saying. "Answer me. Who shot her?"

Kate met his gaze for a few seconds, before having to glance away, pained. "You did."

"And who's fault does that make all this?" Jack continued.

"It's mine!" Kate told him, her voice raising. She tried to stand up but he held her down. "If I had never come here, if I'd never gotten you involved, this never would have happened. You can't say it's not my fault."

"I chose to pull that trigger," Jack said roughly. He took a hold of her face again, making her look into his eyes. "It was my decision. Tell me it's my fault."

"Jack," Kate's voice cracked and she shook her head. She knew he wasn't going to budge. Keeping her eyes locked on his, she whispered, "It's your fault."

"Promise me you're not going to blame yourself," Jack told her. "I'm not going to be able to live with it if you do. Promise me."

"I promise," Kate whispered, knowing that Jack probably knew full well she didn't mean. He just needed to hear her say it.

Jack stood up, quickly discarding his clothes. He took Kate, who was still shivering, by the hand and helped her finish undressing herself. "Let's get your warm, okay?"

She nodded her silent agreement, stepping into the shower with Jack, ready to wash away the dirt and misery of the horrific night.

Kate leaned her head against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her as they stood under the cascading water. Craving the familiarity of Jack's body, Kate molded herself closer to him. It amazed her how even though everything else had spun out of control that evening, Jack was still there, his love and embrace the only constant in her life.

The fact that she knew she didn't deserve it made Kate even more desperate to hang on.

One moment they were standing there, huddled close together, both trying to stand under the stream of too-hot water, and the next Kate was kissing Jack hard, almost violently. Jack nearly slipped and fell over, taking them both down, as she knocked him back against the shower wall. He didn't even know when the transition had come. It was like he had blinked and missed it.

Wrapping one arm around Jack's neck, Kate reached behind her with the other, frantically grabbing for the faucet, trying to shut the water off.

She finally succeeded and they stumbled out the bathtub, almost taking the curtain down with them. Kate tried to step gracefully out, but Jack lifted her up and set her clumsily down on the ground, never once breaking the kiss.

There was a slight fumbling as Kate and Jack both grabbed for the same towel, breaking their frenzy of needy kisses just long enough to dry themselves off enough so they weren't dripping water everywhere. They crashed through the bathroom door back into the bedroom.

The sensible side of Jack was warning him to stop. This wasn't the time for sex. Especially not this crazy, near animalistic, behavior that Kate had never displayed before. They should talk. They should discuss. They should rationalize. But as her still mostly damp body pressed up against his as they collapsed onto the bed, sensibility disappeared. They should be doing exactly what they were doing. Right now.

Right now. Right now. "Right now," she was whispering against his lips, her voice thick with desperation.

But the condoms. The condoms were all the way over on the dresser. Damn it. They didn't even need those anymore, did they? Jack wasn't sure if he had only thought the words or actually spoken them, but either way he could tell Kate knew what he was thinking. He commanded his brain to shut down and focus only on her.

"Right now," she whispered again, more urgently, coming down on him hard.

They moved quickly, their motions neither smooth or in sync. The only thing that blended well together was their voices, their gasps, their moans. It didn't matter, Jack found himself thinking. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing but her. Nothing but them together.

Kate reached her peak first, collapsing down on him with a loud cry. Jack followed quickly after. He held her for several minutes, listening to the sound of both their heavy breaths blending together.

Jack traced the outline of her backbone, feeling the steady rise and fall of her breathing give way to shaking as she began to sob against him. He tried to whisper comforting words, but found he had none.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Kate repeated pitifully, over and over between sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

There was only one thing he could say to her. "I love you," was all he had to offer. "I love you."

Their tears and words mixed together, slowly lulling the other into a restless sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 is here. As usual, it's a pretty emotional chapter. It took awhile to write, but I like how it turned out and I hope you all do too. There's only two chapters left now!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 19

Jack and Kate didn't touch for over a week.

They slept as far away as possible from each other in their bed. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were ate in silence. Their conversations they did have didn't range any further than topics about the weather. Jack dove headfirst back into work, submerging himself in everyone else's pain, trying to forget his own. Kate would lay in bed awake, waiting to see what time he would return home. Each day he had worked he hadn't made it home until after four in the morning. Part of her wondered if he was really working.

When he was home, Jack would disappear into his study for hours at a time. Kate would sit alone outside the room and listen to the occasional tinkling of his piano keys, sending out a melancholy melody through the door into her heart.

For five mornings in a row, Jack had awoken to the sound of Kate getting sick in the bathroom. He still wasn't sure he was ready to accept what that meant. Jack didn't ask Kate any questions about it; Kate didn't offer any explanations.

Walking into the bedroom, doing his best not to wake Kate, Jack saw that the digital clock's bright red numbers were blaring 4:07 at him. Sh-t, where did the time go? Tugging off his tie, Jack tossed it on the floor. He collapsed onto the bed next to her, feeling to tired to take the rest of his clothes off.

Kate shifted next to him, trying to stifle a yawn. Her attempt was useless and she saw Jack roll to his side to face her. "Sorry I woke you up."

She had never fallen asleep. "No big deal. I've been sleeping all day anyway. I'm not too tired. I might go see what's on TV."

"Get a movie if you want," Jack said, rubbing his closed eyes. "I ordered one last night when I got home and couldn't sleep. Can't remember what it was, but if you don't want to see it, get what you want."

Kate leaned against the doorframe, trying to fight tears. _Get a movie if you want_. No _stay in bed with me_. No _let me hold you_. Not even a _why the hell are you running away_. Just a _see you later, I'd rather be alone anyway_.

She was sick of it. Stepping back into the room, she whispered, "What's been going on at the hospital."

Jack opened his eyes and gave her a look that clearly said he didn't want to discuss it. He was tired.

Kate wasn't ready to budge. "You haven't gotten home until four AM the past three nights, Jack. What's going on?"

Jack sighed, rubbing his eyes again. Kate couldn't see his face clearly, but she guessed he had circles under them to match hers. "There's this single mom. We have her little boy; we're running a bunch of tests before we do surgery on him. Chances are it won't even work, it's just a lost cause, but she won't give up. She wants more than anything for him to be able to walk, to have a normal life. She doesn't really have any family and she doesn't like to be alone. I sit with her until she falls asleep."

Even though Kate felt as if she should feel sorry for this poor woman and her sick son, she couldn't help but feel anything but anger. Anger at Jack for spending time with another woman. Anger at Jack for thinking that someone else needs company because they can't sleep, but it's okay to leave her at home alone. She cleared her throat, "Jack Shephard. Always the good guy. Probably the only man alive who would tell the truth about being with another woman."

As Jack sat up, Kate could tell she had annoyed him. _Good_. At least she had gotten some reaction from him. Anything was better than the nothing he had given her lately.

"What the hell is your problem, Kate?" Jack snapped. Now he didn't even feel like sleeping. Standing up he finished unbuttoning his shirt and threw it into a pile of shirts he had worn that week. Apparently, Kate hadn't felt like doing laundry. "Her son could die. He'll never walk again! All she wants is a little sympathy, a shoulder to cry on. You think you'd be able to understand that. I'm just being nice, Kate. What is wrong with you?"

"Just being nice?" Kate exploded. She wanted to make him angry. She almost wanted to make him hate her. "So that's what they're calling it these days?"

Jack took a step towards her. "Are you accusing me of cheating on you?"

"What's it matter?" Kate demanded. "It's not like we're even really together anyway, right?"

Kate didn't think she could have gotten a better version of the reaction she wanted from him if she had slapped him. So then why was it as he stared at her, looking more hurt than she'd ever seen, didn't she feel gratification. It had been what she wanted.

He leaned down close to her face. "I'm going to pretend like you never said that."

"Why?" Kate wanted to stop, but the words just kept coming. "I meant it. It's the truth. Why go on living this fake life, Jack? Let's just get it all out in the open. Little Miss Hospital Mommy has all the qualifications needed for a real relationship, doesn't she, Jack? She's okay with going out in public, so obviously she hasn't killed anyone! She's single! Even better, she comes complete with a kid. Dream come true!"

Halfway through her rant Jack had begun telling her to stop, his voice growing louder with each point Kate made. When she stopped talking, he met her gaze. "You done now?"

Kate shook her head. "And I'm guessing there's no one she needs you to kill for her, right?"

She hated the look on Jack's face when she delivered her last blow. Kate knew she had crossed the line but she was so desperate for any kind of contact with him that she just kept pushing. She wiped away a runaway tear and repeated, "Right?"

"You know what, Kate?" Jack asked, his voice falling to a near whisper. "You can stand here and you can cry all you want, and you can be angry all you want, you can think whatever you want about me, okay? But know this -- I would do what I did again in a _second_ if it meant saving you."

Jack turned away from her, going to dig in a drawer for his old Columbia t-shirt, not wanting to look at her. Wiping away her tears, Kate spoke up, "But you shouldn't. You shouldn't have done what you did. You should have just let her kill me. Look what it's done to us. Look what it's done to you."

"I am sorry, Kate," Jack said, his voice rising to a yell again. "I am sorry that I am having such a hard time dealing with the fact that I killed someone! I guess it's just not as easy for some people as it is for others."

That shut Kate up. She stood there in silence, not wanting to believe he had said what he just had, no matter how much she deserved it. Struggling against the lump in her throat, she took a step towards him yelling, "I've ruined your life! _Say it_! Go ahead. Tell me I've ruined your life!"

"_You're ruined my life_!" Jack exploded, stepping to where he was right in front of her face. "You ruined it. Happy now? You've wrecked me!"

They stood there, toe to toe, for what seemed like forever. The only sound in the room was that of their heavy breathing. After a few seconds Jack turned from Kate and returned to his search for his shirt, "Don't you ever say anything again about me letting her shoot you. Ever. _Where the hell is my Columbia shirt_."

Kate wasn't in the mood to answer that it was under the hoodie was wearing, and she doubted Jack wanted to hear it. Pressing her palms to her eyes, she whispered, "I don't know."

Jack didn't speak as he continued rifling through his drawers, banging each of them shut when he couldn't find what he was looking for. Finally, Kate spoke again, "And this woman at the hospital. She has something for you to fix, doesn't she? You finally figured out that no matter how hard you try, I can't be fixed!"

"Don't you start that sh-t," Jack spat out, turning around to face her. "Don't you even play it like Sarah, Kate. You know that's not why I'm with you so you can stop trying to piss me off by mentioning her! You have me upset enough already, you sure as hell don't need to go there."

Rubbing her temple, Kate closed her eyes. After a few moments she heard a shriek from the cat and a slew of profanity from Jack. She opened her eyes just in time to see Jack kick Boo. With another shriek, Boo darted from the bedroom. "You don't have to take the fact that you're mad at me out on the cat!"

"It's not because I'm mad at you!" Jack yelled. "I'm not! I just hate the cat. I _hate_ him. I don't know why the hell I let you keep it. You know what? You need to get rid of it. _Boo_ can't stay here anymore."

Kate gave Jack a pleading look, silently asking him to stop. She wished she hadn't started this fight. She should have let them go on just not talking. But it was too late to go back now. She reached out for his arm, needing to touch him, "Jack. . ."

Jack moved out of the way before she could touch him. "I'm so sick of this. All of it. The secrets and the lies and. . . you actually thought I was going to shoot you, Kate. How could you have thought that? I guess we really don't know each other after all this time. This constant back and forth, all this fighting. The feeling I get when I'm with you now, Kate. I just can't do it anymore."

"I think --" He paused, looking up into her eyes, his own shining with tears. "I think your welcome is about worn out."

Kate could no longer take the look on his face or the swirling in her stomach at that point. Covering her mouth, she hurried into the bathroom, making it just in time. This time, unlike the five previous mornings, Jack didn't ignore her.

When Kate leaned away from the toilet, Jack handed her a cup of water and smoothed her hair back from her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about this past week. I'm sorry I haven't done enough to make you trust me. I'm so sorry, Kate."

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered back, wiping a tear off Jack's cheek. "This is all my fault, Jack. I didn't mean what I said, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just wanted to talk to you again and the only way I knew how was to make you mad at me."

"Don't apologize," Jack whispered, leaning over and kissing her on top of her head. He leaned back and sat against the wall, the two of them just staring at each other for several seconds before Jack spoke up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Kate arched an eyebrow, confused. "Talk about what?"

Jack sighed, giving her that same sad, sympathetic look. "Talk about the reason you've been getting sick every morning, Kate. Talk about the reason you made up a story about me having a baby. You know what we need to talk about."

"I've just been stressed," Kate said, noticing how panicked her voice came out. "There's no reason other than that. And I told you why I made that story up -- it's the only way I knew how to get her to stop."

Jack's expression didn't waver. "How long has it been since you've had a period, Kate?"

Tearing her gaze away from his, Kate shrugged. "Awhile."

Jack sighed, letting his head bang back against the wall. "How long have you known about this?"

"Known about what?" Kate demanded, standing up and feeling the anger swell in her again. "I don't know about anything! What are you talking about?"

Jack stood up, crossing the bathroom to take hold of her hands. "How long have you suspected you were pregnant, Kate?"

"I'm not --" Kate yanked her hands out of his. "I don't --" She couldn't find any words to say and just shook her head, glancing away from him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jack asked softly, reaching up and brushing his thumbs across her cheeks. "You know you can tell me anything, Kate. This is something you _should_ have told me."

Kate squeezed her way past him, moving out of the bathroom. She kept her eyes down, speaking quickly, "I don't know what you're talking about, Jack."

"Kate," Jack said quietly, following her into the bedroom. "Don't do this. Not about something this important. Just talk to me about it, please. It's okay. Maybe having a baby wouldn't be--"

Kate turned around, her eyes shining with tears. Squeezing them shut, she balled her hands into fists and whispered fiercely, "Stop saying it _out loud_."

"It'll be okay," Jack said softly, closing the distance between them in one step. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to pull her into a hug. "We can make it work. We will make it work. It might even be for the best, Kate. Can you imagine a little --"

"Stop it," Kate pleaded, pushing him away from her. "Just stop it. It won't be okay, Jack. You know that there's no way we can have a baby. I can't -- we can't --"

"Yes, we can," Jack said softly, reaching for her again. "You would make a great mom, Kate. You really would. You're so caring and I know you're scared but--"

"I am _not_ scared!" Kate yelled, holding her arm out as a warning for him to stay away. "I am not scared. And I am not having this baby."

A wounded look passed across Jack's face. Her words had left him momentarily speechless. He _knew_ how scared she was. He could tell by the look on her face. Hell, he was scared, too. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and promise her it would work, that everything would be okay.

"We can move, Kate," Jack whispered, stepping back to give her space. "We can move anywhere you want. No one has to know who we are. It can be just me and you and our baby. Anything you want, Kate."

"I _don't want _this baby!" Kate yelled, shaking her head as tears began to cascade down her crumpled face. "Can you understand me? I don't want to have this baby. I don't want to have your baby, Jack. Not right now, not ever."

Jack stared at her in disbelief for a few seconds. "Kate, you don't --"

"I mean it, Jack," Kate whispered, hating herself for meaning the exactly opposite. Hating herself for not being able to tell him what she really meant, for getting them into this situation, and for just not being able to have what she really wanted. "I don't want it."

Jack's face contorted and tears filled his eyes, and he looked away from her. Walking over to his dresser, he quickly swiped his arm across it, sending cologne bottles, a stick of deodorant, a few pens and other various objects flying across the room. Kate's startled gasp only added more fuel to his fire. Making his way across the room he knocked the phone off the bedside table. Still filled with more anger than he knew what to do with, he kicked it over. In one last surge of raw emotion, he banged his fist into the wall, denting it just slightly.

The room was completely silent except for his ragged breathing.

"Jack," Kate whispered. "I just -- I"

Jack turned around, staring at her intently. She could see small tears in the corners of his eyes. "Don't. I know _exactly_ what you're thinking. I guess that's the price I pay for getting so close to you these past few months. I can tell exactly what every expression you have means, I know every thought that goes through your head."

Kate shook her head, her arms crossed tightly in front of her. She wouldn't say anything else. She refused. She'd just stand there and cry silently, letting Jack get all his anger out of his system. What the hell had she been thinking all those months ago, showing up in his office, disturbing his perfect universe.

"And you know what?" Jack whispered menacingly, leaning down so that his face was right in front of hers. "_I wish you had gone to him, too_."

A choking sob bubbled it's way out of Kate's throat. "I hate you. I _hate you_."

"Yeah?" Jack asked, turning back towards the wall. "I hate me, too."

After a few seconds had passed, Kate spoke softly, "I think it might be best if I go."

Jack sighed, not turning around to look at her. "Yeah, Kate. I think so."

Her eyes blurry with tears, Kate turned, leaving the room. As she hurried down the stairs she forced herself to not look back. The sound of something breaking echoed through the house but as Kate didn't let herself think about what it might be as she forced herself to walk through the front door. It was pitch black and it had begun to drizzle, but Kate couldn't feel it. She was numb all over. Everywhere but her heart.

* * *

Jack paced around the house for two hours. He was too jittery to even think about picking up the mess he had made in the bedroom. He was too nauseous to try to eat anything. His body wouldn't remain still for long enough for him to sit down. So he just walked from room to room, his eyes falling on clock after clock. The minutes, the _seconds_, drug by.

What had he been thinking letting her leave? He _hadn't_ thought, that's what it was. He'd been so absorbed in his own pain that he hadn't stopped long enough to consider hers. And why wasn't he chasing after her yet? Because he thought she didn't want him to find her? He knew that wasn't true. He half expected Kate to walk back through the front door any minute.

But she hadn't. And deep down he doubted she would. If Kate was going to come back, Jack was going to have to go find her.

Feeling too sick to stand up, Jack stumbled to the couch. He placed his hands over his eyes, trying to control the pulsing in his head. Was she warm enough? What had she been wearing when she left? As hard as he tried, Jack couldn't remember. Where was she going to sleep? What would ---

From beside Jack came a pitiful, "mew." Glancing over, he saw Boo staring at him forlornly. With a sigh Jack leaned over, scratching him atop his snowy head. "Yeah, buddy. I miss her too."

That was enough. He never should have waited so long to go after her in the first place. Standing up, Jack reached for his money clip he had tossed on the coffee table when he got home from work. It wasn't there.

Had he put it somewhere else? His gaze shifted to the bookshelf and then the hutch. He had been positive he had thrown it down on the coffee table.

It hit him. _Kate had taken it._

A surge of relief shot through Jack. She had money. She wasn't sleeping under a bridge; she had probably found a place to stay. Feeling a rush of adrenaline, Jack grabbed his keys, almost forgetting to lock the door behind him on his way out. He peeled out of the driveway, not bothering with a seatbelt.

The first three motels looked at his as if he was some kind of stalker, then had gruffly told him no, his girlfriend had not been there. The next two places he passed were too nice, out of the price range he knew Kate could afford with the money she had on her. Finally he came upon a place even seedier than the first three he had tried. After taking up two parking spaces with his rushed parking job, he hurried to the front desk.

A gray-haired man in his early sixties stared at Jack warily as he entered the room. Jack realized he probably was dressed nicer and looked much more clean cut than the man's usual cliental.

His suspicions were confirmed when the man spoke, "We don't rent out rooms by the hour, son, so if you're looking for a place for a rendezvous, there's another place down the street who does."

Jack shook his head, "I'm looking for someone who might have checked in a few hours ago. Her name's Kate. She has dark hair and --"

"We can't tell you who we rent rooms to, son," the man, who according to the sign on the wall was apparently named Gus, shook his head. "And even if we could, you'd have to provide us with a last name of the person."

Jack could tell by the look on Gus's face that a dark-haired Kate had very much checked into his motel that night. "Listen, we had a fight. I really need to talk to her, it's important. Can't you just call her room or something?"

"No can do," Gus informed Jack. "No last name, no answers."

With a sigh Jack rubbed his eyes with his palms. Even though Jack doubted this man had ever read a police report or watched any kind of cop show in his life, Kate never would have given her real last name. She was too careful for that. He was almost surprised she had even registered under _Kate_.

Looking back up at the man, Jack offered him a last name. The man's brow crinkled and he let out a sigh. "You her husband or something? You don't beat her, do you? 'Cause if you do, I am bound by law to call in the authorities."

"No, I don't beat her!" Jack was on the verge of losing all patience. "We just had a stupid fight! We both said some things we shouldn't have and she left. Now I need to talk to her. It's that simple. I just -- _please_ tell me what room she's in. I'm not asking you for a key. She doesn't have to let me in if she doesn't want."

Gus sighed, and Jack guessed he was more upset that he was no longer going to be able to annoy Jack than that he was breaking a law. "6A. Third door on your left right after you walk outside. But I'm telling you, boy, I hear any commotion and I'm calling the cops. I won't hesitate."

Muttering a thanks, Jack quickly made his way to 6A. He wrapped lightly on the door, "Kate, it's me."

A few seconds later he heard the undoing of a chain and the turning of a lock. The door opened just enough for him to see her tearstained face. "Go away."

Kate moved to slam the door, but Jack was too quick for her, sticking his foot in. They struggled back and forth for a few moments before Kate finally relented, taking several steps back.

"I told you to go away. You shouldn't have come after me."

Jack shut the door behind him, making sure to lock both locks. He turned to face Kate, "Yeah, well. Next time if you don't want me to find you then don't register under _Kate Shephard_."

Kate's face flushed crimson, but Jack managed to hold her gaze. He took a few steps toward her, speaking quietly, "I'm not going to say I don't like how it sounds."

"Don't, Jack," Kate shook her head. "It was the first name that came to mind, okay? It's not anything else."

Jack shook his head, but didn't push it. That wasn't the point right now. "I didn't mean what I said about Sawyer." He hoped it was obvious, that she had known that the second after he said it, but he still felt like he should say the words.

"You know I don't regret that you came to me, right? You know what we have means more to me than anything."

Kate gave him a wary look and sat down on the floor, leaning her back against the foot of the bed. She let out a tired sigh and kept her eyes on the wall in front of her, "I know, Jack. Of course I know that. You still shouldn't have come here. I would have called you or come back on my own or something. I just had to get away for a little bit. I just couldn't stay there any longer."

Jack took a seat across from Kate, his back against the wall. The room was small and if he wanted to he could easily reach across and touch her. He let out a sigh of his own, aligning the toes of his shoes with hers. "I shouldn't have forced you to talk about things you didn't want to."

Their eyes met and for the first time he noticed how tired, how broken she looked. There were dark, heavy purple circles under her eyes and she was pale. Her hair was pulled back into a curly bun, and a few strands had come loose, hugging her face. Jack wanted to close the gap between them, but he waited for her.

Kate brushed the loose strands back. "None of this is your fault, Jack. None of it. And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry about the things I said. I'm sorry that this is hurting you, but there's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way it is, and that's final."

Jack began to respond, but Kate continued on. "And if you don't want me to come back with you, I understand. If you can't accept this, if it's going to make you hate me forever than we can say good-bye, right here, right now, Jack. If you're bored with our relationship, if you're sick of being with me, just me all the time. If you've finally realized that this is all we can have and you don't like what that means, then just say so. I'd rather us just be done now then later down the road."

As he stared into her tear-filled eyes, Jack finally got it. Kate didn't want out, Kate didn't think they weren't real. Kate was worried that Jack wanted out, that he thought their relationship wasn't real. Kate was afraid that she'd wake up one morning, and Jack wouldn't love her anymore.

For the first time, Jack truly saw underneath her tough exterior, underneath every single wall that she put up. Kate was far more vulnerable than he had ever thought.

"Kate," Jack whispered, wanting to move to touch her, but finding that he didn't have the strength. "I'm not bored with you. I _love_ you. You are the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life, no matter what obstacles are ahead of us. You have to hear that, Kate. You have to stop being scared just enough to hear that, even if you don't hear anything else."

Kate glanced away, a single tear falling down her cheek. Jack continued on softly, "I wasn't mad at you because of the things you said. I was upset that you didn't tell me. This is a big deal, Katie. It's not something you need to think about or go through alone. You can't do whatever you decide to do alone."

Quickly rubbing her eyes, trying to get the silent, endless tears to stop, Kate looked into Jack eyes, "I've done it alone before."

Jack met her eyes, waiting for her to continue. "When I was on the run I met this guy. His name was Streak. And he was just so nice. A really good guy, you know? He let me stay with him, I worked in this little diner he owned. I never had to pay him anything the entire time I was there. But it was too good to be true, right? And I couldn't stay forever."

Kate took a deep breath, but kept her eyes on Jack's, knowing that was the only way she'd be able to continue. "When I told him it was time for me to move on he. . . he." Kate's face contorted, but she continued talking. "He had just been pretending _the entire time_. He told me if I didn't give him what he wanted then he would call the Feds. He said it had been his plan the entire time. I tried to get away, I tried but he hit me with something, I don't even know what it was. And I couldn't move and he. . . and he. . ."

Tears were streaming down her face, but as long as Kate's eyes were on Jack, she was able to keep her sobs silent. "I lost the baby when I was three months pregnant. _Lost_ it. I never understood that. Who made that up? Like, I just couldn't find my baby."

Kate glanced away from Jack and collapsed. She bent forward, covering her face with her hands, choking on heartbreaking sobs. "I don't want to do it alone anymore. I don't want, I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore, Jack."

Jack finally moved forward, pulling Kate into his lap. She clutched onto his shirt and laid her head against his neck, sobbing freely. Jack ran his hand up her back pulling her as close to him as he could get her. He kissed her on top of her head as tears sprung to his eyes, "Tell me what to do, baby. Tell me what to do."

"Don't let go," Kate sobbed against him. She had never felt so out of control or helpless. "I need you. Don't leave me, Jack."

"I'm not going anywhere, Kate," Jack whispered, placing several small kisses on top of her head. "I'm right here. I've got you. It's all going to be okay. You don't have to worry about anything. I've got you."

As Jack sat there, whispering the most soothing things he could come up with, Kate's sobs slowly dwindled. Soon there was no noise, just a slight shudder of her body every few minutes. After awhile, Jack thought she might have fallen asleep.

Finally, Kate's grasp on his shirt released and he felt her smooth it down where her tight hold had wrinkled it. Pulling away from him, she brought her tear-stained face up to look in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Jack shook his head just slightly, and gently wiped a few tears from her cheeks. She let out a quiet sigh and leaned back into him, laying her head against his chest.

"I want to want this, Jack," Kate whispered as he rubbed his hand gently over her back. "I want to be able to believe that this is what you want, and that what I can give you is enough for you."

He started to respond, but Kate continued on quietly, moving her hand in slow circles over his chest, "I think that I could stay with you for the rest of my life, and still wonder _every day_ why you wanted to be with me."

Something tugged inside Jack and he took hold of her arms, lifting her up to where he could meet her tear-filled eyes with his own, "Then I am going to spend _every day _showing you why."

Kate moved away from him, standing up. She shook her head and got ready to argue, but Jack quickly stood in front of her, shaking his head as he spoke. "Don't, Kate. _This is it_, okay? You and me."

Kate shook her head once more as a single tear fell down her cheek. "Jack, I just -- I just don't. . ."

Jack brushed her tear away with his thumb, and cupped her face in his hands, whispering, "You and me, Kate."

Something inside of Kate broke. She was done pretending she wanted to keep running and acting like she was going to leave Jack someday. Kate had no intention of leaving Jack, and she never had. Not since he asked her to stay that first night. She could keep playing as many games with herself as she wanted, but she knew Jack had had enough of them. And he could see through them now. She wanted to let herself love Jack, to truly, completely love him free of fear. Free of feeling like she wasn't good enough and like he deserved better. It was time to let him really love her, too.

The tension slowly drained from her body as she leaned into Jack and whispered, "You and me."

Jack wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss into her hair. "I love you, Kate. More than anything."

"I love you, too," Kate whispered, pulling back just far enough to look into his eyes. She leaned up just slightly, grazing his lips with hers. Jack kissed back, pulling her close to him again.

Pulling away and taking a step towards the bed, Kate wordlessly motioned for him to follow her. Meeting her eyes, Jack wrapped his hands around the bottom of her sweatshirt, and in one swift motion removed it. Glancing down at the t-shirt she was wearing a soft smile slowly lit up his face.

"_There's_ my Columbia shirt."

At the mere shadow of a smile on Jack's face, Kate felt a familiar tug inside of her. The simplest gestures could make her want him, and right now all she had needed was the smile. Leaning forward, she captured his mouth with her own, igniting a slow, sensual kiss. His hands reached up her shirt and she moaned against his mouth at the contact of his skin against hers.

Jack pulled her against him, and in the heat of passion they collapsed onto the bed. Jack hit first, taking the brunt of the fall. Almost as soon as they made contact, they began to vibrate.

Kate pushed herself off Jack, as he cursed underneath her. Standing up, he muttered, "What the _hell_?"

Kate rolled onto her back, not being able to control the laughter that was bubbling inside her. As it spilled out into the room, she couldn't help but notice how good it felt to be happy again. "It's. . ." the bed began to rock harder, and her giggling intensified. "It's a _vibrating bed_!"

The delighted laughter that was coming from Kate caused a smile to spread across Jack's face. "And it just starts up on contact?"

Trying to contain her laughter, Kate sat up and glanced around the room, finally pointing to the slot machine on the night stand. "I think you're supposed to pop-in a few quarters. I guess it has a malfunction!"

"I guess," Jack agreed, with a roll of his eyes. "So, how do we shut it off?"

"Hmm," Kate murmured. She stood up and bounced down onto the bed. It continued to vibrate. "Well, that didn't work."

Jack took her hand and pulled her to her feet and they both stood, staring at the vibrating contraption. Finally, Kate shrugged. "I don't know, baby. Guess you might just have to pay for it."

"Well, I would," Jack said, glancing over to meet her gaze. "That is, if someone hadn't taken all of my money."

A hot blush flared up Kate's face, "I didn't know what else to do, Jack. I was going to--" She stopped talking and met his eyes. She knew she never would have been able to pay it back, and that he wasn't mad.

Letting out a sigh, Jack gave the leg of the bed one final kick. It gave a sputter and then stopped moving. He turned to Kate, a tired smile on his face, "You ready to go home?"

"Please," Kate agreed with a nod, standing forward and wrapping him in a tight hug. "Let's go home."

Jack kissed her quickly on the forehead, then took her hand. They walked slowly to the front desk, returning her key, and thanking the manager. Jack climbed into his car, shutting the door behind him, but Kate stood outside, staring off into the distance, watching the sunrise in vibrant purples and pinks over the mountains.

After several moments, Jack opened his door, stepping out again. He glanced at Kate, then followed her gaze. "It's beautiful."

Kate nodded her agreement, not taking her eyes off the sunrise. Finally she opened her door, whispering, "It's a new day."

They drove in silence, both too tired to attempt conversation until Jack skipped the exit that would take them to their house. Feeling more alert, Kate sat up straight, "You missed the exit, Jack. Do you want me to drive the rest of the way home?"

Jack gripped the steering wheel tighter and kept his gaze ahead. "We aren't going home, Kate."

"Then where exactly are we going, Jack?" Kate questioned, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. It wasn't easy.

Letting out a sigh, Jack waited until he pulled up to a red light before speaking. Turning towards Kate, he said, "We're going to the hospital."

Kate rolled her eyes. "If you're going to work, Jack, at least you could drop me off first. I don't want to sit around in--" She stopped speaking once she realized why they were headed to the hospital. "No. I'm not. . . no, Jack. Not today."

"Let's just get it over with, okay, Kate?" Jack said, turning his attention back to the road as the light turned green. "Would you rather pee on a stick and wait five minutes? I know you. You're not going to believe anything some take-home test tells you."

She wanted to argue back, but Kate knew better. Jack was right. And chances were if she continued to argue, he'd still drag her to the hospital and make her take the test anyway. "Fine. Let's just get it over with."

Jack thanked her, and they continued the rest of the short drive in silence. As they pulled into a parking space, Kate flipped down the sun visor and glanced into the mirror. "I look like I haven't slept in a week."

Exiting the car, Jack walked around to Kate's side, opening her door for her. "Have you?"

"No," Kate shook her head as Jack shut her door and locked the car. She took a hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers. "But that doesn't mean I want you to drag me into your hospital, showing me off to your friends when I look like this."

"I'm not showing you off to anyone, Kate," Jack said, a faint trace of a smile lighting up his face. "We'll be in and out. I promise."

Kate followed Jack into the hospital and they took an elevator up to the third floor. He led her back to a room and shut the door behind them. Opening a few cabinets, he sat down a few utensils and picked up a needle.

"Jack," Kate shifted in her seat. She was beginning to feel a little queasy. "I really don't like needles."

"It'll be quick," Jack said softly, walking over to her and rubbing alcohol on the crook of her arm. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just don't think about it."

Kate let out a little yelp as Jack stuck the needle in and began to draw her blood. She continued to let out little 'ouches' through the entire process. Jack rolled his eyes as he removed the needle and capped the tube of blood.

"Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Closing her eyes, Kate tried to ignore the taste that was growing in her mouth. "I think -- I think I might be sick."

Jack noticed how pale she was looking, and became concerned. He moved his hand in slow circles over her back. "It's okay, baby. Do you want me to get you the trashcan?"

Kate shook her head, forcing her stomach to stop churning. "No, I'll be okay. I just -- don't let me look at the blood, okay?"

Nodding his agreement, Jack tried to bite back his laughter. Opening one of the cabinets, he grabbed a dark bag, placing the tube inside. "Come on, I'll drop you off at my office then take this to the lab. Can you stand?"

"Of course I can stand," Kate muttered, standing up. She felt a little shaky, but tried not to let Jack notice. She just wanted this all to be done with as soon as possible. She didn't need him to be any more concerned about her than he already was.

They walked down the hall to his office and Jack unlocked it. Kate took a seat on his leather couch and waited nervously for him to return. Seeing that he had a TV in his office she found the remote and clicked it on.

Several minutes later, Jack returned. Kate glanced to him nervously, "So, um. What did it say?"

Jack smiled, taking a seat next to her on the couch. "It won't be done for about an hour."

"About an hour?" Kate exclaimed. "I might as well have peed on the damn stick!"

Laughing, Jack reached over, smoothing back her hair. "There's a back-up in the lab. You're lucky your boyfriend is a doctor so he can get your tests run extra-fast. The lab tech owed me a favor. What he does is check for the presence or absence of human chorionic gonadotrophin in your blood. If it's there, you're pregnant. If not. . ."

Kate had tuned out after _human_. She had worried she was pregnant for quite some time but it seemed as though the last hour was going to be the most torturous. She had to be, didn't she? She was ridiculously late for her period. She had gained weight. There was even _morning sickness_.

When she finally snapped out of her reverie, Jack had taken the remote and was watching some kind of talk show. He reached over and gently began to massage her neck, and she completely tensed up.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, pulling away from his grasp. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't want to be touched, okay?"

"Don't say sorry," Jack whispered, shaking his head. Standing up he grabbed his coat from the coat rack. Sitting back down he bunched it up on his lap, then patted it. "Come here. See if you can rest for the next hour."

Kate knew she wouldn't be able to get any rest, but complied, comfortable settling her head on his lap. She watched the television in silence for several minutes, listening as an anchor rambled on about the must-try diet of the season. When it went on a commercial, and one for a pregnancy test came on, she felt Jack tense up.

The sound of silence was starting to get to her. She felt Jack squirming and knew it wasn't any better for him. She felt a heat radiating off of his body. Settling back so that her back was flushed against him, Kate whispered, "You can touch me now."

Kate felt him loosen up and his hands moved to her hair, smoothing it back. They moved to her neck, kneading it, then her shoulders. The next thing she remembered was him shaking her lightly. "Kate, I'm going to run downstairs and get those results now, okay?"

Sitting up, Kate rubbed her eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right here."

Jack walked quickly downstairs to the lab. He nodded at the technician as he entered the room, "Thanks for getting this done so fast, Carl. I know you busy you are down here."

"No problem, Jack," Carl smiled over at him, as he glanced up from the slide he was looking at. "Wish I could tell you the results myself, but apparently everyone woman over 25 thinks they're pregnant this week. It's in that stack over there."

"Thanks," Jack told him, beginning to leaf through a stack of white envelopes. "She was 97041, right?"

"Sounds right to me," Carl nodded. "How long have you been with this girl now, Jack?"

"We met," Jack paused as he found the envelope. "We met before I was in the crash. But we've been together for a couple months now."

"Any plans on marrying her?" Carl asked. He pointed to his wedding ring. "Been with the wife for three years now."

Jack tapped the folder against the desk, not sure if he should look at the results himself, or take it up to Kate. "Your son is about a year old now, isn't he?"

"Had a birthday last week," Carl nodded, a grin lighting up his face. "We just found out baby number two is on the way."

Jack smiled, "Congratulations, Carl."

Carl pointed to the folder, "You too, maybe."

Jack laughed and opened up the folder. He stared at the page in front of him for several seconds, before glancing back up at Carl, "Is it okay if I copy this and take it with me?"

"Help yourself," Carl agreed with a nod, apparently accepting that Jack wasn't going to share the results. He turned back to what he had been working on.

Jack quickly made a copy of the paper in the folder, and stuck the folder back into the middle of the stack. Walking quickly out the door, he called, "Thanks again, Carl. See you around."

Jack folded the paper over and over again as he made his way back to his office. Opening the door he found Kate, sitting on the couch, playing with a loose tread on her jeans. Her nervousness was evident on her face as she glanced over at him, "So. . ."

Handing her the paper, Jack sat down next to her. "You're not pregnant."

Cocking her head to the side, Kate glanced down at it. She didn't understand any of the words or numbers on it. "You're serious? I'm not pregnant."

"I'm serious," Jack told her with a nod, trying to read the expression on her face. "You're pregnancy test was negative."

Kate fell silent and they both sat still, staring straight ahead. Finally, Kate broke the silence. "But I --"

"I know," Jack interrupted, glancing over at her.

"And I --"

"I know."

"Well," Kate cleared her throat. "Good. I was starting to get really worried."

They locked eyes and Kate felt something inside her break. Glancing away, she covered her eyes, beginning to cry quietly. She felt Jack's arms wrap around her and he pulled her towards him, kissing her head and whispering soothing things.

Only allowing herself to cry for a few seconds, Kate pulled away, composing herself. "I'm fine. This is _good_, Jack. I'm just. . . I'm just _so tired_."

"I know," Jack whispered, scanning her face. Kate could tell Jack was trying to decide if he believed her or not.

Sitting the paper down on Jack's desk, Kate stood up and whispered, "Just take me home, Jack. Please."

"Let's go home," Jack agreed, pulling her towards him and kissing her softly.

After turning on the car, Jack turned his radio station onto an oldie's station. An old Billie Holiday song drifted around them and Kate laid her head on Jack's shoulder, a soft smile on her face. "You know what I like."

His response was a kiss on her forehead, as Kate closed her eyes and began to sing a whisper. "I'll find you in the morning sun. . . and when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon. . ."

Kate pulled away a little and glanced up at him, "But _I'll be seeing you_."

Jack glanced away from the road long enough to fully take in Kate's appearance. She looked sad, but he figured at least part of that could be chalked up to the fact she hadn't been sleeping. Of course she was probably at least a little sad about not having a baby, even if she would never let herself admit it. Who knew how long she had suspected she was. Something like that was pretty hard to let go of.

Jack pulled into the garage and turned the car off. Kate glanced over to him and noticed he looked just as tired as she felt. Resting her head against the back of the seat she waited as he walked around the side of the car to open her door. As he took her hand to help her up, he smiled, "You're getting spoiled."

"All your fault," Kate told him with a wink, stepping past him and waiting for him to unlock the door. Walking into the house, she saw Boo asleep on Jack's couch. She gave him a soft pat on the head before following Jack upstairs.

Before entering their bedroom, Jack stopped and leaned against the doorway. "Hmm."

Kate peered over his shoulder. The floor was cluttered with things that Jack had knocked off shelves. Something was broken. Tables were laying on their sides. The sheets had even been torn off the bed.

"Guess I didn't really think to stop and clean before I chased after you," Jack glanced at her, a wry smile on his face.

"Guess not," Kate shook her head. Leaning against Jack, she whispered, "Guest room?"

"Sounds good to me," Jack agreed, looping his arm around her shoulders as they walked down the hallway.

Tossing her hoodie across the room, and kicking off her jeans, Kate crawled into bed. Jack's clothes joined hers on the floor and he cozied up next to her. "I guess you can keep the shirt for tonight."

"Thanks, dear," Kate laughed, moving closer and laying her head on his chest. She listened to the steady beating off his heart, and was just about to drift off before he spoke again.

"You _washed_ these sheets after Sawyer left, right?"

Kate smiled against his chest, giving it a quick kiss. "Yes, Jack."

There was silence for several more seconds until, "Good. Because there's no telling what he did in here."

"Jack!" Kate exclaimed, raising her head and playfully hitting him. "_Go to sleep_."

"Night, Kate," Jack whispered, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her back down to him.

"Night, Jack," she returned before closing her eyes, and finally, for the first time a week, falling into a peaceful sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 -- the last chapter before the last chapter! I am not sure when I will be able to post the last chapter because I have family coming in to visit for the next two weeks. Whenever I will get a chance, I will write. And the last chapter is pretty much word for word written in my head already, so that should make it easier!**

**I hope you enjoy Chapter 20. You get to meet a new, little character in here! As always, I love to know what you think!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty

Kate awoke to bright sunlight streaming in her eyes. Letting out a groan, she rolled over onto her stomach, reaching for Jack. Her arm hit soft bed. Jack was already up. Letting out another groan, Kate opened her eyes and sat up, momentarily confused by her surroundings.

The guest room. They had slept in the guest room because their bedroom was a mess. Well, _that _was going to be fun to clean up. Kate glanced over towards the digital clock. 11:14. How was it 11:14? They hadn't even gotten home until just after ten. Had she really slept for only that short of time? But she wasn't tired anymore.

And she had to pee really bad.

Kicking off the covers and walking down the hall to the bathroom room, Kate wondered where Jack was. She doubted he would have gone into work without waking her up to let her know. And he was tired, too. He wouldn't have slept for such a short time.

After finishing in the bathroom, Kate walked the rest of the way down the hall to their bedroom. Opening the door, she found a completely spotless room. She hadn't dreamt the entire thing, had she?

It hit her. No, she hadn't dreamt it. She had been asleep for over 24 hours.

Figuring Jack probably did have to work, or he had just run a small errand, Kate walked over to the closet and got out some clean clothes. Carrying them into the bathroom, she turned the water on for a much needed shower.

When she was finished, Kate got dressed and the dried her hair, letting it fall in loose curls around her shoulders. Cleaning up the mess she had made, she thought about going to make the bed in the guest room, but decided she was too hungry. That could wait for later.

Walking into the kitchen, she found Jack, unpacking grocery bags. "Morning," Kate greeted him, kissing him on his cheek.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Jack greeted her with a wink. "Feeling better?"

"Much," Kate grinned. "I'm _starving_ though. Got anything good in these bags?"

Jack gestured to a bag that was sitting on the kitchen table. "I thought you might be awake when I got back, so I bought breakfast. There's some muffins and eggs and random things; take what you want."

Setting a banana nut muffin on the counter, Kate kept digging through the bag. "You didn't by any chance get sausage, did you?"

Setting the bottle of juice he was holding down, Jack turned back to Kate. "No, I didn't get any. I know you haven't been feeling good lately, and I didn't want to risk the smell upsetting you. I can live without meat in the morning."

Kate took a nibble out of the muffin. "Do you think you could make some? For me?"

An amused smile lit up Jack's face. "You, the same Kate who picked sausage out of an omelet in front of my mother, is requesting some for breakfast? Not so vegetarian anymore?"

"It just sounds really good right now," Kate smiled. "Please?"

"The same Kate," Jack continued, "who gave me an hour long lecture about how I was killing myself when I dined on a steak dinner."

"Ooh, steak!" Kate said excitedly, grabbing Jack by the arm. "Can you make steak for dinner tonight? Use that one sauce, you know, the one that's kind of tangy and kind of spicy, but still not spicy enough to make you drink ten gallons of water with a meal?"

Jack took Kate by the arm and pulled her to him, placing the back of his hand on her forehead. "No temperature. You sure you're feeling alright? Maybe you should go back to sleep for a little while."

Kate pulled her arm away, letting out an aggravated huff. "Fine. I'll just make myself breakfast."

"No, no," Jack shook his head. He walked over to the refrigerator and took a package of sausage out. "I was just teasing. I'll make you whatever you want."

As he went to making breakfast, he motioned towards an envelope on the kitchen table.

"That came in the mail yesterday. I thought you might want to see it."

Kate's face lit up as she reached for the envelope. "I got mail?"

"No, it's my mail," Jack shook his head as he turned the stovetop on. "I just thought you might want to see it."

Kate gave Jack a disdainful look. ". . .You _opened_ my mail?"

"It's my mail," Jack said, giving her an aggravated look. "Why are you trying to drive me crazy this morning?"

Giving him a sweet smile, but no answer, Kate took the contents of the envelope out. "Claire and Charlie's wedding pictures! I forgot all about their wedding. Did you? You were supposed to go, weren't you? How are you going to explain not showing up?"

"I didn't forget," Jack smiled. "Hurley took care of it for me. Don't worry. There's been a lot going on around here lately, I didn't want to leave you, and I'm sure you agree it wouldn't have been a good idea for you to go."

A shadow passed quickly across Kate's face, but she hid it by looking down towards the pictures. "Look at Aaron, Jack! He's so big! I bet he's talking now."

Jack watched Kate as she rifled through the rest of the pictures. "Oh, my God! Everyone's there. Even Sawyer. Boy, does _he_ look happy. And Shannon's dress is gorgeous. Wow, _everyone_ went."

Kate glanced back up at Jack, a sad look on her face, "Everyone but _you_. You should have gone, Jack. You would have had fun."

"Everyone but _me and you_. You count, you know. It's not a big deal," Jack shook his head and turned the sausage over in the pan. "I didn't want to go."

Kate silently accepted his reasoning and glanced back into the envelope, "What? No letter? Just pictures? They just assume you remember who they are?"

"There was a letter," Jack said slowly, not taking his eyes off the sizzling food. "I took it out. It was kind of personal."

That caught Kate's attention, "Too personal for me to be allowed to see?"

"Yes," Jack nodded, turning to give her his attention. "It was pretty personal."

"Some people would call that thing you like to do in the shower too personal for me to see, but you don't have a problem with that," Kate winked, walking over next to him. "I think our breakfast is done. Don't let it get too crisp."

Turning the stove off, Jack smiled at Kate, "How about you go set the table?"

Kate did as Jack asked, and tried to focus on him as he brought the food in, but the letter was still bothering her. "Okay," she took a sip of her orange juice. "Who wrote it? Claire or Charlie?"

Jack looked confused for a second, then rolled his eyes, "Charlie wrote it. It's not a big deal, Kate. Let it go."

"If it's not a big deal then why can't I read it?" Kate cut off a piece of the sausage and nibbled on it. "Just let me read it. Charlie's not going to know that I know his deep, personal thoughts."

"I threw it away," Jack shrugged, taking a blueberry muffin out of the bag. "Yesterday, after I read it. It went out with the trash this morning."

"Why would you throw an important letter away?" Kate demanded, clearly aggravated. She stood and went into the kitchen, taking the orange juice carton out of the refrigerator and carrying it into the dining room. The meat was spicier than she expected.

"It wasn't important!" Jack snapped. "This is ridiculous. This shouldn't be turning into a fight, Kate. It wasn't important, so I threw it away. Okay?"

Kate conceded with a short nod. She gave the last few bites of her sausage to Boo, who was weaving himself between her legs and finished off her muffin. She watched Jack as he finished off his meal. As he was taking the last drink of his orange juice he stood up and tripped over Boo Radley, splattering the rest of his drink on his shirt.

Giggling, Kate stood up and followed Jack into the kitchen, grabbing a sponge. She dabbed at his shirt and smiled up at him, "Getting a little clumsy there, cowboy?"

"It's that damn cat again," Jack shook his head, trying not too sound annoyed. He pushed her hands away, "Don't worry about it. I'll just wash this and put on a new shirt. You can't dab orange juice out with a sponge."

Jack pulled his shirt over his head and took the sponge from Kate, dabbing at where the juice had soaked through. At the sight of him with his shirt off, Kate leaned back against the counter and let out an involuntary sigh.

Glancing over at her, Jack smiled as a light blush crept across her cheeks. Tossing his shirt onto the counter, he stepped towards her, pulling Kate into his arms. Brushing his lips across her neck, he whispered, "It's been awhile."

"Mmhmm," Kate agreed, meeting his lips in a kiss as her hands traveled down to his belt.

Jack took a hold of her hands, and pulled away. "Let's go upstairs."

Kate nodded her agreement, and kissed him once more. He kissed back, running his hands up her shirt and leading them into the living room. Her hands traveled to Jack's belt once more, and this time he didn't try to stop her.

They made it as far as the couch.

An hour later, they lay on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. Jack placed a few soft kisses on Kate's head before asking, "You don't have any big plans for tonight, do you?"

"Let me think," Kate pretended to mull it over. "I guess I could cancel my manicure and facial if you have something planned."

"Good," Jack said with a nod, rubbing his hand over her back. "Marc called last night and asked if you and I would mind watching their son tonight so the two of them could do dinner and a movie."

Kate thought back to the pictures Megan had showed her at the dinner party for Jack's birthday. "His name is Mason, right?"

"Right," Jack told her. "And he's 9 and a half months old. And he's really no trouble at all. You'll like him."

Kate sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around her. "And I would be correct in guessing that you already told Marc and Megan would be more than happy to baby-sit Mason tonight?"

"You would be correct," Jack agreed, watching her closely. "As usual. It's only for a couple hours, and if you really don't want to then --"

"You didn't call Marc and ask him if we could watch Mason, right?" Kate turned back to Jack. She brushed her hair back from her face, and gave him a serious look. "This isn't some kind of get a baby around Kate scheme, right?"

"Of course not," Jack sat up next to her. "Marc or Megan's parents usually watch him, but they know I haven't seen him in awhile. They said he was missing Uncle Jack and wanted to meet Aunt Kate."

Some of the tension drained from Kate. "They called me Aunt Kate, hmm?"

"They called you Aunt Kate," a soft smile lit up Jack's face. "Come on, Meg showed you pictures, right? You know you want to meet him."

"He did look pretty adorable," Kate agreed, nodding slowly. "But really, I'm not very good with kids."

"Kate," Jack refrained from rolling his eyes. "You delivered a baby. I think you can handle baby-sitting one for a couple of hours."

"Delivering a baby is nothing like baby-sitting!" Kate argued with a laugh. "I just had to be like, _push Claire_, and then make sure it was breathing. This will be completely different."

Jack burst out laughing, "Are you kidding me? From the way Charlie made it sound, you were whistling a different tune during Aaron's birth!"

"I don't know how to whistle," Kate retorted, standing up and taking the blanket with her. She smirked at Jack who was left sitting on the couch, naked. "And of course we'll baby-sit him. I just don't think it will be as easy as you make it sound."

"Marc says he's feeding himself now," Jack told her, standing up and looking around for his boxers. They were on top of the television. How had they gotten there? "And he just started drinking out of a sippy-cup. It shouldn't be that bad."

"You sound cute saying sippy-cup," Kate teased softly, reaching out and stroking his cheek. "And I don't think just because the kid can hold a fork that we can toss him in the dining room with a steak, and that be that."

"I didn't say he could use a fork," Jack teased, finding her bra and jeans and handing them to her. "I said --"

"I have to pee," Kate interrupted, taking her clothes from him and dropping the blanket as she headed for the bathroom. Jack followed Kate to the bathroom door and continued on, "I said he can feed himself. I think he just uses his hands or something."

"See!" Kate called as she flushed the toilet. "I don't know anything about kids! Where's my shirt?"

"In the kitchen, I think," Jack shrugged. "Trust me, we'll do fine. It's only a couple hours. I don't think we can cause that much psychological damage in that short of time. It would take days of exposure for us to completely send him down the wrong path in life."

"You're right," Kate agreed, locating her shirt on top of the stove. She pulled it on over her head. "Do you think to be on the safe side you should get on-line and see what kind of things 9 month olds like to do? Maybe you could go rent Barney."

"I think that might be border-line crazy," Jack shook his head. "And I'm not renting Barney. I'm sure Marc and Megan will bring anything they think Mason's needs to have a successful evening away from home."

"Okay," Kate shrugged. "But if he cries the whole time, and it's because we don't have Barney, then I'm blaming you."

Jack held up his hands, "I will gladly take the blame. I'm going to go shower. Care to join me?"

"I already showered," Kate shook her head. "You go ahead. I still need to make the bed, and I'll baby-proof the house or something while you're upstairs."

"Okay," Jack nodded, leaning down and kissing her softly. "You baby proof the house, and I'll go think of you and do that thing in the shower."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Have fun."

After Jack went upstairs, Kate walked around the living room, putting anything heavy that could be pulled off the tables and onto babies heads to higher locations. Grabbing a few batteries that Jack had thrown onto the coffee table for God knows what reason, she opened a door on the hutch to toss them into. They landed on a piece of folded notebook paper. Curious, Kate grabbed the piece of paper and scanned it.

Reading over it again, Kate took a seat on the couch. She read it once more, and then again before it actually sunk it. She was still sitting on the couch, holding it, when Jack came back downstairs.

Kate held the letter up to him, a hurt look on her face. "Threw it away, huh?"

"Kate--" Jack started, stepping towards her and reaching for the letter. She moved out of his way before he could grab it.

"_We were sorry you couldn't make it, Jack, but Hurley told us you were seeing someone_," Kate read. "_Claire and I are both happy to hear you're getting on with your life. I was worried you were still thinking about Kate. It's good to hear that you've finally found someone who deserves you. We all liked Kate fine, but she's not the type of girl someone should get mixed up with. Especially someone as bloody smart as you are, Jack. Congratulations on finally moving on. . ."_

Kate dropped the letter to her lap, and was silent for several seconds before she glanced up at Jack. "Do I need to go on?"

Leaning over, Jack took the letter off of Kate. Silently, he ripped it in half, then shook his head. "No, I think that's enough."

Half of her wanted to yell at Jack for hiding the letter from her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. "Someone who _deserves_ you. . ."

"He's full of sh-t, Kate," Jack shook his head. "None of what he says matters, or means anything."

Kate knew Jack didn't care what Charlie had written, and that she shouldn't either, but it still bothered her. These people were supposed to be her friends. "I -- I delivered her _baby_, Jack."

Crumpling the shreds of paper in his fist, Jack let them drop the ground. "I know you did, Kate. And anything they say now, doesn't change that."

Kate cast a steely glare in Jack's direction. "When I first came here. . . you told me that you had talked to Claire. You told me she had said that she wished I could come to the wedding! You said something about how she thought I should be able to be part of Aaron's life because I delivered him."

Jack sighed, sitting down next to Kate. "Kate, I --"

Shaking her head, Kate scooted away from him. "Claire never said any of those things, did she? You _lied_ to me, Jack. What was the point in that?"

"When I came home that day you were crying, Kate," Jack shrugged apologetically. "I just wanted to make you feel better. I didn't know what else to say. I never intended for something like that stupid letter to happen."

Kate rubbed her head, trying to ward off the headache she felt coming on. "You know what, just forget it. I don't want to fight about this. There's no reason I should care what they think. It's just. . . Nothing. Let's just forget it."

Picking the paper up, Jack walked into the kitchen and threw it away. When he returned to the living room, Kate was still in the exact same position. She glanced up at him, "I'm sure you especially loved the part about how hopefully you've found someone you can settle down and start a family with."

Jack took a seat in his recliner, eyeing Kate closely. "I have."

"Oh, please," Kate stood up and rolled her eyes. "Let's not go there."

"We can talk about it, if you want to," Jack said softly, not quite meeting her gaze. "I know you say the results were what you wanted, but. . ."

"There's nothing to talk about," Kate interrupted with a shake of her head. "And there's no but. The results were exactly what I wanted. We've been over it, Jack. It's for the best. You know it is."

"For the best," Jack repeated softly.

Kate gave him a look that clearly said the subject was closed. "I need to go make the bed. Actually, I think I might even wash the sheets. Do the ones on our bed need washed?"

Jack shook his head slowly. "I washed them yesterday when I cleaned up. Want me to help you?"

"I've got it," Kate smiled at him. "I didn't really get around to fully baby-proofing the house though, so. . ."

"I'll make sure nothing heavy is in arms length," Jack nodded, standing up. "Anything else you need?"

"No," Kate shook her head. She turned to walk up the stairs and got to the second step before she turned back around. "I'm sorry, Jack. I really am."

Jack stared at her in silence for several seconds. "It's okay, Kate. You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Kate nodded, and gave Jack once last apologetic glance before going upstairs to clean. Jack stood for several minutes after she had departed, staring at step where her figure had been.

A few hours later, after Kate had made sure that everything in the house was baby-proofed, she was still trying to talk him into going to get a movie. "Jack, I just think the kid is going to need some form of entertainment. We don't want him to get bored."

Jack laughed, "He's nine months old, Kate. Playing with his own feet amuse him. I don't need to go get anything. In fact, they're going to be here any sec--"

Jack's voice was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. "See? No time."

Rolling her eyes, Kate hurried behind Jack to answer the door. Megan walked in first with Mason propped on her right hip. He was holding a torn up blue blanket with a Blue's Clues head on the top, and in his mouth was a Blue's Clues binky.

Megan handed Mason to Jack as they made their way into the living room. "Thanks so much for this, guys. Marc's parents are out of town, and I think Mason really did miss his uncle Jack!"

"Well, Uncle Jack missed Mason," Jack said with a smile, ticking Mason's belly. Mason giggled and the binky fell out of his mouth. Moving quickly, Jack caught it before it hit the ground and placed it back into Mason's whimpering mouth. "There you go, buddy."

"Marc's getting Mason's things out of the car," Megan said with a slight roll of her eyes. "He thinks he can carry everything at once." Turning towards Kate, Megan pulled her into a hug. "You look amazing, Kate. Is there something different? I really like your hair like that. But that isn't it. You look so happy."

Megan's gaze turned back towards Jack. "Is there something you two haven't told us?"

Before either of them could answer, Marc stumbled into the room. A play pen was in one hand, a diaper bag was slung around his neck, and assorted objects were in his other hand. "I think this is everything. I left the high chair by the front door. Thanks a lot for watching him tonight."

"It's no problem," Kate shook her head, moving to help Marc set the baby items down. "We're glad to do it. I've been so excited to meet him ever since you showed me his pictures! He's even more adorable in person."

Mason let out another giggle as though he knew that he was being talked about. This time Jack wasn't quick enough to save the binky, and it hit the ground. Patting a hand against Jack's cheek, Mason let out a chorus of, "Mamamama. . ."

"It's the only thing he knows how to say," Megan informed them, reaching out and taking Mason from Jack. "I don't think he even knows what it means. Marc's still mad he said Mama before Dada though."

"When he says Dada," Marc informed them, looking at his wife and son lovingly. "He will know what it means. Right, Mase?"

Mason reached out and grabbed his daddy's finger, babbling something in baby talk. Kate felt something inside of her swell up, but did her best to ignore it. She knew Jack was looking at her, but refused to look back.

After a few more minutes of cooing, Megan kissed Mason on top of his head, then handed him back to Jack. "You know both of your cell numbers. The number of the hotel we'll be at is on the list in the bag. There's also a few notes on what foods he can eat and what not. We brought about a week's worth of diapers."

"Better to be safe than sorry," Marc interrupted with a nod at Kate.

"We know he'll be happy here," Megan told Jack with a nod. Turning back to Kate, she winked, "Good practice for the future too, hmm?"

"Good practice," Kate echoed with a nod, hoping her words didn't sound empty. She glanced towards where Jack was holding Mason and couldn't help but break out in a smile. He looked more natural holding a baby than she had ever expected.

After a few more instructions and a few more kisses from Marc and Megan to Mason, they left. Jack smiled over at Kate, "Want to hold him?"

"I think you'd better," Kate said, with a slight shake of her head. She opened the diaper bag and rifled through it. "They brought DVDs and stuff. We could put a movie in for him."

"Or you could hold him," Jack smiled. "Come on, come here. Tell her not to be so scared of you, buddy. You're just a baby, what are you gonna do to her?"

Kate rolled her eyes, and held her arms out towards Mason. He continued to stare at Jack. "See, he doesn't want to see me."

Jack shook his head, then rolled his head. "Come on, Mason. Let's go visit Aunt Kate." Jack pointed to Kate, and Mason followed his gaze. Giggling, he held out his arms towards Kate.

Smiling, Kate took him into her arms. She laughed as he smiled up at her. "My, my. You're quite the little chunk, aren't you? And you don't smell that good either, do you? I think you might've gone potty."

"How about you change him?" Jack suggested with a smile. He reached into the diaper bag and took out a blanket, laying it on the ground. He took out a diaper, and wipes and set them next the blanket.

Kate sighed and shook her head at Mason, "That's Uncle Jack, for you. He wants all the fun and none of the work. Let's see if we can't get you clean."

Mason let out a series of giggles and baby jabber as Kate went about changing his diaper. She smiled down at him, "Well, you're just about the best behaved little boy ever, aren't you? Yes, you are!"

Jack laughed softly as he watched Kate interact with Mason. He leaned down next to them and grabbed Mason's dirty diaper, "I'll go dispose of this."

"We will be right here," Kate cooed, tickling Mason. "Yes, we will. Won't we? We will wait right here for Uncle Jack!"

When Jack returned from the garage, Mason had a hold of Kate's hair and was giggling like crazy. Kate was laughing and trying to remove her hair from his balled up fists, "Come on, Mase. Let Kate have her hair back!"

"Aww, get her!" Jack laughed, sitting down on the blanket next to them. "You tell Aunt Kate who's the boss." Mason turned to him and babbled something, then looked back at Kate, giggling and pulling her hair even harder.

They continued to play on the floor for a little while until Mason seemed to get bored of them. He crawled over to the couch and grabbed the side of it, pulling himself into a standing position. Holding onto the couch, Mason took a few wobbly steps before falling backwards onto his padded bottom. He glanced to Jack and Kate, startled.

"Aww," Kate said, scooting over towards him. "Did you fall down? Are you okay, little buddy?"

Seeing Kate's concern, Mason's bottom lip began to quiver. Within seconds, he was bawling. Concerned, Kate scooped him up, bouncing him and whispering soothing things. Worridly, she asked Jack, "Do you think he hurt himself?"

"No," Jack shook his head with a smile. "I think he saw that you were worried and decided to play it for all it was worth. Your concern scared him more than falling down did, you have to just let him be after he falls."

Popping Mason's binky into his mouth, Jack asked him, "Isn't that right, buddy?"

Kate sighed and kissed Mason on top of his head. "I told Uncle Jack I didn't know much about babies, but he didn't want to listen."

Smiling, Jack kissed Kate on top of her head. "Who's ready for dinner?"

Mason understood the word, and his binky fell from his mouth as he responded in baby talk. Kate grinned, "I guess that means you are, right?"

Jack got the highchair from the foyer and set it down in the kitchen. He began to prepare Mason's dinner as Kate set him in the Blue's Clues highchair, making sure he was fastened securely. "You sure like this little blue doggie, don't you, Mason? Your mommy and daddy brought some of his videos. We'll have to check him out later."

"Mamama!" Mason responded loudly, banging his hands on the highchair tray. "Mamamama!"

Jack appeared from behind Mason, a bib in hand. Fastening it around his neck, Jack smiled at him, "Gotta try some kind of damage control. Let's see how much of this food you can get in your mouth, buddy."

"Marc and Megan said he doesn't eat much baby food anymore," Jack informed Kate. "But they brought some because it's easier than fixing a bunch of stuff he can eat. However, along with his pureed peas, he gets some bananas. And since he is Uncle Jack's favorite baby, I have some mashed potatoes for him."

"Mmm, mashed potatoes," Jack said to Mason, sitting his plate in front of him. Kate couldn't help but wrinkle her nose at the green mush on it. Next to the plate, Jack sat down a sippy cup of milk. He handed Kate a spoon, "Knock yourself out."

Spooning a little bit of the mashed potatoes, Kate offered them to Mason. When she put the spoon in his mouth, he clamped down on it, giggling. His bite was so hard Kate couldn't remove it from his mouth. "Ah, you wanna play, do you?"

Mason grabbed the spoon from out of his mouth and clumsily maneuvered it into the green mush. Reaching the spoon to his face, he got more on his cheek than in his mouth. Kate applauded, "Good job, Mason!"

Dropping the spoon onto his shirt, Mason tried to copy Kate's clapping. Seeing that he had dropped the spoon on himself, Mason picked it up again and tried to feed himself another bite. This time the peas landed on his nose.

Kate glanced to Jack, "How about you bring me another spoon?"

Jack obliged, and Kate took turns with Mason, spooning food into his mouth. After awhile, he gave up on the spoon, dropping a glob of mashed potatoes onto himself. With a little help from Kate he was able to drink from the sippy cup.

Jack picked up a slice of banana, and handed it to Mason. "See how you like that, Mase."

Mason stuck it in his mouth and chewed for a few moments before starting to cough. Kate jumped up from her seat and grabbed Mason's free arm, lifting it up in the air. "Are you okay, Mason?"

Laughing softly, Jack watched Kate. He shook his head and leaned close to Mason, "She's a little high-maintenance, isn't she?"

Kate rolled her eyes, and she and Jack continued to help Mason eat his dinner. When they had decided that he had successfully inhaled more food than he had spilt on himself, Kate removed him from the chair as Jack cleaned up.

Removing Mason's shirt, Kate was careful not to get any of the food on herself. "Look at your chubby little belly! Some of that food must be getting in there, hmm? How does a bath sound!" She lightly rubbed Mason's belly and he giggled.

"I think a bath sounds excellent," Jack nodded. "I'll go run it and you gather his things, okay?"

"Sounds good to us," Kate agreed with a nod. As Jack left the room, Mason began to whimper. "Aww, don't cry! Me and you are friends, remember? Uncle Jack is just going to run your bath water. You and I can go get you some PJs! How does that sound? Did Mommy pack your favorite jammies?"

Mason's whimpering calmed down as Kate set him down on the living room floor. She went through his diaper bag as Mason crawled around, inspecting things. Kate took out his pajamas, and seeing who was on them, glanced at Mason. "Seriously, Mase. Who is this blue dog? Why are you so into him? Is he a magic puppy?"

Mason answered in his own language as he pulled himself up, holding onto the coffee table. Clutching on, he took a few wobbly steps in Kate's direction.

"Good job, buddy," she encouraged. "Let's see how far you can make it this time! Come see, Aunt Kate!"

Mason made it a few more steps before falling. This time, as soon he hit the ground, he seemed to be studying Kate's reaction. Smiling at him, she shrugged, "Maybe you can make it all the way to Aunt Kate next time!"

His response was chorus of giggles, and he crawled over to her, pulling himself up by holding onto her knees. Kate pulled him into her lap. "Are you ready for your bath?"

Kate stood up, Mason on one hip and his towels, clothes and a few bath toys in her free hand. Jack was testing the water when they entered the bathroom, "Is it ready, Uncle Jack?"

"It's just right," Jack leaned over and took Mason from Kate. As Kate laid all Mason's stuff out, and dropped the toys into the water, Jack relieved him of his pants, socks and diaper and sat him in the water.

Mason giggled and splashed his hands into the water, reaching for his plastic Blue's Clues floatie. He entertained himself as Jack and Kate worked on washing his hair and his body.

"He's so chubby!" Kate said delightfully, as she scrubbed at an arm. "He's like a little Michelin Man. He's too cute. You're too cute, aren't you, Mason?"

At the sound of his name, Mason turned to look at Kate, splashing happily. Apparently, bath time was a favorite of Mason's. However, his mood changed as Jack poured some water over his head, washing away the shampoo. Mason's eyes squeezed tight and he tilt his head back, not even bothering with a whimper. This time he went straight for a wail.

"It's okay, buddy," Jack said softly. "I'm sorry. We have to get you clean though. You don't want to be a shampoo-head, do you? No. I didn't think so." A few more cups of water and some comforting words later, Mason's head was clean and his wailing had ceased.

"You're all better now!" Kate laughed, picking up one of his toys. She floated it in the water over to Mason's blue doggie. "Woof-woof, little blue puppy! Do you want to play with me?"

Mason seemed to love Kate's animal impersonation and laughed so hard, he almost fell backwards. Jack laughed as he steadied him. Turning toward Jack, Mason splashed his hands into the water, sending a spray of water onto Jack. "Thanks, little buddy."

Kate giggled and continued to play with Mason for several more minutes until she noticed the water was getting too cool and Mason's fingers were getting a little too prune-y. She lifted him out of the tub and into a towel Jack was holding. Together, they dried him off. It tickled, and he laughed through it all.

"Oops!" Kate laughed after he was completely dry. "I forgot a diaper!" Picking Mason up, she headed downstairs, Jack behind her. Smiling, she sat Mason on the couch. "You be good while Aunt Kate gets you a diaper."

She grabbed a diaper, and when she turned around, Mason was sending a fountain of pee onto the couch. She let out a gasp and Jack turned around to see what was going on. "Kate!" he exclaimed. "You let him _pee_ on the _couch_!"

Kate rolled her eyes and lifted Mason onto the floor. "Say it's just a little pee, Uncle Jack. Go get something and clean it up."

Jack went into the kitchen and grabbed a towel, grumbling while he cleaned up Mason's mess. Kate shook her head, "And Uncle Jack thought he wanted a baby. He couldn't handle it, could he?"

"I could handle it just fine," Jack said softly, watching Kate as she fastened Mason's diaper and dressed him in his pajamas. "And so could you. Look at you. You would make an _amazing_ mom, Kate."

"Jack," Kate looked over at him and shook her head. "Don't, okay? Don't make this about that. I told you I wasn't going to budge on it. You agreed. So just don't."

Jack silently consented and finished cleaning up the mess. After he had finished and Mason was in his pajamas, Jack put a Blue's Clues DVD into the player. He watched Kate as she watched it with Mason. She seemed just as into it as him.

Mason sang along in his own language with all the songs and bounced up and down, moving his body to the music. Kate and Jack exchanged a glance, smiling. She leaned back against his legs, and whispered, "I think he's about ready to nod off."

"I think you're right," Jack agreed, smiling as he watched Mason's head bob up and down. He played with Kate's hair, keeping his eyes on Mason, until the movie was over. He then stood up, scooping Mason into his arms. "You about ready for night-night, little man?"

Jack took a seat on the couch with Mason resting his head on his chest, as Kate stood up. "I'm going to go get something to drink. Do you need anything?"

"I'm good," Jack whispered, with a shake of his head.

Kate walked into the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of juice. She started to walk back into the living room, but stopped before Jack saw her and watched. Mason was cuddled up to him and Jack was whispering to him softly, "You are getting so big. Uncle Jack can't believe it. And you might be just about the most perfect little buddy ever, do you know that? Of course that's because Uncle Jack and Aunt Kate aren't going to be giving you any competition. That's okay though. Being Uncle Jack is pretty awesome."

Mason's hand curled around Jack's finger and Jack's smile grew wider. "You're so strong! That grip is so tight. You're getting Uncle Jack. You got me!"

Kate felt something inside of her tighten up, and she stepped back into the kitchen, leaning against the wall. Until that moment she thought there was no way she could possibly love Jack anymore. She had been wrong. Seeing Jack sitting there, holding Mason was too much. In her head Mason disappeared and was replaced with the image of a different baby -- their baby. The one that up until the moment she hadn't let herself fully imagine, not even when she had been convinced she was pregnant.

The picture of what their family could have looked like practically sent Kate into tears. She knew Jack would be an amazing father, and she knew that she would love a baby more than she even thought possible. But it just couldn't happen. And the test had been negative. It wasn't going to happen.

Pushing the image from her mind, Kate walked back into the living room. Mason was now asleep against Jack's chest. "Want me to set up the play pen?"

"Yeah," Jack nodded, smiling up at Kate. "I think he's conked out pretty good."

Kate quickly set up Mason's play pen, making sure it was secure. Jack laid Mason down and Kate placed a blanket over him. Looping her arm around Jack's waist, Kate whispered, "He's about the happiest baby I have ever seen."

"He really is," Jack agreed. He kissed Kate on top of her head, "I think I'm going to make myself a sandwich."

Kate followed him into the kitchen and watched as he put a sandwich together. Turning around he handed it to her, "This one is for you."

Meeting his eyes, they shared a smile. Once again, the familiar feeling of longing swelled within her. Setting her plate down on the stove, Kate stepped into him, meeting his surprised lips in a passionate kiss. Letting out a low moan, Jack pulled Kate to him, flushing her body against his. Jack rested his forehead against hers when she pulled away.

"What was that for?"

"Just because I love you," Kate whispered, laying her head against Jack's chest. They stood there, holding onto each other, completely forgetting about dinner.

When they finally went to bed, they decided it was for the best to take Mason with them. Maneuvering the play pen up the stairs proved to be too difficult. Kissing Mason softly atop his strawberry blonde head, Kate laid him in bed between them.

After several minutes, Jack's heavy breathing fell in sync with Mason's and Kate knew they were both sound asleep. She watched the two of them until she, herself, finally succumb to her tiredness.

The next morning Jack awoke and glanced next to him. He laughed softly as he saw that Mason was cuddled up on Kate's chest. He wondered how long they had been that way. He watched them sleep for a few minutes until Mason's eyes fluttered open.

"Good morning, buddy," Jack whispered, holding his arms out. Mason rolled off Kate and crawled over to Jack. "Does somebody need a clean diaper?"

Jack changed Mason and was making his breakfast when Kate walked downstairs. "Why didn't you boys wake me up?"

"Mason thought you needed your beauty sleep," Jack said with a shrug. "And who am I to argue with a 9 month old?"

Just as Jack sat Mason's breakfast in front of him, the doorbell rang. "You feed him, I'll get that, okay?"

Kate nodded and sat down in the chair in front of Mason. "Are you ready for some breakfast, big guy? Uncle Jack sure does like to give you bananas, doesn't he?"

A few seconds later Jack returned to the kitchen with Marc and Megan. Mason let out a squeal of happiness upon seeing his parents. "Mamamama!"

Standing up, Kate greeted them. "Hey! Did you two have fun? You're back early."

"Meg missed Mason," Marc said with a slight roll of his eyes. "She tried to call six times last night, but I caught her before she could each time. You're lucky we didn't show up here at one in the morning."

Kate laughed as she watched Megan remove Mason from his highchair and smother him with kisses. Mason seemed to love every second of it.

"We had so much fun with him," Kate told them with a nod. "He's so well-behaved."

"Did you put on a show for Uncle Jack and Aunt Kate?" Megan teased, kissing Mason again. "Really guys, we can't thank you enough. Especially since it was so last minute."

Marc reached into his wallet and offered a stack of folded bills to Jack. Jack pushed his hand away, shaking his head. "You know there's no way we're taking money from you."

"Come on," Marc said, offering the bills to Kate. "You have to take it. I'm sure we messed up some kind of plan you guys had."

"No," Kate shook her head. "We had no plans. You guys saved us from a night of boredom. We had so much fun, didn't we, Mason?"

Kate and Megan stayed in the kitchen talking as Jack helped Marc carry all of Mason's things to the car. "Was he really good for you guys? Sometimes he has trouble when we aren't around. He seemed comfortable here though. You seem to be good with kids? Have you given thought to any of your own?"

"Actually," Kate said slowly. "We had a little bit of a scare not so long ago. But then I took a test, and it was negative."

"That's what looks different about you!" Megan immediately exclaimed. "You look so happy. Like, you're glowing. You should take another test."

Kate cocked her head. "What?"

"They're not always right," Megan shook her head. "The first one I took when I thought I was pregnant with Mason was negative. But he's here! That would be _so exciting_ for you guys."

Kate was about to respond when Marc and Jack returned. "You about ready, Meg? Your mom just called and said they wanted to come over tonight."

Megan rolled her eyes. "We'd better get going then. You think about what I said, okay Kate?"

Kate nodded and after a few more good-byes, they were gone.

"What exactly did Megan say to you?" Jack asked curiously, after they had gone.

Kate smiled and shrugged. "Just a little girl talk!"

"It was fun to have him around," Jack said softly, pulling Kate to him. "But there are certain merits of it just being the two of us."

"Mmhmm," Kate murmured as Jack's hands traveled up her shirt. "And what certain merits are you referring to?"

Meeting her lips in a slow kiss, Jack whispered, "How about we go upstairs and I _show_ you?"

"Sounds like a plan," Kate said, kissing Jack once more. He scooped her up in his arms, not breaking their kiss, and clumsily they made their way upstairs to the bedroom.

The next morning Kate came downstairs to find Jack dressed in black slacks and a tie. "Work today?"

"Not for long, hopefully," Jack shook his head. "I was thinking -- do you want to go out and do something tonight? Maybe I'll take you out to a fancy dinner. Give you a chance to wear that dress my mom got you again."

"A fancy dinner, hmm?" Kate said, a smile arching up her face. "Are you asking me on a _date_, Jack Shephard?"

"I am," Jack said with a nod. "After living with someone for several months, and falling in love with them, I usually feel it's time to ask a lady out on an official date."

"Sounds like a plan," Kate laughed, leaning over and kissing him softly. "Although, I should tell you -- I don't put out on a first date."

Jack kissed her again, smiling against her mouth. "We'll see about that. I give the date twenty minutes before your begging me to bring you back here for a sack session."

"You're probably right," Kate agreed, still not breaking their kiss. "How about we go practice right now?"

"I really have to go," Jack said, finally pulling away from their kiss. "But hold that thought for later, alright?"

"Promise," Kate agreed with a nod, giving him one last kiss before he walked out the door.

Jack hurried through the paperwork he had to get done, and sat in on a interview with a man who he and another doctor were going to be operating on the next week. He still had a pile of paperwork to finish, but decided it could wait until later. He wanted to make sure he and Kate could get into a good restaurant. Just as he was standing up to leave, a firm knock sounded on his office door.

"Come in," Jack called, reaching for his car keys.

A man in a dark LAPD uniform entered his office, followed by two men in gray suits. Jack knew exactly who they were before they spoke.

"Jack Shephard," the man in the LAPD uniform held out his hand. "I'm Lieutenant Derek Harper with the LAPD. These men are Jeffrey Smithey and Edmund Harris with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. They'd like to ask you a few questions if you have a minute."

"Of course," Jack said with a nod. He gestured towards the couch. "Please, have a seat."

"It won't take that long," Jeffrey Smithey said with a shake of his head. "We just were informed of a matter that we were told you had some information on."

Before Jack could say anything, Edmund Harris spoke up.

"Dr. Shephard, we have recently been informed that Katherine Austen is very much still alive."


	21. Chapter 21

**Okay, so what's with the seperater-line thingie not working?**

Anyway, it is my pleasure (and yours I hope?) to present to you the last chapter of _Almost Home_. I apologize for how long the posting has taken, but a lot has happened -- and the chapter is very long. (37 pages on Word, to be exact!)

As always, feedback is love and appreciated. I will be posting an author's note in the next few days to announce what's coming up.

_Thank you all so much for sticking with me._

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_Informed that Katherine Austen is very much still alive._

Jack had imagined the words, and how they would come, so many times that he wasn't quite sure if these men were actually saying them, or if his mind was playing tricks on him again. He could almost see them written out in front of him. Kate. They knew Kate was still alive.

Jack hoped the shock he was feeling registered as confusion like he wanted it to. Shaking his head, he shrugged, "I'm sorry? Katherine Austen?"

Smithey and Harris exchanged a glance.

As Harris started to speak, Jack nodded, "Oh. The fugitive from the crash? I told you; she died shortly after the crash. A shrapnel was lodged into her chest. I was able to remove it, but the internal injuries were far too serious. It took her about three days to bleed out."

Jack knew the story he gave them was the identical to the one he told them during the hours of interrogation they had made him sit through. Everyone else had given them a more diluted version. Jack was the one in control. Even now. He would take control of this situation and everything would turn out fine.

"Your ex wife, Sarah," Smithey said slowly, emphasizing Sarah's name as though Jack might not be too sure who she is. "Sarah told us that Katherine Austen accompanied you to a dinner party your aunt threw for you awhile back. We showed her Katherine's picture and she confirmed that the curly-haired brunette was indeed who had accompanied you."

Anger more profound than any he had ever felt swelled up within Jack. He began to see little white dots in front of him. He had to stay composed. He couldn't let them see what was happening inside of him.

He opened his mouth to respond but Derek Harper interrupted him. "Now, Dr. Shephard, we realize this is an ex-wife speaking," Derek Harper rolled his eyes and sighed, as though he had a lot of experience with dealing with ex's and knew what a nuisance they could be. "And an extremely disgruntled ex-wife at that. While I do not feel in any way that her accusation are true, I was required to call in the Feds."

"And we're required to follow-up," Smithey interjected, looking less convinced of Jack's innocence than Harper. "You take a date to this dinner?"

"I did," Jack said shortly, nodding. "However, she's never committed any kind of crime to my knowledge. She's a photographer from Delaware."

"I'm sure she is," Harris said, a slow smirk inching across his face. "And I'm sure you know nothing about this Katherine Austen other than you tended to her on in the island. We'll be talking to a few people from the party. Showing them some pictures. And we'll be stopping by your house soon enough, Dr. Shephard. Just a little follow-up."

"Of course," Jack nodded, surprised at how steady he was able to make his voice come out. "Whatever you need from me, just let me know."

"We'll be sure to let you know, Doctor Shephard," Smithey said with a nod as the three men began to make their way to Jack's office door. "You don't have any vacation plans, do you?"

Jack cocked his head, and stared at them. "No. I don't. Not in the near future."

Smithey and Harris exchanged one last glance. "Then it's to be understood you won't be leaving the state anytime soon? Not until this little investigation is wrapped up. Correct?"

"Of course," Jack nodded. He felt like they could see inside his mind. "Like I said, anything I can do. . ."

"Good to see you, Dr. Shephard," Harris gave Jack one last nod before the three men left.

Jack sat down on his desk, hard, after the three men left. He felt like everything was spinning, and he would be sucked down into the center if he stood. Forcing himself to take deep breaths, he stood up. He couldn't just sit. There was too much that had to be done.

Forcing himself along, Jack took an elevator down to the lab where he had stood days before, holding Kate's pregnancy test results. Glad to find it empty, he picked up the phone.

After two rings, his mother answered.

"Mom," Jack's voice came out thick. "I need you to listen to me and to do exactly what I say."

"Jack," Margo's tone changed from brisk to worried. "What's going on." She didn't pose it as a question. Jack could tell she knew exactly what was happening.

"I need you to go to Kate," Jack told her evenly. "I need you to help her pack any necessities you can think of for me and her. Don't let her know anything is wrong. Tell her I said I would talk to her about it when I get there. You can't act upset, Mom."

"Jack," Margo repeated. "They. . . How did they --"

"Mom," Jack's voice came out sharper than he had planned. "Just do this. I have to go. I'll be home as soon as I can." He hung up before Margo could say anything else.

After staring down at the phone for several seconds, and fighting the churning feeling in his stomach, Jack turned to leave the lab and almost collided with Carl, the same lab technician who had processed Kate's test. He cleared this throat, "Carl!"

"Hey, Jack," Carl nodded. "Back for more copies of your girlfriend's test? Going to pass them out as late Christmas presents?"

Jack gave a confused, nervous laugh. "I don't think negative hospital pregnancy tests make the best gifts, Carl."

Carl sat down in his chair, and gave Jack a confused look. "Her test was positive, Jack. What are you talking about?"

Jack forced out a dry laugh. The last thing he needed was some lab tech's twisted sense of humor. "I still have the copy up in my office. It's definitely negative."

Without responding, Carl got up and began to thumb through a stack of yellow folders. Muttering to himself, he grabbed one and then handed it to Jack. "97041. I checked it myself to see whether or not I need to congratulate you. So. . . Congratulations, Jack."

Jack hastily opened the folder, and stared down at the sheet of paper in front of him. It wasn't the same test he had seen before. Positive. Everything on the sheet added up to a

positive pregnancy test. Kate was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. They were going to have a baby. Black dots began to swirl in front of Jack and he had to lean up against the wall.

"I, uh," Jack's voice squeaked when he talked, and he had to clear his throat. "I picked up the wrong test. I thought a one was a seven. She's uh, wow. . . she's pregnant."

"Are you okay, Jack?" Carl sounded concerned. "Do you need me to go get you some water?"

"No," Jack stood up and sat the folder down on a desk. "No, I'm good. It's just. . . big, you know?

Carl nodded, and started to speak. Jack, however, didn't hear anything he was saying. All he could think about was how Kate was going to react to the news. Kate was barely stable on a good day. Jack couldn't comprehend how she was going to react to the news of her being pregnant piled up on the fact that the feds knew she was alive.

Forcing himself to look back at Carl, Jack nodded. "Thanks for everything, Carl. Looks like I have someone I need to go break some news to."

The two exchanged good-byes. Jack hurried back up to his office, grabbing his wallet and keys. He needed to get home as soon as possible.

Halfway home, Jack pulled over at a gas station. He walked briskly to a payphone, and picked it up, dialing a number he wished he didn't know by heart. It rang five times.

"Goddamnit, pick up," Jack muttered.

Three rings later, he got the result he desired. "Hey, it's Jack. That favor we talked about. She needs it now."

"You really don't know where we're going?" Kate questioned Margo again, as she watched her place Jack's clothes into a duffel bag. "Did he say how many bags I should take?"

"Just one, Katherine," Margo said evenly. "Just the necessities. And no, he did not tell me where you were going. He just asked me to help you pack. I assume you are leaving as soon as he gets home from work."

Kate laid her evening dress on the bed. "He wanted us to go out to dinner tonight. I don't know how he got enough vacation time for a vacation. What kind of bag should I put this dress in?"

Margo closed her eyes, trying to stay calm. "Katherine, that evening gown is not a necessity. Jack should be home soon. Focus on what you need."

Glancing behind Margo, Kate saw that Jack had entered the bedroom. "Jack! Where is this surprise destination I'm packing for? You're mother won't spill any details."

Licking his laps, Jack looked to Margo. "Mom, can you give me and Kate a few minutes alone, please?"

Margo stared down at the ground and nodded. "Of course, Jack. I'll be downstairs."

Nervous, Kate stopped going through her suitcase. Folding her arms, she looked at Jack seriously, "Jack. What's going on?"

Jack didn't know what else to do except dive right in. "Kate, three men came into my office today. Two of them were federal agents."

Kate bit her lip and took a step back. "That's not funny, Jack."

"Kate," Jack's voice broke as he reached out for her. "They know you're still alive. They got some information and -- they know you're with me. At least, they think you're with me. They don't have enough proof yet. They know you were at the party, Kate. Sarah told them. Eventually they'll show up here."

Her eyes filled with tears before she could put a hold on her emotions and she moved away from his embrace. Glancing around the room she had become at home in, she shook her head, "Jack. . ."

"I'm sorry, Kate," Jack whispered as a single tear fell down her cheek. He stepped forward, finally pulling her to him. "I am so, so sorry that I couldn't protect you."

It made him sick that he had to finally admit what he had been afraid of so long. He was unable to save her when it really mattered. Tears filled his own eyes as Kate's arms wrapped around his middle, and she let out a muffled sob against his chest.

Jack pulled her to him, and tried to whisper soothing things, but before he got the chance, Kate pushed him away, wiping at her cheeks. "Jack, I don't expect you -- You know you don't have to come, right?"

In a last ditch effort to fight the tears that were ready to overtake him, Jack pulled her in for a kiss. "It's you and me, Kate."

Kate nodded. She wasn't going to fight it. Motioning towards the bed, she whispered, "I think we've got everything packed."

Jack nodded slowly, picking up Kate's suitcase, and slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder. He didn't know what to say to her. There was nothing that could make either of them feel better. He went to walk out of the room and noticed she wasn't beside him. Turning around, Jack found Kate walking around the bedroom. She gently touched the bedside tables, and then laid a hand on Jack's pillow. She looked up at him, and then nodded as she walked passed him out the door, "I just need. . ."

Unable to finish her sentence, Kate made her way down the hall to the guest bedroom where she had spent her first weeks. Jack followed her, and saw her staring at the bed. He ran a hand up her back, knowing she was thinking about the exact same moment he was. Jack wanted to assure her that the place where they had first made love was just material, and that there would be lots of other kinds of firsts. But no words came. Seemingly reading his thoughts, Kate glanced over at him. "I just need to remember it all."

Taking her hand, Jack nodded and whispered, "We're going to be okay, Kate."

"I know," Kate said with a nod. She pulled her hand from his, "We'd probably better be going. . ."

"You're right," Jack agreed. He followed her downstairs to where Margo was waiting in the living room. Boo was sitting next to her in a travel carrier.

Margo smiled tightly at Jack and Kate, "I picked it up on my way over. You can't carry a cat around with you in a cardboard box."

"Thanks, Mom," Jack said softly. He hugged her, "I love you, Mom. I could never thank you enough for everything you've done for me. I love you."

Pulling away from the hug, Margo shook her head. "Don't say that as though this is the last time you'll be seeing me. I'm proud of you, Jack. I have been every day of your life. And so was your father. He would be today. You are every bit the man he wished he could have been."

Jack went to respond, but was interrupted by a strangled sob from Kate. She put her hand over her eyes and shook her head, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I've caused this."

Margo took Kate's hands and pulled her into a hug. "Katherine --"

Kate hugged her back. "My own mother was afraid of me. And you -- you. . ."

Pulling away, Margo looked Kate in the eyes. "Kate, I could not have picked someone better for Jack than you. You take care of him."

Kate nodded, and Jack cleared his throat. "We have to go if we're going to make it to the airport in time."

"Airport?" Kate turned to him, becoming aware that Jack had plans he hadn't informed her about. Maybe having a plan was what was best for them.

"You can't drive your car to the airport," Margo shook her head, taking on her normal take-charge tone. "They'll find it. No sense in helping them figure out which direction you've gone in. I'm driving you."

"Mom," Jack shook his head. "You don't --"

"Get your things, Jack," Margo grabbed her keys from the table. "You don't want to be late."

In the sudden mood change, Jack and Kate both nearly forgot about being sad as they made their way to Margo's car. Kate sat Boo in the backseat and got in. Jack sat their luggage next to her and then got into the front passenger seat. Margo quickly climbed into the car, putting on her Chanel sunglasses.

Kate was quiet for most of the ride. She was overwhelmed by the thoughts, worries and doubts swirling in her head. Not to mention that riding in the backseat was making her a little bit nauseous. Just when she thought her stomach wasn't going to be able to handle anymore, they pulled into the airport parking lot.

Pushing past the luggage and Boo, Kate got out of the car, taking in a breath of fresh air. After several deep breaths, she was able to settle her stomach and she turned back to the car. Jack was getting their bags out of the back and Margo was staring straight forward.

Opening the passenger door, Kate leaned in and said. "I'll miss you, Margo."

Margo looked over at her, keeping her sunglasses on and her voice even. "Yes, Katherine. You certainly turned out different than I expected. Don't forget to take care of yourself along the way, too."

Kate nodded, and then stepped away from the car, far enough out of earshot to give Jack a moment alone with his mother. Several seconds later, Jack handed Kate Boo's carrier and Margo drove away.

The time it took to pick up their tickets and drop Boo off was spent in a daze by Kate. She felt as though she was walking through water. It was like everyone around her was moving at normal speed and she was in slow motion. When everything was taken care of Kate let out a sigh of relief and slunk down into a beige plastic chair.

Jack sat down, hard, in the seat next to her. "You okay?"

Leaning forward and putting her head in her hands, Kate let out a bitter laugh, "Yeah, Jack. I'm just great."

Jack sighed, "That's not how I meant it, Kate. I just --"

She interrupted him, standing up. "Is there a bar around here. I could really use a drink."

A million red flags immediately went up, and Jack fought to keep his composure. "No. I don't think so."

"Yes, there is," Kate pointed to a sign. "It's over that way. I'll be back in time for a flight."

Jack stood and caught her arm as she started to walk away. "Stop, Kate. I really don't think you should go wandering around. There's probably a ton of cameras in the bar. Besides, do you really think you should be drinking under these circumstances?"

"Under these circumstances?" Kate laughed, yanking her arm away from him. "Don't act like it's something new to me, Jack. I've been doing this for years, okay? All this is. . is getting back to the same old routine."

Sitting back down, Jack shook his head. "This is all my fault, Kate. If I had never insisted you go to that party then we wouldn't be in this situation right now. I feel terrible, Kate. If there was anything --"

"Shut up," Kate held out her hands, her voice rising with each word. "Just shut up, Jack! Don't you dare make this about you. You didn't even have to come!"

Jack grabbed Kate's wrist and yanked her down in the seat next to him. "What is with you? Do you want to cause a scene? Quiet down."

Kate crossed her arms and started straight ahead.

"You're welcome, by the way," Jack snapped. "You're welcome for orchestrating all this and for getting you out of there as quickly as I could."

"How the hell did you get all of this together so quickly anyway?" Kate asked, turning towards him. "What's in Georgia? What aren't you telling me?"

Jack sighed, then opened his mouth to respond. Before he could get anything out, the PA came on over head, announcing their flight was boarding. He stood up and offered her his hand, "We'd better go."

Somewhat reluctantly Kate took Jack's hand and followed him to their loading gate. She laid her head on his shoulder, and grabbed onto his hand as the plane glided down the runway. He kissed her on top of her head, and left his face buried in her hair, "What's the worst that could happen? We'll crash and end up on a deserted island?"

"Been there, done that," Kate scoffed with a roll of her eyes. She traced the outline of his hand, "Doesn't sound so bad though, does it?"

"Anywhere is fine with me as long as we're together," Jack told her, squeezing her hand as the plane began to climb. "That island could have been pretty romantic though, now that I think about it."

"Oh yes," Kate said dryly.. "I've always wanted to have sex on the ground of a cave. And it's been an even bigger dream of mine to have the person I'm having sex with run off in the middle of it to go save the lives of 40-some strangers!"

"Please," Jack rolled his eyes. "You know I paid more attention to you than anyone else."

Kate let out a snort. "I know you yelled at me more than anyone else."

Jack accepted a bottle of water from the stewardess pushing the cart around, and shook his head. "Maybe if you weren't off doing God-knows-what in the jungle with Sawyer every other day, I wouldn't have had anything to get so worked up about."

"If you were aggravated by the fact I was having sex with Sawyer, you could have just said so," Kate laughed, and winked. "I would've much rather been doing it with you, Jack."

Jack gave her a look. "At least you're smiling again."

"You know I'm teasing you," Kate shook her head. "Forget about Sawyer. We're never even going to see him again."

Jack choked on the water he was drinking, sending a spray onto the seat in front of him. Kate turned towards him, startled, "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jack nodded, covering his mouth as he coughed. "Just uh. . . just went down the wrong pipe."

Kate gave him a strange look, but dropped it, nodding slowly. Sighing, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so tired."

"Then go to sleep," Jack told her softly, kissing her on top of her head. For the first time he noticed that her hair wasn't lying in it's usual mess of curls. She had straightened it and curled the ends just slightly, giving it a little bit of bounce. He sighed as he kissed her hair again. They were supposed to be out on their "first date" at that very moment.

They sat in comfortable silence for several long minutes before Jack softly whispered, "I like your hair curly."

"Oh, really?" Kate looked up at him, a small grin on her face. She ran her fingers through her hair, "I would have thought you liked it all neat and orderly."

Jack shook his head, "No. I like it crazy and untamed."

"You've had a lot of crazy and untamed these past few months," Kate said dryly as she settled back on his shoulder. "Have I ever thanked you, Jack?"

"Thanked me for what?" he responded automatically, tracing her knuckles with the tips of his fingers.

"Thanked you for. . ." Kate fell silent for over a minute, and Jack thought she had decided to let the entire topic drop. Instead, when she finally spoke again, her voice was strained, "I don't even know where to start, Jack. For everything you've done for me. For everything you'll never admit you gave up for me. I can't. . . I can't even put it in words."

Jack thought of a million things he wanted to tell her, hundreds of different emotions he wanted to express. But, as he squeezed her hand, his only reply was, "Giving you up would have broken my heart into a million more pieces than losing anything you think I gave up did."

Kate turned her head to his shoulder and a comfortable silence overlapped them as Jack felt Kate's silent tears seep through his shirt. After a few minutes, as her breathing and the rise and fall of her chest became more steady, Jack knew she had drifted to sleep.

Jack was able to doze off for awhile himself, until the pilot's voice came over the intercom announcing that they had arrived in Atlanta. Gently, he sat up, shaking Kate. "Wake up, Kate. We're here."

A groggy Kate sat up to greet him, as they landed with ease. After exiting the plane and grabbing their few items from baggage claim, Kate waited near an exit door as Jack went to retrieve Boo. He handed Kate Boo's case, and took the luggage as they made their way into the parking garage.

Kate smirked at him as they walked through the rows of vehicles. "You realize with all this luggage, and a cat, in tow we can't just hop aboard the Georgia public bus system, right?"

"You under-estimate me, Kate," Jack told her, turning towards her and handing her all the luggage.

Looping the duffel over her shoulder, Kate gave him an aggravated glare. "What the hell are you going on about now?"

"Shh," Jack whispered almost more to himself than to her. Kate watched, confused, as Jack stopped in front of a green Oldsmobile Alero. He jiggled the handle, and to Kate's surprise it opened. Jack slid into the driver's seat.

"Jack!" Kate hissed, glancing around. "What the hell are you doing?"

He disappeared below the dash for several long seconds. To Kate's surprise, the engine started up. Jack reappeared. "Get in."

Stuffing Boo and the luggage into the backseat, Kate hurried around to the front. "Jack! We're stealing a car!"

Jack glanced in the review mirror, rolling his eyes, as he backed out of the space. "Kate, at this point, I think the last thing we have to worry about is the punishment for stealing a car."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Where did you even learn how to hotwire a car?"

A slow smirk spread across Jack's face. "I have a lot of layers you have yet to discover. There's got to be some mystery, doesn't there? Where's the fun if we know everything about each other?"

Kate was oddly turned on by the situation. "You look kind of hot driving a stolen vehicle."

"Don't talk like that," Jack warned, glancing over at her. He checked the mirror again as he got onto the highway. "Because right now all I want to do is pull into a deserted road stop and take you into the backseat."

Kate glanced into the backseat, then back at him coyly. "There's not very much room back there."

"I've performed in smaller spaces," Jack laughed. "And the way I'm feeling right now -- we wouldn't have to be back there very long."

Glancing at the exit ramps, Kate asked, "Can you get to where we're going by taking back roads? Or do you definitely need to be on the highway?"

"I can take back roads," Jack said slowly. "It's going to take longer though. Why? Do you think it's a bad idea for us to be on the highway."

"Yes!" Kate said, turning and grinning widely at him. "That's it. It's a bad idea for us to be on such open road, I think. There. There's an exit right there."

Several minutes later Jack and Kate were driving down a dirt road. Farms stretched out on either side of them and there wasn't another car in sight. Kate unbuckled her seatbelt, and leaned over towards Jack, placing her hand on his knee. Slowly, it drifted upward.

He laughed nervously, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Shh," Kate told him, her hands finding his belt. "Just drive."

Glancing down he saw that she had undone his belt. He looked over at her and she was grinning, "Drive slower. And sit up for a second, I can't get those off all by myself."

"Kate," he said lamely, trying to keep his voice stern. It was no use though. From the look on her face, she had her mind set on what was about to take place. And who was he kidding by acting like he didn't want it? It would be a nice distraction.

Seconds later his jeans were at his knees.

He tried to keep his eyes on the road as she leaned over him. "You know, you don't have to --" Jack's foot the accelerator harder than he wanted it to as he let out a moan, "_Kate_."

As Jack continued to drive slowly down the deserted dirt road he was glad no one was around to see through the window the brunette curls that bounced up and down every few seconds.

Less than ten minutes later Jack and Kate were face-to-face again as he pulled over to the side of the road. "What are you doing?" she questioned, running a hand through her hair.

"Trade me places," Jack ordered, putting the car in park.

"Why?" Kate asked. The reason dawned on her, and her eyes went wide. "No, Jack. You know I can't concentrate on anything else when you do that."

"Try," Jack whispered, his tone practically a plead. Kate nodded and seconds later they were both on their knees on their seats, caught up in a hungry kiss. Her jeans were discarded as they clumsily switched seats, only breaking the kiss once when Jack banged his head on the roof of the car.

Kate settled down in the driver's seat and tried to get comfortable as she felt Jack's lips on her thigh. Another quick kiss very low on her stomach, and his lips were up at her neck. Keeping her eyes opened proved to be nearly impossible as Jack's fingers went to work.

A minute later she couldn't take it anymore. Glad she had never taken the car out of park, she turned, her lips meeting Jack's. He pulled her as close as he could get her and her hands went down to his jeans, which he had left unbuttoned. They were quickly discarded onto the car floor next to hers. Jack reclined his seat and pulled Kate across the median onto him. There was just enough room for her knees on either side of him.

"Jack," Kate moaned against his mouth as his hands grazed over her hips, guiding her at a quicker speed.

It was the kind of sex she had only ever experienced with Jack. The feel of him could make everything else disappear. When they came together, there was nothing but the two of them. Jack filled her completely, all the parts of him melting over the parts of her that were missing.

"I think. . ." Jack whispered a few minutes later, resting his perspiration-dotted forehead against hers. "I think we needed that."

Kate let out a husky laugh, "I know I needed that."

They sat together for several more seconds until Jack spoke up, "We'd probably better get on our way, Kate."

Kate nodded, and eased back into the driver's seat, wiggling quickly back into her discarded jeans. They both exited the car and met in front for a quick kiss before returning back to their seats. They were silent as Jack pulled back onto the highway. Resting her head against the window, she quickly fell asleep.

She awoke just in time to see them pass under a _Welcome to Tennessee _sign. Tennessee. Something -someone?- was connected to Tennessee, right? She just couldn't jar her still-half-asleep mind awake enough to remember who. She sat up straight, and cleared her throat, "Jack, where are we driving to?"

Jack didn't look at her. "Knoxville."

Knoxville. That was even more familiar. It was right there -- why couldn't she place it? All of the sudden, it clicked. "Pull over, Jack!"

Jack looked at her like she was crazy. "We're on a highway, Kate. I can't pull over. What's wrong?"

"I don't care where we are," Kate snapped. She was suddenly so angry that tiny white dots began to appear. Trying quickly to blink them away, she grabbed the door handle. "Let me out right now!"

More worried than anything, Jack took the first exit he saw, and quickly pulled into a rest area. Despite it being the middle of the night the secluded area was practically empty. Jack counted less than a handful of cars as he glanced around the parking lot. Turning to Kate, he demanded, "What is going on with you?"

Getting out of the car and slamming the door shut behind her, Kate walked away from him. "Just stay away, Jack."

Hastily, he got out of the car and tried to keep up with her quick pace through the small brick building. Four restrooms, a couple snack machines, and more pamphlets than anyone would ever need in their life decorated the small room, but Kate didn't stop for any of them. Instead, she walked out the back door to a small courtyard adorned with several picnic benches and a few dim light posts. Jack caught up with her as she began to fall a stone path back to the woods.

Grabbing her arm, he pulled her back to him. "_What the hell _are you doing, Kate?"

She yanked her arm away, and he noticed how heavy she was breathing. "How dare you bring me here, _to him_, without telling me. Don't I get a say in anything, Jack? You _can not _just involve whoever you want without consulting me. Especially someone _you know _I wouldn't want involved. Who do you think you are?"

"I am just trying to protect you, Kate! I just did what --"

"I don't need you to protect me!" Kate's voice echoed through the courtyard, and Jack silently gave thanks no one was around. "I don't need you at all. I don't. I should have known better than to let you come. To trust you like this!"

Jack closed his eyes briefly, trying to calm himself down before he said something he would later regret. He opened them and stared at her outraged frame, wondering if this was how life was always going to be with Kate. One step forward, two steps back. He guessed that it probably would.

Taking a tentative step in her direction, Jack reached out for her, "Please don't do this, Kate."

"Just go home, Jack," Kate shook her head. Her voice took on a desperate tone, "Please just go home. Just tell them I tricked you into this somehow. Tell them it's all my fault. They'll believe you, Jack. I can't do this to you, I can't let you do this. Tell them whatever you need to be about me. Just go back home."

"I'm not going to leave you, Kate," Jack said firmly. "I am sorry I didn't tell you where we were going, but it's because I knew you'd react just like this. Sawyer is the one person I could think of who can get us the kind of help that we need right now. And he did. I don't like that anymore than you do, but it's the truth. Now, can we just go?"

Kate shook her head, "No. I don't need his help. Or your help."

Jack bit the inside of his lip. "Yes, you do, Kate."

Crossing her arms, she glared at him. "Give me one reason you _think_ I _need_ you."

"Because you're pregnant, Kate."

Kate took a step back, as if his words had physically assaulted her. They locked eyes, staring intently for several seconds. "I'm _what_?"

Jack swallowed hard. "We're uh, we're having a baby, Kate."

Kate remained almost frighteningly calm as she let the situation sink in. Deep down, it wasn't a huge surprise to her. Speaking quietly, she uncrossed her arms, then crossed them back. "So, you lied to me. The test was positive."

"No," Jack took a step forward, surprised when she actually let him touch her. "No, I didn't lie to you. I would not lie to you about something like this. I must have picked up the wrong test or something. I went down there today to call my mom, and Carl was there and he started congratulating me, and I didn't know what for, and then he told me he had looked at your results and you were pregnant. Believe me, Kate. I am as surprised as you are but --" He finally cut himself off, realizing he was rambling.

Kate remained completely quiet, and still, not moving an inch. Her gaze fell on a crack on the sidewalk and stayed there for several minutes. Jack almost wish she'd make some sort of outburst. That she'd start screaming or hitting him or crying. This silence was worse than anything he could have imagined.

Finally, she shook her head. "Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was him who looked at the wrong test, and the one you looked at was the right one."

"Is that really what you think?" Jack asked softly.

"Yes," Kate said firmly, her expression saying just the opposite. "He must have been mistaken."

Jack wasn't sure how to respond. Taking her hand, he nodded in the direction of where they were parked. "Come on, let's go."

Wordlessly, she allowed him to lead her to the car. She was surprised when they didn't get back on the highway, but instead drove down the road until they came upon a 24-hour convenience store. Opening his door, he told her, "Wait here. I'll be back in just a minute."

Kate sat in the car, watching the people that entered and left the small drug mart. It was an interested crowed that made two a.m. runs to the tiny, run-down shop. A man in a cowboy hat, wife beater, basketball shorts, and snakeskin boots was the first to catch her eye. He was followed by a young couple who didn't seem to have a care in the world.

But the one who really caught Kate's attention was a young woman. She looked like she couldn't have been much older than twenty. She wore a pair of tight jeans and had her white-blonde hair pulled back in a pony-tail. An old army bag was slung over one shoulder and along with it, she tossed her purchases into the back of an old green, Chevy pick-up. It wasn't the girls clothes, or her actions that mesmerized Kate. It was the look in the girl's eye. Kate recognized it all too well. The young girl was running from something.

The young blonde glanced behind her and caught Kate staring. She stared back for a moment, looking slightly afraid. Then a tentative smile broke out, followed by a nod, before the girl climbed into the truck and turned it on. It took an almost physical control for Kate to not leap from the car and go and talk to the girl. She knew she couldn't help. And she knew the girl wouldn't want help even if she could. But Kate couldn't remember ever feeling so immediately connected to someone she had never even talked to. With a squeal of her tiles, the girl pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared into the darkness.

Kate stared after her vanished figure until Jack's car door opened and she felt something drop into her lap. She glanced over to his concerned face, and he laid his hand on top of hers, "You alright? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Forcing a smile, Kate nodded. "I'm fine, Jack."

Jack didn't quite look like he believed her, but he let the subject drop. He left the parking lot and headed back towards the highway. Or at least Kate thought he was driving back to the highway. Instead, they ended up back in the parking lot of the rest area. He tapped the bag that still lay in her lap. "There's a bathroom inside."

Kate opened the bag, and removed it's contents, letting out a tired sigh.

Jack gave her a sympathetic smile. "Do you need me to go with you?"

Clutching on to the pregnancy test, Kate opened her car door and rolled her eyes, "Thanks, Jack, but I think I can pee on a stick by myself."

Laying his head against the headrest, Jack closed his eyes and waited for her to return. She did in less than three minutes, stick in hand. He studied her closely, "That was quick."

"It wasn't the most difficult task," Kate snapped, holding out the stick to him. "Here. You look at it."

"Oh," Jack drew out the word sarcastically. "You can pee on it by yourself, but reading the results, _that_ you need me for."

Waving it around, Kate seethed, "Can you just look at the goddamn stick, Jack?"

"This is ridiculous," Jack snapped back. "We both know damn well what those results are going to be."

Kate closed her eyes for several seconds, and when she opened them her expression had changed from hostile to apologetic. "I just can't look at it myself, Jack. Please."

Wordlessly, Jack took the test from her and studied it closely. Kate stared out the window, waiting for him to speak.

"Two pink lines."

Slowly, Kate turned back to Jack, meeting his gaze. "So."

"So," Jack replied slowly.

Sighing, Kate leaned toward him. "Maybe the --"

"The test isn't wrong, Kate," Jack interrupted with a shake of his head, tossing the stick back into the plastic bag. "We both know that."

"Did you check the expiration date?" Kate argued. "It could be defective."

"Our method of birth control certainly was," Jack quipped, smiling over at her. He tossed the plastic bag into the back seat and watched as Kate erupted into laughter.

Between her peels of laughter, Jack caught her mumbling something. He couldn't make out what it was but the words _baby_ and _ridiculous_ both came out clear. It took over a minute, but she finally managed to compose herself. Calming down, she wiped her face with her sleeve and sighed. "I'm sorry."

Jack took her hand, "This doesn't have to be something bad, Kate."

Squeezing his hand, Kate nodded shortly, "Can we just. . . not talk about it now, please?"

"Are you hungry?" Jack asked as they pulled out of the rest area's parking lot for the final time. "I think I saw a 24-hour drive-thru up that way somewhere."

Kate shook her head, and glanced in the back to where Boo was sleeping soundly, despite all the commotion of the night. "No, I'm fine. Go ahead and get you something if you want it though."

She didn't pay attention as he nearly shouted his order into the speaker box, and was surprised when a minute later he handed her an orange juice and a breakfast sandwich. Leaning over, he placed a quick kiss on her forehead. "You need to eat."

Taking a bite of the sandwich, Kate was surprised at how hungry she was. She thought back and couldn't remember her last meal. She finished her sandwich in only a few bites. Laughing, Jack held his out to her. "You can finish mine."

"You need to eat too," Kate let out an embarrassed laugh. She gave him a playful smirk, "Plus, yours has meat on it."

"It does," Jack nodded, smiling over at her. "But if I recall correctly, you're a sausage-eater now."

Kate was relieved how easily they had fallen back into their playful banter. "That was one time. And besides, I can't help what I crave."

"I guess that is true," Jack said softly as she fell quiet. He stopped at a red light, and they shared an understanding smile. Feeling as though a weight he hadn't known was there had been lifted off his shoulders, he held out the sandwich again, "Just take it, Katie."

She agreed and finished off his sandwich. Awhile later, Kate was even able to talk Jack into letting her drive the rest of the way into Knoxville. They joked around, and even sang along to a '70s rock station, as they entered the city just as the sun was starting to rise. When Kate caught site of sunrise, spilling soft pink morning light over the distant mountains she was tempted to pull the car over and watch.

"Don't get this view in Los Angeles," Jack said softly, reaching over and squeezing her knee.

"You do in Iowa," Kate said quietly, surprising both Jack and herself. Before she could think better of it, she continued on. "We didn't have mountains though. Just hills and cornfields. Still, it was just as pretty."

"Or maybe even prettier," Jack responded.

She glanced over and caught him staring at her intently. Blushing, she shook her head, and focused on the road. "You need to tell me where I'm going."

Jack directed her down a few one way streets that led to an apartment complex. It wasn't exactly up-scale, but it was nicer than what Kate imagined Sawyer to be living in. Doing as Jack told her, Kate pulled into a parking space in the back of the building. Leaning under the dash, she unhooked the wires and asked, "What now, Clyde?"

"Well, Bonnie," Jack pointed towards the building. "I suppose the logical thing to do is go inside."

Kate nodded, but didn't move from her seat. Looking over to Jack, she asked, "Do you think they have any idea where we are?"

"No," Jack told her honestly. "Not yet anyway. Even if they know we're gone, this isn't going to be the first place they look. Sawyer said no one else from the crash even knew he was living in Tennessee now."

Kate still didn't budge. "Why do you trust him to help us?"

Jack glanced away from her, considering how to answer. "Because half of us is _you_."

Kate started to respond, but was interrupted by, "Took y'all long enough! I was startin' to think the Feds had put both your asses in jail somewhere back in Georgia."

Opening her door, Kate gave Sawyer a forced smile. "Good to see you, too, Sawyer."

"Your hair's straight," Sawyer responded, giving her a funny look. It was gone as quickly as it arrived, and he nodded to Jack. "Where'd you get the ride, Doc?"

"I borrowed it from someone back at the airport," Jack told him. "You can take care of it once we're gone?"

"Don't have to ask me twice," Sawyer grinned, glancing in the backseat. "This all your shit?"

Kate rolled her eyes and opened the door to the backseat. "Are we going to carry it all upstairs?"

"Just take out what you need for tonight," Jack told her. "And Boo. You can have cats in your apartment, right Sawyer?"

"Because I would listen if I couldn't," Sawyer snapped back. He turned to Kate, "What the hell do you need a cat for anyways, Freckles?"

"He just showed up on our porch on Christmas Eve and I didn't want to send him to the pound," Kate explained, watching Jack take their bags out of the backseat. She reached for Boo's carrier and smiled affectionately at Jack, "He and Jack are still trying to get used to each other."

He smiled back and shook his head, "Don't carry Boo's carrier. It's too heavy. I can get it."

Kate walked around the car to him. "Give me one of the bags then."

"I've got them," Jack shook his head, reaching in the car for Boo. "Don't worry about it."

"Jack," Kate rolled her eyes. "You can't do this. I helped carry everything yesterday and you were okay with it."

"No, I wasn't," Jack told her. "And trust me, they're too heavy. Just follow Sawyer upstairs and I'll be there in a minute."

"You can't do this for the next --"

"Why don't you just let her carry a damn bag?" Sawyer interrupted, sounding aggravated. "I don't think the lady likes the pampering."

Jack and Kate both fell silent. She glanced uncomfortably between Jack and Sawyer and then let her gaze fall on a tree. Sawyer continued on, "It's a damn suitcase, Jackass. Ain't like you packed rocks, is it?"

"You can just carry them, Jack," Kate mumbled. She turned to Sawyer and started walking towards the apartment complex, "Come on, Sawyer."

Sawyer stepped in front of her, blocking her from going anywhere. "You done went and got yourself knocked up, didn't you, Freckles?"

"Can we just go in, Sawyer?" Kate asked, crossing her arms.

Sawyer studied her closely, then glanced back at Jack. It was obvious he had something he wanted to say, but he just nodded slowly. Turning around, he led her up to his apartment, "I like it straight. Shoulda worn it around the island like that more often, Miss Clairol."

Kate rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. "Yes, because I had access to so many hair products or the time to sit down and make myself pretty."

Sawyer smirked and leaned in to respond, but Jack walked up behind them before he got the chance. "You going to stand in the hallway all morning, Sawyer, or are you going to take us where we need to go?"

Kat couldn't help but feel as though Jack's voice carried an unnecessary hostility. Sawyer was helping them. But as she took in Jack's steady, unwavering expression, she knew that saying anything would only make things worse.

Sawyer unlocked a door, and pushed it open. "After you, Sassafras."

Kate walked in first, studying his living room instead of watching the immature, millisecond scuffle between Jack and Sawyer for which of the two could get in the apartment first. Part of her wished they had got stuck in the doorway as they tried to push through it at the same time.

A solid blue couch was pushed up against the back wall, a painting she didn't recognize hanging over it. There was a tan recliner facing a plasma TV. A large bookcase was pressed up against a side wall, books haphazardly placed on it. A laundry basket sat in the middle of the floor.

It was a nice apartment, from what she could tell. Random knick-knacks were placed around. But was struck her as odd was that there were absolutely no pictures. Which, on second thought, was probably not that odd for Sawyer.

An uncomfortable silence fell and Kate searched for something to say. "Nice little place you've got here, Sawyer."

Sawyer moved from his rigid stance near the door, "Ain't exactly Beverly Hills, Freckles, but it does me just fine."

"How long have you been living here?" Kate asked, crossing her arms and shifting from one foot to the other. She thought about sitting down, but didn't quite feel at liberty. "Are you working anywhere?"

Before a still-uncomfortable-looking Sawyer could respond, Jack set Boo's carrier on the floor and cleared his throat. The expression on his face managed to make Kate feel guilty. Clearly, he was not in the mood for small talk. He gave Sawyer a chin-up gesture, "Did you get the tickets?"

"Two one-way," Sawyer nodded, walking over to the bookshelf and opening a hard-bound book. He handed the tickets to Jack, but looked at Kate, "Don't gotta keep the thing in cage, Freckles."

Kate let Boo out of his cage, but quickly moved to Jack's side. "Two one-way tickets to _where_?"

Jack tapped the tickets against his palm. "Papua New Guinea."

The only response she could come up with was a blank, "_What_?"

"We can't stay in the States." Obviously, it didn't dawn on Jack that could should have been consulted. "It's an island in the Pacific. Most of it is still really rural, some of it's pretty dangerous. We're going to a province that's just outside --"

"I don't need a history lesson, Jack," Kate interrupted. "I just --" She stopped and sat down on the couch, willing herself to not get mad. "How did you come up with this?"

"A woman, Karen, I went to med school with is over there," Jack knelt down next to her. "She runs this missionary hospital. There's not really any pay. Just necessities are provided for anyone who will work there. She isn't funded by the US at all. Just outside sources who donate money."

"I'm still not following you, Jack," Kate kept her voice steady. "So what if you can work over there? She's going to know who you are."

Jack moved up to the couch and looked at her seriously, "They have a non-extradition law, Kate. Even if by some chance they find us up in the mountains over there, they can't bring you back home. They can't bring either of us back."

"She still knows who you are, Jack," Kate shook her head. "I don't care how little contact they have with the U.S. government, I'm worth a lot of money. I'm sure that would really help out her little mission field."

"I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was safe," Jack told her. "And it doesn't have to be forever, Kate. We can just stay and work there until we figure out a plan. You know I am only doing what I think is best for us."

Kate leaned back against the couch, covering her face with her hands. "I guess I didn't need to pack all those sweaters, did I."

Jack let out a relieved laugh, and took hold of her arm, pulling her into a hug. "I'm going to take care of you, Kate."

_And there it was_, Kate thought. Jack's constant need to try and prove that he could control everything. That he could -- no matter how much he would deny it -- fix whatever problem was going on in their lives. She supposed it was something she'd get used to, she partly had already. Kate doubted though, since her stubbornness wasn't going anywhere fast, that she'd ever be able to fully accept his overly-concerned behavior. There were things about her she was sure he didn't like, but he had managed to accept them. Easier than she could accept his habits.

Kate flashed back to her ten year old self, sitting on the kitchen counter, watching her mom patch up a bruise from where Wayne had hit her against the wall. Kate had kicked her feet against the cabinets, and bounced her pony-tailed head, asking, _"Mama, why don't you just push him back?"_

Diane had put down what she was doing, studied her precocious daughter carefully, and then came as close as she ever would to acknowledging she was a battered wife. _"In every relationship, Katherine, there's someone who loves more. It's never ever equal. I'm not sayin' it's fair, but it's life. And if you're the person who loves most, you got two choices. You can go on pretendin' that every relationship is fifty/fifty and let it suffer, or you can make some sacrifices."_

No wonder, Kate thought bitterly, that she'd grown up with such a shitty view on relationships.

Kate knew she loved Jack more. That she _needed_ him a hell of a lot more than he needed her. But she also knew Jack would be just as quick to think that he was the one who loved the most. And that, she realized as she sat on Sawyer's blue couch, her head resting on Jack's shoulder, is what made them equals. What made their relationship, even though she'd never admit it out loud, damn near perfect.

Her moment of clarity was interrupted by Sawyer clearing his throat. "Hate to interrupt, kids, but you don't exactly have time to do it on my couch."

They pulled away from each other and Jack stood up, walking towards Sawyer, "Did you get everyone called?"

"I tried everyone," Sawyer nodded. "But I didn't get through to Locke, and the only number I had for Sayid is no longer in service."

"Last I heard John was going on some sort of mountain exhibition over-seas," Jack was talking to himself as much as he was to Sawyer. "No one who wants to get in touch with him will be able to."

Kate joined in their conversation. "Everyone's going to be in trouble, aren't they? I didn't even think about that. Every single person lied to the police about me."

Sawyer and Jack exchanged a glance. They both started to speak at the same time, but Sawyer continued on first, "If -- _when_ -- the feds contact them, they're going to say you and Jacko here threatened them into keeping silent. It ain't exactly the best plan, but it's gonna work."

Crossing her arms, Kate gave Sawyer a dubious look. "Like anyone's going to believe you can be threatened into anything."

Sawyer mimicked her stance and smirked, "They ain't gonna be able to find me to ask, sweetheart."

Jack didn't like the way Sawyer was looking at Kate and was about to comment on it, when Sawyer surprised them both by bending down and scooping the cat up. He inspected it closely, then roughly rubbed it's head, "What'd you name it, Freckles?"

Kate's hand joined Sawyer's, "Boo Radley."

Sawyer laughed and gave her a proud smile, "Because he's albino. Pretty clever, sassafras."

Disgusted by the fact Sawyer and Kate were sharing in something that he hadn't even got at first, Jack tried to get things back on topic, "Everyone was okay with the new plan?"

"Yeah, Jack," Sawyer looked at him like he was a mixture of stupid and crazy. "Everyone is thrilled to be lying to the feds. Who doesn't want the threat of bein' tossed in jail? No, they're not okay with it. But they're doin' it."

Ignoring Jack's angry glare, Sawyer tossed him his cell phone. "Hurley wants you to call him."

Taking Sawyer's phone Jack disappeared down the hall. Several minutes later he returned, his brow furrowed. "Can I borrow your car?"

"For what?" Sawyer and Kate questioned simultaneously.

"Hurley's in Graceland with his girlfriend," Jack explained. "He offered to . . . _lend_ us some money. I didn't want to say yes, but we need it, Kate. I can be there and back in about twelve hours."

Kate shook her head, stepping towards Jack, "No. Jack, you don't know what they know about us. They could have seen us on surveillance tapes at the airport. They could know what flight we took. Anyone could have seen us at that rest stop. Or you in that convenience store. Don't you think our faces are going to be all over the news the minute they find out we're gone? We can't risk going there. We have to leave. Can't you just empty your bank account?"

"Yeah, Kate," Jack nodded impatiently. "That was my plan until they froze it. We have about three hundred dollars in cash right now. But you're right. We aren't risking anything. You're staying here, and I'll be back as soon as I can."

"No," Kate shook her head defiantly. "I'm not letting you go alone, Jack. Something could happen to me here just as easily as it could on the road."

"No one's going to find you here, Kate," Jack argued. "And nothing's going to happen to me either. I just need you to stay here, and let me do this as fast as I can." He turned to Sawyer and accepted the keys he was holding out.

"Blue Chevy truck, parked right out front," Sawyer muttered, glancing towards Kate.

"Jack," Kate closed the distance between them and took hold of his shirt. Before she could stop them angry, scared tears formed in her eyes. "_Don't go_."

Jack cupped her face in his hands, "I'm going to be okay, Kate. I'll be back as soon as I can." Kissing her softly, he stepped away and whispered, "I love you."

Nodding, Kate hastily wiped at her tears. "I know."

Jack held her gaze for a long while and then made his way to the door. Right before he shut it behind him, he gave Sawyer a short, steely looks. Sawyer nodded shortly. Kate knew neither thought she was able to catch it.

The implications of the glance were glaringly clear.

_"If anything happens to me. . ." _And then the nod of understanding, one that promised to take care of someone who didn't want to be taken care of.

Several long, tense seconds followed Jack's departure. Kate didn't expect any words of comfort from Sawyer, and he wasn't about to offer any. Sawyer moved to the couch and sat down, asking, "You thirsty or anything?"

Shaking her head, Kate glanced over at Sawyer, and before she could stop herself, teased, "Shouldn't you drive a Ford?"

His expression immediately changed. He didn't speak, but his eyes demanded an answer.

"Your real name was on the manifest," Kate said softly. "Hurley told me once. It's not like I didn't already know Sawyer wasn't your real name. It's not a big deal."

Sawyer mumbled something under his breath, and then motioned to a seat. "You just gonna stand 'til he gets back, or what?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate moved to the recliner, sitting down and tucking her legs under her. She watched as Sawyer flipped through channel after channel. Finally, he offered her the remote, "Wanna watch somethin'"

Kate shook her head. She couldn't concentrate on the TV, she couldn't concentrate on anything. Glancing towards the clock, she Jack had only been gone for ten minutes. She didn't know how she was going to be able to handle not knowing where exactly he was for 12 hours. What struck her as somewhat amusing was that if their positions were switched, Kate would be angry at Jack for worrying about her. But she couldn't help it.

Shifting uncomfortably, Kate sighed loudly.

Sawyer sat forward, "You want some whiskey, Freckles?"

Kate looked at him as if he were an idiot.

"Oh, yeah," Sawyer drawled, leaning back and studying her closely. "That whole baby thing. How's that going for ya?"

Kate didn't verbally respond, but her look was enough to tell him that she didn't want to discuss it. Sawyer didn't seem to care.

"I'd offer my congratulations," he said dryly. "But you don't much look in the mood for being congratulated."

When Kate didn't respond, Sawyer continued talking. "How long you known about this?"

Kate laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "That's a long story."

Clearly confused, but unwilling to press the matter, Sawyer continued on. "And how's ol' Jacko reacting to this mess?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate finally looked at Sawyer. "He's thrilled. He's playing it down but I know he is. Which, of course, would make any normal woman deliriously happy."

"But not you," Sawyer drawled quietly.

Kate shook her head. "It makes me angrier than anything else he's ever done."

Sawyer suddenly seemed to become very interested in the far wall. "It's fixable, you know."

Glancing towards the spot he was staring at, Kate emitted a confused noise. "The chipped paint?"

"No," Sawyer's voice had an edge as he brought his gaze back to her. "You don't have to want it just 'cause he does, Freckles."

Biting her lip, Kate looked away from him. He continued on, "We gotta clinic about ten minutes away from here. You play it right, Jack don't even have to know about it."

"I could _never_ do that to Jack," Kate told him sharply. She hated herself for thinking that it was a good idea. All she had to do was go with Sawyer, and get it over with. He was right. If she waited awhile, then said the right things, Jack would never be any the wiser to what she had actually done. Was that the kind of person she was? Kate shook her head. "I could never do that to him."

Sawyer stood up, looking pissed at her. "Since when are you that kinda girl, Kate?"

The use of her first name made her lock eyes with him. "Since when are you the kinda person who goes around caring so damn much about what other people think or want that you can't even see what's best for you. That ain't the Freckles I know. And bein' afraid to hurt some feelings ain't the kind of attitude someone like you needs to have."

"Someone like me?" Kate repeated levelly. Standing up, she took a step towards him, "You don't know me."

"I know you just fine," Sawyer met her toe-to-toe. "You might want it. Deep down somewhere you might think you do, but you know you can't have what you want. That ain't what your life's about. And it's not gonna be. No matter how much you want it too! I'm sure Jack tells you what he thinks you need to hear, Freckles. But we both know I ain't gonna lie to you. You keep listenin' to him and what he wants -- all you're gonna do is get your ass thrown in jail."

"If that's how you feel," Kate spat out, "then why the hell were you so quick to help us?"

"You don't know anything do you," Sawyer retorted, shaking his head. He stepped away from her, sitting back down on the couch. "You do whatever you want, Freckles. Just stop lettin' him call all the shots. You're too smart for that shit."

With that, their small blow-up seemed to be over. Sawyer showed no signs of how angry he had just been as he turned the volume of an old Western up louder than Kate was sure his neighbors cared for. Calming herself down, she selected a paperback off the shelf and sat down to try and read.

It was over an hour before anyone spoke. Sawyer broke the silence by tossing down the remote and asking, "Aren't pregnant women supposed to always be hungry?"

Kate set the relatively uninteresting book down, and arched an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You," Sawyer rolled his eyes. "You're just sitting there. You should be telling me to go get you some weird ice cream, or something, shouldn't you?"

Kate wasn't feeling hungry, but she decided to appease Sawyer by asking for something to drink. At least it would give them both something to get up and do. "Do you have anything to drink?"

Sawyer stood up. "You want some juice?"

"_You_ have _juice_?" Kate leaned back and crossed her arms.

"Well," Sawyer shook his head. "No. But there's a corner market down the street. I can be back in ten minutes."

Kate laughed, shaking her head. "It's not that important. I'll just have a glass of water. Tap is fine since I'm sure you don't believe in bottled water."

Mumbling something under his breath again, Sawyer walked to his front door. "You don't always gotta try to make it difficult, Freckles. I'll be right back."

He returned two minutes later, half a bottle of apple juice in hand. Kate wrinkled her nose, "So, you're idea of _to the market _is really _to the dumpster out back_?"

"_You're welcome_," Sawyer retorted. He held it out to her and smirked, "Chick next door has a thing for me. Ain't bad lookin' but she's got three little brats running around. Told her I'd pay her back with a cup of sugar or somethin.' Guess there ain't no chance she'll forget."

"You're so charming," Kate took the juice from him and went into the kitchen, opening cabinets until she found a glass. "I can see why she's so eager to date you."

"Didn't say she wanted to date me. I think she just wants in my pants," Sawyer followed her and scowled as she went through his cabinets. "Oh yeah. Go right ahead. Make yourself at home."

Kate poured her drink and took a sip. "You want some?"

Taking out a bottle of vodka, and held it up. "Got my own juice right here, sweetheart."

Rolling her eyes, Kate refilled her cup and walked back into the living room. "Come on, sailor. Watch a movie with me."

"A movie?" Sawyer wrinkled his brow. "What the hell kind of movie do you wanna watch?"

"What the hell kind of movies do you own?" Kate asked.

He smirked, and opened his mouth to respond but Kate held up her hand, "We are _not _watching porn."

"No wonder Jack's so uptight," Sawyer grumbled, following her back into the living room. "You just ain't no fun."

Kate pushed her hair behind her ear, and gave him a dimpled smile. "Jack and I have plenty of _fun_."

"Just pick out a movie," Sawyer made a disgusted face and pointed to his collection. "And I don't have any chick flicks hidden anywhere, so don't ask."

The look Kate gave Sawyer showed exactly what she thought of the type of girls who watched chick flicks. She picked up a large box and tossed it to him, "We'll have a marathon."

"These are a little violent, aren't they?" Sawyer asked. Then he glanced over at her, "Oh yeah. This is _you _we're talking about."

"You're so funny," Kate rolled her eyes. "Just put it in, okay?"

For once, Sawyer shut up and did as he was told. He and Kate spent the next few hours laughing at inappropriate moments and imitating what Kate referred to as a "mafia accent." The first time Sawyer attempted one, Kate laughed for a good three minutes and then informed him he was the "worst Southern Italian" she had ever met.

After the first movie was over they stopped to order a pizza. When the restaurant promised Sawyer that their pizza would be delivered in an hour or less or it would be free, he set a timer. When the pizza boy (who's squeaky voice implied he hadn't reached puberty yet) arrived Sawyer proceeded to get into an argument with him. According to the boy he had arrived right on time. According to Sawyer, he was exactly 37 seconds over an hour, making his pizza free. It took Kate five minutes to convince Sawyer to pay.

Kicking the door closed behind him, Sawyer handed Kate the pizza box. "You think his mom was driving him?"

Kate giggled, "He did look a little young, didn't he?"

She set the pizza box down on the kitchen counter and accepted a paper plate Sawyer was holding out to her. He grinned, "We could be really wild and eat in the livin' room."

Rolling her eyes, Kate shook her head. "Jack lets us eat in the living room. He's not nearly as high-strung as you make him out to be."

"Whatever you say, sassafras," Sawyer's expression showed he didn't believe her. "He makes you laugh?"

"Yes," Kate nodded. "He really does."

Sawyer studied her closely. "And you really love him?"

A soft smile spread across Kate's face and she picked a pepperoni of her slice of pizza and popped it in her mouth. "Yeah. I really love him."

Sawyer nodded slowly and picked his plate up. "Good."

Taking their plates into the living room, they ate their dinner and resumed their _Godfather_ marathon. Somewhere towards the end of the third and final movie, Kate glanced up at the clock. Seeing what time it was, her body noticeably stiffened.

Sawyer noticed and sat up straighter. "You okay?"

"He's been gone fourteen hours," Kate's voice was monotone.

Sawyer shifted uncomfortably. "He's okay. There's probably just a lot of traffic."

Kate nodded shortly. She searched for something to say to get her mind of the time, "Why did you do it? Help him, I mean. Jack. When he asked you."

Sawyer sighed, and shook his head. "He didn't ask me to help _him_."

Kate bit the inside of her lip, momentarily at a loss for words. "Sawyer. . ."

He glanced over at her, the slight hint of his left dimple showing. "How about you do us both a favor and stop right there, sweetheart?"

They lapsed into an awkward silence for several moments until Sawyer started to say something. He were interrupted by a pounding on Sawyer's front door. They exchanged a quick glance.

"Must be Sandy comin' to collect her sugar."

Kate nodded her silent agreement.

Sawyer stood up, "Maybe you better go back to the bedroom, just in case."

Kate started back in that direction, but stopped when more pounding was followed by, "What the hell are you two doing in there?"

As soon as Sawyer opened his door, and Jack walked into the living room, Kate practically knocked him down with the force of her hug. He laughed, wrapping his arms around her, "Nice to see you too."

She pulled back just slightly, and tried to calm her pounding heart. "You're late."

"I know," he nodded, pulling her back into another hug. "There was a huge wreck on the freeway. I didn't move for over an hour."

"Everything go okay?" Sawyer asked, taking a step towards them.

Jack and Kate pulled away from each other. Jack nodded, tossing Sawyer his keys, "Yeah. Hurley says to tell you both hey. Thanks for letting me use your truck."

Sawyer nodded, "She didn't give you any trouble?"

"None at all," Jack shook his head. He glanced towards their plates, still left laying on the coffee table. "Pizza?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "Are you hungry? There's still some left."

"No," Jack smoothed her hair back. "I'm just exhausted. And we have to be out of here by six in the morning."

"You two take the bedroom," Sawyer looked as if it was hard to get the words out. Kate started to argue, and Sawyer shook his head, "Just take it, okay? I put on new sheets this morning, and you don't need to be sleepin' on a couch, Freckles."

"Thanks," Jack said, nodding towards Sawyer. He looked at Kate, "Are you ready for bed? If you're not tired, that's fine, but I need to go lay down."

"I'm ready," Kate nodded, squeezing his arm. She smiled at Sawyer, "Thanks, Sawyer. Good-night."

Sawyer and Jack exchanged a courteous good-night before Jack slung their bag over his shoulder and led the way to the bedroom. He set it on the floor, and shut the door behind them. Letting out a sigh, he took her arm and pulled her to him.

"I missed you," Kate murmured right before his lips met hers. The kiss was long and slow, clearly conveying he'd missed her too.

Jack pulled away first and opened their bag, handing Kate some pajamas. They both quickly changed and crawled into bed. Kate settled down under the covers, and was surprised when Jack remained sitting, his head rested against the backboard.

"What's wrong?"

Jack kept staring forward. "I got pulled over on the way back."

Kate sat up. "What?"

"I guess I was speeding," Jack shrugged. "I was being careless. And then all of the sudden, there were the lights and siren. The second he got to my door, a call came on his radio. He told me I was lucky, and he had to go. I just -- I don't know if I've ever been so scared. The only thing I could think of was that he'd know somehow, and I'd never see you again."

Kate reached over and took his hand. He kissed her knuckles, "I don't know how you do it, Kate."

"We're going to do it together," Kate kissed his shoulder lightly.

Jack turned to her. "All I could think of the rest of the way back was how unfair I've been to you. I don't know why you put up with it. This is going to be a lot harder than I realized. This whole baby thing --"

He broke off, and even though Kate couldn't see his expression in the darkness, she knew he must be crying. After a moment, he continued. "If you don't think we can handle having a baby, Kate, then it's your decision. I'm not going to try to make it for you. This isn't something that I should force you or guilt you into. I shouldn't force you into anything. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk about this."

Tears filled Kate's eyes and she wrapped her arms around him. She hadn't realized until that very second, but all she had wanted was _to hear him say it_. He pressed his face into her hair, "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry."

Kate leaned back, kissing him softly. Pulling away, she rested her forehead against his. "So, are there any OB/GYNs on this little island of ours."

Jack pulled back, "Yeah. That's what Karen is."

Kate nodded slowly, leaning back against the backboard. Biting her lip, she placed a tentative hand on her stomach. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

Jack hesitated. "It wouldn't matter. . ."

"Good, it doesn't matter to me either," Kate nodded. She licked her lips, then smiled at him, "But I think it's a girl."

Jack laughed, "Yeah. You think it's a girl or you want a girl?"

Kate shrugged, and leaned over, meeting his lips in a sweet kiss. He kissed her back, running his hand up her shirt and pushing her back onto the bed gently. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled away, "We are not having sex in Sawyer's bed."

Jack's only response was another kiss, and a light tugging at her pajama pants.

Kate laughed, trying to push him off of her. "Come on, the door doesn't even have a lock!"

"So you've looked?" Jack arched an eyebrow. He rubbed his fingers on her hipbones, "That means you thought about sex when we came in the bedroom."

"Of course I thought about sex." Somehow her pants were now off. "But there's no lock!"

Jack was removing his boxers. "Keep quiet then. And stay under the covers."

Kate sighed, giving into his kisses, but enjoying the banter. "I thought you were _exhausted_."

"I am never too exhausted for you," Jack informed her, tossing his shirt onto the floor.

Kate giggled as his lips brushed over a tickling spot on her stomach. "And if Sawyer walks in?"

"The general rule," Jack smirked. "Is that when the bed is rockin', you don't come knockin'."

Kate pulled Jack down on top of her, muffling her laughter with a kiss.

The next morning, Jack woke up at a little after five. Carefully shifting Kate off of him, he grappled through the clothes in their bag and threw on a t-shirt and jeans. Walking out into the kitchen, he found Sawyer at the table, feeding Boo Radley cheerios.

"Wish I had a camera," Jack muttered, walking over to the coffeemaker. "Have any extra mugs?"

"Top shelf of that cabinet," Sawyer motioned, and watched as Jack filled his cup up. "This thing likes cereal."

"I wouldn't know," Jack said, making a face as he swallowed the black coffee. "He's not my cat."

Sawyer set Boo back on the floor. "You two sleep okay?"

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "Thanks."

"Do I need to wash the sheets?" Sawyer asked dryly, standing up and refilling his coffee cup. He didn't wait for a response, just continued on, "What time you need to leave?"

"Soon," Jack glanced at his watch. "I need to go get her up in a few."

"Take care of her," Sawyer told him.

"What?" Jack sat his mug down and faced Sawyer.

"You heard me," Sawyer folded his arms. "I ain't sayin' it again. But I mean it."

"I _do_," Jack told him.

"Well," Sawyer looked away. "Just don't stop."

Their conversation was put to a stop by the sound of the bathroom door slamming. Jack started towards it, "She has, ah. . . morning sickness." Knocking on the door softly, he entered before she could respond.

When they emerged several minutes later, Sawyer was standing outside the door, holding a glass of apple juice. "Mornin', Freckles."

Kate took the glass and looked at Jack. "I just need to shower, and then we can go." Walking into the bedroom, she closed the door behind her, gathering her things.

While she showered, Jack and Sawyer sat on opposite ends of the couch. Standing up, Sawyer reached into his back pocket, then held his hand out to Jack.

Jack glanced at the wad of money in it. "I'm not taking your money, Sawyer."

"Then don't take it for you," Sawyer thrust it at Jack.

"You've done enough already," Jack shook his head. "We can't take your money, too."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Could you stop being a jackass for two seconds and just take the damn money?"

Jack relented, and shoved the money into his pocket just as Kate opened the bathroom door. Running a hand through her still-damp hair, she asked, "Ready?"

Jack nodded and went to retrieve the bags from Sawyer's room. Kate watched closely as Sawyer picked Boo up, "Enjoy your flight."

Kate cocked her head, "Maybe Papua New Guinea isn't a good place for cats."

Sawyer looked at her quizzically.

"I'm just thinking," Kate shrugged. "I don't know, they might eat cats there or something. Maybe Boo could stay here with you."

"You don't want to take him?" Sawyer questioned, rubbing Boo between his ears. Boo emitted a low purring noise, and Kate laughed.

"No, I think he'd be happier here with you."

Sawyer set him back on the ground. "I guess I could take care of him, if you don't think you should take him with you."

Kate nodded. "Thanks, Sawyer."

Jack returned with the bags and nodded to Kate. "Can you put Boo in his carrier?"

Grinning broadly, Kate informed him. "Boo is going to live with Sawyer."

Jack arched an eyebrow, but didn't question it. He was just happy to be rid of the cat, no matter how it happened. Sitting down the bags, he held out his hand to Sawyer. "Thanks for everything. I mean it."

Sawyer nodded. "You sure you have the directions? And you remember where to leave the truck?"

Jack nodded, patting his jacket pocket.

Kate moved forward, wrapping Sawyer in a hug. His arms snaked around her waist as he hugged her back. Neither one said anything as they stood, embracing.

Licking his lips, Jack had to glance away.

As they pulled away, Sawyer squeezed her arm, whispering in her ear, "You take good care of him, Freckles. And anyone else who comes along."

Kate nodded, and gave Boo one last pet before she and Jack left.

The ride to the tiny airport was quick, and Kate and Jack boarded the small plane immediately. Squeezing his hand as the sat down, Kate felt a nervous flutter inside her stomach. "You sure you're ready for this, Jack?"

"Of course," he told her. "Everything's going to work out."

Kate nodded, and they were silent until after the plane took off.

About an hour into the flight, Jack let go of Kate's hand, moving so he could take something out of his pocket. Silently, he held his hand out to her, palm up.

In it lay the wedding rings Margo had given him on Christmas Eve.

Kate stared at Jack, a mixture of shock and confusion playing across her face.

"I know," Jack cleared his throat. "I know you and I can't legally get married, Kate. We can't do a huge wedding with hundreds of people there. But that's not us anyway. I want to be your husband, Kate."

An all-too-familiar fear filled the pit of her stomach as Kate shook her head. "Jack, it --"

"Don't say it wouldn't be the same," Jack interrupted. "Don't say it wouldn't be _real_."

Letting out a nervous puff of air, Kate picked up one of the rings. Looking up at Jack, she whispered, "I, Kate, take you, Jack, to be my husband. I promise to honor you and cherish you, and all that other stuff. Plus, to probably be more stubborn than ever before. In sickness and in health. In obeying the law and breaking it. For as long as we both shall live."

With a smile, she slipped the ring on Jack's finger.

Tears filled Jack's eyes as he picked up the other ring, "I, Jack, take you, Kate, to be my wife. I promise to always be here for you, and that I will never let you go through anything alone. In sickness and in health. In obeying the law and breaking it -- but let's not go overboard, okay? I will love you as long as we both shall live."

As Jack slipped Kate's ring on her finger, she leaned up and kissed him softly. "That felt real to me."

"Me too," Jack whispered. "I love you, Kate."

"I love you too, Jack," Kate kissed him again, before settling back in her seat next to him.

As she rested her head on his shoulder, she felt a new contentment settle over her. Kate knew that it didn't matter where they ended up. As long as she was with Jack, she'd always be home.


	22. Home: An Epilogue

I just want to thank everyone who has stuck with _Almost Home_. I can't believe it's been over a year since it started. And now, with this, it comes to an end. I hope you all enjoy. I tried my best to do you all justice with this end chapter. It's not as long as the rest -- it's short and sweet.

It's been a great ride. **Thank you all.**

* * *

Epilogue

The warm April breeze danced around her, sweeping her dark curls around, into her face. Gathering her hair into a ponytail, Kate wrapped a rubber band around it, and sat down in the wicker chair that Jack had drug into the middle of the yard for her. She settled in, content to sit and watch them play.

He was pushing her on the swing now, her ecstatic squeals blending together with his happy laughter. It was a tire swing he had constructed himself, and had been so proud of. He had worked on it for two days, and then spent another two testing it himself to make sure it wouldn't break and tumble her the two and a half feet to the ground.

"Daddy!" their daughter's giggles quieted down. "Push me _higher_. Mommy always pushes me to the moon."

Jack's pushes continued at the same pace. "This is high enough, Emma. You don't want to fall out, do you?"

Kate bit back a smirk. Jack was _so_ protective. Not that she was surprised. That was one of Jack's best (and at times, most annoying) characteristics. Even before Emma had been born, Jack was already making lists of things she would and would not be allowed to do once she arrived.

Climbing trees was number one of the list of no-no's. Kate had quickly crossed it off and in it's place written 'being a control freak' to which Jack had voiced an hour long complaint, followed by a lecture on the dangers of climbing trees. The argument had ended when Kate announced whoever could balance their dinner plate on their protruding stomach got final say when it came to the list.

Jack was quick to step-back and let Kate have her way, just like nearly every other time during her pregnancy. But the list remained on the refrigerator, and whenever one had become annoyed at the other something would get crossed off the list, and something sarcastic was written in it's place. By the time Kate went into labor the list stated that their daughter would not be allowed to eat the last green apple without permission, use the last of the toilet paper without replacing it, or call Jack a 'jackass' for any reason, no matter how 'moody' she was.

But she knew Jack was only so protective because he cared so much. He had been the one to console her when she had gone through mood swing after mood swing through her pregnancy. The time that stood out the clearest was when Karen, who upon their move had become Kate's OB/GYN and the closest thing she'd had to a best friend in a long time, dropped off a box of supplies two weeks before Kate's due date.

Jack had come home from the hospital to find Kate sitting in the living room, holding a bottle of Johnson's Baby Oil and crying. She had tried to get up off the couch, failed, and sat there wailing, "Why did she bring us baby oil? I don't know what it's for. Why does our baby need to be _oiled_?"

In hindsight, the fact that he hadn't burst out laughing made her love him even more.

And he had stood beside her for the entire fourteen hours she had been in labor. Jack had brought her ice chips, and let her squeeze his hand. And been so supportive and comforting that at one point she had taken a swing at him.

She smiled as she remembered angrily informing Jack that if he ever, ever tried to have sex with her again there would be severe consequences that include the loss of an important part of anatomy.

Kate had swung at him again when he started to laugh.

But when the fourteenth hour rolled around, and it was time to push, it was Jack's soothing words that got her through it when a panic she hadn't seen coming blindsided her. She had squeezed his hand, and told him, crying that she couldn't do it. She just _couldn't_. She wasn't ready. She had told him it would be best if they could just go on back home, and wait until she was absolutely sure this baby wanted her for a mom. Then they could come back and have her.

Jack had smoothed her hair back and told her very calmly that she was the strongest person he knew. The strongest person he had ever known. He told her that their baby loved them just as much as they loved her. And that she was probably just as excited to meet them as they were her, so Kate better get to pushing.

Twenty minutes later Emma Grace Shephard was born.

Kate knew it was cliché but the next four years really _had_ passed in the blink of an eye. Her memories were a blur of family moments she wouldn't trade for anything. Standing beside a newborn Emma's crib all night, with Jack by her side, watching her breathe. Comforting Emma, while trying not to laugh, on her first birthday after Jack had stuck her hands into her miniature birthday cake. The picture she had taken -- her absolute favorite picture ever -- of Jack asleep on the couch, and Emma sleeping on his chest, that was centered on their mantle. The Christmas when Emma was two that Jack dressed up as Santa Claus, despite the 90 degree weather. Just the three of them being together.

Her and Jack's relationship -- their "marriage" -- had only grown stronger. That didn't mean it was always easy. Far from it. They still fought as much as ever, going out of their way on more than one occasion to piss the other off. Somewhere along the way, though, Kate's walls had tumbled down. Trusting Jack wasn't even an issue any longer. Somewhere along the line their love had stopped being the volatile, breathing thing it once was. It had become static. She never once questioned whether she had made the right decision by becoming Kate Shephard on that plane ride.

And somewhere along the road, somewhere that she couldn't quite pinpoint, Kate had realized she wasn't running anymore.

She was snapped out of her reverie by, "Baby, don't climb the tree. Come on down."

The adventurous attitude might have come from her mom, but the stubborn look her face was now scrunched into was all Jack. "No, Daddy. I'm a _monkey_."

"Oh, really?" Jack smiled up at her. "And all this time I was thinking you were my four year old daughter. I guess I'll have to go back to the store and exchange those cupcakes I bought for some bananas."

"Daddy," Emma rolled her hazel eyes heaven-ward. "You know I'm not _really_ a monkey."

"Are you sure?" Jack asked, crossing his arms and pretending to size her up. "Because you look like a monkey to me."

Emma expertly dropped down from the tree, and raised her arms up, waiting for Jack to pick her up. He did, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "See, it's me. Emma Shephard. You're so silly, Daddy."

"No, _you're_ so silly," Jack laughed and tickled Emma's tummy into Kate called out to them.

"You're both so silly!"

Emma quickly wriggled out of Jack's arms, and hurried over to Kate, crawling into her lap. "You're so pretty, Mommy." Patting Kate's cheek, she turned to Jack, "Isn't Mommy pretty, Daddy?"

Jack walked over and kissed Kate on the forehead. "The prettiest."

Kate smiled up at Jack as he picked Emma up off her lap. Their daughter exploded into a spiel of giggles as Jack turned her upside down, holding her so the ends of her hair brushed the ground. He smiled at Kate, "Are you hungry?"

"Daddy!" Emma giggled. "How can you think about food when all of my blood is rushing right up to my brains?"

"Sorry," Jack grinned, setting her back down on the ground. "I thought monkeys liked hanging upside down."

Emma turned to Kate and sighed. "Mommy, can you _puh-lease _tell Daddy than I am _not really a monkey_?"

Kate laughed and stood up, tugging on Emma's curly brunette ponytail. "Want to help Mommy make dinner?"

Emma nodded and her eyes grew wide. "Can we have _cupcakes_?"

"For dessert," Kate laughed and nodded. "But Mommy was thinking that we would probably have lasagna for dinner."

Emma's nose wrinkled. "Not that gross lasagna with vegetables, right, Mommy? We can have the kind with real food in it?"

Kate couldn't help but smirk as she heard Jack snicker behind her. _Like father like daughter_. Nodding, she turned Emma around and scooted her in the direction of the house, "Go on and wash your hands and Mommy and Daddy will be in in a minute."

As Emma scurried into the house, Jack pulled Kate into a hug. Brushing his lips against her ear, he whispered, "You _are_ the prettiest."

Kate laughed, resting her head against his chest. "I love you, Jack."

Jack kissed her softly. "What do you say we put Emma to bed a little early tonight? All her jumping around is bound to take its toll on her anyway."

Kate nodded, meeting his lips again. It was one of the best things about her and Jack's relationship. No matter how tiring of a day she or he had, no matter what had gone on, they still always managed to find time for each other at the end of the day. It wasn't always making love, sometimes they would just hold each other and talk. But the making love was her favorite.

Jack pulled away, resting a hand on her noticeably large stomach. "Is he being restless today?"

"Not too bad," Kate rested her hand on top of Jack's. "He's a lot calmer than Emma ever was. I think he'll be more like you."

Jack laughed and leaned down, talking directly to Kate's stomach. "Are you more like me than Mommy, little buddy? We'll see about that."

Kate brushed her hand through Jack's grey-speckled hair. "I was thinking maybe we could name him Christian."

Jack stood and met her eyes. He held her gaze for a minute before pulling her back into a hug. Neither of them said anything. They didn't need to.

She had been right all those years ago. Whenever she was with Jack, she felt at home. It had just taken a little longer to realize that it was because Jack was her home. He always had been, ever since she had first met him. But like most things, she had just been a little slow in realizing it. She had finally reached a point where her past finally made sense to her. Every decision she made led her to Jack.

Their embrace was broken up by Emma wiggling in between them. "Mommy, Daddy! Stop being so mushy and come _on_. You can kiss later, my tummy is rumbly right now."

"Alright, alright," Jack laughed as Emma took both of their hands, practically dragging them towards the house. "How about after we eat, you and me can play a little Nintendo?"

Emma nodded. "Okay. But you're _still_ not going to beat me at Duck Hunt."

The wind caught their laughter, carrying it on, as the three of them passed hand-in-hand through the front door, under the carved wooden sign that welcomed anyone who came to visit them:

_Wherever we love is home. _


End file.
